


Anything goes

by Matthew1972



Category: Merlin (TV)
Genre: Anal Fingering, Anal Sex, Angst, Light BDSM, M/M, Oral Sex, Orgasm Delay/Denial, Rimming, Rope Bondage, Somnophilia
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-10-16
Updated: 2016-03-18
Packaged: 2018-04-26 15:13:48
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 45
Words: 100,033
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5009602
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Matthew1972/pseuds/Matthew1972
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Arthur is tired of letting his father pull his strings in life and when he meets his new personal assistant Merlin he cuts them down in the only way he can; at full throttle with heart and soul. But just when everything seems to be going right ghosts of the past start to hunt Merlin. Can they find their way to leave it all behind?</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

Appearances said Arthur was the son of his father. Effective in business, though never as ruthless in style. Pendragon Enterprises, they were true players when it came to high society and stock broking. Where money could be made they found a way. Father, uncle, daughter… and of course Arthur himself; they were a team to be reckoned with. Though unlike his family Arthur did not have their passion about the business, not anymore.

No, what Arthur wanted had nothing to do with prestige or with ambition. What he craved for seemed unobtainable, because they already disapproved of his adventurous side. They believed he would one day bring forth a son, who could continue to lead the company after his death. They were wrong… on both accounts. Even if, and that was a big if, he stayed at the company he could never be the man they wished him to be. So far he had not gathered the courage to admit that on the odd chance he ever settled a man would take his heart, never a woman.

To date his father had given him no reason to think that he would ever accept the lifestyle his son wished to keep; to the contrary in fact. It had been only a few years back when Uther threatened a gay employee, who kissed his partner when the guy picked him up from work, to never bring 'his dubious lifestyle' into the office ever again. The unspoken "or else" never happened, because the employee resigned and he got paid a hefty bonus to leave matters out of court. Uther did do diplomatic, but only with a lawyer and a pile of money by his side. Looking back Arthur regretted not speaking up, well he had tried, but once his stern father made up his mind… well, that was the end of it.

Ever since that day Arthur stayed hidden behind his rich persona. To protect himself he hid by being his charming, somewhat arrogant self. Yes, he played it careful in life, but only because he believed that he had come to accept it was better to keep his affairs hidden behind closed doors. Fate though threw him a curveball when one Monday morning everything he had ever wanted in his life walked through the door of his office in the rather handsome shape of his new personal assistant, Merlin Emrys.

Merlin with his defined cheekbones, the raven black hair and soulful eyes which had Arthur melt every bloody time he caught them. Even now, when Arthur ought to listen to his father's speech, his thoughts strayed. What use were figures of shares in other companies when in the chair across the table sat the object of his lust, writing down notes for a report? Too easy Arthur got reeled in by deep pools of stormy blue, by far too easy… and yet he had no complaints about his daydreams. Maybe one day he could convince Merlin that every obscene thing he wished to do to him was something he wanted too. Yeah, dream on. Arthur shook his head at his own wishful thinking.

If only scheming uncle Agravaine knew how he'd done him a favour by convincing his father that Merlin was the right candidate for the job. It would blow the smirk right from his face. Then again, it was most likely he did know and he wanted Arthur to trip up. One error and maybe his uncle could jump up next in the line of succession, or would his father make an exception and let Morgana have his director seat? Agravaine seemed the kind of man who would usurp her too, as soon as she got in the way. If Arthur had any chance of intervening he'd help his half sister, but as it was he had his own game to play.

So Merlin… would he take the lanky man hard, or in a slow teasing way? Or would he rather have Merlin fuck him senseless over a desk instead? So many options; and man did he have it bad when he even startled from such forbidden thoughts while his father walked into the room with an assignment. Then again, he always did have a soft spot for office sex. Even if that would one day end his career, or was that because it might? After all, Arthur sure liked living on the edge, something his small circle of (in his family's eyes wrong) friends could attest to.

By the end of the week Arthur was a wreck of pent up frustration and need. How could he want so bad what he could never have? Yet each time when his eyes connected with a suit clad, perfect arse he went speechless. And on the occasions when Merlin realised he was staring Arthur was met with an unfathomable look, then a smile and a quick retreat which seemed to say "hands off" and "take me" at once. The almost conflicted reaction confused Arthur to no end. Was Merlin shy or did he also feel this strange, almost electric pull between them?

* * *

"You were a blonde before", Merlin blurted out of nowhere one morning while he helped Arthur sort out the time table for the latest investment project. He did not know why he had to know, but something about his new boss never failed to make him blush like a virgin boy. Why of all people did he have to fall for the rich idiot who had him run errands all day? "Fetch this", and off he ran again. "Bring me some coffee", and he knew it better be strong and sweet… just like Arthur himself.

Merlin shook his head at himself for thinking such things about his boss. Why was he so distracted by full lips and half shouted orders? More than anything he wished he could kiss that foul mouth and ravish every inch of it with his tongue. Something about Arthur was so hot, so spot on what he wanted in a man, but of course his boss was straight… or so he had thought when he applied for the job. Now however, he did not feel quite so sure anymore, because of the many mixed signals. Most prominent of all he had noticed how each time when he walked away from Arthur he was watched by him.

"Yes, I was… but I needed a change."

With a smile Merlin observed the manner by which Arthur leaned forward in his chair to meet his eyes. It felt like he challenged him to put his foot in it and get send away on some silly errand. "It looks good", he spluttered under the firm look.

Arthur rose from his seat and he walked over. Almost taking it one step too far he stopped just shy of his personal space. "Admit it, I look hot", he winked, with a slight blush on his cheeks. It took Merlin's breath away how adorable he looked.

"Yes…", it was more a moan than an answer. Embarrassed by how his voice betrayed him Merlin coughed and repeated in a more masculine tone of voice, "Yes, you do."

Another step and Arthur got closer, so up close in fact that Merlin could almost touch the stubble on his handsome face, or nip a trail along his jawline. The need to know how it felt was so tempting…

"I thought so", Arthur half whispered. Just as quick as he had gotten close he turned and walked back to his desk. "Merlin, I want you to stay after hours, can you do that?"

Merlin blinked, catching the uncertainty in his boss' eyes and the way he waited for an answer with baited breath. Was there a double meaning behind the request? Did Arthur ask of him what he thought he did? "Are you…", just in time Merlin realised where he was and that the door behind him had remained open. "Are you sure it is me you need?"

"I am."

"Then you can have me."

As he walked out of the office and back to his own desk over at the open reception area Merlin felt two piercing eyes follow his every move. Even long after he closed the door he wondered if what had happened had not been a part of his daydreams.

* * *

The modern building on the high street of the business district had fallen into silence, because everyone had gone home for the day. Not even the director himself remained passed office hours today. In one room however every bit of silence got shut outside. Papers filled with time tables, stock figures and interest rates laid strewn over a desk. Yet the sole occupant of the room only had eyes for his assistant, who walked inside dressed as pristine as ever. "What do you need me to do, Sir?"

Arthur smirked; finally he would figure out what was between them. "Merlin, close the door behind you, and please, drop the sir after office hours. You rarely use it anyway."

"Sir?"

It was impossible not to grin at the confusion in Merlin's wide eyed reaction. Arthur pushed back his chair, got up and walked over to his assistant. "I don't care what the board says about office propriety. From now on call me by my name."

"Arthur…"

He clapped a suit covered shoulder and nodded, "Much better. Though I know of ways to make my name sound even better, if you'd let me."

"What?" Firm blue flashed towards him. "What makes you think I would…"

Arthur held up his hands in surrender to say that he meant no offense. It was his best way to apologize for coming on strong. He knew he was the kind of man who took what he wanted in life, because few people around him told him "no". Merlin though felt different to him. More than anything, and more than ever before, Arthur feared making an error by going too fast. It sure would be a shame if he never got to touch and know the body underneath the perfect cut suit. "Work it is then."

Even as he turned around Arthur did not miss the flash of disappointment and confusion. It made him smile to think he had an effect on Merlin after all. "We can always play after…" He let his offer hang in the air and sat back down in his desk chair.

In a flash Merlin was at his side and he turned his chair around so Arthur had to face him. Looking up in surprise he met with darkened pools of blue. "You are infuriating, you know that? In this chair you order me around every single day… but you should learn that you can't always be the one in charge."

Stunned to see Merlin's darker edge glimpse down at him Arthur struggled to put his lust into words. "I know", he admitted in spite of his usual need to stay on top of things. A shaky breath escaped him when he realised that for once he considered to follow, just to see where it could lead him to with the man who'd wormed his way into his fantasies. "Who says that being on top is what I want tonight? You don't know the real me, Merlin Emrys." In fact tonight Arthur wasn't so sure anymore that he knew himself. To hide his emotions he tried to get up, but Merlin pushed him back down.

"Then show me what he's like." Before Arthur could even react Merlin fell down in his lap to kiss him within an inch of his life. Hanging onto soft lips with a sigh Arthur moaned in approval of getting ravished and he kissed back in kind. Too much and yet by far not enough. He felt Merlin writhe in his lap and he wanted more of it, needed so much more friction of the lithe body. A hit of cool air though announced Merlin's unwanted and way too fast departure. "I will see you tomorrow, sir."


	2. Chapter 2

As Merlin walked out of the office he felt the sense of frustration he had left his boss in follow him on the way out. Maybe he had taken too much of a risk… maybe not, but for his own sake he wanted to see what Arthur was made of. Would he have the courage to come after him for more? Or…

"Merlin!" There, he had his answer. More than ever Arthur sounded insecure, vulnerable even with that one shout of his name as he sped to the door after him. "Please… I…"

With a smile Merlin turned around to face him and he walked back the short distance he had gotten away from the office. "Either you will invite me back inside as an equal, or I will not join you at all." 

Determined blue eyes met his, while Arthur started to undo the knot of his tie. Their stares remained locked throughout the unfastening until Arthur held out his hand to Merlin, his tie dangling from his fingers. "You can bind me to my promise; I will be yours for tonight."

The silence of the building moved in between them, reaching out to grab the tension. Merlin though did not want to let his last doubts sway him. "Do you mean it?"

Arthur grabbed his hand to push the tie into his palm. "Merlin, I never say anything I don't mean. You should know that by now."

Just like that the tension fell away and Merlin grinned, "I sure do."

With one push he sent Arthur off into his office. "Lead the way… sir." To tease his boss he deepened his voice on the use of his title. He smirked when the instant effect was a soft moan. 

"We won't need this tonight. Maybe next time…", he offered without thinking while he dropped the tie on the floor. With a firm push he had Arthur backed up against the desk. "Today you will be a good boy, won't you, sir?" 

His purr was met by a kiss and a soft moaned, "You are a tease."

"It takes one, to know one", Merlin insisted before he moved in for another kiss. So good it felt to have Arthur wrapped up close, all pliant and hardness at once. He felt a clothed bulge brush against his leg and he sighed in pleasure. Finally he had his boss right where he wanted him in his daydreams. Now he would know what it felt like to make him come undone. Eager to feel more of Arthur's skin he pushed at the shoulders of the suit jacket. "Off… now…"

They moved almost like one then. Suit jackets fell to the floor, joined by Merlin's silk tie. In this moment he did not care how much it had cost him. All he cared for was to reveal even more golden skin. Button after button lost the battle with his fingers. The shirt fell from Arthur's back and onto to the floor, but Merlin only had eyes for the half naked man in front of him. More skin he wanted to reveal… so hot, so delicious.

He pushed back Arthur's exploring hands from the opening of his own shirt. "Ah no, remember? You left me in charge."

"Indeed I did." 

"So take off your trousers."

*****

Arthur could not help it. Never before had someone turned him on the way Merlin did. All he could do not to come right there at the sexy voice ordering him to undress was take a deep breath to steady himself. 

With deliberate slow moves he undid the clasp of his belt. Even slower he let his hand trail to the zip and he pushed it downwards to open his trousers. Before he could lower them though Merlin grabbed a firm hold of the fabric and he pulled on it hard, taking his boxers down with it. In mere seconds Arthur stood naked. "You like what you see?" 

Breathless Merlin pushed him with his backside against the desk. "Sit", he ordered and Arthur complied without further comment. Already he was rendered beyond thought, because a hand wrapped around his cock to bring him into full hardness. When Merlin thumbed his leaking tip on an upwards stroke Arthur panted with need. "Please." 

They kissed again. Arthur felt his naked skin brush against the soft fabric of Merlin's suit covered body. Part of him wanted to protest at being the only one undressed, but his blood rushed south so fast that his brain could no longer form any coherent words. Faster the fist around his swollen cock moved up and down, tearing him apart at the seams.

"That's it", Arthur heard Merlin say as he swiped away the papers and files from his desk with his free hand. For one second Arthur glanced at the mess they made on the floor, but when Merlin pushed him to lie back onto the cold surface he could only follow his need to have everything the man wished to offer him. 

For a moment nothing happened, until the sound of a zip getting undone chased away the silence between his harsh, unsteady breaths. Arthur wanted to look up and see, but Merlin did not allow him. Firm hands pushed him back down and then they went back to touch where Arthur needed them most. One fondled with his balls while another brushed between his arse cheeks to caress his opening.

"Want to touch you…"

"Next time", Merlin promised as he slipped a spit slick finger inside. 

"Yes", Arthur hissed at the sensation of getting filled by it. "More." In his need he pushed back onto the long finger.

"So willing and ready to welcome me. I am going to take you on your desk and each time when you sit in your chair you will feel me inside of you… and you will get hard for me all over again, won't you?"

Arthur groaned, "Do it… make me feel you tomorrow."

In answer two fingers found his prostate and Arthur yelped in pleasure. He did not know how Merlin did it, but he was left at his mercy and he had never wanted to be anywhere else. Those wicked fingers made him lose every bit of reserve . With his hands Arthur grabbed a hold of the edge of his desk and he rolled his hips to get more of the intimate contact. Lost to the growing pleasure Merlin pulled from his body he writhed on his desk, uncaring of how he looked in the process.

"Such a beautiful mess", Merlin muttered in his deep husky voice. "The others should see you now. The boss taking my fingers like the good slut he is. You want more though."

"Yes", Arthur agreed.

*****

For one long breath Merlin had to pause. The sight of the man spread out naked on the large desk almost did him in. Arthur surrendered without restraint, his arrogant persona gone out of the window to make way for the passionate creature that lapped up everything Merlin offered. Such eager, so much more pleasure to share.

To think he had never done this before; that he had never been quite so dominant in his life, not for any man or woman. Something about Arthur though infuriated and attracted him at the same time. Yes, his boss was a wealthy and spoilt man, but deep down he was also insecure and he had a softer side which left Merlin breathless with need.

With his head thrown back and his eyes closed Arthur waited for Merlin to take him, begged for it even. How far would he go in letting Merlin take him apart? Had he meant his earlier comment? Only one way to know… and so Merlin finished what he started by pushing his cock inside the eager body. 

Welcomed by tight heat and an almost animalistic groan of lust Merlin pushed in deeper. He moved slow enough not too hurt Arthur and yet fast enough to make it good for them both. Their joining was raw and sensual. Merlin had not known such intensity before, but he never wanted to part from such a feeling. He set aside his usual more careful side in favour of taking full charge of another's body for once. 

White knuckles grabbed on even tighter to the desk in readiness when Merlin pulled back. "Please", Arthur breathed. "Make me feel you, every inch of you. Don't hold back on me."

"Have you any idea how hot you are?" The question rolled of his lips, but because Merlin snapped his hips back against Arthur's any answer his boss may have given came out in a deep groan.

No holding back now. Sweat dripped into his eyes, but Merlin did not care. Earlier he had not wanted to waste time by undressing and so he would have to live with his choice. Faster he drove hiis hips down into Arthur, making the desk rattle under the power of their joining. 

Merlin grabbed Arthur's left leg and he bend it at the knee to spread him open even wider, so he could push deeper inside if him. "Yes", Arthur panted, his voice breaking on the one short word. It was obvious the change of angle felt good to him too. "So close…"

Holding onto the leg in his hand to ground them both Merlin set an even more relentless pace to his thrusts. Another roll of his hips and he felt the muscles around him spasm in reaction. Faster he pulled back out, only to slam inside of Arthur even deeper. He no longer felt capable of reining in his need to come. 

Every thrust met with an eager move that had Merlin see stars. He was so close now and he felt the edges blur. His world reduced only to the hot arse around his cock and the body writhing on the desk. More… he wanted more of Arthur, but it had to be next time. Untouched safe for the assault on his prostate his boss came with a deep sigh of his name, clenching around Merlin's cock so hard that he had no other choice but to follow him over the edge too. Lost to the sudden spark of all consuming pleasure Merlin spilled his seed deep inside of Arthur.


	3. Chapter 3

Arthur stared out of his office window. Behind him his uncle Agravaine spoke about the latest project with enthusiasm and a persistence that had him bored beyond reason. For the last five minutes he had managed to tune out on the dry details of figures that said the rebuilt shopping mall would become a huge success. Why did the phone not ring? Why did no one from reception come in to say that he had an urgent matter to attend to? Anything would do, as long as someone rescued him from this.

"Why won't you sit down? Are you even listening to me?" On and on Agravaine explained how he shifted money from one company to another to make up for a loss of interest.

In his mind Arthur answered the question. "Because yesterday after hours Merlin fucked me hard over my desk and so my arse is too sore to sit for long." A smile escaped his mind at the thought of how it had felt to have Merlin buried within him. Where he felt like he ought to have gotten rid of his distractive daydreams he found his thoughts ran off to a far deeper feeling than he had felt for any other person. It scared and exhilarated him at once how he had fallen for Merlin so fast, when he did not know him all that well. But what he had seen made him fall in love for the first time…

"The figures are on my desk, should you need them", Agravaine proceeded. "But please do not send your assistant Merlin to fetch them. I can not stand his insolence."

"Insolence?" Arthur's attention turned back to the man in his office in a flash.

"Indeed. Twice now he has spilt coffee over my papers and without a proper apology too. He is annoying and clumsy. I fear we made an error hiring him. You should fire him and hire a better one. Find a presentable young woman your father will approve of… not a boy without manners." The knowing smirk of that man had Arthur curl his hand into a fist behind his back to hide his frustration. Agravaine did not stop there though, "Merlin he is, well, I fear he is useless in socializing. I don't know how you can stand him."

Arthur glared at Agravaine, but after years of working for the family firm he managed to hide his anger behind a polite and insincere smile. "Maybe uncle, you should ask father to hire you your own assistant so you can stop borrowing mine. I don't need Merlin to be pretty and compliant. He serves other needs."

"I am sure", his uncle grimaced. Arthur read between the lines that he saw right through him and how the truth disgusted him. For now though he ignored the man and he prayed that the lack of evidence would keep him silent. Maybe his time at his father's company would run out before he was ready, or maybe he could stretch it further still. Either way he needed Merlin to stay, because he was the one person who made the job bearable.

The door bursting open ended their conversation… finally. "Arthur, your appointment is here", Merlin popped his head around the door. Arthur saw him smile, but far too soon it faded when Merlin saw his uncle sit with him. "Sir", he added a short greeting.

"You should knock", Agravaine protested with as much disdain as he could muster. While he spoke he pushed back his chair and got up. "This is not the proper way to enter an office of your superior. What if Mr. Pendragon was in a meeting with an important guest or the director himself?"

"I know his schedule inside out", Merlin shrugged. In answer Arthur met with a pointed glare before Agravaine turned and walked out, almost shoving Merlin away from the door as he did. The poor assistant flailed, because his build was too lanky to keep himself up on his feet against the assault of the broader frame. As Agravaine walked off Arthur saw Merlin glare after him. If looks could kill, the manager of the accountancy department would be lying dead on the marble tiled floor.

"Merlin, one minute please before you call in my next appointment", Arthur called out. Whether he liked it or not he had to set Merlin straight on some of the rules, or his uncle would intervene and spread rumours. How it would serve anyone Arthur did not know, but whatever it was it could not mean anything good for either him… or Merlin.

* * *

Halfway through a rough day Merlin was not in the mood to deal with Agravaine and his superior attitude. More than anyone else the man ruffled his feathers. Around him Merlin felt more clumsy and far less capable than he did with anyone else. Even Uther, the director himself, did not treat him with such an amount of disdain. Instead he treated Merlin as the invisible man who did not matter unless he poured him some coffee, or handed him over the requested file upon order.

It took Merlin a fortnight to realise that Arthur wasn't a bad boss to have; aside from the half joked insults and ignorance at what it meant to be running around errand after errand of course. Merlin believed most of his rich boy behaviour came from the fact that Arthur got handed everything in life on a silver platter. Was he jealous? Maybe at first. But then he noticed the loneliness in blue eyes and he heard the trace of envy in an otherwise self assured voice. Since then Merlin looked at him in a different light.

Merlin hated gossip, but when he heard Arthur mentioned he could not help but listen in. Arthur Pendragon, the eligible bachelor. They said he slept with women and yet Vivian, who was the last to try, called him an arrogant fool after she got turned down. Merlin had wondered about why she, with her long legs, beautiful blonde hair and elegant curved body, had failed… that was until last evening. Since yesterday Merlin did not envy his boss at all. Stuck in a pristine office and forced to live out a lie and stay in the closet to hide seemed like hell to him. What did Arthur want in life, did he even know?

Closing the door behind him Merlin walked over to stand besides Arthur's desk. He noticed how his boss did not sit down and he smiled wryly, for he too felt a bit sore after last evening. "Arthur… if this is about yesterday. I have not said a word to anyone yet."

Arthur turned around then, "I know you haven't, Merlin." For a moment the pause stretched and Merlin worried what he had done wrong. Was this where Arthur said it was all a mistake… and that he would fire Merlin?

"Listen, if I did something wrong then tell me."

A hand lifted into the air in a gesture for silence. "This has nothing to do with yesterday, well… indirect I suppose it does. Agravaine watches my every move. I fear that he wants me to mess up this job, so he can take my place. What I need for you to do is to follow the rules of propriety and stay out of his way. Please, I can not be seen to…"

"To what?" Merlin needed to hear it said out loud. Were Arthur so closeted and this firm so strict that he stood no chance at dating him in public? Then why had he allowed Merlin to see into this side of him? Was what they shared nothing more than an illicit affair?

"This… what we have. They can never know, or we are both out on the street so fast that we won't know what hit us."

"Will he do that, your father?" When Arthur nodded Merlin bowed his head in sadness and part anger. "And so you stay in the closet, playing the good son while you shag men behind closed doors when no one is watching."

Arthur shrugged, "Not men… not anymore. Just you now."

Incredulous Merlin stared back at Arthur, "Why me? I am nothing special."

* * *

Arthur could not believe his ears. Did Merlin honestly think so little of himself? Unable to stop himself he barked a laugh and he blurted out the truth of how attracted he felt to him, "Have you looked into the mirror lately?"

While he spoke he walked over to Merlin, who by the time Arthur reached him looked down to the floor. Lifting up his chin with a finger Arthur smiled when their eyes met. "You are something different. I don't know what it is about you, but to me it feels like what we can be is more than anyone else has ever offered me."

"But…", Merlin spluttered. "But you ask me to hide myself, to hide who and what I am. I don't think I can…"

Arthur stopped his protest with a chaste kiss on his lips. "Merlin please, there can be no other way." They stood together for a moment, their bodies close and yet with a far too cold distance fuelled by fear between them.

"Your appointment is waiting", Merlin reminded Arthur of the world outside.

"If I let you walk out of my office… will you come back to me? I want to know you, Merlin. Every bit of you."

Sad blue eyes locked with his, emotions warring to be let out and yet pushed back down inside with a throaty sigh of displeasure. "Until you get bored with me."

"No!" Arthur stopped him from continuing.

However Merlin had already pulled away and he turned around. In a few steps he had reached the door where he stopped to face Arthur once more. "Work awaits and yes, last evening was special, but it was a one off, sir. I will not become your plaything. Come and find me when you are serious about me, or don't come back at all and leave me be."

Heavy silence invaded the office with the soft thud of the door closing behind Merlin's suit clad backside. Upset Arthur dropped down in his desk chair, only to have a twitch of his sore ass remind him of what he wanted so bad it hurt in more ways than one. Sure he had his job, his family… but what was their worth when they held him on a leash so tight that they choked him to a slow death?

In a flash Arthur was back up on his feet again. His appointment walked in at the same time, but he ignored the well polished man in favour of running out of his office so fast that a few of his papers twirled onto the floor. Nothing mattered in his mind anymore. Not the stupid projects which made his father richer and the community poorer for it… and surely not the people who watched his every move like vultures moving in for the final kill. What did they matter when he could have the sun, the moon and the stars at once in the soul of the man who had taken his body in such a delightful way?

"Merlin!" The man on his mind stopped walking in the middle of the open reception area. He turned around with sad eyes, but he stayed silent. Arthur wasted no time and in a flash he stood right in front of him, too close to leave any doubt about what he set out to do. "You Mr Emrys, had me the Monday when you first walked in. Arthur sealed his fate with a firm kiss on the lips that he felt turn into a smile even as Merlin kissed him back.


	4. Chapter 4

They walked away together, holding hands and unwilling to lose touch with the other; not waiting for the ball to drop on them. Merlin could only follow Arthur as they made their way out of the modern, glass building through the wide hallways without looking back.

"Your appointment", Merlin spluttered.

"Father will deal with him"

"But your job… mine…"

"Worthless."

Overwhelmed by the blur of what happened Merlin stopped walking just outside of the building. He yanked on Arthur's arm to stop him too. "Look at me and tell me that you are sure about what you're doing. Please, make this choice for yourself… and not on my behalf. I can not have you blame me for it later."

"Before you I was a puppet, caught in my father's shadow. I am done, Merlin, have been for a while now. You…", Arthur clasped his hands around the sides of Merlin's face, "You were the last straw. Thank you."

"You…", Merlin blushed and spluttered when Arthur did not let go despite of the group of people who gathered around them.

"Mr. Pendragon?" A security guard walked over to them, keeping the people at bay with a menacing look. "Sir, you may want to take this inside?"

The suggestion fell flat, for Arthur did not listen. Instead he drew Merlin's attention back onto him. "To hell with it. I am useless with words, but here it is… I want your body and everything else you have to offer. Now shut up and kiss me."

As they kissed cameras flashed and more people gathered. Merlin though only had eyes for Arthur. When he came up for air he finally asked, "Where are we going?"

"Anywhere but here." Arthur grinned as he dragged him off into the parking lot where his flashy car awaited their arrival, so they could escape from the confines that had held Arthur hostage for so long. Merlin looked behind them one more time. With a wince of horror at his sudden rise in fame he noticed the gathered journalists. He had no doubt that the social media buzzed with photos and rumours about them and he wondered, was Arthur even aware it did? Or was he so used to journalists and the fame as the son of Uther that he did not care? Merlin did not dare to ask though…

While they ran on Merlin flashed glances to Arthur. Something had sparked to life in his boss, well former boss now. This reckless side to him seemed so foreign and yet had Merlin not read in the tabloids somewhere how Arthur rode way too fast on one of his father's horses? And wasn't he once arrested for racing against a daredevil street racer?

So many questions, so many mysteries… and now he was in a place where he might reveal each one of them. How had his life changed so fast? Merlin shook his head at himself and the way he had fallen into the spell that was the man who now opened the door of his flashy sports car for him.

The moment Arthur put his key in the ignition he faltered. Merlin glanced over to him and he noticed how his newfound lover's hands shook a little. "Having second thoughts? I mean, I can understand if you do. I did not mean to force you and now here you are; burning your bridges behind you with your father and there is no way back. Never mind my job and paycheck. Please, if you need to rethink what we're doing I understand. Don't let me ruin your life… I don't want to be the one responsible… I…"

His ramble faltered mid sentence when the engine roared to life. "Shut up, Merlin."

* * *

Arthur brushed aside his last doubts and he stepped onto the gas. No, he would not waver from his choice. Maybe he had nothing to fall back on, but if he did not leave this minute then he would stay trapped forever. His decision needed no doubts for he would follow it through. That was who he was, not this meek shadow who tried to stay on the political correct side of his father in an effort to win over his affection. Maybe he was stubborn, like his father in a way, but he was done seeking approval. Arthur found he had made his choice with his entire heart, consequences be damned.

With a quick pull on the steering wheel Arthur turned onto the road. He ignored the way the tires screeched in protest at how he did not hold back. "Where are we going, do you even know?" Merlin's unsure voice interrupted his determination.

Switching gears Arthur pondered the question for all but a second. In a flash he knew the right place to find refuge was the cottage by the beach, Leon's cottage. His friend had taken Arthur home before when he needed a break from his father and someone to vent off steam to. "I know of a place where we can talk. Trust me; you will like it and if you don't I will take you home. I promise", Arthur offered as an explanation.

For a moment silence fell between them. The longer it lasted the more Arthur worried if he had been too rash to grab Merlin the way he had. Looking back at how he dragged his newfound lover through the building and almost threw him in the car… oh man, had he kidnapped Merlin? The thought was almost funny, if it did not upset him how he had not let Merlin make his own choices. "I am sorry. I was being too presumptuous again, wasn't I?"

A grin came from his side, "Maybe just a tad." Arthur glanced at the man sitting in the passenger seat and he saw him struggle with his emotions once more.

"No, it was more than that", Arthur said as he steered his car over to the side of the road and hit the breaks to stop in a lay-by. Once he killed the engine he reached out to Merlin to take a hand between both of his as he met his eyes. "And I was wrong. Next time tell me to stop… and I will."

"Will you?" Merlin asked, with an amused smile. "Really? When you are in full throttle I doubt anyone can. You are so…"

Arthur grinned when he faltered, searching for words. "Full on? Stubborn? Infuriating? What?!" His last word came out when Merlin started to laugh.

"All of the above", Merlin said when he had his voice back under control. "You are an idiot, but I am a fool too for falling so hard. I want to get to know you, Arthur, but in my own time. We jumped in so fast our feet never touched the ground."

"Nothing new there for me." Arthur grinned when Merlin rewarded his joke with a smile.

"It is for me…" The quiet admission had Arthur stare at him in awe. What he saw in Merlin's eyes though took his breath away. Raw emotions of love and a passion he had yet to uncover looked back at him. Merlin did not even blink while he searched for doubts, or for any other answer as to where they would go next.

Unnerved by his hasty actions and the impact they made on the man he was losing his heart to Arthur blurted out the truth, "This… whatever we have… that is new to me too. I am falling so fast and it scares the hell out of me. I know I hold on too tight to whatever I want and I sure am not without fault, but please tell me that I have not lost you."

* * *

Merlin kept a hold of the insecure eyes which searched his and on impulse he gave the only answer he could find within his heart. His kiss met with renewed eager. With a moan of lust Merlin let Arthur's tongue slide against his and soon he explored him in return with just as much passion.

Now that no one watched their every move Merlin found his lover's attention even more breathtaking. Something about Arthur drew him in ever close. Merlin found he could not resist the inevitable. It felt far too good to have him near, to kiss and touch where only he could now. No one had ever made him feel like he flew high on love and drowned in deep lust at once. Merlin did not know what it meant, but he sure as hell did not want it to end.

Never before had he believed in soulmates, but in this ridiculous rollercoaster his life had become Merlin saw a new truth. Sure it was scary to fall in love head over heals so fast. At the same time though he felt like fate had planned for their souls to meet and from the first day something had clicked into place; as if they were meant to be and nothing could take them apart. Insults had become something more with Arthur. For once even the words spoken between the lines were a language Merlin had no trouble learning. Instant understanding was something he heard people speak of, but it wasn't until now that he caught onto the importance of the meaning behind it.

Soulmates… yes, Merlin sensed there was no escape. Their lives had become entwined on the Monday they met. Walking away from their shared future was no longer an option available to them, not that he wanted it. The point of no return got crossed on the top of a smart office desk when their bodies and souls joined in the best way life had to offer. All Merlin could think of now was to have more of it… and to get to know so much more of Arthur too. What would it feel like to have his lover push his cock inside of him? Would Arthur be the person who could give him the intensity he needed?

Every single wish to know more of him fuelled Merlin's desire to kiss him breathless and to get ravished just as thorough in return. The need to draw in breath became too much of an issue though. With reluctance he came up for air, his eyes unwilling to leave the awed stare of his lover. "Merlin… I…"

"Drive on", Merlin panted in answer of the three unspoken and still unsure words that hung in the air between them. "Let's take this some place else. Preferably somewhere with a bed…"

"I thought you wanted to talk."

"Afterwards…"

Arthur wasted no second in turning the key in the ignition to restart the engine. Once more the tires of the car screeched under their hurry to be together. The world and the press were left behind forgotten as they drove along the road down south to the beach. All throughout the drive over Merlin let his hand rest on Arthur's left thigh, because his need to touch Arthur was so strong he refused to be sensible about it. The lack of protests showed his feelings were shared. So he pushed his usual fears for driving down in favour of prolonging his one moment of elated happiness for as long as he could.


	5. Chapter 5

Waves crashed onto the sandy beach one after the other. The endless flow of water was as comforting as it was powerful. The view from the cottage which stood on the edge of the beach, overlooking the sea, was phenomenal, but neither one of the two men who arrived in the car noticed the beauty of it. They only saw each other…

Arthur fished the spare front door key out from underneath a flowerpot. He smiled at how some people never changed. Leon would always remain a creature of habit, which in this case served him more than well. Wasting no time Arthur made his way inside and he gestured with his head for Merlin to follow. Wide eyed his newfound lover did as told, as if Arthur had not just thrown away his position as boss.

Happy to lead Arthur walked through the cottage hallway and to the door just beyond the cosy living room. He pushed it open, smiling at the sight of the king-size bed which waited for them in the middle of the comfortable bedroom. Reaching out to Merlin he half asked, "Join me?"

Lost for words Merlin nodded his agreement. Like one they began to push the other's suit jacket from the shoulders. Arthur fumbled somewhat with the knot of the silk tie Merlin wore, but it too fell to the floor. He reached out to unfasten shirt buttons, growing more impatient with them as he moved from one to the next one. Hurried hands replaced the slow undressing with a frenzied blur of motion to get to naked skin and fast. It did not take them long until their underwear was the last clothing to join the mess on the floor.

For a moment Arthur took in Merlin's pale skin and lanky frame. A long scar marked his right leg and another curved along the hip above it. For a moment Arthur wondered about them. Had Merlin suffered in life? Scars seldom came without some sense of loss and pain, sometimes even beyond the physical side of injury. Whatever they were a reminder of though, Arthur left them to rest. All too well for himself did he understand that some things had to stay into the privacy of ones mind until they themselves were ready to open up…

More than anything else he wanted taste and feel Merlin. Maybe his body was not to everyone's taste, but Arthur did not mind that his lover was not perfect in his naked glory. No man ever was in his eyes. To him the long legs and narrow hips were rather sexy and he could not help his wonder of what it would feel like if wrapped against, or even better around, him. To get his answer Arthur pulled his lover close and he tumbled them both down onto the welcoming bed.

"Easy…", Merlin grinned. "We have all the time in the world, remember?"

Arthur smiled in answer, "Of course." His actions however belied his words, because he could not stop himself from devouring every inch of Merlin's skin he could reach with his hands and tongue. It was by far too good to touch and taste the man who had haunted his secret and deepest desires for the last few weeks. Arthur refused to deny himself the pleasure by going slow. Maybe next time…

His thoughts evaporated and made way for only lust when in return Merlin no longer remained idle either. A soft moan escaped Arthur when Merlin brushed his hands with firm and self assured strokes over the ridges of his spine; going lower and lower until he stopped just above the crack of his ass. "Arthur please. Will you take me this time? I want to feel you inside of me."

The shy question had him hard in an instant. Did Merlin even realise how hot the request sounded to his ears? "Gods, yes."

Arthur continued his exploration of Merlin. He kissed a nipple and then sucked it into his mouth. Rewarded by a soft moan Arthur smiled before he trailed a sloppy trail of gentle bites and kisses lower and lower until he reached the sensitive skin of Merlin's abdomen. Unable to resist to tease his lover a little he blew a cool trail of air along the tip of his swollen cock. "Arthur", the breathless moan of his name turned him on even more.

Done teasing Arthur wrapped his lips around Merlin and he sucked him inside. He grinned around the thickness in his mouth when a hand grabbed a hold of his hair in a plea to "please keep going." This felt so much better than anything he had imagined. To have his desires fulfilled made him want to drag the moment out.

* * *

Through heavy lidded eyes Merlin watched Arthur go down onto his cock, sucking on it like it was the best thing he ever tasted. The sparks of lust the tongue pulled out of him had Merlin moan out loud, "Please… yes, that's it. Harder… more…" His mouth ran away from him, but he did not care. For once it seemed no one around wanted to shut him up.

Merlin grabbed a hold of the dark locks of hair, short and yet long enough to ensure him a firm grip, to hold Arthur in place. Finally he had found a way to silence his boss; to stop the flow of orders and to have him use his mouth for something else instead. Oh gods, even now it seemed Arthur could not stay silent. A throaty hum of pleasure joined his moans, the sound travelling into his cock in a ripple of sparks of lust. Merlin almost came undone and so with a hurried push he pulled Arthur off. "Want you inside of me."

The arrogant smirk of satisfaction would in any other case rile Merlin up. As it was now he could only agree with the sentiment. Once Arthur went for things he did so with all the intent and purpose he could find within himself. No one had quite managed to unravel Merlin so fast with just their tongue and mouth… not that he would admit it. No, Arthur was by far too smug already. But Merlin was willing to admit he was more than ready to get filled and to say so without words he rolled around so Arthur could open him up.

A hand on his arm stopped him mid roll. "No. I want to look at you, see you come undone, if you will let me." Arthur's sudden spell of shyness had Merlin smile and fall in love even faster, if that were even still possible. His boss looked so adorable with his full lips swollen from his earlier actions and his hair all messed up by Merlin's hands…

"Do it", Merlin answered. He rolled onto his back again, while he let his legs fall open so Arthur could lie in between them. Unable to hide his need he pulled his lover closer for a kiss and then whispered, "Take me slow and make it last. I want to remember this."

Lips hovered against his ear shell for a moment, a feather light touch that caused a shiver of want to travel down south. "As do I, Merlin."

Merlin sighed when a finger trailed along the underside of his cock and found its slow path passed his balls. He held his breath in anticipation… and almost whimpered at the teasing way Arthur found his opening. Soft caresses promised what awaited him, but the finger had yet to deliver. Far too slow it pressed a bit harder until finally it slipped inside of him. Inch by inch it opened him up, while Arthur planted kisses over his chest.

Without warning the finger curled into a wriggle until it found his prostate. The spark of pleasure the touch caused had Merlin moan out in joy. "Yes!" Before he could even catch his breath Arthur was done teasing and he added another finger. In no time he had set a pace to them pushing in and out of him that had Merlin writhe in his pleasure. Deeper they opened him up, two fingers working in perfect unison to ensure they stroked against his prostate on every push.

"More… please", Merlin's voice grew hoarse with want. He reached out to touch Arthur's face and felt a thrill of surprise when his lover sucked a finger into his mouth in an imitation of what he was doing to Merlin's ass. "Oh…", his awed stammer ended on a moan at the knowing way Arthur grinned around the finger. Why did he find his cocky self assuredness so sexy? Merlin groaned in spite of himself and resigned to the fact his lover had him wrapped around his finger… in the literal sense for now.

* * *

Arthur was so hard it hurt, but he could not deny the both of them the pleasure of opening Merlin up with slow caresses. More than anything he wanted it to be good for them both; for their joining to last for as long as they could take it.

On impulse he sucked on a long, elegant finger. The mock imitation of what went on down south had him grin. He met Merlin's eyes and was blown away by how much it seemed to turn his lover on. Sucking the digit into his mouth a little deeper while he pushed his fingers deep into Merlin had them both moan. It was too much, and yet by far not enough.

More than ready to be inside of Merlin he slipped out his fingers while he let the elegant digit drop out of his mouth. With a wink to his lover he reached out to the small table beside the bed. Earlier he had spotted a flask of lotion left forgotten there. For once Leon had not quite cleared up behind him the way he usually did, which proved rather handy to the lovers now. Amused by the eager nod Merlin gave him Arthur wasted no time to get them both slippery and ready.

A cried shout of joy escaped Arthur when finally he pushed his cock into Merlin to join their bodies. Wrapped between two long legs he set a slow rhythm which soon pulsed between them when Merlin met his every thrust. Their eyes locked and Arthur felt himself drown into the deep pools of blue. Pleasure built up inside of him, tingling over his spine and urging him to drive his cock harder into the hot body below him.

Long fingers wrapped around his wrist as Merlin grabbed his left hand in a tight grip to ground them both. Arthur too held on tight, as if at any moment now Merlin could fly away and leave him feeling bereft. Arthur pushed back the odd emotion of grief as he pushed deeper into Merlin in a desperate need to answer his growing want. This man had stolen his heart; grabbed a hold of his soul and wormed his way into his life so deep… and still he wanted more, needed more.

Once more their hips snapped together, meeting in the dance of making love. Nothing parted them now. Arthur thrust faster while his eyes once more sought to take a firm hold of Merlin's. "Look at me…", he encouraged. "Let me see you, everything you feel and are." Never before had he known what to say in such heated encounters, but now the words tumbled out of him like a waterfall.

"That's it", he said when their eyes locked. "So delicious, so ready for me."

"Yes."

The muscles in Merlin's arse quivered around him, pulling him deeper with a delicious grip that was impossible to ignore… not that Arthur wanted to. He rolled his hips against Merlin to get even deeper inside of him. His pace began to falter under the assault of how it felt to have his cock wrapped in such a tight heat. Harder he pushed, and even faster. Slow had gone out of the window, along with his steady rhythm and control.

Arthur could only surrender to the pressure of bliss that build up so high he began to see stars. "Faster… deeper… more", the words on his mind came out in moans and they were answered by groans of the same sentiment. They were not silent in their need, never would be either. It made Arthur grin in a last effort to fight off the inevitable. Longer, he wanted it to last longer… but his orgasm spurted out of him when he pushed hard and deep into Merlin. Over the rush of his pleasure he felt Merlin clench around his cock while his lover came in spurts over his stomach and their joined hips.


	6. Chapter 6

An orange ray of evening sunshine woke Merlin up. His body ached in the most pleasant way and even though he felt sticky he was more than comfortable where he slept. With a smile he remembered how Arthur had taken him apart, while he at the same time had never felt so complete. He shivered in the now cooler air and snuggled deeper into the sheets below him in search of warmth. Unable to deny the fact he woke up he blinked open his eyes. To his sadness he found he was alone in the bed. Why had Arthur left?

Slight movement at the window sill made him aware that he wasn't alone after all. He was about to speak when he noticed how Arthur had immersed himself in the sketchbook he balanced on one knee. Pencil in hand he seemed to scribble something down, or was he drawing? From his viewpoint Merlin could not make out what kind of marks Arthur made on the paper. The unexpected sight of seeing him sit naked and unmoving safe for his hand had Merlin confused. Arthur always appeared to him as a man of action, of being incapable of sitting still for long, but once more he proved a contradiction.

Amused and awed at once by the comfortable silence Merlin continued to watch. In the light of the setting sun Arthur looked handsome; with his golden skin and dark hair in sharp contrast. Something about him screamed loneliness and sadness. Merlin wondered why he picked up on these emotions when he dared to think they had each other.

"Do you like what you see?" It seemed Arthur had not lost his sharp awareness of the world around him after all.

Merlin hummed, "May like the sight better from up close though." His remark was met with amused laughter. Even so Arthur did not move, though his hand had yet to stop scribbling across the paper. Merlin could not help but ask the question which burned on the tip of his tongue from the moment he had spotted Arthur. "What are you drawing?"

A shrug was his only answer and for a breath it seemed like Arthur withdrew into himself, as if Merlin had touched on an emotion too personal to share. The pencil faltered and Arthur turned towards him, but he was spared an answer when a stranger's voice tore the moment apart, "Arthur?"

In a flash Merlin wrapped the sheet below him around his thin frame. He was just in time when the door burst open and a man sauntered in, as if he belonged there and had every right to shatter the branch of trust he had hoped to build with Arthur. Half angry and half amused by the strange situation he found himself in he glared at the newcomer.

Unperturbed the man walked in with a sway of his hips, while he swept his longer dark hair out of his eyes. "Ah, here you are. Thought you might be. The director called me from my holiday and back to the bloody trenches to haul your ass back to the firm."

Arthur glared daggers and shouted, "Gwaine!"

Gwaine held up his hands as a sign of surrender, "I know, I know. Don't worry I have no intention of dragging you back there. I just thought it best to beat him to it before all hell blows up in our faces and judging by your state of undress…" His whistle of appreciation had Merlin grin in spite of himself. He held out a hand and smiled when Gwaine grabbed it, "You must be the new assistant, Mr. Emrys."

"I fear you have me at a disadvantage."

"It seems I do." Gwaine let his sentence linger and winked, "I am the driver and personal security guard of mister hands-full here. Well, at least I was until he did a runner."

His joke seemed to form the last straw for Arthur. In a flash he pushed Gwaine out of the bedroom and he slammed the door shut to lock him out. "Next time bloody well knock! Or no wait… just don't come after me at all."

"But it is my job, you know… the one I was hired to do, or else." The combination of the muffled answer coming from the other side of the door and the indignant look Arthur had on his face had Merlin burst out in a fit of nervous laughter.

* * *

Nothing about the situation amused Arthur. Why could his father not leave him alone for once? Why was he about to get dragged back under his watchful eyes when it was the last thing Arthur wanted? No… this time his father would not get the last say. He could not live in regret any longer.

Arthur turned to Merlin and met his eyes. With his determination firm in place he put his hands on each one of the narrow shoulders and smiled to his lover to let him know he would stay with him. "I won't go back."

"But…", the splutter of doubt faltered under his stare. Merlin swallowed, and Arthur waited until he found the words. "Won't you land Gwaine in trouble too? Maybe you should talk to your father. Confront him, tell him what you want in life and give him a chance to accept it."

"You don't know him the way I do, Merlin." Arthur let his head hang, not in shame, but in the sad knowledge he would never be able to please the man whose approval he still longed for and could never have. "Father is a proud man, who always gets what he wants. But I can not be the man he wants me to be and so I disappoint him. I see now that I can't keep going on when he keeps pushing me away, it's too hard."

"Then say goodbye to him before you try and find your own way. You owe yourself that at least. It will be easier to let go once you close the door on the past. If you hold on to it you may never be able to, trust me, I know."

Awed by the wisdom in the advice Arthur looked up at Merlin, who still held on tight to the satin sheet he covered himself with. Something in his lover's appearance shouted of innocence and of youth, but his words told a different story. What had Merlin lived through in life that made him sound so knowledgeable? Arthur did not know, but he could not help himself in his need to hug him in thanks of it. "There is something about you, Merlin", he whispered in his ear.

A knock on the door interrupted another private moment. "You got any cold drinks?" Arthur groaned at the streak of bad timing of his best friend. Somehow the guy always got under his skin, for he challenged him unlike any other and kept him on his toes.

It was a good thing Uther had never figured out how on the day he was caught street racing Gwaine had escaped the police by a hair's breath, because Arthur send him away in time. Uther had little patience with Gwaine, who he only hired for the job because he excelled at it.

Twice now the blatant flirt had managed to save Arthur's life from the attacks of a former employee who wanted to hurt Uther through his son. Just a fortnight ago, and a few days before Merlin started working for Pendragon Enterprises, the man got apprehended and Gwaine went on a holiday. Arthur didn't know whether to be amused by the fact his father urged him back to work today in spite of his dislike of him, or be upset for Gwaine that his holiday ended over his reckless flight with Merlin. Either way he realised that he had to finish what he started for all their sakes…

"Try the fridge", Arthur answered.

"I did, it's empty."

"Then go get some for us all, I will pay you back", Arthur decided to buy him and Merlin some more time together without interruption. "I promise we will be here when you return. Just go!" The sudden silence was only broken by the sound of the front door closing behind the whirlwind that was Gwaine.

"Now where were we?" Arthur winked at Merlin while he pulled away the sheet.

* * *

Bemused at the whole situation and how he had no control over it Merlin stepped back, trying to look pensive and failing miserably. "Hmm, I think I was about to get dressed."

"Oh no, you don't!" With one impressive leap and push Arthur had Merlin back on the bed. In a matter of seconds Merlin met his playful side and he got tickled without mercy.

"Stop it", Merlin tried and failed to keep Arthur's fingers away from the spots that made him squirm. Laughter escaped him at the antics of the man above him.

"Do you yield?"

Merlin nodded, with tears rolling over his cheek from his laughter. "You are insane", he offered when finally his ticklish sides were left alone. They both laughed when Arthur nodded firmly in mock confirmation.

"Love you anyway." Everything paused at the truth in Merlin's blurted reaction. The tension grew until Merlin could stand it no more, "I…"

A finger silenced him, "Hush… let us quit while we are ahead. For words like that, I fear it is…"

"Too soon", Merlin finished the sentence for him, smiling when Arthur nodded with a smile on his face. "You know, I said so before… but the truth is, I am not so sure if I agree anymore. I feel like you and me are meant to be together somehow."

"Don't jinx it", Arthur whispered against his ear. "I would not know what to do if I lost this, if I failed you in some way."

Merlin turned onto his side to face his lover. A bubble of sadness had wrapped around him and it made Merlin ache to think something upset Arthur so deep that he held it within. "What happened?"

"What do you mean?"

"What makes you think I will leave you? I can't Arthur, it would break both our hearts."

"Nothing", Arthur shrugged. "It is just I fear that if you see me for the man I am…"

It was Merlin's turn to put silence to further left unspoken insecurities. Placing his finger against plush lips he offered, "I have seen glimpses of him already and trust me I am strangely fond of him too, even though he is a bit of a prat." The thwack against his head came expected, but the tender kiss of love which followed took his breath away and it ignited his need to show Arthur how much he wanted him.


	7. Chapter 7

Clad in a pair of jeans he borrowed from Leon's closet Arthur covered the sleeping form on the bed with the sheets. The air inside the cottage had remained pleasantly warm from the spring sunshine, but the night blew in a colder wind from the sea through the open window. Arthur did not want to stir Merlin after the passionate second time they made love that day, so he opted to sneak out and let him sleep.

With one last glance at his sleeping lover Arthur walked out of the room. Like so often the stern voice of his father rattled on in his mind and it kept him wide awake. No matter how hard he wished it away it kept him tossing and turning. Maybe soon there would be no more sleepless nights for him? First though he had to cut the strings with his father and say goodbye, because if he didn't he would regret it forever. Was he ready for the confrontation of his life? Well, he supposed, he would find out the hard way tomorrow.

After he closed the door he walked into the living room to meet up with Gwaine. As expected his friend nursed a cold soda in his hands while he sat in the lazy chair that was Arthur's favourite place in the cottage, aside from the bed. His bare feet made little sound, but all the same Gwaine looked up and he smirked when he spotted him. "Fancy seeing you up." His comment was accompanied by the blatant innuendo in soft brown eyes, even visible in the candle lit room, and the way he winked.

"Haha." Arthur plopped down on the couch, but as he did he worried, "How long have you been back?"

"Long enough to deem it best not to disturb you two." After an awkward pause Gwaine pointed at the sketchbook Arthur had brought along with him. "Can I see?"

"No", the answer came out firmer than he had planned. Gwaine always asked about his work, but the sketches he had made in his latest collection… no, for once they were by far too personal to share. The day his assistant got introduced to him Merlin had become his main source of inspiration. In fact he had been the reason why Arthur picked up his old habit. Heck, he had even drawn Merlin while he pretended to listen to him relay the latest figures and schedules from their department. To watch him speak and use his elegant hands in the process… how could Arthur not get turned on by that?

Oh how he had longed to tie Merlin up and fuck him just about everywhere in the office he could think of. His heated dreams though rarely saw the light of day, unless it was in some of his more detailed sketches. So far he had not shown Merlin this side of him out of fear of chasing him away. Instead he let the drawings he made paint a vivid arsenal of secret fantasies and he hid them from prying eyes in a file in his locked desk drawer. Drat! He had to fetch the folder some day… and preferably sooner rather than later.

"Aw, come on. You know I always do in the end", Gwaine teased.

"Not this time."

"Hmm… interesting. Does the handsome Mr. Emrys even know you draw him?" Stunned that Gwaine like always hit the nail on the head Arthur went silent. How could he explain to his friend how this was the one time he did not want to live on the edge and risk something so precious? As it turned out Gwaine needed no answer to understand. "Take it from me; sometimes it is the quiet ones who surprise us the most. Your guy may have a few kinks up his sleeve too. Don't be shy, it does not suit you."

Arthur grinned while he accepted a soda can offered from the pack Gwaine had bought. "Not all men think about such things with an open mind like Leon. You got lucky with him there. I still can't believe someone so quiet and reserved can accept this mess of an on/off thing you have going between you two."

With a shrug Gwaine took another swig of his drink. "Nor can I", after a short pause he offered, "You took a leaf from my book when you walked out of the office today and you closed the door on them. What is one more step after everything you did? Merlin would be a fool not to enjoy your sexy artwork of him."

Unsure how to reply to the ever present live for the moment advice of his friend or how to say these drawings were even more intense than any other he ever created Arthur grabbed his pencil to hide his emotions in the safety of his drawing. The glow of light cast by the candles proved just enough to see. If he turned his sketchbook towards it he could make it work. Tomorrow he would face the music, but for now he wanted to escape in his fantasy. It was not like he could sleep anyway when he dreaded tomorrow's conversation and no doubt heated argument with his father.

* * *

Flashes of the past grabbed him. In his panic Merlin tried to shout, but his voice muddled in the cold dark and to his horror he got dragged back under in spite of his effort to get out. It wasn't until the sound of the beach coming alive at dawn that reality filtered into his nightmare and it woke him up. Now sadly too used to it - though the last one had been weeks back - Merlin roughly pushed back the morbid memory and he waited until he had his breathing back under control. Why now, when someone slept by his side? Why when he doubted he could ever speak of it?

In spite of his worries however it remained quiet by his side. With a tentative hand Merlin reached out, only to have it connect with nothing but the cool sheets around him. Ah, that explained then why he had not woken Arthur up. He breathed a sigh of relief, feeling guilty for a flash at the same time about his inability to share the cold with anyone. How much longer could he keep this darkness tucked inside of his heart?

Angry with the memory and why it had chosen now to resurface he got up. No, he was given a second chance at love and he would not lose it again. Arthur… the thought of him had Merlin smile. Eager to face another day with him he got up. Time to get dressed, except… he wrinkled his nose at the fact he had no change of clothes or something comfortable to wear, then he hurried into his suit trousers. While Merlin shrugged on his shirt he decided not to bother with the buttons. His clumsy hands would not cooperate just yet anyway. What he needed first was coffee, and a bite to eat. He was famished!

On his bare feet he walked out of the bedroom in search for food. He passed by on the living room and could not resist the temptation waiting inside. There on the couch Arthur had curled up against a pillow. On his lap laid a sketchbook and in his hand he held a pencil. From where Merlin stood glued to the floor in admiration of the sight of his lover so still he could not miss how Arthur had shut the world outside of his focussed mind. The burned out candles and the way Gwaine's soft snores filled the room indicated his lover had ignored it all. The only movement in the room was made by Arthur's right hand, where a pencil brought to life whatever was on his mind.

For one moment Merlin debated warning Arthur about his arrival, but then his curiosity got the better of him… and he snuck closer without a sound. Maybe this way he could actually see it, before Arthur hid his sensitive side behind the infuriating spoilt prat he pretended to be. No, Merlin could not let that happen. He had to know to understand his lover, to see and feel all of him, so he could in turn try and reveal his inner demons too. Would Arthur accept the darkness within him?

As his doubts stirred their ugly heads in his mind Merlin caught sight of the unfinished pencil image caught on canvas. Too late to back out now! His own eyes stared back at him through heavy lids and filled with a lust he had never seen come from his face. Arthur had portrayed him in all his nudity from his left side, he realised. Breathing an inaudible sigh of relief, because now his scars hid in the shadows of the drawing, he dared to risk a closer look. In awed wonder he stared at the way he had his head thrown back in an open mouthed pant while he sat down on a desk. Was that Arthur's desk at the office? It sure looked that way to Merlin. His eyes roved further over the paper, along his naked chest and the trail of hairs that marked the way to his cock.

It was then that he noticed his arms were bound behind his back. Bruised marks of fingers showed on his hips, a sign someone had grabbed him hard as they held him down. Merlin let his eyes rove further down to where his hard, leaking cock was trapped in a contraption of ropes that could leave him swollen for a long time to come. Something stirred within him, a darker edge he had stashed away in the fear no one would ever quite understand it. "You would do it to me for real if I asked you, wouldn't you?

Arthur jumped up, spooked by his unexpected presence. In the distance Merlin heard the sketchbook drop onto the floor, while the pencil rolled further away. Their eyes met in a blaze, both defiant and challenging the other to speak first. This was what it boiled down to. What were they made of and did they both embrace this kinky darkness?

"That is private! You should not have seen that… I…"

"Please, don't say that", Merlin swallowed hard in an effort to find his courage and to make Arthur understand at the same time. The drawing was everything he wanted… and more. To let go, to be at the mercy of the fire in the man before him. Yes, he needed to take his chance, or he'd regret it. "It is beautiful and this… I suppose this is me asking."

* * *

"Wha… what?" Arthur knew that he stammered, but he could not care less. Did Merlin understand what he offered here; what it was he dreamed of and believed he could never have? No one had been privileged enough to see the real him. Not even Gwaine was fully aware about this side of him. Sure he guessed at it, because that was what his friend did better than anyone, but Arthur had neither confirmed nor denied any of the claims he made. Speaking of which, he needed to get the other man out of the way first. Arthur knew there was no way Gwaine slept throughout the noise they made.

"Gwaine please, can you give us a moment?" Arthur pinched the bridge of his nose while he waited for his friend to react. "Gwaine!"

"Yeah, yeah… I am up, and outside. Please kiss and make up, will you?" His somewhat stumbled and not so smooth departure annoyed Arthur, but he knew there was no other way he could get rid of his personal bodyguard. Ignoring the wide eyed look of shock from Merlin he turned back to their conversation, because he could not shake the feeling that if he let go of it he stood every chance of losing Merlin.

"But last night you enjoyed soft and gentle. You did not once suggest you wanted soemthing different, you know…" Unable to finish his trail of thought and say out loud how much he wanted to pull Merlin into his fantasies he let his voice trail off.

Merlin blushed a little. The sight was adorable and if Arthur did not feel so damn nervous and insecure he would have kissed him silly. In his current mood though he waited, hoping… pleading with whoever would listen that Merlin truly did understand him.

"This need I have, I hid it for so long. I feared no one would ever accept or understand why I want to let go so bad it almost hurts. But now I wonder if maybe you can give it to me in the way I need it, and I want to trust you with this side of me more than anything. No one was ever strong enough to take my pain and make it something else… but you, I feel you can make this more than a fantasy. So please, Arthur, say you want it too?"

Awed by the plea Arthur looked away from the intensity for just a moment. His eyes caught sight of his abandoned sketchbook and for the first time in his life he no longer feared the reaction to what was inside. Maybe now fate had revealed his secret it was time he shared it with the one person who seemed to understand him in ways no one else ever might. He picked up the fallen sketchbook and nodded to Merlin, "Sit down, there is something I need to show to you first."

Page by page Arthur revealed himself to Merlin, his hidden desires and his need to strip a man bare and hear him beg for more. In the corner of his eyes he watched his lover's reactions at the sight of seeing his naked self drawn on canvas in positions that left nothing and everything to the imagination at once. He watched as dark pupils grew larger and darker, while the bulge of Merlin's cock grew and made the suit trousers look rather tight. It was in that moment on the couch together with the sketchbook that Arthur knew he met his one soulmate in life.

To erase his last doubts Arthur teased Merlin by whispering against his ear, "So many possibilities. Imagine every single way I can tie you up to my will. If you like me to I can control your body and take you apart at my command. Trust me; I won't push you any further than you can go. I see this darker need in you now and I want to awaken all of it, harness the passion everyone else misses out on. Will you let me?"


	8. Chapter 8

"Yes", Merlin need not even think about it. The longing in Arthur's whisper connected to his darker side and he could not hold back his deepest desire. "I want all you can offer me, and then some. Tie me up, do to my body as you please…"

He faltered at the way Arthur kissed him, pressing his tongue inside his mouth to steal his breath away and promise all sorts of wickedness. Merlin sensed that his mood shifted into a deeper need. Gods, how he wanted Arthur to bend him to his will right here and right now in this room. But reality crashed back down on him when the man he loved pulled away, breathless and with sorrow in his eyes. "I would so take you now… but I must meet with my father."

They rested their heads together in their joint reluctance to face reality. Any excuse not to part Merlin would love to grab, but to properly be together and move into the future he knew they had to close the door on the past. Or more precise, Arthur had to, for he could not be himself while someone else pulled his strings.

"Always my father", Arthur shook his head. "Last time though, I promise you."

Merlin met his eyes then, "Both of our hearts are on the line here today, so we will face whatever comes next together."

"Together", Arthur confirmed with a nod while he closed his sketchbook and hid it underneath the couch. His eyes stayed fixed on Merlin when he said, "We will come back to this conversation and what I want to do to you. I promise I will have my wicked way with you one day, Merlin."

Unable to resist the cute blush of confession on his lover's face Merlin pulled him in for one last chaste kiss. "Go! Put on a shirt and go get Gwaine. I will put on the kettle. Coffee first, yeah?"

Arthur jumped up and to Merlin's surprise he grabbed him by the sides of his face, "Two sugars, no make it three." Warm lips touched his forehead in a kiss to soften the half ordered, "And make us some breakfast too, I am famished."

Grinning Merlin walked into the small kitchen. He put on the kettle and went in search for something to eat; all the while fighting off his nerves of what awaited them back at the office with Uther. Rumours claimed the director was ruthless and stern to the point of where he put some serious fear into his employees. Still new to the job Merlin didn't know what to make of the man other than that he, like most high paid business men, did not take any prisoners. He ruled with a firm hand and a tough set of rules. Anyone who did not like it… well, Uther did not care about them. Money had brought him power, which in turn earned him more money. Business and status clearly drove him in life.

Where Merlin saw some fear in Arthur he also saw love for a father and a need to please him to earn his respect, and possibly his affection. How often had his lover been disappointed by the man who should have stood by him as he grew up? Merlin had heard little about his mother, did not even know if Arthur had known her as a boy. No one ever spoke of her and if they did it was in whispers so low he had not overheard. Who had she been and was she the one from whom Arthur inherited his safe guarded sensitive and creative side?

At the breakfast table he was soon joined by the two others. The strong brewed coffee Merlin made proved a difference in life and as they woke up properly the gloomy silence evaporated under chatter. Merlin laughed at Gwaine's stories, but he worried at how the more time passed the more drawn back Arthur became. To offer him some comfort Merlin reached out and squeezed a hand, "Your father will listen to you, he has to."

His encouragement fell short at the shared look of conflict and disbelief between the two friends. "Uther Pendragon only ever does what he wants", Arthur shook his head, "You will learn soon enough that there is no middle ground with him and that his word is law, even when he's wrong. Today I will either lose my father, or I lose myself."

"No contest, mate." Gwaine clasped his left shoulder and without a word Merlin wrapped his hand around the other one. Yes, he agreed with Gwaine, they would be there for Arthur no matter the outcome of the confrontation. Maybe Uther held the power, but only in business. Where it came to the love of his son Merlin doubted he had much left to hold over his head…

* * *

Arthur walked into the pristine office building of Pendragon Enterprises and he did so with his head held high. Sure he feared what he risked today, but the reward far outweighed any loss he stood to suffer from losing his father's approval. One glimpse at the raven haired man walking at his side revealed to him why he came to do what he did. Merlin held his heart and every fantasy he wanted to come true in the palms of his hands. A life without him seemed unfathomable, for Merlin was his present… and his future.

Hushed whispers and startled realisations at his returned presence echoed around the vast hallways behind him, but Arthur ignored every single one. He walked over to his father's office and knocked once with a firm rap of his knuckles. No more doubts; the moment of confrontation had come. "Enter", came the familiar, firm voice.

Arthur walked inside with long strides, assured of the fact that Gwaine and Merlin followed right behind him. "Father", he greeted.

A hand waved into the air in a silent order to wait for a moment while Uther finished reading the newspaper on his desk. Sure, trust his father to leave a man waiting for long enough to make him feel uncomfortable and chastised. Well, Arthur decided in acknowledgement of his father's business like ways, Uther would have to learn some time that not everyone obeyed to his wishes in important matters. "I came to tell you I made my choice yesterday. Father, I am leaving the company to make my own way in life, together with Merlin."

Steel cold blue looked up then, a hint of annoyance shining from within that almost unnerved Arthur in his determination. Uther held up the newspaper he had been reading then and he held it up so Arthur could see the headlines clearly, "Shock reveal: Bachelor Pendragon out of the closet." A bit lower it read in a smaller font, "Who is mister tall, dark and handsome?"

Unable to help himself Arthur rolled his eyes at the crude journalism, but he faltered when Uther glared over at Merlin. "You are the man who led my son astray." The contempt in the first word riled Arthur up.

"He… is the man I fell in love with", Arthur grabbed a hold of Merlin's hand and with a soft squeeze he let him know that he had no intention of letting it slide. "And it is not his fault. Father, I have been gay for years."

To his stunned amazement his father shrugged, as if it was no big deal. "I know, Arthur, but I wish it wasn't so. It is a shame all of my best efforts to steer you away from such an affliction went unrewarded. I blame myself for not being more vigilant and strong in keeping you away from temptations."

"You what?!" Everything he meant to say flew right out the window with the admission that once more his father had tried to rule his life. Nothing could have prepared him for the truth… then again, why was he even surprised by how his father believed he could shape every person around him in the way he wanted? After all he did the same thing to his sister Morgana.

* * *

Merlin listened with growing unease and disgust as Uther ranted on about his business and the way he wanted it to be ruled to his form of success. "Arthur, I worked hard to build this company for you and I send you to the highest ranked schools in the country, so you could be the best. I plan to offer all my work to you as soon as you have a son of your own. Never mind what the newspapers say, we can sue them for slander and let our lawyers fix this nonsense. Just tell me you went through a lapse of judgement and we will speak of it no more. Don't let this… man… drag you down to his level."

An indignant splutter escaped Merlin. How dare a father, who clearly knew nothing about what moved people, judge his son for who he loved? "How can you…" He did not finish his outburst at the outrageous way Uther treated his son when Arthur shook his head with a wry smile, as if to say "I told you so." The pained, lost son look in his slightly wet, blue eyes broke Merlin's heart, but when Arthur continued to speak it filled with pride again.

"I can not lie to myself, not anymore. I have let you dictate my life for long enough. My life, Father, so this is my choice and mine alone. The time when I sought your approval is long gone. Let Morgana have my place in your chair and be done with it. She loves this overpaid job more than I ever will anyway. I am better off out of this prison where you watch over my every move. Give me five minutes to clear out my desk and say goodbye to my sister. Then I am gone."

"Arthur… you can not be serious."

"Oh, but I am." Stunned Merlin saw how Arthur stared his father down. It almost seemed like Uther shrunk behind his desk. "I guess I am sorry that my choice became public like this, but I will never ever be sorry about my reason for making it."

An unsteady hand reached out to him and Merlin accepted it, intending to offer Arthur some of his strength with it. As he let it slide into his palm he saw how Gwaine nodded to him in understanding of how awed they both were by the way Arthur had cut the ties that held him back in life. "Whether you accept it or not, Merlin is a part of me now", Arthur confirmed their love and it made his heart soar.

"You walk out of here and there is no point in coming back."

"I thought you might say that. Goodbye, Father."

Arthur set to walk off, but Merlin halted him for one more moment to face Uther. "Maybe one day you will listen to your heart and change your mind about us. Business is never more important than family. Don't learn that the hard way." He did not expect an answer, nor did he get one other than an imperious glare. How could one man feel so above others that nothing seemed to touch his heart, not even losing his son?

They had walked out when Arthur caught his stare at the closed door behind them. He needed no words to hear the disappointment. In answer to his sadness Merlin squeezed his hand, finally understanding where the man he loved came from and why he too at times did not show his emotions to protect himself.

"So… your office huh?" Gwaine winked and raised his brow in a suggestive manner. "For old times' sake?"

Merlin still stared between them when Arthur laughed out loud and he nodded to Gwaine in answer, "Out with a bang." It took another set of laughter for him to catch up with their not so hidden innuendo.

Wide eyed in shock he spluttered, "You're kidding! Aren't you?"


	9. Chapter 9

"Of course we are! Boy, did you take the bite." While Gwaine clapped Merlin on the back in his amusement Arthur could not help the spark of arousal that the joke stirred up deep inside of him. Too close to one of his fantasies… but no, he could not degrade Merlin to do it here the first time when they had yet to explore that darker side of them both. He wanted to be somewhere safe when he did; some place where they felt no inhibitions and where they could make all the noise they wished.

Even so the image in the back of his mind fuelled his creative mind. Another sexy scene begged to get drawn and for one moment Arthur let it fill a daydream he maybe one day could share. He would use the nylon ropes someone had left in the cupboard at the back of the room to tie Merlin up to his mercy. The sight of him spread wide open as he lay across the small salon table in the lounge area with the purple rope tied around each limb and each table leg to keep him in place would be so hot. Lean pale skin stretched to the limit, it would form such a lovely contrast to the near black wood of the table…

Next Arthur would grab the bottle of lubricant from his drawers. With his fingers he would slick Merlin up so good that he'd practically scream around his gag to get off. Of course then Arthur would leave him tied in place; all open and with his swollen cock left abandoned and leaking with pre-come. He'd sit in his chair and watch Merlin writhe on the table while he fisted his own hardness to ready himself to take it all the way. How good would it feel when he finally plunged his hard cock into Merlin's tight arse?

His naughty fantasy shattered when they reached his office. Five minutes he had given himself. Three hundred seconds to pack his things and pretend he was not ready to shout out his frustrations at the world. Now the distraction on his mind faded away reality crashed down around him. Today he had lost his father and what little had remained of his respectful status as a businessman. His choice would quite possibly bring about a set of reactions he could not oversee.

Arthur fell down into his desk chair to gather what remained of his courage. He would find a way to be alright again, because the bridges behind him were ablaze with fire and so there was no way back. With shaking hands he opened the drawer of his desk with the key he fished out from his keychain.

Throughout his rummaging around in the drawer for his most priced possession Merlin rested a hand on his shoulder. It offered Arthur an anchor to what he set out to do and so once more he looked up to the man he loved to convey his thanks without words. He knew the consequences of his decision had not fully hit them both, but he would deal with it if, no when, they came in the way he always did, head on. For now though he had his secret folder of drawings back in his hands and the man who inspired him to create it safe along with it. Only one more thing he needed to do before he could leave…

Ah, once more his half sister beat him to it. In a whirlwind of long black hair and a powersuit that touched on her curves in just the right way she marched in, "Arthur, are the whispers I picked up on in the hallway true? Did you just…" She faltered at the sight of Merlin standing still by his side and the way Arthur no doubt leaned into his touch.

"I resigned", and for the first time today he felt nothing but relief at saying the words.

Morgana smiled, with a small smirk playing on her lips. "So the company is mine?"

He stuck out his tongue to her, in fond memory of their long standing relationship as rivals for their father's approval. "You can have it… and father with it."

"Now, now, you know how he is."

"Exactly", with a grin Arthur tucked the folder underneath his arm and he rose from his chair. "Watch your back", he pulled her in for a one armed hug. Morgana spluttered, not used to sharing her emotions with him. Without regret he left her behind in his former office to deal with the outfall of his public departure, knowing that like always she had everything under control with her unique set of skills. It wasn't until he made his way outside and onto the pavement when he could properly breathe again.

* * *

To say he did not expect some fallout was wrong, but Merlin could not believe how fast Uther moved in for the kill. The instant Arthur left the building a security guard came over to his side. "Sir. I need the keys to the Jaguar, please. The director insists it stays in company hands."

The annoyance Merlin felt seemed nothing compared to the way Arthur rolled his eyes with a resigned mutter, "Of course he does." Keys dangled in the air before they dropped into the palm of an outstretched hand.

"I am sorry", the security guard attempted. "Company rules, Sir, as you know." Merlin looked between them and saw how there was nothing but trust and regret in the sturdy man's face. "If you were my son, well… I'd say I was proud. Not many men stand up to make their choices in life with such conviction."

For one second Arthur looked as stunned by his reaction as Merlin felt. "Oh you know me, Bedivere. If I do something I never do it by half."

"Indeed Sir", Merlin grinned at the sloppy salute Bedivere gave his now former boss. "The bus stop is that way", he pointed off to the lay-by where Merlin had begun his working day for the last few weeks. Satisfied to have done his job the man walked off.

"So the bus it is then", Merlin started to walk over to the bus stop, but a firm hand on his arm stopped him. He turned and met with the no-nonsense expression of Gwaine.

With his right hand Gwaine pointed to a place a bit further up ahead in the street where a silver sedan parked where it wasn't allowed. "Come on, what are you waiting for? Leon can't park there for long, not for free anyway." They started to run and Merlin could not help but frown at the hurried way Gwaine dragged a stunned Arthur along with him them. "Hurry your ass, golden boy. Run! Come on, preferably before the journalists catch on to what happened."

In a short sprint Merlin made it to the car. He opened the nearest door and dropped down on the backseat with a "thanks."

"You're welcome", the driver turned around to greet him. "You must be Merlin."

"Introductions can wait", Gwaine said as he pushed Arthur down on the seat next to Merlin. "Let's get this one home first." The door banged closed and Gwaine got shut back outside again.

In the few seconds it took his friend to walk around the modest car and sit down on the passenger seat Merlin noticed why he acted so protective, like the bodyguard he was hired to be, from out of nowhere. Arthur had stopped moving, aside from the tear that rolled down his cheek. Merlin tried to meet his eyes, but he was not seen in turn. A shuddered breath passed and Arthur blinked, like an animal caught in the headlights.

Shock, Merlin realised with a flare of worry. The sports car had only been one luxury taken away from him, but it proved the last straw for Arthur on a day like today. It did not help either that he'd hardly slept last night. Treated like a common employee instead of a son who merely stood up for himself had cut into Arthur hard. Sure the car was just a possession, but by taking it away Uther showed that he had no respect left for his son and he was ready to cut more ties. For the first time in his life Merlin found he disliked someone for their cold actions.

As Leon sped away upon Gwaine's instructions Merlin hugged Arthur against his side. In the tense drive over to the cottage he could only hang on to one thing; he wasn't alone in this. When he needed them most he found Arthur at least had two loyal friends left. He made a mental note to thank them once they'd reach the comfort of the cottage.

* * *

Arthur had been so far out of it he missed the entire drive over. It stunned him when he woke up to find himself tucked into the king-size bed of Leon's cottage. "What the…", he did not finish the sentiment in his mind. Yes, he had sensed the moment he went into total shut down, but how far had he fallen and how had his friends gotten him here? A glance over at the watch left behind earlier that day showed he slept away half the day.

Cold realisation hit when he saw his suit jacket and tie hang over a chair in the corner of the room. No more suits for him, and no more boring meetings. He had resigned… after all his efforts he had failed at what he was meant to do, no what Father expected him to do. After today he could do as he pleased, with whatever company he wished to keep. So no more cocktail parties and conferences either. All he had left was Merlin and the two friends who seemed willing to put up with him regardless of his lost riches.

With a grin to himself Arthur sat up. Yes, he had lost out on some things today, but he would shed no more tears over the man who shed none over him either. Father dictated and ruled in the only way he understood, through material things. If he expected Arthur to be swayed by it and to come back crawling he would be sorely disappointed. On the other hand if he touched a hair on Merlin's head… but no, Uther would never sink that low. He too had lines he did not cross. Ruthless yes, criminal no.

The game of blackmail had begun, of this Arthur was sure. He grabbed the shirt Leon had left for him and put it on. After doing up the buttons he walked out to meet up with his best friends. When he reached the living room he was met by the smell the herbal tea Leon insisted tasted good. Well, maybe this once then… "Got a cup for me too?"

He had not even finished speaking when three fully grown men jumped up from where they sat. In a flash they were by his side to ruffle a hand through his hair, or clasp one around a shoulder. "Arthur", Merlin almost sighed with relief as he draped himself against his body. "We were so worried."

Laughter of relief and warm friendship escaped Arthur at the way Gwaine waved it off, as if to say he had done no such thing. His eyes and one armed hug though told a different story. "Thank you", he mouthed to him.

"It's my job", Gwaine shrugged.

"Did not know you still had one…", Arthur started unsure. He let the rest of his sentence linger in the air though for he'd seen the truth in the sudden shyness when his friend looked away. This was loyalty wrapped up into a reckless flirt with a brave heart. Gwaine had protected him before he was paid to do it and he would continue doing so for as long as they remained the friends they had become. To show he understood and shared the sentiment he nodded once.


	10. Chapter 10

What started with taking away the car from Arthur continued with rendering him broke, because he felt forced to pay off his loans for university to his father. Uther pushed back hard and the more he did the more Merlin worried that something would have to give between the two stubborn Pendragon men. After a while though he realised he could not be more wrong. Every single prod to stir Arthur up had him grow more determined to make it on his own instead. It made Merlin proud to see how his lover found the courage to try and become one of the 'common people', even though it did not always go well.

Early on it became clear to Merlin that they had to find a way to make money. He found odd jobs to do around the nearby town, running errands for the elderly and helping out the people who ran a kitchen for the homeless. It was enough to buy groceries, but never to pay Leon any rent for staying over at his cottage for over ten days by now. "I don't mind, stay for as long as you need", Leon had offered to Arthur and Merlin when they tried to speak of it. He reminded them then that he lived at his second place, a loft large enough for two above his gallery downtown. Their 'argument' ended when Arthur stepped back in full business mode and offered to pay him back one day.

Sad enough poor Arthur fared less lucky in his job hunting than Merlin did, because his rumour blackened reputation got in the way time and time again. Watching him come home with bad news hurt Merlin just as much as it discouraged Arthur. How would they ever pay Leon back for his kindness? For both their sakes though he hid his concerns while he tried to stay positive. "Something will come along, you will see."

"I am not holding my breath", Arthur deadpanned.

It was at that point Hunith, Merlin's mother, came by. She found them in bad moods and amidst their usual banter gone a touch too edgy. After she frowned at the way they insulted each other she smiled with sudden fondness, offering them the advice only a mother could give. Merlin secretly missed it more than he let on. "You can always move back", she seemed to see right through him anyway. In the end they were both amused and happy to let her fuss over them and cook them dinner.

Part of Merlin wanted to move back in with his mother, but a far larger part of him knew that he needed to make his own way together with Arthur. Of course Hunith understood his need for independence, because she always did know him better than he did himself. Late in the evening Merlin dropped her off at the bus stop with a lighter heart and a smile on his mind over the priceless moment when she hugged his lover and left him blushing in the doorway before they left.

"You got yourselves a good one there, my boy." She said at the bus stop, looking at him in the neon light of a street lamp.

Merlin grinned, "Don't speak too loud, he may overhear and grow an even larger ego."

They laughed as they hugged. "Don't be a stranger and bring Arthur home some time."

"I will", Merlin promised as his mum got onto the bus. He waved her goodbye and walked back to the cottage, lost in thought. Walking underneath the star filled sky he realised he had fallen into a waiting pattern. The rollercoaster ride he'd been on had stopped and somehow he and Arthur had fallen into a period of domestic unease. When had they lost their thrill in life? Was it because of their financial worries?

In spite of everything the cottage offered them the moments they spent together inside lacked the bright spark they once shared. Merlin pondered about what caused it while he walked on. The answer however eluded him until he walked into the living room of the cottage and he found Arthur curled up on the floor, with the sketchbook lying in his lap.

* * *

"We never quite finished that conversation, did we?" Arthur startled away from the sexy setting he drew when Merlin's deep voice announced he had returned from the bus stop.

"No", Arthur agreed. "Stuff always got in the way. Father, no money, job hunting, Leon… Gwaine", to take the sting of it he added their friends names with a roll of his eyes. They were not to blame of course, for it was just life that put their love life on a hold. With a blush he admitted, "I did look in to a few things on the internet though and earlier I eh, bought some supplies with the money I earned from a sketch I sold."

"A sketch?" Sure, expect Merlin to pick up on the one thing that made him feel shy. After his lover nudged him in the side Arthur dropped his pencil to look at him. Met with a smile Merlin prodded him with words, "So you found a way to make money then. When?"

Arthur grinned at his persistence, "Guess so." He recalled to Merlin then how he had brought his sketchbook with him to sit down on the beach. The best way to wake up in the morning was if he could do so at his own slow pace. Yesterday he had taken his coffee with him, sweetened with three sugars of course, and he placed it in the sand. For once his creative mind did not imagine rope and bounds. No, that one morning he had picked up his pencil to draw the little, blonde haired girl who played in the sand and smiled her joy at the sunshine. He had failed to see her mother had come for her with two sandwiches in hand. She had stood and watched, while he did not realise she was there until she cried out, "That is beautiful, can I buy it from you?"

"I just scribble these scenes for myself, you know", Arthur shrugged. "I never intended it for the eyes of other people, but this woman flattered me before she asked me to draw her too. I offered to give both drawings to her for free, but she gave me twenty."

"So you sold two?" Merlin clapped his back, "Awesome. And hey, don't sell yourself short. Ask more next time, your drawings are worth it. Remember, I have seen your work."

Unable to resist the cheesy wink Arthur laughed and nudged him back, hard. They both tumbled down when Merlin dragged him onto the floor with him. "Idiot", the word should not be endearing, but Arthur had not meant for it to sound any other way and so he kissed Merlin silly until he'd rendered them both breathless.

They came up, panting for air and laughing still. Arthur looked down at Merlin, amused by his messy state, only to find himself drown in the intensity of the love staring up at him. "What are we waiting for? Why did we let stuff in the way?"

Merlin shrugged with darkened eyes, "Dunno… will you show me what you have bought?"

For a moment Arthur paused, unsure if he heard right between the lines. Did Merlin ask him to do it to him, or not?

The silence shattered into one of his lovers' waterfalls of words. "Where did you buy these ropes? I am curious how they feel against my skin. You will take me shopping with you next time, yeah? We can share our ideas in this, I mean, I would like to share them. And Arthur, you do not need to take charge. I can…"

Arthur let his index finger fall onto soft lips in his need to silence Merlin. Pleased when the ramble fell short there he grinned, "Oh but Merlin, that is where you are wrong. You do understand that is exactly what we both need."

"You arrogant…" The sting of the complaint fell apart by the way Merlin pulled him in for a kiss with a half moan. "For now I may let you be in control of me, but be warned, Arthur Pendragon, that you are not my boss and I can easily tie you to my will if I wish."

A second passed and then they both burst into laughter at Merlin's wordplay. But as he let the words sink in Arthur sobered up. Yes, he wished to be in charge, in the largest art because he found it hard to let go of his mask of control. More than anything he wanted to feel Merlin writhe underneath him and hear him beg for release. In truth it had been his fantasy from the start…but now that he thought about it…

What if he was on the receiving end of such a raw pleasure? He had seen one glimpse of a more dominant Merlin during their first time in the office and enjoyed what it brought him. So what if he too could learn to let the man he trusted with his life play his body to the point where he came undone in a helpless mess of pent up lust? "One day I might let you", he admitted in a turned on whisper, even though he had his doubts about getting tied up. Maybe with his issues of control that was taking it a step too far?

* * *

Wide eyed Merlin stared up at Arthur. He was rendered speechless by the unspoken trust he heard in the soft voice filled with want. Of course he understood why Arthur was not quite ready to submit to another man, but at least the idea was planted in his mind and it did not freak him out. Funny how they matched up in this way of having opposite natures in the bedroom. Where he wished to surrender out of instinct Arthur was born to stay in control… and yet somewhere deep down a touch of the reversal turned them on too.

For now though Merlin felt that the time to take the first step had come. However in the intensity of the moment shared between them he found it hard to speak of how much he loved Arthur and how bad he wanted to explore what lay ahead of them. All he could manage to get out was a repeat of his earlier request, "Show me, please?"

Left speechless Arthur pulled him up from the floor. Merlin did not let go of the hand which had helped him to his feet while they walked over the bedroom. The need for contact had not waned for either one of them, not in the least bit.

Once inside the room Arthur pulled out a bag from the closet space Leon had offered to him. The anonymous brown paper it was made of hid its contents, but Merlin quietly thought it promised him more than it had a right to. Not a word was said between them still when Arthur pulled out two long ropes and placed them in his hands. Merlin had no clue what to make of the shyness between them, but he sensed the point of no return had come. Would he be able to go through with it? Did he trust Arthur not to hurt him, to take him to such heights and not overstep with the power he held over his tied body?

Yes… he decided as his hands caressed the dark rope in his hands. The fabric felt soft, but so deceptive in strength. If he did this, how would it feel? Unconscious of it Merlin wrapped one end around his wrist and pulled on it a little. Black nylon rope contrasted with his pale skin in the artificial light that lit up the room. He did not realise how Arthur stared at him in awe. No, all Merlin sensed as he met his eyes that his choice was made. This he wanted; to let the rope hold him in place while his body begged for the hot release of another kind.

A hand caught hold of his wrist and it was only then that Merlin realised he had twisted the rope around it twice. "You chose well, the rope feels good against my skin. Not too rough and not to soft", he admitted with a shy blush.

"I am glad." The equally shy and nervous smile that played on Arthur's lips made Merlin kiss him. An almost chaste meeting of lips sealed what words could not. Merlin held out his other bare wrist with the first and he looked up to Arthur with all the trust and courage he found within his heart. Yes… his darker side soared up high while he crossed the point of no return.

Fingers brushed along the sensitive skin of his wrists while they began to form a knot. "Tell me to stop if it becomes too intense or if my knots burn your skin and I will. This needs to feel good for us both. I will not hurt you, not ever. Promise me, Merlin."

"I promise. Please Arthur, I want this… want you", further words eluded him. Merlin felt the rope tighten around his wrists and he lost himself in the feeling of surrender the knots around his wrists offered him. No longer would he have to be strong one; the one who pretended he was alright and worthy of life when really he wasn't. The freedom exhilarated him more than anything else ever had. "Yes", he moaned when his shirt got opened and he had no chance at stopping it for his hands were bound. "More…"

"When I am bloody well ready, no sooner", Arthur ended his plea while his hand tweaked a nipple without mercy. The sharp burst of pained pleasure combined with the self assured way Arthur spoke was all Merlin needed to let go of his last shred of nerves.


	11. Chapter 11

"Is anybody in?"

The muffled sound of the question coming through the closed bedroom door shattered apart the mood inside. Arthur groaned with frustration. "Not now", he wished to shout, but how could he be rude to the man who offered them the roof over their heads? So instead he answered Leon with a somewhat annoyed, "Give us a moment."

"Sure…"

The curt and unsure sounding answer did nothing to diminish Arthur's sense of loss. With regret he pulled a half undressed Merlin closer to untie the knots he so carefully made earlier. Pools of dark blue looked up at him, "Later?"

Numb with lust and his pent up anger Arthur nodded. "Later", he said when he swallowed passed the knot in his stomach. Why now? Why did nothing in life go his way anymore? He grew more and more frustrated with the endless interruptions, even though deep down he knew that it wasn't anyone's fault… not if he were honest. What they needed, all four of them, Gwaine and Leon included, was a solution to their housing situation. He needed a place to call his own; where Merlin and he could be without moments torn apart by friends who meant well.

Unable to resist one last kiss Arthur pulled Merlin close. For a long moment he found it hard to let go and when he finally parted he did so with a kiss on Merlin's forehead. He saw how the rope had affected his lover, who now curled up against him so pliant it was clear he already had let go of a part of his self control. "Easy now, take your time to ground yourself again. I will go and see what he needs. Maybe if we're lucky…"

Merlin shook his head at his unfinished sentiment. "When has luck been on our side?"

"Truth", Arthur shrugged. "Remind me to close the front door some day and throw away the key into the sea so no one can interrupt us again."

His sad attempt at humour was met with a wry grin and one last, almost shy, kiss on his cheek. "Go…", Merlin offered. "I will be alright. Join you in a moment."

"Only when you are ready", Arthur said as he opened the door.

"Yes mum", Merlin pushed him outside with an amused shake of his head. The door closed to shut his lover inside and away from him. Arthur sighed with one last twinge of annoyance. Then he turned to meet up with their friend. "This better be worth it", he thought to himself as he made his way over to the kitchen where Leon waited for him.

"Hey", he greeted when he spotted Leon at the counter. He walked into the kitchen and plopped down on a table chair. At the sound of his presence Leon turned around, a sad look of determination in his eyes that told Arthur something was up. "What's wrong?"

"Am I being that obvious?" Leon smiled wryly as he ran a hand through his curls.

"Only to a friend", Arthur said as he pulled up a chair for his friend.

"I am sorry to bother you, but…" Leon paused for a moment, as if he needed to find his courage to continue, "I need some business advice before I lose everything and I don't know to whom else to turn but you. You don't need to feel obliged, or anything, but maybe you can point me to someone who can help?"

Seeing through his friend's quiet chivalrous nature Arthur clasped his shoulder, "You can always ask me anything." In the way his friend bowed his head he understood where he came from. Leon was loyal and a great listener; had been there for him more than once in their long friendship. Asking for advice though was not something his friend did easily, because he feared to burden people. "Least I can do after what you've done for us."

* * *

Merlin had stared at the door for a few longing seconds. Why? It seemed so unfair to have what he wanted in the palm of his hands, only to have it fall apart. Boy, did they need a place of their own! In his mind he rolled his eyes while he did up the buttons of his shirt. So close… and yet so far from how he wanted tonight to end. Determined as ever to show he could handle it he shook himself back into control of his emotions. "Soon", he promised himself with one last glance over at the brown paper bag, which once more held the rope he let Arthur tie around his wrists.

Mind made up Merlin opened the door to walk out after Arthur. Leon had not done this to spite them; he was sure of it. Something went on there when a man with such integrity and an in control appearance came over so late. He needed them, right? That could be the only reason Merlin could conceive of for the interruption that did not fit the man he had come to know as a friend. When he arrived in the kitchen he realised he was spot on when he dropped in the middle of the conversation between the men inside.

"… I bought David's gallery on a whim to be honest. It was his pride and joy, until he got sick and he died. As you know my brother went too fast." Leon swallowed through pain Merlin wished he could have been spared. "Anyway I could not let go of his memory for our friendship was special. He understood who I was before I did and long before I even told you. So I hung on to the gallery, bought it in his name if you will, but I think I made a mess of it somewhere down the track."

Arthur clasped his hand around a shoulder, "Business not doing well?" Merlin caught on to the sign of their long standing friendship when Leon looked up with a small smile in appreciation of the gesture.

"Understatement, I fear. The streets around the gallery seem to have lost their charm when I wasn't looking. People can not find us easily anymore, or they simply pass us by because of the general image of the street. What is worse is that the building in itself is in bad shape. The roof leaks and the heating system fails. Truth is I can no longer stay at the loft above it where I sleep now you guys are here. I waited in the hope that business would pick up at some point, so I could pay for repairs, but it never happened. After all the delays on maintenance I fear I left it too long. Earlier this evening part of the roof gave way…"

Arthur interrupted him with the only answer he could give, "I am sorry to hear that. You should move back home into the cottage then." Upset to hear what happened Merlin nodded in agreement. They would somehow find another place to live, even if it meant asking his mum for a favour. It was only sad it had to come to this first and that Leon had waited for so long to tell them why he had been so distracted as of late.

"But… I don't want to push you two out on the street", Leon spluttered.

Arthur waved his hidden apology away, "Forget it, it was bound to happen. Anyway, back to your question, tell me about the business. How can I help?"

"When we started there were five artists and me. Now there is just Gwen, her husband and me left. You never met them, did you?" When Arthur shook his head Leon continued, "We sell the art left behind by the others, at a commission. Gwen however is in her last months of pregnancy and so she can't spend as much time as she would like. Her husband Lance is a good man, in truth they don't come more decent, but he misses the commercial touch we need to stay on top of our sales figures."

"So you came to me", Arthur jumped into his full business mode. "First things first, we call someone to get a loan to get that roof fixed. Then I need to see the place to get a feel for it and see what needs doing to get it back up and running again."

"But where do we even start when we have no money left between us?" Merlin wondered out loud.

"At the beginning", an unexpected voice came from the door. Startled Merlin turned around to see Gwaine lean against the doorpost, as if he'd been there a while. "You make a renovation plan for the business, then you work hard and get people invested to help with their hands. I for one am happy to volunteer, as long as there is good food involved of course." He pulled away from the door and walked over to Leon to kiss him on the top of his head, "Glad I passed by when I did and I saw the lights were still on. Sweetie, when will you learn to ask?"

"Oh, I know. How about never?" Merlin grinned at the nickname Gwaine used and the way Arthur answered the rhetorical question for him while Leon spluttered at the way Gwaine ruffled his long curls. Between the three of them it was clear Leon had felt, until tonight, it was all his own mess to content with. But of course he was mistaken in that, because no one would ever leave him to struggle on alone… not after every single time he caught them when they fell.

Merlin for one was happy to have found a new friend in Leon. To be able to pay him back for his kindness was well worth a bit of hard labour. "I am in too." The glance of quiet thanks coming back his way was all Merlin needed to feel like maybe the day had not ended so bad after all.

* * *

Arthur surveyed the gallery in front of him with the vision of a businessman. Did it have any future? From the way it looked he wasn't sure. What it needed was to get a facelift, a way to look modern and every inch the art gallery it was supposed to be. "The windows need to be larger and the walls can do with a brighter colour", he rattled off as he walked inside right behind Leon, who opened the door. "If you let in more daylight then the paintings come of better and from the outside you can peek inside to get curious. Do the place up right, work on your image and I believe you can attract more customers."

In his need to oversee the place he brushed passed Leon, who looked forlorn in his own gallery for a moment. One glance over his shoulder though told Arthur that Gwaine stood strong by his on/off boyfriend's side. Maybe they still believed they were not serious in their affair, but he had watched as their relationship grew closer than expected. Well, Arthur shrugged to himself, one day they too would see what he did.

"Maybe if you put a couple of large tables in the backroom you can organise workshops from here", Merlin interrupted his train of thoughts.

"Hmm", Arthur agreed. "Good idea. That way people can watch the artists at work while they create their latest project."

Merlin grinned, "Sure… and you artistic types would let them?

"My type?" Arthur spluttered under the three stares of his friends. "I am not…" Gwaine waved his answer away while Merlin wriggled his eyebrows as if to say he had no right to ignore his talent. "I am not…", he spluttered again.

"Are too", Merlin protested more vehemently and after one more intense look Arthur had to turn away.

"Please, Arthur. If Merlin is right, then just think about it. We need more artists." It was Leon's soft spoken plea which made him wonder for the first time in his life whether he could follow up on a dream he had never dared to entertain for long. Was he ready to reveal the side of him he had kept hidden from everyone, Leon included, until today?


	12. Chapter 12

Arthur's plan of attack to renovate the gallery was rather elegant to execute, Merlin decided. Not that it did not include weeks of hard work though. When did things turn out that easy with projects like this one? No, they each had to roll up their sleeves and then some, with Arthur and Leon in charge of the plan. Their strategic minds put together proved helpful, even though there were days where Merlin protested at the way he was send off to run errands as if he had remained his lover's assistant in some fashion or another. Despite his complaints though he relished in the progress they made together.

To offer them some much needed help Gwaine called in some of his once street racing and builder friends. The handful of sturdy men proved a real asset. Even better was the fact they asked for nothing more than a cold beer, or a barb or two. A barbeque on the beach as a celebration to mark the day the roof got fixed helped too. It was afterwards when Merlin realised Gwaine had to pay each guy back in his own unique style further down the track. "A favour for a favour, Merlin, that is the way of life."

Early on Merlin met the two others of the gallery. Gwen and Lance were an artist couple with gentle souls, and he liked them both from the start. For a moment it seemed to him that Gwen felt attracted to Arthur, but to his amusement his far from straight lover failed to recognise her stammers as such. By the time a few days had passed so did her infatuation. Maybe it was just due to her hormones? Merlin shrugged it off to go shopping with Lance for the new work table. His handsome friend did not even need to haggle, because his natural charm worked them favours more often than not. It helped too that Merlin could talk his way into anything; if he put his mind to it.

Days blurred into labour and tired satisfaction. Action overruled most things with them, sometimes even their bodies' need to sleep. It was often the four of them crashed down exhausted in the late hours of the night back at the cottage. Most nights Merlin wrapped around Arthur on their makeshift bed on the living room floor, while Leon shared his bed with Gwaine. "On/off friendship, my ass!" Merlin laughed along with Arthur's remark at how their friends skirted around the fact. Settling down still seemed a step too far for Gwaine…

On some nights Merlin worried about what would happen after. Would they get thrown out when the renovations were done? Whether they wanted to or not, the four of them could not keep living together under one cottage roof. The place was just not big enough. It did not help matters much that Arthur and Gwaine were in some ways too different while they at the same time they shared a certain stubborn pride. They did not yield from an argument, both heating up the tension for a while until either Merlin or Leon mediated between them to stop the fight. Something had to give, but what?

"The loft!" Merlin realised belatedly one afternoon. Three pairs of eyes stared back at him, exhausted from work and unable to follow the leap his mind made. "Leon, you need someone with a business mind to keep an eye out, to be on top of this place, right?"

Not unexpected, because his lover knew him best, realisation of what he suggested dawned on Arthur first. "Preferably someone you can trust, like maybe a friend… or two."

"Hmm, we need to fix the rain damage. But where do we get the money to make it liveable for us and to create some privacy away from the business downstairs?"

While Leon still tried to catch on Gwaine jumped on Merlin's question, "With the money I make when I sell my sorry one bedroom apartment, of course."

"But you…", all caught up Leon faltered at the typical nonchalant way Gwaine proposed to become his proper boyfriend.

"About time, mate! He's moving in with you", Arthur grinned at the news while Merlin pulled Gwaine into a hug to say thanks. Ever the businessman Arthur added, "We will accept the money as a loan. As soon as we find a way to make money we will pay you back, including interest rates." Merlin nodded to tell him that he agreed.

Happy to have found a solution to their living arrangements, once Leon had accepted the proposal of course, the four of them ended work early that day. Under the moonlit sky Merlin toasted to the happy couple with a lighter heart. Finally it seemed his future path had made itself known. But what use was he in a gallery when his own artistic streak ended on the day some thief broke into his mum's place and stole his camera?

* * *

Money had run out by the time Arthur and Merlin moved into the loft. Downstairs the gallery renovations had made the world of difference. Arthur was glad that his plan, tweaked by a few of Leon's money saving ideas, proved to work out as intended. The large windows did not only bring light, but they also enhanced the feel of the place. The paintings on the wall were shifted around until they looked their best. Still… what they needed was more variety in their artwork for sale.

On a whim Arthur picked up a piece of blank canvas. Portraits were lame, and easy in his eyes, so instead he wondered if he could take it further and make a larger piece of art. Ever obsessed by his lover though, lines of a wiry frame and long legs found their way onto paper. Arthur knew this body in detail and he decided to capture it all; including the imperfections that made his lover who he was.

As ever he wanted to touch and kiss more of the soft skin; have more of Merlin in every way he could have it. No… for once it would not be that kind of drawing. Instead he would make it romantic and sexy at the same time. Pencil with a fusion of modern art. "Maybe it needs colour too", he thought to himself while the object on his artistic mind was off to do some groceries shopping and whatnot with Leon. Gwaine had disappeared too, so it was just him and the happy couple.

Lance and Gwen, he got along fine with them, but today he wasn't in the mood for their happy chatter about babies. Luckily they seemed to sense that he preferred working undisturbed for a while. Up front he heard Lance work on his frame work for the latest paintings Gwen made. Flowers; each petal bright and vibrant like herself. Arthur smiled to himself when he saw her brush a hand over the round bum of the life inside her. The glow of pregnancy suited her.

He shook his strayed thoughts back to the task at hand. A touch of colour it was then, so he picked up a brush. Time to up his game and to see if he could make something more out of his scribbles. One last attempt maybe at earning money. With every other career door closed in his face he had nothing left to lose and yet at the same time… what if he failed Merlin on this too? "No", he chastised the gloom in his mind, "I need this to work."

Time had no meaning when he drew in the past. It had no meaning either now when he poured his heart on the line with the man coming to life on canvas. Arthur did not do emotions well, at least not when it came to speaking about them, but with the brush in hand he spoke in ways he had never done before. Curves and angles came alive, while he caressed them in his mind. Deep blue eyes sparkled with mischief and something dangerous he still wished to follow up on. Naked skin showed everything, but only up to the point of modest sensuality. A near see through satin sheet covered the secret places of pleasure Arthur knew from up close…

No, he was not ready to share it all, had not even asked Merlin if he could take it as far as he had. What if his lover did not want to be portrayed in such a detailed and intimate state meant for public eyes? Well, maybe his first piece would have to stay within their private collection after all. Maybe as a celebration of their love or maybe it could bring them in the mood for, you know… oh, go figure! Arthur rolled his eyes at how his mind strayed back to his fantasies of late. No ropes needed to tie him to his desires it seemed. Were they doomed to forever want it and never get it?

A bell chimed and in reflex Arthur glanced up to the door just in time to see Merlin walk in. "Upstairs", he mouthed at him, ready to see through what needed to be done. No more delays to stake his claim on the body of the man he loved, not if Merlin accepted his near ordered wish and saw through what he tried to say without any further words.

* * *

One glance shared over just one unvoiced word… and he was lost. "Upstairs", it promised him what Merlin had craved ever since he found out Arthur wanted him in such a way it left him vulnerable. How he wanted to run up the stairs and beg to get taken like that. But no wait, there were others around. Innocent bystanders who had to get out of the way first for him to get his wish. Merlin came to see it was a good thing that Leon had dropped him off on his way over to the cottage to have dinner with Gwaine.

Another look after he dropped down the bags he carried and Merlin was doomed. Lust dropped south so fast he felt his blood rush to stir up his treacherous cock in his tight jeans. He would have to think of something and fast. Arthur was happy to let him squirm, as indicated by the way he brushed his paint covered hands on his faded jeans with a confident smile. Had he painted? The fleeting question was gone before he could stop it. All Merlin could do was watch a perfect ass walk up the stairs while he had to face the two people who stood between him and the rope he wanted tied around his skin.

"Bastard", he wanted to call Arthur out on his unfair challenge, but already he found he had to keep up with his role of submission… and so he didn't. Instead his mind scrambled for an excuse. What could he say to send their friends out of the door without them thinking he'd gone crazy? Well, not crazy exactly, more like a blabbering idiot if his past experiences were anything to go by.

There, he'd thought of something finally! "It's almost four, why don't you two go home and put up your feet? The rest of the week it will get busy enough with the preparations for the re-opening and all. You must take care of yourself and the little one."

"But…", Gwen protested, but Merlin waved it away.

"I am beat after shopping myself and there's still stuff to unpack up at the loft. Please Gwen, if not for yourself, do it for us?" Merlin knew he played on her soft side, but it was the best white lie he could think of in the spur of the moment. That it in a roundabout way also rung true almost had him laugh out loud. He didn't though. No, he could not risk her staying out of concern. Lance and her had to leave or Merlin could not be held responsible for his actions. Finally it would happen… if only they…

With relief Merlin watched as Lance nodded and grabbed his wife's coat. "Thank you", he offered, his sincerity almost made Merlin feel guilty. It was a good thing they did not know what he actually asked for. Privacy sounded innocent enough, but his desperate need and reason for it was anything but. No, he was not ashamed, but for some people talking about bdsm was a line not to cross and a step far beyond comfortable. He wanted it bad though, boy did he need Arthur to bind him to his will in the literal sense of it…

Again he forced his train of thoughts to a full stop. "See you tomorrow", he said as he saw his friends out. In his hand Merlin clung to his keychain; far too willing and ready to close the front door shut and call it a day. As his friends finally drove off he locked the world outside. "No more interruptions, please", he crossed his fingers and ran up the stairs to meet with his fate.


	13. Chapter 13

Arthur stared at his hands, waiting with pent up nervousness. This was where he could put his years of wonder and months of research into action. He fiddled around with one of the black ropes he had pulled out of the pile of unpacked boxes. On automatic he practiced one of the more intricate knots he had not known existed until recently. Next to his bare feet a few more ends of nylon waited to get picked up from the floor by him. So many possibilities to tease Merlin and so many pleasure points to explore on his lithe body. Arthur had already made up his mind though on how he wished to tie him up for this evening. If only Merlin would hurry up those stairs now.

Finally! Footsteps announced Merlin had managed to ditch their friends. "Arthur", he sounded breathless and turned on at once when he arrived in their open spaced loft.

"You took your time", Arthur snapped himself back into his more arrogant and in charge persona. "This evening we play by my rules. You do not speak unless I ask you to, because you are mine to play with. You may beg of course. If I push you too far or cause you pain you need to tell me and I will adjust the ropes, or stop if you need me to. On the bedside table are emergency scissors, so I can cut you free if push comes to shove." He watched as Merlin followed the line of his finger pointing towards it. "It is our first time though, so I will take you apart only when I feel that you can take it. We need to find our way in this, both of us, and that is why I will stay by your side throughout."

"Thank you", Merlin blushed before he added with some level of awkwardness. "Master."

"No… call me Arthur." It pleased Arthur to find an unspoken agreement on the wrongness of such a show of status. They had no use for titles for he rather commanded by actions instead of undeserved or self bestowed power. "Are you ready for me to begin?"

Stunned Arthur watched as Merlin fell to his knees in confirmation, "I thought you'd never ask. Please, I am yours to do with as you wish."

"Undress for me", Arthur ordered, his voice gone unsteady at the sight of his lover drop down to his knees in such a submissive way. Had Merlin any clue what he did to him with his beautiful body and mind? To hide his arousal Arthur bent over to pick up a longer piece of rope while he let the shorter one he held drop down into the plush carpet of the bedroom area. He smiled to himself, though he remained stoic on the outside, when he saw Merlin follow his move with rapt attention in his eyes. "I won't ask again."

Like ordered by the warning Merlin spurred into action. Back up on his feet he undressed where he stood, without any shame or hesitation left for as far as Arthur could see. The reveal of naked skin almost tempted him to reach out and touch, but he denied himself the freedom of it in favour of taking a breath to keep his cool.

"On the bed with you", Arthur grabbed Merlin by the sides and he kissed him to let him know they would do it together. Small steps, he had decided, because he wanted Merlin to learn that in his submissive position he was in safe hands. Control as the dominant one in a bondage setting was one thing, to let your lover drown in his emotions quite another. No, Arthur wanted Merlin to fly high on his senses, so he would beg for it again some day. To be able to do that he needed to focus throughout. It was a good thing it was one of his better character traits.

Left a bit breathless from the kiss Arthur steered Merlin down onto the bed to spread him out onto his back. Wide eyes conveyed trust and it had his heart soar with pride and love. To see Merlin react so pliant to his touch let him know he was ready for Arthur to take it up to the next stage…

Without warning or resistance Arthur reached up to stretch out Merlin's right arm above his head. Once he had placed his knots he left the ends dangling, not paying attention to the soft whimper of anticipation that escaped Merlin at the contact. Instead Arthur trailed his fingers up the tied arm and down the still free one. He held the elegant hand to his lips, kissed a long digit and pulled it into his mouth to suck on it as a promise of what he had planned later.

Rewarded with a small sigh of pleasure Arthur let go, so he could hold the wrist tight to the bound one. He grabbed the end of the rope and wrapped it around pale skin. One loop and then a twist through it… there, two hands tied to the bed. He sat back to admire the sight of Merlin looking half ravished with want already. "Comfortable enough?"

* * *

"Please", Merlin barely recognized the raw voice of need as his own. Feather light kisses rained over his chest; some of which fell onto a nipple while others left him squirm in equal delight as they found sensitive skin. A sudden soft bite below his navel reminded Merlin of how his body would soon get played to the limits of his pleasure… and maybe beyond. What did Arthur have in mind for him? The curious part of him wanted to know, even though he wished to surrender to whatever it was. He could not speak though and break his promise so soon. No, he would let Arthur stay in control.

Unable to stop himself Merlin writhed under his growing arousal. "Arthur", he hissed when teeth nipped soft on his ear lobe. Another deep kiss stole any further complaint from his lips. Arthur then pulled away altogether with a knowing smirk, leaving Merlin behind frustrated by the lack of his touches. The need for contact while he was tied to the bed surprised him. Gods he needed those hands, those lips… and even those wicked teeth… to ground him and tear him apart at once. "Touch me", he begged.

"When you ask so nicely, touch I will." Annoyed and aroused at the same time Merlin could almost hear the smirk of confidence he did not see. He sighed with pleasure though when Arthur grabbed his left ankle in a firm hold.

The slight burning sensation of rope getting wrapped around his thigh had Merlin moan in his eager to get tied up further. In answer Arthur bend his leg towards his stomach on an angle that opened a path to the hidden pleasure between his ass cheeks. Before Merlin could even blink Arthur pulled the rope tighter around both his thigh and calf at the same time to keep him in place. In a few more tied knots Merlin's leg was bound in position on his stomach while Arthur tied the other end of the rope to the side of the bed.

While his right leg got treated in the same way as his left Merlin found he admired his lover and his naughty mind. Lying tied to the bed, did he look as turned on by his reckless open shame and need as he felt? Was it anything like the sketches Arthur drew onto paper? He would have to ask later, but for now Merlin took confidence in the way his lover's cock bulged plain as day in the faded jeans.

Merlin blinked at his lover when Arthur laid down by his side and answered his unspoken questions in his own time. "Gods Merlin, you look so gorgeous like this. All tied up with nowhere to go. You want me to touch you, yes? Need me to stroke that hard cock of yours and make you come? I am so going to take it slow, make you feel it all before you can take it no more and you beg to be let go. Are you ready for the last knot?"

His dirty mouth turned Merlin on even more, "Please, do it. Tie me down and take me in any way you like." Everything would do, as long as Arthur made him lose the last bit of control he had left the last dark thoughts on his mind got wiped away.

* * *

The moaned whimpers alone were enough to make him hard. All the same Arthur could not resist admiring his handiwork. Maybe some knots held not quite up to perfection, but the sensual position he left Merlin in made him want to tease sensitive skin and then some more. The real thing sure was better than any fantasy he had ever had. Merlin looked downright hot like this. Ropes pressed into pale skin - not so tight they hurt of course, but enough to be felt anyway - while they held Merlin in place. In no way could his lover release himself from this predicament, not in whichever way you explained the word. Arthur had him right where he wanted… except for the finishing touch.

Between his fingers he held up the thinnest piece of rope that he had bought. "This will tie your release to me. It won't do to have you come too soon, of course." As he spoke Arthur wrapped his fingers around the base of Merlin's cock. "Say yes and I make my knots. Will you surrender?"

Merlin's eyes had never looked darker when Arthur waited with baited breath for an answer. Deep down he feared that Merlin would not want him to, because it meant giving up on the last thing he still had some control over. If he said yes then Merlin could only come when Arthur pleased him beyond the point the rope could contain.

"Yes", the small, deep sound sealed their bond of trust. His world clicked into place then, with the last of his doubts vanished in the actions of the man he loved more than any other being in this life. Merlin submitted even more of his control to him and Arthur felt awed. How did he do it?

For a moment Arthur paused to look for any last traces of nerves. When there were none he pinched his fingers hard around the base of Merlin's cock. Ignoring the soft whine Arthur bent over to focus on his final knots, which worked better when Merlin was soft. There… one cock trapped for him to please for longer than was otherwise possible. To make his point he fisted it back to swell up with a few strokes. His efforts were rewarded by a pained moan of pleasure that ripped from the depths of Merlin's need.

"Arthur!" He did not know whether his name was a curse or a plea for more. Likely it was a mixture of both. Either way Arthur could not resist tightening his fist a bit to slide it along the swollen length he trapped in his palm with more power. The nylon cords he felt underneath the skin of his hands burned in friction for a moment. How much did the pressure of them turn Merlin on?

Arthur need not ask, because the answer was in every way Merlin writhed against the restraints that held him in place. No more words then, he decided, as he trailed his other hand down into the cleft of Merlin's ass. To tease him he let a couple of fingers slide along the puckered opening. On every stroke he brushed a gentle finger against it, but never quite hard enough to slip a digit inside. A frustrated curse escaped Merlin and it amused Arthur, "Tell me, how much do you need it?"

"Inside me, please. Fuck me, make me feel every inch. Arthur… need you."

Arthur smiled at how easy the dirty words came to Merlin in the heat of his lust. To hear him ramble always amused him, but now it was so much better, because every other word came with breathless moan. "Do you now?"

"Yes!"

But rather than answering the plea Arthur let his fingers trail off to Merlin's front to play with his balls. "Maybe I will… but later." If anything the groan of pent up want left him in want of teasing Merlin more.


	14. Chapter 14

Why oh why did he consent to this sinful torture? Merlin writhed against his bounds, frustrated to the point where he had become this pent up ball of nerve endings. Pleasure raged up his spine and it mixed with the tension in his tied up cock as Arthur finally breeched him with a finger. But it was too gentle and too timid for his liking. It brushed against his prostate in a tease of things to come. "Arthur, please", and once more Merlin was denied.

Arthur was too bloody good at everything he did. If he set his mind to things Merlin had come to see him as someone who went for it for the full one hundred percent. Teasing and tying up a person without mercy were no exception to the rule. Arthur did so with full focus. Another curse escaped him, but his tormentor only laughed.

Still dressed in his white linen shirt and the faded jeans Arthur made for every inch a sexy lover. Why did he have to be so gorgeous? And when had Merlin become so hooked to this arrogant master of deadly precision? He groaned as another finger helped the first to open him up some more with teasing strokes.

Merlin wanted to forget his control, had begged for it earlier in no uncertain terms. Now that he had his wish come true though he did not know whether to rejoice in the pleasure it gave him, or to scream at Arthur for ignoring the release his body tensed up for. He settled on the latter, "More!"

Two more fingers pushed hard into his ass, stealing away his breath and bringing a powerful spike to his need at once. "Yes!" The hoarse scream escaped him while Arthur pressed up his wicked fingers against the one place that had him see stars. Another brush made him roll his hips to get more of it.

"You like that, do you?" The rhetorical question needed no answer when they both repeated the move. Again and again Arthur sought to bring him closer to the edge. Even bound the way he was Merlin writhed in counter tune to every single deliberate stroke against his prostate. To seek more of what left him breathless with raw bliss he pulled on the ropes which held him in place. Gods he wished his hands were free to… no… actually he didn't want it. Stretched up above him his arms and hands were rendered useless, but the pressure of nylon around his bound wrists added only to the edge of his lost control.

"Take me", he whimpered, afraid the request would fall onto deaf ears. To his joy though Arthur took another unexpected turn in teasing him. Warm wetness licked a path along his cock, while the fingers inside of him continued the dance of wriggled touches.

"Arthur!" He cried out in pure joy when the man on his mind let his tongue trail alongside the rope that held his throbbing length in its place. The sensation of it had Merlin shiver through his growing need. "Damn you", he wished to say, but he did not out of fear that Arthur would back away from him. Instead he moaned, left helpless against the dual assault. He almost arched off the bed when Arthur wrapped his lips around his cock. The soft suction blew away his last restraints on his shouts of frustration. "Fuck!"

The evil cackled answer as Arthur retreated hardly made matters any better, "Oh Merlin, I intend to."

* * *

Arthur pulled his fingers out from Merlin's quivering ass, no doubt leaving him feel open and unsatisfied. The moaned begs by the broken voice he got in turn served only to make him throb in jeans. He ignored his own needs though as he got up from the bed. To make a point of his lasting control he asked Merlin, "Did you forget who is in charge of your body here?"

"How can I?!" The incredulous sounding answer had Arthur smile at how successful his teasing had turned out. Merlin writhed in his eager for touch, begs falling from his kiss swollen lips in an endless flow of hoarse words. "Come back… please?"

In no time Arthur lifted his shirt over his head. He threw it over to the bed and ensured it fell partly on Merlin's face so his lover would know what was happening. The soft "oh" confirmed his success while he already undid the buttons of his trousers. As he let the jeans slip to the floor he walked back over to the bedside. He grabbed his discarded shirt out of Merlin's vision and threw it away. "Want this?" To show what he meant he rubbed the palm of his own hand over the bulge still trapped in his boxer briefs.

"Please", came the answer.

A wicked smile played on his lips as Arthur thought on the spot about how good it would be to have his lover suck on it before they would get to the last stage. One more bit of teasing, he decided. Tantalising slow he revealed how hard he had become while bringing Merlin so close to the edge. "Then you shall have it", he warned as he let the last piece of clothing drop to the floor.

In mere seconds he moved around the body in such a way he now straddled Merlin's head and mouth. In that position Arthur paused a moment, but he need not bother for Merlin caught on to what he planned to do. Soon a tongue darted out to meet his swollen prick for a gentle flirt of a lick and a soft breeze of cool air. "Do it", Merlin begged.

Without a word Arthur pushed into the waiting wet mouth. In answer Merlin sucked him inside harder than he had anticipated. A cursed moan escaped him, but when he realised his control slipped a bit in favour of lust he pulled back out.

 _"My pace",_ Arthur decided in his mind while he thrust into Merlin with shallow and fast snaps of his hips. He could not risk coming, not when he wanted to make love to Merlin and take him apart at a slow pace after. So Arthur kept the assault on the eager mouth in a balance where Merlin could not get too comfortable and yet he did not hurt him, or choke him. Back in control of his actions Arthur made sure he held onto it, even though it too much more effort now.

To tease them both Arthur ended the mouth fuck on a few deeper trusts. When he pulled free, his hard cock wet with saliva, Merlin gave him a stuttering whine of greedy want. "I think we both need me to be elsewhere now", he suggested as he ruffled the messy raven hair on Merlin's head.

"Yes…" The plea was almost pitiful in its need, but Arthur knew he was not quite done teasing yet. To show it he caressed every single tied limb. He knew Merlin needed it to stay reminded of who was in control as well as to stay grounded to him. More than anything Arthur wanted for Merlin to stay with him to the end.

He crawled around the pale body to check the ropes, which held Merlin in place the way they did. To his satisfaction each knot held strong still. "They're not too tight?" Arthur ensured for himself the experience was still good for Merlin.

A firm headshake was all he needed to keep with his caresses and make them more intimate again. Arthur petted a flank and let his hand travel down to the rope that held a perfect cock up to full hardness. "Please", Merlin begged… and for once he decided to have mercy on the man he loved…

* * *

Merlin held his breath as a fist wrapped around him. Too much, too sensitive, and yet it wasn't enough. Once more he pleaded for release… and then finally the moment he'd waited for came. Arthur knelt between his doubled over legs to push inside, while his fist fell away. Agonizing inch by agonizing inch of hard cock stretched Merlin open and he shivered at how good it felt. The sweet burn as he got filled to the hilt made Merlin want to cry out like an animal in heat.

Once more he writhed helpless under the way Arthur took his time. Slow thrusts of hips had the cock inside him press up into his prostate on each upwards stroke. It stunned him how Arthur kept it up… every damn roll of hips seemed to go almost slower than the one before. Now Arthur could not still have that much control left could he? Another push and Merlin felt how the angle of the trusts changed a bit. Even deeper his ass got filled up now. So good, but so much worse too, because on the next pull out of him Arthur left him feel even more exposed to his endless teasing. "More… harder", he no longer could form any rational thought beyond the need to get fucked into oblivion. "Do it…"

Again Arthur ignored him and instead he pulled out. Merlin whined in frustration. Slower Arthur thrust back into him, only to leave his hole open for a bit longer on the next roll of firm, teasing hips. How could Arthur bloody stand to prolong their joy? Merlin did not know, nor did he care… just as long as he did not stop. Hips then trust into him faster and Merlin trembled from the raw pleasure. The edges blurred as the pace increased. Faster and yet no less careful Arthur filled him up even deeper on the next thrust. Merlin needed to come so bad, but the rope that held his balls heavy and full would not yield. "Please… I can't, not like this."

"Oh, but you can. I control your body and when I order you to do it you will come for me, rope or not."

"I…", Merlin tried to protest against the implied ownership, but he lost all trail of thought under the way Arthur stared at him to shut up. Self assuredness had no right to be so sexy, did it? Well, maybe it did when the man with said annoying character trait pushed into him so wicked slow one moment and so tantalizing fast on the next. In his reaction to the next ripple of pleasure Merlin yanked on his arms, only to feel the rope pull against his skin. Oh Gods, Arthur did own him and he wanted more of it!

To feel the burn of his tied up predicament Merlin tugged harder on the ropes under the assault of the cock buried inside of him. The carnal pleasure that build up in the base of his spine made it impossible to do anything but feel. In fact it spiked so high now that Merlin no longer even wanted to think. Another deep push and he slipped into a place where "I can't" did not belong. Instead with the last of his self control fading he surrendered to the man who played every nerve ending of his body in perfect harmony.

"That's it", Arthur praised on the edge of his awareness. Later his lover would tell him that the implicit surrender was the best gift Merlin could have ever given him. In the heat of the moment though his world narrowed in on the cock that buried itself deep inside his ass. Without mercy it pulled the sparks of bliss from his prostate on each fill. Merlin could only clench and unclench around it in his shameless need to feel more of the sweet burning friction it created.

Merlin trembled under the force of the pure physical connection and the onslaught of emotions as he got torn apart from the inside out. To ride out the ripples of pleasure he could not quite let go of Merlin grabbed hold of the spikes of the headboard. So close now… but it felt too good to let go of and so for the first time that evening Merlin almost begged for it to last. Nothing had ever felt this intense and no one had ever made him fly so high on a pending orgasm. Pleasure mixed with pain while he felt his cock throb in the wicked bounds that held his seed inside.

A fist wrapped around him once more, while Arthur set a relentless pace to the rolls of his hips. Merlin keened in raw pleasure. Trapped between the now tighter fist around him and the cock pushing inside of him he was doomed! He so wanted it now, the release that played on the edges of his mind… the release he could not let go of unless Arthur said so. Why did he want to feel owned and why had he let Arthur tie him up so completely? The darker side in Merlin thrived on the denial, wanted to get punished and it waited for the words that set him free. That was why, he reminded himself. And Gods, did it make him feel good to dangle on the edge for so long!

Two firm strokes by the fist and on the next thrust a thumb slipped into his slit. "Come for me." The sudden breathless and somehow still too in control voiced order had him tremble with lust. Combined with the unexpected, sweet feel of the cool silver thumb ring that slipped over the head of his cock it pushed Merlin firm over the edge.

"Arthur!" With one last hoarse cry Merlin came undone in a cloud of pure ecstasy. His senses exploded while his body tensed up one last time to let go of the most powerful orgasm he ever had.


	15. Chapter 15

With tender touches Arthur unwrapped the knots tied around his perfect gift. Merlin had surrendered to him; the thought had his heart fill with a world of emotions. So much trust and it had all been aimed at him. For a split second he had feared the responsibility that stared him so blatant and full of awe in the face. What if he could not keep his cool? What if he let Merlin down and he'd hurt him instead of please him?

But at the same time the undeniable rush of love and want had taken his breath away so completely that he almost came on the spot. Merlin yielding his body and his soul to him was such a hot thing, made even better by how he writhed in his binds while he almost broke his voice by the begs of need he threw at him. No one in life had offered Arthur such a deep trust. Not even his family had shown him so much love and pride. They, who had judged Merlin a weakling and a by far too sensitive a man, had been so wrong to doubt him in any way. What Merlin had given up to him was nothing short of amazing. He was way stronger than any man Arthur had ever known, himself included.

Coming deep inside the body of the man he loved, though he would forever find it hard to say it out loud, he had come to the realisation they fitted. Yes, they bantered and fooled around like the idiots they were, but underneath what they never spoke of lay a bond that went beyond any physical one. In the moment Merlin came and he squeezed tight around him in his release Arthur felt they were one. Whatever happened next he could deal with, as long as he could always have this feeling of power and humility wrapped up against him in one person; Merlin.

After Arthur undid the last knot Merlin sighed while he snuggled closer. Unable to resist his first instinct to protect him Arthur pulled up a sheet over their still naked and sticky bodies. The shower would have to wait, for they were both too spent. He wrinkled his nose at the smell of them, but then he decided he wasn't ready to let go of the man who buried his raven haired head against his chest.

"You w're paintin'?"

It took Arthur a moment to make sense of the mumbled question. The deep voice had never sounded more sexy, but to say it made sense? Not so much… until he realised what he'd been doing earlier. "Yes."

"Painted wha'?

"You, what else?"

Merlin grinned then while he swatted Arthur on the chest with an adorable and far too sleepy hit to cause any sort of sting. "Show me?"

Arthur could not help but blush, knowing how much of his emotions had poured out onto the canvas. Was he ready to show his heart to Merlin? "Please?" The one quiet word ended his doubts. After all, how could he refuse him after what he'd just given Arthur? So what if his lover saw all of him in turn? Bloody hell, it made no sense anymore he was so insecure when it came to his heart… not with the man who held it in his hands regardless of what he made of the painting.

"Tomorrow", Arthur promised.

* * *

Merlin blinked at the stunning painting with sudden tears of emotions in his eyes. To see his own eyes stare back at him awed him. Always in life he had deemed himself too gangly, too clumsy and over all just unimpressive. No one ever saw how he held himself hidden inside the seemingly careless lad everyone liked, but no one quite got to know since the accident. In his fear they'd run when they saw the darkness of his survivor guilt inside of him he had pushed them away, but with Arthur… it had been different from the start. Maybe it was time to tell the man he loved the truth, but could he?

In his silence he took in every inch of the piece of art. Long limbs were painted with care for detail, so much detail in fact that Merlin could not miss the scar on his leg. From his point of view it had always been an ugly reminder, but now… it seemed to just add to his body in ways he had never wanted to consider. One long line in perfect tune with the sheet draped alongside it to hide the intimate side of him he had now shared with Arthur more than once. Neither one of them had been shy about his nudity, but every drawing his lover had made until then had been without scars. Now even the line of healed tissue that marked his hip managed to somehow stand out from beyond the see through satin. A flash of memory came back to him and Merlin blinked. Not now… please.

Arthur had not just laid his body bare. No, in the way he had portrayed Merlin in such a vulnerable way he had expressed what they shared between them. It was not just a man in a sensual position, no… it was a painting that reached out and grabbed you. Well, at least, it was how Merlin saw it. And in this moment even the darkness inside of him needed to be shared. "Last night… and the times before when you saw me naked… you never once asked me about my scars."

An arm tucked around him from behind. Merlin leaned back against the broad naked chest behind him. Arthur kissed him below his earshell. "I'd figured you would tell me when you were ready to let me know."

Merlin sighed, unable to resist the comfort of the trickle of warm breath that ghosted along the senstive spot behind his ear. Neither one of them was fully dressed yet as it was still early. They had only taken a shower, though not together, and hurried on their jeans before Merlin in his curiousity had tugged Arthur down the stairs. Their rush had faltered to the quiet of this intense moment they shared as they watched the painting. Standing together the way they did made Merlin feel like he could tell Arthur everything, even his nightmares.

"Three years ago I almost drowned", Merlin swallowed away the shiver in his voice that betrayed how the memory still haunted his dreams, even the awake ones. "The two of us we drove home for Christmas from our university. Mum, she waited for us, but we never made it there. The car spun out of control… I, I tried to avoid it but the deer that jumped out in front of the car…"

The arm around him hugged him tighter, somehow offering Merlin the quiet strength to finish the shards of his memory through the flowing tears in his eyes and the sadness that stuck in his throat. "We went down into the lake so fast. It was so dark when the water came inside… so cold, and I could not breathe. Trapped… and I could not see her. Hands pulled me out, a passerby named Percy. He never found her and… Freya, she drowned. I failed her, Arthur, don't you see? I could not get us out, could not help her."

Arthur whirled him around. "Look at me", a finger under his chin forced him to meet with upset and yet unyielding pools of blue. "I am sure that is not true. I know you, Merlin Emrys, no man cares more for another soul and no man will fight harder to protect her. I am sorry about Freya, but her time had come, no matter how unfair it is that she was by far too young. Life is cruel, but death is even worse…"

"You do understand loss", Merlin heard it in the way Arthur's breath hitched before he faltered.

"I do…", Arthur nodded. "But only through my father. You see, my mother died giving birth to me and in spite of his stubborn pretense he was alright with it he has never gotten over her. The sad thing is that I will never get to know who she was, because he won't ever tell me. Promise me Merlin, that you find a way to talk of Freya. A woman who was loved by you has to be someone special."

"She was." Through his tears Merlin smiled up at his lover. He had no words for the way Arthur grabbed the darkness of loss that weighed him down and he made it somehow a little more bearable. Instead he offered, "Arthur, the painting is beautiful, don't you dare sell it to anyone but me."

* * *

So they went upstairs, with the painting, to get dressed and have breakfast. Arthur had been too stunned by Merlin's emotions and his own to react in any other way than to carry it up the steps with him. He left it to stand at an angle against a chair in the lounge area and walked over to his wardrobe to grab a shirt. But when Arthur shrugged it on and he turned around he found Merlin stare at the painting once more. A tear glistened in the corner of dark blue eyes, as if his lover was still stuck in the earlier revealed past.

To think Merlin had been caught under water with no way out of the car… waiting to drown and fighting his imminent death all the way. Arthur swallowed down the bile in his throat. It was not his nightmare, even though the idea of going out like that horrified him to no end, but what if the stranger, Percy, never passed by when he did? And to think Merlin let him put ropes around his naked body to trap him all over again. "How did you find it within you to allow yourselves to get tied up by me like that, why?"

"Because I can." A shaky breath fell between them, heavy and filled with a held back sob of grief. Arthur wanted nothing more than to pull Merlin close, and so he walked over to wrap up against him from behind. Once more they stood in an embrace together, with Merlin leaning his still half naked body into him, until his lover was ready to speak.

"Freya, she had shown me, you know before the accident. It was a heat of the moment kind of thing, a joke which became so much more. She tied up my hands, nothing more, but I was lost to the sensation of it. I didn't feel trapped… odd enough, not then and not now. To me the ropes they give me freedom, a way for me to let go of my need to always please others and instead just to surrender to what they give me in turn. She said she understood, but the burns on my wrist hurt her more than they did me."

From behind him Arthur gently grabbed one of Merlin's wrists. With his thumb he touched one of the angry red marks the rope had burned into his skin there. "You want to be marked and to be owned, because you need to remember. That is why you writhed so much and you said nothing about the pain you caused yourself."

They turned to stand face to face, while Arthur continued the soft teases of sensitive skin. It was all in the flicker of lust he saw reflected in Merlin's features, "I do." He paused then, seeking for words, and Arthur waited.

"I let you tie me up in the hope you could make me forget the guilt of her death and my own survival as my constant companion. I don't know why, but we connected from the start and in your whirlwind style you swept me of my feet. I just could not deny my attraction to you and in truth I lost myself to it, unable to stop myself from falling even though deep down I felt unworthy of it. Then when you revealed your darker edge I just had to have it. I needed to see how far I could lose myself in it before you would see right through me and run a mile. Last night though, when for one long stretched out moment you let me be Merlin again, you finally saw me for me and you did not run."

"Stop it. Of course I didn't", Arthur protested. "You did not fail anyone… and you are more than worthy to live out your life. We all are what we are, and none of us can control fate. I bet nothing about the accident was your fault, not even swerving away from the road. While I do understand your grief I need you to understand that I for one am glad you survived, because to me you are perfect, with or without scars."

Merlin shook his head, but Arthur stopped him from speaking. "If you do not believe me, then look at my painting." To make his point he twirled Merlin back around to face it and he held him tight in another one armed embrace. "The man I see surrenders to me and you know what? That takes guts, more than I may ever have. He lets me have my way with him, not because he is weak or selfish in his needs, but because he is strong enough to lay bare his soul and body, and share them with me. His large heart, and his love of humanity and life, showed me I can be more than who I was when he met me. He makes me want to live without restraint and he helped me cut the strings that held me back. So don't you dare say he is unworthy of my love."

Silence fell between them while they continued to stand close together. Arthur sensed Merlin felt too raw by his guilt and grief to deal with, or even respond to, his honest admission of love. They both knew though that Merlin had returned the sentiment in his actions last night and he said as much between the lines just now. Even so Arthur felt his heart soar when after a while Merlin broke his silence, "Let me pose for you. Paint me again, but this time for all to see. Please, Arthur."

"I would be honoured to."


	16. Chapter 16

Merlin looked around the five people who had gathered in a circle around the table with him. Each one of them had a story to tell, a different reason for ending up at the modest gallery where they found one shared goal; revive the gallery. From his own traumatic past to Arthur's need to become his own man and Gwaine's well guarded need for a place to belong they found their answers in life here. Leon had sought loyal friends who saw through his reserved shyness, while Gwen had always longed for a family, because she'd lost most of her own, and Lance had found his worthy cause to fight for.

The idea to name the gallery Excalibur had come to them when they saw the almost golden sword brandished into the centre of the oak round table that now formed the core of the place. At first his friends had blinked in confusion at Arthur for coming up with it, but from the start Merlin saw what had moved him to almost order Lance and him not to buy the two regular work tables like planned.

"No, buy us one huge, round table around which we can all work together on our art as equals. This is not just a gallery, but a place where everything revolves around our creations and our guest artists alike. We need to make it an experience that our visitors and buyers won't forget, so they return for more. I want us to be different, edgy if you will. With a round table, if anyone comes by, we can invite people to sit down with us, so they can become part of it."

The idea made some sense to Merlin and so he went out to buy Arthur 'his' table. It wasn't until this moment, when they sat around it together upon Leon's request and their friend revealed his reasons for gathering them, that it dawned on Merlin the table offered even more than Arthur intended. "My money bought these walls, but then they crumbled down. When I thought I lost everything you guys came along. You strengthened these walls around me, kept the soul of the place alive and then you each added your unique gift to it. Without your hard work it would not be possible for me to keep Excalibur and so I want to gift you each a share. I know that they're not worth much right now, but I like to believe we can change that."

Arthur was the first to stand up from his chair and walk over to their friend. It did not surprise Merlin that he wasted no words on conveying his gratitude. One nod, and the self assured way in which he grabbed a pen to sign his name on the document, spoke volumes. He stepped back to clasp Leon around a shoulder as if to say he understood how much it meant to him and that he agreed the gallery would prosper with his help.

From the distance Merlin saw how Gwaine sauntered over to sign his name. He got followed by Lance and Gwen, who both thanked Leon profusely before adding their signatures as well. It was Merlin's turn next, but by then his ears had picked up on the vague sound of water getting poured into a glass and out of nowhere his brain switched gears. Too similar a sound to the ones in his bad memories and it triggered a flashback.

_Once more he drowned while he fought against the odds to make it out and live on. His leg trapped… while his hip throbbed in pain. Need to get Freya out… he pushed hard on the stuck door handle that refused to budge. With both of his fists he banged against the door so hard that they hurt, but still the window would not break…_

"Merlin!" One worried call of his name by Arthur snapped him back to the table. Merlin looked around the table then with tears in his eyes, where his friends in a circle still sat waiting. For one moment he wanted to run; away from the scrutiny and away from the eyes which saw the broken man sit before them. Merlin let his head hang in anger with himself for losing it, but after one breath he realised that he had no handle on his emotions anymore, not now when he had told one person. It was as if someone turned open a tap and he could not close it. Shivering with the effort it took to gather his courage he looked up at his lover to beg for support, "Arthur…"

* * *

In a flash Arthur hurried over to Merlin and he knelt down before the chair. He had seen how Merlin pushed his seat back, so he could sign his name on the documents too, but then in the middle of doing so Merlin had stopped dead in his tracks. To Arthur's shock deep blue eyes had glazed over with a look of panic and dread. Dark feelings of grief had spilled into a moment that should only be filled with happiness, and it broke his heart to see how they overwhelmed his lover.

Merlin had tried to be strong since the accident; had tried to hide he wasn't doing alright, that he had not been doing fine for a long time to his family and friends alike. His secret though no longer stayed inside. It wanted out, and Arthur had a feeling Merlin lost his ability to contain it. Guilt had eaten away at him for long enough. Their earlier talk had brought it out and there was no way of putting it back.

"I got you", Arthur promised, while he vowed to himself that he would stand by Merlin like he said he would. Clearly his lover had fought his inner battles for too long and now his strength had waned. In one last attempt to be brave Merlin had asked for someone to lean on. Arthur was proud that he got chosen for that position of trust, but at the same time he worried if he would be strong enough to pull him through. "It's alright", he held Merlin tight in his arms while sobs wrecked through his lanky frame. Whatever happened next he would find a way to help the man he loved.

Behind him someone put a glass of water down on the table. When Arthur felt how the body next to him startled at the sound he offered in a soft voice, "Nothing to be scared of, just a glass of water." To give Merlin some space to see the gallery around them Arthur leaned back a little. Unwilling to break off contact though he did not retreat the arm he had wrapped around Merlin's lower back.

"Water…" Merlin stuttered between the sobs he tried to hold back. "I can't… the bubbles… and I was there again."

Arthur frowned in his effort to put the broken sentence together into something which made sense to him. Before he could even try to add one and one together though Gwaine asked, "Wait a second, did you drown, or at least almost drown?" Stunned Arthur looked at his friend. How did he recognize the trauma for what it was without having been told a thing about the accident? More than once now he'd seen Gwaine connect the dots fast and react on it with an assured and instinctual manner; today was no different.

A quiet sob seemed enough of an answer for Gwaine, who now knelt down on the other side of where Merlin sat in his seat. One wry glance filled with worried concern for their friend was shared with Arthur and the pain inside them made him wonder. In the brown eyed look he found no answers to why Gwaine was so observant and why he seemed more sad than he ought to be, but when his friend spoke they were revealed anyway.

Gwaine crouched forwards to get closer to Merlin and he put a gentle hand on a bony knee. "Hey Merlin, can you look at me?" When he did Gwaine squeezed his hand with a small smile of encouragement and he pushed on, "I won't pretend that I know what you went through, but trust me I do know what is happening here. Trauma comes in many shapes and we all have our way of dealing with it. To get passed it though you can not bury it forever. It _has_ to get out."

"I know", Merlin got out, in a voice thick from his tears.

"Good man", Gwaine smiled a bit wider, but even from where Arthur knelt he saw that the smile was only meant to show Merlin his support. His eyes told a different story, one where no doubt Gwaine's own pain stemmed from. "Take it from me, doing it the hard way sucks. Instead find someone you can talk to about your pain. Find someone who will listen to you, even when you cry and make no sense. Someone who does not care about what hour of the day it is. Then when you do, find the courage to go to them whenever you need to. It won't be easy and you will both need to take your time to get you passed it, but once you make it there it will be worth it. You need to learn to live with it, rather then bury it and let it fester."

His advice lingered in the air for a while. No one spoke as they waited for Merlin to react. Arthur saw how Leon nodded to Gwaine as if to say he agreed with every word of advice. It was a look that spoke of more than love to Arthur. Had his friends shared a similar experience? Arthur could not shake the feeling he missed something here. Before he could ask though Merlin laid his hand on Gwaine's while he looked at him. Arthur could see how he gathered the courage to speak. Would he be able to do it? So far Merlin trusted him with a lot already, but could he take the final step?

* * *

Merlin looked between the two men who knelt down by his side. In Arthur's eyes he saw the same questions burn that he had on his mind. How did Gwaine understand and how had he leaped to the observant conclusion like he did? Merlin smiled when he noticed how Gwaine tried to avoid the scrutiny of them both. Something between the lines told Merlin their friend understood it from a more personal experience then he could talk about… and that made him want to speak up, say he could do it too. But did he want to open up and leave himself so raw it hurt beyond what he could take?

"Alright", Gwaine sighed and the brown eyes snapped up to look at him with all the sadness still locked inside. "Long story short then. I screwed up in life by taking on a job which never suited me. Police constable sounds easy, right? Write a couple of speeding tickets and chase common thieves down the street. Except that after a while I found it wasn't for me and my 'large heart'. You don't take into account the stuff you see when you arrive first at an accident site. It's not the twisted metal alone, you know…"

Stunned by how Gwaine pushed onto everything inside of him which hurt Merlin pushed back his chair to get away from a second assault of flashes from the accident he barely survived. "How did you… stop it!"

Gwaine reacted faster than Merlin did. A firm grasp held him back. "I am sorry to be so blunt, but you need to hear that you are not alone… damn it, Merlin. I can not watch and let you run off upset like this. I have seen enough pain and grief by the side of the road to last me a lifetime. I won't leave you stuck there, I refuse to…"

The hand held him in place, even though Merlin tried to twist out of the almost too firm grip. "Listen, I don't want you to pretend you are fine when you are anything but. I am not going to stand by and watch you self destruct, none of us can do that. We want our friend back and so we ask you to let us help you." At the last part Merlin saw how Gwaine glanced over to where Arthur no doubt stared between them.

"Help me?" Merlin felt drained, too drained to keep up with his energetic friend. Normally he liked the passion and fire which burned in Gwaine with everything he did, but now it fast drowned him in more ways than he felt he could deal with. In spite of himself though he asked, "How?"

"Talk about it and find out why you can not move on. Go back to the place where you almost drowned if you must. Just please, don't stop living."

Memories threatened to overwhelm him once more. "I… I can't. I could never face it."

In reaction Gwaine turned him around to face Arthur. "With help you can. I had Leon, who saw past my drinking, the flirting and the reckless street racing, and you have Arthur. Let him carry some of your pain and go back there with him. Don't do it alone, because it won't work. Promise me."

Merlin stared at Arthur, unable to look away from the man he loved. In the blue eyes which caught a hold of his he saw concern, but also the set determination so unique for Arthur. "He is right. You have my word; I will stand by you to the end."

"You can't say that for sure."

Arthur was in front of him in a flash. Hands clasped around both his shoulders while he said, "You know me, Merlin, once I make up my mind…"

The sentence lingered, no doubt in a deliberate attempt to have Merlin finish it in his mind, which he could not resist doing. Indeed, once Arthur made his choice he did so with sheer stubbornness and nothing could stop him. Like the way he ran out of his office with Merlin and he had cut his ties with his father afterwards. They had both come this far because of it, so why did he even still doubt Arthur? Merlin found he couldn't.

"Alright, I promise."


	17. Chapter 17

Arthur pulled Merlin into a somewhat awkward hug, growing more aware of how their friends watched his every move. Propriety and office etiquette were so ingrained in him that he found it tough to show his emotions in public. "Never show your hand to anyone, not even family", he could almost hear his father say. "You should always stay distant and strong in business. Keep your eyes open for the weaknesses of others instead. Play them, but make sure they can not play you."

Feeling Merlin lean into him Arthur waved the stern voice in his mind away in favour of a tight hug of comfort. Merlin wanted him, needed his affection and his shoulders to cry on to make it passed the darkness within that threatened to take him away. Who cared about decorum? For once Arthur sure as hell did not. No, what he cared for more than anything was to see Merlin laugh again. He wanted to make him feel so happy that it made them both smile.

"Tea?"

Arthur felt Gwen touch the small of his back. The quiet offer of support made him mouth a silent, "Thank you." He refused to move or let go of Merlin though. Even so from where he stood he peeked over his lover's shoulder and watched Gwen walk into the coffee corner to boil a kettle of water. Under the extra weight of the little one in her belly he saw her wobble around until Lancelot came over to tell her he'd better do it instead. Gwen shook her head, in a fit of anger she insisted she could manage. The couple bickered a little, kissed and then apologies from both sides rained down in whispered words. The domestic scene was so sweet it almost pained Arthur. Would he and Merlin ever become like that? God, he hoped not! "Oh please."

His eyeroll and unintentional soft whispered remark made Merlin look up. "Please what?"

"Never mind…", Arthur began until an accusing stare and a wry grin told him Merlin saw right through him. "It is just that if we ever get as domestic as those two I am going to kill myself over the boredom. Too much is too much." The sudden sound of laughter drew the attention of everyone back onto Merlin, Arthur included. "What?"

Merlin shook his head, amusement still twinkling in eyes which no longer looked sad. As he pulled away he said, "Don't you ever change, Arthur Pendragon."

"You sure about that, mate?" Gwaine came over, a package of biscuits crackling in his hands while he tried to unwrap it. "I would ask for an upgrade or two if I were you."

With a shrug Merlin clapped Gwaine on a shoulder. "Good thing then I am not you. To me he's a keeper."

"No one is perfect."

"Least of all me." Merlin's quick reply had Arthur look between his friends. He felt confused by their banter and at the same time he was awed by how they managed to end the awkward sadness. Still his heart twisted when Merlin offered a more timid, "Sorry about before, you know… I…"

"Naw, forget it", Gwaine interrupted his apology while he ruffled Merlin's already messy hair. "Trust me you will be right. Nothing chocolate chip cookies can not fix." In typical Gwaine fashion he swept the hair from his face, went in for a one armed hug and then stepped back. "And tea of course."

Arthur still stood staring at how his friends moved on in the way they did when Merlin walked over to Leon, grabbing up the pen along the way. "Where do I sign?" With pride and awe at his lover's resilience Arthur watched him write down his name on the last dotted line on the document that divided the shares of the gallery between them all.

Finally the deal was done. The circle of friends had closed around the round table he had insisted upon. Maybe Excalibur would not get his father's calculated seal of approval, but to him the gallery was about more than business deals. Together they were invested in it, six hearts and souls wrapped up into one super strength, and as such it would work. Failure meant that they would lose what little they had left…

* * *

Merlin happily let the meeting distract him from his sad memories. Too soon; he could not face his demons now, not when he wanted to raise the gallery around him from its grave, together with his friends. They had worked too hard to falter at the last hurdle. One more week until the re-opening of what was now his livelihood too. He had to make this work, or he would fail the future he quietly dared to believe in… even when part of him still doubted he was worth it.

Suggestions and thoughts bounced around the table. "We need to lure people inside with a brand new exhibition." Arthur offered. Before Leon could object he added, "I am not saying we have to get rid of all the older pieces, but to give the gallery an edge over other places we need to have a centre piece to capture the imagination. We need a painting or sculpture, or whatever, which represents Excalibur and what we stand for. It needs to highlight our exhibition and make people talk about it. Earlier when I walked in I realised no piece here can give us our edge."

In the quiet pause which fell around the table Merlin let his thoughts stray. Arthur was onto something here, and he saw in the eyes of his friends they agreed, but where would they find such a piece? Upstairs… he realised with shock. The painting Arthur had gifted him was everything they searched for and so much more. Even though it was his body painted onto canvas Merlin had felt drawn to its intensity and it had been near impossible to look away from it. Sure as hell the painting suited the purpose, but attached with so many emotions of their love he could never allow a stranger to look at it.

"Merlin?" His wide eyed look of recognition had not gone unnoticed. Once more it felt like Arthur shared his brainwave. "Maybe we should…"

"No!" It came out firmer than he intended. "What we should do is give ourselves two days or so to come up with a better a better idea. So much talent in one room, I am sure we can think of something."

Gwaine looked between them with a frown. "What are you not telling us?"

"Nothing." Even though Merlin knew what Gwaine referred to he turned away from his look of scrutiny. By accident his eyes glanced over the boxes Leon had gathered from the far end corner earlier. They were filled with his late brother's belongings, Merlin knew. That in itself had made him keep a polite distance while Leon packed them, but now a glimmer of metal caught his attention.

From where Merlin sat he looked at the piled boxes a little closer. One more glance and he realised it was connected to a leather band branded with what were five familiar letters to him. Canon? Did that mean what he think it did? An idea clicked into his mind, wanting out before he could stop himself. "Wait a minute. Leon, is that a digital camera?"

Merlin did not know who moved first, or where Leon had found the courage to join him over at the pile of boxes. One minute they were still seated and the next his friend stood with a camera in his hands that was much like the one Merlin owned before it got stolen. Letting his eyes travel over the serial number he smiled at how this camera was an even better model than the one he lost. "It is a perfect model."

Leon nodded, "It is, or at least David always told me. He took it everywhere with him. The number of times when I turned around to meet his lens…" Merlin saw the corner of his friend's eyes glisten with fond memories.

"What if we took some of his work and added mine to it? That is, if you allow me to borrow the camera? I can make portraits of all six of us. You know edgy in style…" He winked to poke fun at Arthur, "and each one set to fit our individual personalities. We could hang them on these walls together to introduce ourselves to the customers."

"I like it", Leon said while he offered the camera to Merlin. "Please, go for it."

Arthur spluttered, "But you… do you even know how to use it?"

Merlin rolled his eyes in fondness of his lover's innocence while he accepted the camera from Leon. "Trust me, I am a photographer. Let me do my job, while you do yours. Go forth, create me that centrepiece and awe us with your talent. Come on, you know you want to." Amused laughter followed in his wake while he waved Arthur away from where he told Leon he'd be careful with the camera.

* * *

For a second time in one day Arthur felt out of his depth with Merlin. How many layers were there to the man he had taken into his life? To hide his confusion he joked, "Oh sure, leave it up to me, why don't you? I am only the newcomer who will save us all."

Merlin shrugged in answer, "Are you saying that you can't do it?"

"Ha!" At his indignant reaction Gwen petted his back, as if to calm him down, while Lance grinned at the mock argument between them. Arthur though ignored them both in his inability to step away from a challenge. "Of course I can, you just wait and see."

It came as no surprise to Arthur when Gwaine spoke up to set an even greater challenge. "Alright, so forty eight hours and six of us around one table. Let's make this more interesting. We each come up with a masterpiece on one theme, let's say life and love, and then we vote on which one gets to be the centre piece. Winner gets the prize."

"What prize?" Arthur could not hide the fact Gwaine had his full attention.

"Fortune of course, what else?" The wide grin had Arthur roll his eyes. Oh no, what was he up to now? Before he could ask though Gwaine added, "If you are brave enough to put your money where you mouth is you place your worth on the table. You win, you get the money. It is as simple as that."

Arthur narrowed his eyes as he stepped closer, "But none of us are made of money."

"Maybe not, but say we add ten pound each it makes the challenge interesting enough." There was a twinkle of mirth before Gwaine shoved him away. "Like the man said, get to work. Or are you not brave enough to risk such a small sum?"

In answer Arthur opened up his wallet. He slipped out a tenner and dropped it on the middle of the table, right on top of the engraved sword, with a slap of his hand.


	18. Chapter 18

Why had everyone taken the challenge in the way they did? Merlin did not know. "Life and love", Arthur had muttered as he walked off to grab his brushes and canvas. Yeah, the theme Gwaine came up with on the spot sounded cheesy to Merlin too… and yet there was something to be said for it from his point of view. Love had brought him here; love for the man who pushed them all hard and who would never back down from a challenge himself. Not only had Arthur taken the bait he had met them one by one with an arrogant look which said, "Come and get me. Beat me at my game."

It had not quite surprised Merlin when Gwaine dropped his ten pounds down a second later, even if it was just to mess with Arthur's head. The former policeman was no artist, or was he? Merlin wondered if maybe like him some of the others had not played their cards either. He saw Arthur narrow his eyes with the same question and Gwaine smirk at knowing how he had pushed him off balance. Honestly, they were as bad as the other!

Lance bowed out with grace, offering one of his well crafted frames for free to the winner instead. His wife smiled at his typical reaction before she laid her money down on the table too, muttering about boys being boys. It seemed to Merlin like Gwen wasn't quite as against it as she pretended to be. Deep down Merlin figured she had a good chance, because the chosen theme lined right up on her alley. What better way to present life than one of her amazing painted flowers or drawings of fluffy animals? The bet closed when Leon added his ten pounds on top of the pile. "Just to make it more interesting."

What made the challenge worth it to Merlin though was how the gallery came alive as they each set out to start their projects. He watched while the round table got cluttered with brushes, tubes of paint, pieces of cloth and sheets of, for now still blank, canvas. Soon Arthur was drawing lines and curved shapes, while Gwen created fur out of the image she had in her mind. He smiled at how they needed so little encouragement to get going and how Leon and Lance got themselves out of the way without a fuss.

"You wanna start with me?" Gwaine interrupted his scattered thoughts. "Your series of portraits, I mean. Do you mind if I pose first? I have an idea."

Merlin allowed for Gwaine to drag him outside. They walked over to the beach and continued onwards to a spot some hundreds of yards beyond the cottage Leon owned. Rocks and sand twisted together in a stunning landscape of seaside nature. Gwaine walked a bit further before he stopped to take off his shoes. With a shake of his head he swept the hair from his eyes to face Merlin. "This is not my way of getting you to open up again. You have Arthur for that. I just wanna explain why we came here. Alright?"

Unsure where his friend was taking this Merlin nodded. "Fifty one weeks and five days ago since I had my last drink. Leon found me face down in the mud. He pulled me out of myself and showed me the way back. This beach, it began here. Now I come here every once in while to remind myself that I will never become a drunken fool again. You said you wanted these photographs to be personal, well…" Gwaine pushed open the buttons of his white, long sleeved shirt, "It does not get more personal for me than this."

"Wait", Merlin spluttered in realisation of where his friend was taking this. "Do you mean you are going to pose naked? Won't Leon mind?"

Gwaine smirked, indicating that it was exactly what he planned to do. "My body and portrait… my choice. Any objections?" While Gwaine spoke he shrugged his shirt from his shoulders and then his hands moved on to the opening of his buttoned up jeans.

The reveal of his tight torso and flat abdomen had Merlin shrug. No, of course he had no objections at seeing a handsome man in his full glory. He noticed the bronze tint to Gwaine's skin and smiled at the fact his friend enjoyed the sun in this carefree way of his more often. When blue jeans too dropped to the ground Merlin saw how Gwaine had gone commando that morning. Why did it not surprise him? Unable to stop himself he grinned, "Well go on then, show me what you have."

* * *

Unaware of the fact his lover flirted with another man out in the sunshine Arthur worked on his latest painting. Angled lines of a male body found their way onto paper. Lanky in shape and anything but modest in their reveal of hidden places. Ropes were pulled taut over pale skin, every inch of the knots that bound the body to his will drawn in perfect detail. Even so his subject did not quite show his face. No, for once the man on his creative mind shrouded himself away from the eyes of the onlooker, his scars included.

One glimpse into what some thought forbidden; Arthur could not resist the side of him attracted to it. Pale colours of skin tones came alive in contrast with the dark dyed ropes. The pattern the nylon made was unique to the body the ends of rope held bound. Once more he took a risk with his art, Arthur knew that. Maybe sharing this side of them was too private, but maybe he walked the fine line on the right side of things. Merlin after all had asked to get painted again… it was just that Arthur doubted whether he had meant quite in such a seductive and tied up way.

Just to be safe though he intended to create another piece. In fact he had already tried his hand at it a few days earlier in his sketchbook. If only he had the courage to pursue it, could he? More important would he do it? Arthur felt insecure about it at best, in over his head at worst. His emotions kept bouncing around about it. Perhaps another day he could find it within him to finish what he started… maybe.

A polite cough made him look up. "Have you seen Gwaine?" Leon asked.

It was then that Arthur realised time had once more gotten away from him. The gallery was silent except for Leon and his interruption. Arthur glanced over at the watch Leon held out to him as he walked over to his side. "Almost seven pm? I am sorry, I lost track of time."

"Again", Leon grinned and he shook his head in amusement, before his eyes turned serious in a flash. Arthur followed the line of his look and he noticed how his friend took in the unfinished painting he had been working on. "Wow…"

Running a hand through his hair in another fit of doubt Arthur asked, "Is that a good wow, or a bad one? Tell me please, I need to know before I show it to Merlin. Oh, I don't know. I may be asking too much of him… again."

Leon smiled, "You my friend, are in love. I am happy for you."

With a blush at being caught out Arthur turned to his brushes, "Got to clean these before they dry up like this. I need them if I want to finish my work." He walked over to the sink to fill a glass of water to submerge his brushes for a while.

Leon's quiet chuckle followed him there. "I have known you for how long now?" Arthur knew it was a rhetorical question, for they had practically grown up together. First they were neighbours and then when Leon moved out after his brother died they had stayed in touch over the loyal bond they formed. "We have always been honest with each other, haven't we? So here are my two cents, for what they are worth."

Arthur turned to face his best friend. "I would not ask you for it if I did not want it", his offer was met with a wry smile of understanding. After over twenty years of friendship they both knew each other better than that. Neither one of them spoke about feelings well, but if they asked the other for advice they would always be there regardless.

"Finish it and I believe you will win centre stage. Yes, the painting is intense and man, I did not know a bound Merlin could be so… well… sensual I suppose, but it seems to me this is the edge we are looking for."

"You don't think the bdsm theme is too much?"

"Not to me it isn't, not in the tasteful way you portrayed it. Maybe some will think it too adult, but we can balance it out with other works. I think it is worth the risk. We need to stand out, make a statement. This painting has that and more."

"It may cost us our reputation though."

"Well, at least then we go out in style. David would have approved."

Arthur smiled in agreement with the dry remark. Of the two brothers David had always been the wilder one and the one who got the three of them, Arthur included, in trouble. "Alright then, I will finish it. But first things first. Let us get some take away food and find our men. Any ideas on where they may have run off to?"

* * *

Bronze skin glowed in the sunshine. Merlin watched how muscles stretched and relaxed while Gwaine shifted around into another pose. Who would have thought his friend was so professional in flicking back his hair and flirting with the camera in the seductive way he did? If anything he moved without shame, even though he hid the parts that tended to turn the photograph from sensual into the next phase.

"Tell me how you want me." Gwaine had flirted with him, or at least it felt that way to Merlin. His friend grinned though when Merlin suggested to him they were both taken. His free spirit had not been reined in, this much was clear in every way he refused to back away from his flirtatious nature. And so Merlin felt flattered by it and he had joined Gwaine, feeling exhilarated by the way he could just stop holding back for once.

He clicked to make another photograph in his series. "Turn a little to the left. Like that yeah." They found a routine to their task now, one they both seemed to find relaxing and fun at once. Out in the sunshine they took their time, laughed and played in the water for a while when they longed for a break. Merlin had discarded his soaked shirt afterwards and then they returned to the task at hand. More poses and more photographs; all aimed at finding the one they would both be content with.

In the growing orange glow shadows drew longer. Gwaine draped himself over a rock, as if he was comfortable. Even so Merlin could not help but wonder how the rough surface truly felt under his naked skin. Did it scratch him, or did he not notice? He zoomed in a little to capture the lines around brown eyes which added to Gwaine's joyous outlook on life. At this stage of their session his friend held nothing back and for the first time since he met him Merlin saw a conflicted man; someone who hid his once broken side under a carefree attitude… and someone who was as painfully human as he was…

Merlin breathed an unsteady breath of air in recognition of the moment they had been waiting for, even when they were both unaware of it. In an almost unconscious flash he snapped the image up for prosperity. "That is…", he stammered, unable to express how he felt like an intruder at having seen Gwaine break himself down in front of Merlin.

Gwaine looked up with a single tear rolling from his eyes. Caught up in his intense, sad stare Merlin remained frozen where he was… almost losing himself to his own dark memories, until his friend got up to walk over to him. "You never forget the pain, but you learn to live with it and how to share it if you feel the need. Now please, I need a hug." Uncaring about his nakedness Gwaine pulled Merlin into a tight embrace. Merlin could not help but answer it in his need to comfort them both.

The shadows drew even longer and Gwaine shivered in Merlin's arms. It was a sign their shared day drew inevitably to an end. Merlin let go then, feeling more reluctant than he had expected. "Come, let's get you dressed."

"Aw man, but I look so handsome naked."

Merlin shrugged, "I have seen better."

A smack on his flank was followed by laughter and the freeing need for Merlin to wrestle his friend down into the sand of the beach. It was only when a newcomer's voice coughed that they broke apart from their need for physical contact; all covered in sand and both still laughing. "Do we even want to know what went on here?" The mock stern look of Arthur and the eyeroll Leon offered them did nothing to stop Merlin's amusement.

Not much later the four of them sat eating a take away Chinese meal together. Like two couples wrapped up in each other on a bench they sat there for hours and watched the sun set into the sea. While it disappeared beyond the far off horizon Merlin came to see that after living in his own shadows for too long he no longer fought his battles against his darker self alone.


	19. Chapter 19

Arthur grumbled in his sleep. Something tickled his side, as if a finger trailed up and down in a way to tease rather then arouse. He wanted it gone. With a hand Arthur swatted it away. Satisfied it stilled he snuggled deeper into the pillow and the sheets around him. Much better! In his not quite aware state he felt someone move closer. He ignored them though in favour of holding on to the fuzzy state of his dream world.

Warm hands touched him, ignoring his need for peace. They slipped downwards, over his lower spine and the swell of his ass. Arthur wriggled into the caress to ask for more without words. In his dream Merlin teased him open with slick fingers, but in reality his lover had a better idea. His warm wet slide of tongue had Arthur moan into the pillow. Maybe he did not want to wake just yet, but a treacherous part of him welcomed the wake-up call with rising enthusiasm.

"Nggh", he groaned into the pillow when Merlin flicked his tongue even deeper inside of his ass. Unable to stop himself Arthur rolled his hips upwards into his lovers face in a beg for more of the hot sensations. "Merlin."

"You awake?"

"Hmm." Arthur found it hard to form syllables on the best of mornings, but with the tongue teasing him from the inside out and the firm hands that held him in place on the mattress he found he was even less eloquent in forming words. Luckily for him it did not seem to bother Merlin in the least he had not even managed to open his eyes.

"So pliant, so beautiful. You will stay like this for me, won't you?" Lost to the soft lilt in Merlin's husky voice Arthur nodded. "Good boy. Don't even move a muscle. Let me take care of you. I promise, the reward will be worth it."

To make up for his pause to talk Merlin stabbed his tongue back inside of Arthur for as far as he could go. Two strokes and a slick finger joined the wicked tongue to open him up even further. By far too easy his lover found his prostate. Arthur writhed on the bed when he felt another digit join the first in the brushes against his most sensitive spot. Slow wriggles had him moan out in begs and pants for more. He curved into the touches, unable to stop himself from rolling his hips upwards, or at least for as far as Merlin allowed him to go, on every push into him. "Please, I need more… I want…"

"Hush now, I got you covered", Merlin said as he pulled his tongue away from the cleft of his ass. "Get on your knees for me."

Arthur wasted no time and he pulled his knees under his body while he spread them out to open himself up. He almost sobbed with relief when Merlin pushed his slick cock hard into him, filling him to the hilt in one go. The slow pace of his slumber made way for an eager joining of his hips with Merlin's. "Fuck!"

And fuck him, Merlin did. Relentless thrusts into his prostate had him cling to the pillow with white knuckled fists to keep up with the onslaught. Arthur did not know what possessed his lover to grab him so tight by his hips and take him apart so fast, but he had no complaints; far from it in fact. As far as wake-up calls went this was the best one he'd ever had.

In a helpless surrender to the sensations Merlin pulled from him Arthur rested his head onto the pillow. As a result the changed angle allowed him to take the cock inside of him even deeper. So good! Arthur reeled on the raw want with a cry for more. To his joy it was met with even faster snaps of hips.

Three more times his lover tore into him and Arthur lost it. In his powerful release he clenched hard around the swollen length buried in his ass. With one last, uneven thrust Merlin followed him over the edge, filling him with his hot seed. Arthur groaned when the hands slipped away from his hips. Unable to hold them both up he collapsed in a boneless heap of satisfied man. Too exhausted to do anything about the weight he had pulled on top of him himself he glowed in the aftermath and fell back asleep.

* * *

Pants changed to even breaths, which went deeper and deeper until Merlin knew Arthur had returned to his slumber. Perfect! With a smirk he got up, careful not to wake his sleeping lover. It would not do to wake him too soon. After all, the pliant body and well messed up state he had left Arthur in had been Merlin's aim all along.

With soft touches he rolled Arthur onto his left side, to face away from him. In the morning light Merlin spotted that a few bruises blossomed to life on firm hips shaped in the form of his finger tips. It seemed he'd been rougher in taking his need out on his lover than he had intended. Oh well, in a naughty way it suited him even better he had left his mark. The dark shadows on the otherwise unblemished soft golden haired skin looked remarkably sexy to him.

Merlin grabbed the camera he had left on the bedside table last night. He believed Arthur would never pose for him, because in some ways his lover was by far too shy and aware of his apearance and decorum. No, to capture the image of Arthur in a more private setting Merlin decided he had to be sneaky.

The sight before him of Arthur spread out on the bed had Merlin almost grow hard again. Did his lover have any idea how much he wanted him, even when he had just come? Merlin supposed, Arthur would when he showed him the photograph. Through the lens he let his eyes rove over the muscled shape of his back. The swell of Arthur's tight, round ass was perfect to him, but even more enticing were the tracks his lube slick fingers had left behind and the drops of his own release that trickled out of the half hidden opening.

A head of messed up black hair turned around. Drowsy pools of blue locked blearily onto the lens, only to fall shut again. One snap of unguarded post orgasmic bliss and Merlin had captured it forever. For a moment though he stood nailed to the floor. Had Arthur noticed? A soft snore indicated Merlin was left off the hook…

Merlin padded over to the kitchen table where he left his old, trusty laptop. Firing it up he waited until it too had woken up. He plugged in the camera to safeguard his series of shots on his portrait of his favourite subject of the lot. Satisfied with the result of the latest, not quite consented, additions he looked back over to the bed. Arthur had not moved. For a moment Merlin played with the idea to join him in slumber… but then he realised he had just one more day left to make four different portraits.

Somewhat reluctant he walked into to the bathroom to wash away the sticky traces of his love making with Arthur from his body under the shower. The spray of warm water had Merlin moan soft in pleasure. He reached out to grab the shower gel and almost jumped when a hand beat him to it. "Here… let me", Arthur whispered against his earshell.

"How did you get in so silently?"

"With skill", Arthur sounded by far too smug. "I came to pay you back, in kind."

"What… why?" He halted on the firm way Arthur snuggled up against his wet body to let his semi hard prick slip into the crack of his arse.

A knee pressed in between his legs. "You left the lid of your laptop open." Arthur let his tongue trail along Merlin's ear. The spark of want spiked up even higher when a soap slick hand tweaked his left nipple. "Plus, I was half awake all along. You… you turn me on, even when you are being naughty. The way your eyes watched me…"

Now Merlin smirked, realising that deep down Arthur did not mind even though he tried to maintain his image as the dominant one. For now Merlin would let him get away with it, because the idea of a second round turned him on. "So what are you waiting for? Punish me then."

* * *

Arthur had no illusion he was fully in charge, but for them both to be so playful felt good after the pain and grief Merlin had felt yesterday. He had no doubt they would soon have to face the dark past, but for today they needed a break. Only then could they bear to face it. For now, here in the shower, he wanted nothing more than to slide against and into Merlin to make him see how he was right by his side.

"Oh, I can do better than that", he promised with a husky whisper. To show Merlin what he intended to do he soaped up his hands to clean him where ever he could reach. After a while Arthur turned to the more intimate places while he leaned his lover back against him. For him this shower for two was all about pleasing Merlin.

Arthur played with heavy balls and then let his fingers slide into Merlin's opening. "Gonna make you feel so good, but I am going to take my time with you." He kissed an earlobe and let his tongue travel along a stubbled jawline. One soft nip and Merlin melted into him. He felt how Merlin reached out behind him in an effort to touch him back. "No, I got us… just wait for it."

One more wriggle to be safe and Arthur let his slick fingers fall away. A whined whimper of complaint signalled him that Merlin was ready for more. "Place your hands up against the wall for me." When his request met with only the action he had called for Arthur lathered up his cock with a thick layer of shower gel and he slipped inside of Merlin.

The gripping tightness around him had Arthur grow harder. It felt so good to be inside of his lover while warm water cascaded over his back. Unable to resist his need to make love to him Arthur rolled his hips up to take him deep and slow. He groaned though when Merlin continued to push himself onto his cock, going faster and faster as if he had every right to set the pace. The sight of Merlin biting his lip to hold back his groans while he rocked backwards almost did him in on the spot. "So hot. You should see yourself, bouncing onto my cock like the eager slut you are."

Arthur did not know where the insult came from, but Merlin did not seem to mind. If anything he only wriggled back onto him faster in answer. "Please, Arthur. Want you. I am yours, take me."

The last of his reserve shattered by the groaned begs and the way Merlin said he was his. Slow went out of the bathroom then. Hard and fast he pushed into the tight arse, while gripping Merlin by the flanks to ground them both. Ever faster they snapped their hips together until they came apart like one. It took what little Arthur had left of his wits to keep them both up on their feet. "Easy there…"

Even while they still panted Arthur was stunned to find Merlin kiss him already. "Thank you for letting me keep the photograph."

"No problem", Arthur shrugged. To try and stay cool about it he joked, "Wait until you see my painting. I think we are just about even."

"But… I did not pose for it."

"Maybe another time."

Arthur turned off the water and he watched Merlin get out from the shower area to grab two towels from the dresser. Merlin did not speak, but all the same Arthur sensed how his hesitance lingered in the bathroom. Despite of his promise he wondered if he could ever do it. To let someone else into his bubble of inspiration while he created his art somehow seemed too much, because silence had always suited him best when he let his pencil speak to him. Arthur did not know how to tell Merlin… but judging by the knowing glance, maybe he did not have to.

A little too slow to react a blur of fluffy white landed against Arthur's face. It announced the fact Merlin had thrown one over his way to break his pensive mood. "Merlin!" His shout of annoyance was met with laughter coming from the sleeping area where his lover went to get dressed. With a shake of his head Arthur found he could not stay angry, for he felt by far too blissed out on how well they started their days since they had more privacy.


	20. Chapter 20

The energy inside the gallery dwindled down. Only Arthur still worked hard, even though the forty eight hours set for the challenge were almost up. Merlin however had already finished taking the six portraits, including his self portrait, which he added last to the set.

With a grin to himself Merlin remembered how Lance had blushed when he asked him to get a bit bolder. It was not in the modest nature of his friend to undo the buttons of his shirt all the way down, but Merlin managed to tempt him into wearing a high hat while he opened up the buttons of his silk shirt for him. Lance looked like a model, chest as perfect as Merlin believed it to be. His shyness only added to the way he flirted with the camera while not even being aware he did so.

In Leon's case shyness of naked skin was not needed. Merlin had somehow caught his friend at the right moment when he came to visit him at the beach side cottage. Clad in a pair of frayed, pale jeans and a white blouse, which had flown open by the wind, he walked out onto the terrace with a cup of morning tea. Merlin waited until Leon had taken a sip, relaxed and closed his eyes in content. Copper red curls blew a little in the wind when he clicked his shots. The third one in row turned out the best.

With Gwen it was nervous giggles until Merlin told her how so far he had stuck with the love side to Gwaine's impromptu theme. "In my case I think 'life' suits better, don't you?" Merlin could only nod in agreement when she pushed out her belly and caressed it with her hands. The lilac dress of summer flowers she wore stretched around the unborn child in just the right way and all Merlin did was capture a glowing mother to be. Unlike with the others he let her chose and they giggled happily when he agreed with her choice.

From the start Merlin had planned that his series of portraits was about the circle of life and love presented through the circle of his friends. From Leon's portrayal of hidden layers to Lance's noble shyness and Gwen, who represented rebirth. To him Arthur presented the rush of life and love at once, though he expected most only would see the latter of the two in the 'just got fucked' photograph. It was Gwaine who stood for inner strength, and whose picture to date awed Merlin the most for the memory of what they shared during the beach session.

To end the series and close the circle he had separated himself away from everyone to aim for 'pain and grief'. Merlin felt his time to show the world he was not doing fine had come. After yesterday and seeing how strong Gwaine was he was done pretending. The only way Merlin found he had the courage to let his friends know he wanted to work on getting passed his grief was through his art. He only hoped that Arthur could accept he had to take this step alone…

Unwilling to revisit the turmoil of emotions making his self portrait session had given him, though he was satisfied with the result, Merlin tore himself out of his memories. He tried to glance over to Arthur to get his attention for a second time since he had come back. In both cases a firm headshake told him that no, his lover wasn't ready to show his artwork to anyone. Merlin could not hide his curiosity though. Once more it was his image caught on canvas and he wondered if it would take his breath away like the one upstairs did. He bit on a finger nail and startled when without looking up Arthur chastised him for it by calling his name in a hissed, "Merlin."

"What?!" He opted to play innocent to get something more from him.

A stern set of his jaw betrayed how Arthur was not in the least bit fooled by it.

"Come on, I want to see."

"Like I said before… when I am finished with it."

"But…", Merlin faltered in his protest when he saw Leon grin in reaction. Something in his sincere eyes spoke of how Leon hid something from the rest of them, but what? It took Merlin but a second to draw to his conclusion, helped further by the wry smile Arthur offered not quite as unseen as he believed to their friend. "Wait… you showed Leon?"

* * *

Arthur rolled his eyes in his mind at how Leon was too open and honest for his own good at times. As expected his friend was about to stammer out an apology of sorts, but Arthur stopped him dead in his tracks. Yes, maybe it was time he did show his artwork before he got too insecure again. Leon with his reserved nature had liked it, despite of the bdsm theme, had he not? So why did he feel so bloody nervous about how Merlin would react?

"Alright then, if you insist. I am almost ready, so I can allow it, but please no touching, the paint is still wet." Like one he saw his friends move forward, but Arthur shook his head. "Merlin alone. If he wishes for me to share it, then so I shall." To hide his fear of rejection he rubbed his hands on a piece of cloth and he looked away while Merlin came over. Oh, who was he kidding? There was no way he could share this…

"Wow Arthur…" Merlin shattered his nerves into a million pieces after a long, awed stare of doomed silence. "You just won the challenge."

Arthur felt his eyes widen in shock, but for once he could not care less how his emotions showed. Merlin had left him feeling by far too raw. It was only when his lover turned over his way that he saw just how much the reveal had affected them both. He was shocked to see how Merlin looked downright happy, eyes twinkling with something dangerous and turned on at once right in front of their friends. "I am game if you are."

It took Arthur a moment until he understood what Merlin had actually said. "You want me to share it? It is not too…"

Merlin placed a finger on his lips and when Arthur stopped speaking he shook his head at him with a grin. "I will tell you this only once, because if I do it more often your ego will become impossible to live with. You are by far my favourite painter for you make me see my body in a whole new way. I have come to accept that it, like me, is not perfect and yet there is this beauty to it I do not quite understand. Of course there will be some who do not agree with me, but…"

Arthur spluttered against to finger to tell Merlin that he vehemently disagreed with the not being perfect bit. "Hush, I know", another grin had him falter. "You and me, we are human. We have our flaws, our desires and our darker side. To hell with what other people think of our lifestyle. I am not ashamed of it, nor should you be."

"Can I speak now?" Arthur mumbled until Merlin let the finger drop away. "Thank you. Alright, maybe I feel self conscious about this side of me, but I was raised a certain way and to think beyond that." He shuddered at the thought of his family and how he could hear their disapproval. "The day I met you is when everything changed, but I find it hard to keep up with even myself on this crazy ride we've been on since then. Give me time?"

"We have all the time in the world."

They met in a mind shattering kiss until someone, Gwaine no doubt, whistled a catcall. Arthur looked up to find out that his friends had gathered by their sides to have their view of his painting. He felt his heart swell with unexpected pride of his own talents when Gwaine offered what he and his friends thought about his art, "Hate to admit it, but I fear Merlin is right. It looks like we have found our centrepiece. Man, that is downright sexy!"

* * *

"But…", Lance became the voice of reason. "You have not seen the other entries of the challenge. I say we give everyone a fair chance on this."

It did not surprise Merlin when he heard and saw the hesitation in his more modest and sometimes a little shy friends. Gwen nodded in agreement with her husband before she asked, "Are you sure that you are alright with it, Merlin? Don't get me wrong I have nothing against nudity, but this… it takes revealing oneself into a whole different level."

"I am more than alright with it, but I agree, Lance has a point. We should share and take a close look every piece we created these last few days before we decide. It has to be a choice everyone can agree on. Now come, show us your painting then." With gentle hands Merlin turned Gwen around and he followed her when she walked over to the easel where her covered work awaited its first showing.

The herd of cows grazing on still wet grass in the morning light was a stunning piece of work. Merlin praised Gwen for outdoing herself, because to him this was her best painting so far. The more he watched it the more he felt like he could smell the grass and hear the cows trample through it.

"Love it, but to me it feels like the safer option. You know what I mean?" Gwaine glanced his way and Merlin nodded. As much as he adored the piece it missed a certain edge. "My turn then", Gwaine surprised everyone by placing a cloth covered object, which seemed rather heavy if his bulging biceps were anything to go by, in the middle of the table. With one swift flick he tore away the ragged cloth to reveal he had talent as an artist after all.

"You're a dark horse, my friend." Arthur barked an amused and startled laugh.

While Gwaine shrugged and Leon grinned with a smug 'I knew all along' smile on his face Merlin took a closer look at the iron sculpture. The abstract piece of work had an elegance of itself. Unsure about what it meant to represent it appealed to him in the way it drew a person's eyes to it in a need to feel more of it. "What is it called?"

"Dunno, I thought of life and this came out." The typical Gwaine answer lingered in the gallery for a moment while Merlin glanced over each one of the three quite different creations. How could they choose between them? He had no clue…

It was Leon, diplomatic and level headed as usual, who answered the unspoken question for him. "Choosing between these pieces of art borders on the impossible. I say we need to find a way for your creations to share the spotlight. Ever since I watched Gwaine work on his sculpture I knew I wanted to have it stand outside on a pillar as our eye catcher. For the exhibition inside I say we showcase Arthur's painting on the first barrier wall, where it can make the bold statement Excalibur holds no limits to art. On the left wall we have a set of Gwen's work with in the spotlight this amazing herd of cows. I would like to leave my brother's photographs where they are and use the next wall to introduce our team with the set of portraits Merlin will now show us…"

"Smart man", Gwaine clapped Leon on the back while Arthur nodded in appreciation of his clever plan. It seemed to Merlin like the bet was swept off the table with remarkable ease here. Leon as ever had come up with the best solution while he watched the mayhem from a distance. Observed careful planning was his specialty, Merlin realised.

"Hmm. A compromise, no… it is more than that. I felt unsure about Arthur's painting at first, but only because it is not who I am. Another person will look at it from a different angle. It is what art is all about. We never took risks before and it brought us close to losing this place. So yeah, I agree, we need to make this statement and get bold. Arthur, will you allow me the honour of making a frame for it?"

The manner in which Lance offered his apology on his hesitations and he found a way passed them made Merlin smile. Maybe in some understated way Arthur had come out the winner after all. That was what art did in his eyes; it made people think and in some cases it brought them together. It did not surprise him when Arthur accepted the offer with a positive answer and a handshake.

Merlin took a deep breath then, knowing he had to do it now before he lost his nerve. "Time to reveal my portraits." Blushing a bit under the sudden attention he turned away to grab the large envelope which held his treasures. Six photographs for six people; each one bathed in a different pallet of colours. There was the pale natural set for Gwen and Arthur, who had both seen the digital versions and loved the final result. After kisses on each cheek he moved on. More vibrant colours showed the best side of Leon and Lance, who both blushed a little at how he'd turned them into models.

For one moment Merlin had to take a breath. He hoped Gwaine understood the moody pallet of colours he had chosen. His answer, after he upturned the photograph, was in the way his friend stayed silent while he pulled him in a one armed hug before he parted with a squeeze on his shoulder. Unable to even swallow down his nerves Merlin spread out his self portrait on the table and he stepped back. What would his friends see in his misery? Would they understand what he tried to say with it?


	21. Chapter 21

Arthur expected something sexy and artistic, but what Merlin had captured in his self portrait was something else. Sadness oozed from the captured man who sat in the corner of a dark room. Lit only by the pale light shining through a cracked window next to him Merlin painted the image of pain. Tears rolled down his cheeks while it felt to Arthur he sobbed with grief. He had no doubt Merlin had shaken with it, just like his lover had done when he held him the other day when they first spoke about the accident.

What made Arthur shiver in turn was to see Merlin clad only in his jeans and on his bare feet. Even from where he stood blinking at the photograph Arthur knew the basement had been cold when Merlin snapped it. How had he done it? Well, technically there was no mystery for Arthur had seen him grab a tripod at some point, but emotionally? Oh God, he had no clue how and where Merlin had found the courage to do it.

"I…", he started, left speechless by the man he loved. Even though Arthur wanted to say how much he admired him and how the photograph stole away his breath he failed. Why in bloody hell did he always find it so hard to speak? He shook his head in his mind at his shortcomings and because he needed another moment to find the words he pulled Merlin close and squeezed his shoulder to say it with a gesture. "You… how did you…"

"Dunno, I just felt that I had to… no, I wanted to." Merlin mumbled against his chest.

Arthur felt his lover shudder at the memory of what he had done and so he hugged him even closer for comfort. Everything Merlin had wanted to say, but he could not. How much it hurt and how much he needed help from someone who would be there to listen to his story; the picture said everything for him. Arthur peeked at it again, watching from over Merlin's shoulder. In the lonely pose was the man he loved and even though Merlin sat huddled in the dark he had come out into the light in his need for friendship.

"I understand", Arthur said after a while. "And I am so proud of you."

A hand clasped on his shoulder, Gwaine he saw, before they were both pulled in a hug by several sets of arms. "We are here for you", Gwaine began while Leon finished, "All of us are. You are not alone, not anymore."

For a long time the six of them stood together, until one by one they parted, leaving the two lovers to their embrace. Arthur felt himself get overwhelmed by their awed silence and understanding, and in the way Merlin had curled up into himself he had an inkling his lover shared the feeling. Maybe Merlin was one step closer on the road of recovery, but he had a while yet to travel and it would not be easy.

It was when Arthur looked up and he met Gwaine's concerned he stare that he realised he wasn't alone in his observation of how Merlin crumbled under his own courage. One gesture of a hand said, "We'll leave you to it. Take care of him."

Arthur let go of Merlin with his right hand and he reached it out to Gwaine. When it was grabbed he clasped a wrist and mouthed, "Thank you."

He watched as Gwaine turned around and set to leave, followed on his heels by the others after a few more soft spoken words between them which Arthur did not catch. At the door Leon paused to make the worldwide known gesture of "call me" with his left hand. It was only when Arthur nodded his answer that his friends walked out, each one of them a bit hesitant about abandoning Merlin in his hour of need.

Did his lover even know how much these four people cared for him? For three years since the accident Merlin had deemed himself unworthy, but boy was he proven wrong here today. Arthur knew the single reason their friends dared to leave in the end was because Gwaine pushed them to do so in silence. Gwaine, who unlike any of them understood post traumatic stress and who trusted in Arthur enough to believe he could catch Merlin before their friend fell too hard and deep. Oh boy, now if only he knew how to…

* * *

Merlin held onto Arthur's solid body with a sigh. "I understand", they were the only two words he needed to hear. In them he heard how his lover did not deny him the steps he wished to undertake alone in his painful journey. Merlin had every bit of space he needed, and yet each time he wanted someone to hold him close Arthur stood right by his side, no questions asked and no hesitation in his actions. It was all in the way he had stared at the portrait Merlin had made of himself. Pools of blue had turned from shock into awe and then into a shared pain and finally to love and understanding. Arthur did not speak of feelings, but Merlin had not needed him to, because his lover's actions spoke for him instead.

The door falling closed made Merlin wipe away his own tears before he looked up. Once more he found Arthur staring at him without holding back anything he felt… and in that moment Merlin knew he would never want another. This man, flawed and courageous at once, was his soulmate; the one person who made his grief struck heart grow whole again. When neither one of them blinked Merlin sensed Arthur was as caught up in him as he was in Arthur, as if they both feared the other could fade from where he stood.

Caught in the intensity of it Merlin kissed him. He sighed against the plush lips of his lover when a tongue sought entrance. Happy to let Arthur in he deepened the kiss and let his mouth fall open. The warm union of their tongues took his breath away and as Arthur grabbed him tighter he felt him take control of his body. In his eager to have more Merlin stumbled up against the table by accident and his hand landed on a sheet of thick paper; the portrait! The shock of his imbalance had them both falter. Breathless from the kiss Arthur stared at him while Merlin panted, "Wait."

Breaking away from the arms which held him until now Merlin turned around to face the table so he could rescue the portrait. As soon as he saw his own grief stare out of the photograph however he forgot what he intended to do while his mind flashed back to the last place he wanted it to go.

_Her eyes filled with panic and worry… Freya, she tried to help him, but he pushed her away. "Get out", he managed to scream to her before the water filled the car up to the roof. In a rush of panic he pulled on his leg, but found he was trapped in his seat. He fought and struggled for air… bubbles of water, caused by their shared despair to breathe again. The door… it refused to budge…_

"Merlin!" A worried shout tried to break him free from the memory, but it failed to reach him through the onslaught of flashbacks.

_"No…", he did not want her to drown and so he leaned over her lap to help her with the door. One push… nothing… he pointed to her feet and she turned in her seat to kick at the unyielding door. On his next push Merlin used all of his might while he put his weight into it. A last effort… he felt his lungs burn… and finally the window shattered…_

His memories shattered with a shout of anguish. He had done it. Why had he forgotten?! Merlin stared back at the face of the man who had pulled him from the water and back into the safety of the art gallery. "Arthur! I… got her out." The shock of the revelation was too much and his legs began to shake. "But it was too late…", he then corrected himself as he slumped to the floor in remembered grief. No matter what he tried he'd let Freya down. He was not worthy of living, no… he had no right at being happy.

* * *

"No, don't you dare. Look at me", Arthur dropped down on his knees in front of Merlin to get his attention. When nothing came forth he grabbed the sides of his face, "I won't let you beat yourself up over this. Face me, please."

Hesitant eyes opened, with anger flared up inside of them. In a flash Arthur realised the sad truth. As ever Merlin blamed no one but himself for the tragic loss of Freya and right now he felt guilty about the fact he had found a way to be happy with someone else. Arthur took a deep breath then and he plunged in to get through to Merlin, so he could break him out of the downwards spiral. "Merlin… no. Listen to me, in your nightmare you are twisting what happened to you around, I am sure of it."

"Stop it!"

Merlin struggled, but Arthur did not let go of his hold on him. "No, I can't let you do this to yourself." A hand tried to swat him away and failed miserably for a sheer lack of strength. "Gods Merlin, why are you making this so hard on yourself? I am sorry to be so blunt, but you need to face the fact Freya is gone."

A tear rolled down from the eyes in front of his and Arthur swallowed passed his self inflicted hurt at having to be so tough on Merlin. He sensed in this moment though that if he did not break the cycle of grief and self blame he could lose his lover to either one emotion, or worse to both of them. Too often now he had seen how Merlin seemed to want to trade places with the girl he lost. Freya in his place? No, Arthur could not let him stay on the path of destruction for a second longer. "I am not saying it to be cruel. Just hear me out… please?"

Merlin stopped fighting him then, though the fire in his eyes did not die. By the way his anger burned inside of them Arthur wondered if it was actually directed his way this time, but he could not escape the feeling that Merlin hated himself more than anyone else in this unbalanced state of emotions he had no control over.

Spurred on by the turmoil in his own heart at seeing Merlin so lost Arthur pushed on, "You love Freya still. She was the first person to touch you in ways you held impossible. When she was around you felt like you could conquer the world. Her tears broke your heart and her laughter made you whole again. A love like that is special. I can't take it away from you, heck I would not even want to. I know what it feels like and how overwhelming it can be, you know."

A hesitant smile of shared emotions broke free, "I know."

"Merlin, I…"

Arthur faltered when Merlin broke free from his grip to place a finger on his lips. "Hush, I know what you are trying to tell me. I have to say goodbye, it is just, I can't do it."

"Why not?"

An unsteady sob wrecked up through Merlin's wiry frame. "Because we broke up the morning before we left and I feel everything is my fault. Had we been in our right frames of mind… and had I slept better…"

Arthur ended the list of reasons by tugging Merlin into an even tighter embrace. "Stop it", he encouraged with a kiss on top of his head. "What ifs never helped anyone. We need to get rid of these and to do that I am going to take you on a road trip. You need to see the truth, not be left to your flashes of emotions and memories mumbled up into a twisted version of it. What do you say? Do you think you are ready?"

Arthur acknowledged the heavy silence which fell between them with a wry smile at his familiar trait, which in a roundabout way had started them off on their journey together in the first place. "I am pushing you too hard… again. We can wait, you know. It's not like we have to do this tomorrow."

"Yes, I fear that it is exactly what we must do." Thoughtful eyes filled with tears looked into his then, "You are right, Arthur. If I don't I may never be able to move on with you… and trust me, I want it more than anything. Freya she… I loved her, but the moment we hit the water was when I lost her forever. You are right, I need to say goodbye… if I can, but I won't know that until I am there and I can't do it without you."

"Oh trust me, I won't let you face this alone."

"Thank you."

"No need", Arthur said while he ruffled his lover's hair. "You had me that day you walked into my office."

They needed no more words while they sat snuggled together on the marble tiled floor of Excalibur with their backs against a dividing wall. Arthur waited until Merlin fell asleep with his head on his shoulder, exhausted by his memories. He then called Leon as promised and let their soon returned friends help him get Merlin to bed and their bags ready for the next few days.


	22. Chapter 22

The typical English landscape of undulating hills and hedges blurred together while Merlin stared out of the passenger window. Half of the day had passed by on this road trip of sorts so far and the part of him not afraid of driving had grown bored with it. What was he even thinking doing this? Three years down the track and he still had issues with the sound a car engine made. Even now he could hear it stall and splutter as the car in his mind bore itself into the water of the lake… no! He had to stop doing this. Please, could his brain not for once leave him be without these memories?

A hand squeezed his leg, "You alright?"

"No", Merlin for once decided to be honest. Fine no longer was a word he could live with, and worse not even an emotion he could fathom yet. "But maybe I will be."

Arthur glanced over his way. "You will. With me by your side you have no other option", he said before his eyes focussed back to the road ahead of them. His stern voice almost came across as arrogant, but Merlin knew it was nothing more than sheer determination and the best way Arthur knew how to face a fight, head on. From whom he had met of the Pendragon family he recognized they all shared this stubborn streak. No, Arthur would not stand down from anything, it just wasn't in his dna to give in.

"What if I asked you to turn back around?" Merlin had to know for sure he read him right.

"It is not allowed on the motorway", Arthur deadpanned. The stern set of his jaw faltered when Merlin grinned. "Oh come on, it's our first road trip ever, you are not going to deny me the pleasure. Besides, do you know how rare it is Gwaine lets me borrow his baby?"

Merlin shook his head at the way he emphasized the last word. Yeah, his lover did have a point there. While Merlin wasn't into cars at all he had seen Gwaine and Arthur drool over the engine of this one. Some awed conversation about speed and horsepower, and some other things which had him roll his eyes, passed before they finally managed to leave that morning. "Be careful!" Gwaine had shouted when Arthur waved out of the window. 

"Is this the car he used the day you got arrested?" Merlin wondered out loud about the rumours he had picked up on while he was still Arthur's assistant. 

Arthur nodded, "I know, you don't have to say it. We were foolish to take such risks, but it was the thrill we needed back then. Over a year ago I had this fight with father, sparks flying and all that, you know how infuriating he can be, right? Anyway I wanted out and went in search for something dangerous, because well… you know me. Gwaine already tagged along then, and as my bodyguard I could not shake him of. He had this reckless side, even more so in those days than he has now, if that is possible. One thing led to another and a few weeks later I ended up in the police cell for a night or so." 

"He told me he has been sober for only fifty one weeks, or no… I think fifty two now."

"Yeah", Arthur smiled wryly as he switched lanes to leave the motorway at the next junction. "I can see the truth now, but back then I was clueless. You see, I did not see him for days, because I got grounded to my room at the mansion. Father wanted to teach me a lesson and he had his security guards to ensure I could not leave. When I got back at the office Gwaine was, well Gwaine. I got none the wiser about his whereabouts as he hid behind his jokes in the way he does. You know what he's like. All he said was that his street racing days were over… and soon so were mine. I never even knew he was a cop himself, until he told us the other day." 

Merlin nodded in understanding. "He made sure you saw only what you wanted to see. It was his way to hide his pain from the world. What strikes me as odd though is that he did race to begin with, you know, with all he said he's seen on the job." He could not see how Gwaine, who had undoubtedly witnessed first hand the mess drunk drivers left behind sometimes, could sit down behind the steering wheel while inebriated. It just did not rhyme with the man he had come to know.

* * *

For a moment it was silent, while Arthur steered around the large roundabout which led them onto the b-road towards their destination. Not long left to go now, he noticed on his satnav. Some fifty miles down this road, which would curve along the hillside and lead onto the pass of the accident. However before that he would exit it for a minor road to get below the pass to where the lake was.

Arthur saw how Merlin struggled with the concept of Gwaine's behaviour. In an odd way he found it amusing that his lover did not recognize his own self destructive streak in the past actions of their friend. "Are you sure you don't?"

When Merlin frowned he continued, "Listen Merlin, can I be honest with you?" He waited for the hesitant nod. Taking a deep breath Arthur pushed on, but more careful than he usually did and with his fingers crossed in his mind. "I have seen how you hide yourself in your own way. In some ways I feel you seek to heal from your grief, but in others you are lost to the point where you almost seem to hurt yourself. I know pain when I see it. I may not ask, and I am aware that is one of my shortcomings, but that does not mean I can not listen when it needs to be shared anyway."

He paused then to switch gears and steer around a sharp bend. In the corner of his eyes Arthur saw how Merlin curled back into himself out of reflex, just like he had feared. With a glance in the rear-view mirror he ensured himself of the fact that the road behind him was empty. Quickly he made his choice to steer to the side of the road where he found a small lay-by which seemed safe enough to stop for a few moments. 

"You hand out advice well, but you need to learn to take it too." Arthur reached out his arms to grab Merlin by the shoulders to get his full attention and to offer his support at once, even though it was a bit awkward to do so in the car. "I am going to ask this one more time before we continue. Do you want me to drive on for yourself or for me?"

"I…", Merlin spluttered under his stare.

"Not good enough." Arthur shook his head, "I know I push hard and that I can be a bit of a bully. Hey, it is part of my charm." He smiled in spite of himself when Merlin grinned at his not so eloquent way to explain his reasons for stopping. "But what I am trying to say here is that no matter how hard I push you I can not help you move on if you keep up your pretence. In the end only one person can make the choice for you…"

"Me", Merlin sighed, while he let his head hang. Arthur knew he had to give him time to make the last step. For Merlin to say he would do it was one thing, but for him to go through with it? Well, Arthur had no doubt it was on a whole different level of pain. 

Long seconds passed and Arthur waited. Patience was not his thing, but he had no choice other than to see Merlin through, no matter which option he went for. It hurt Arthur more than anything to see Merlin struggle through every step he took on this road to deal with his grief and guilt. Arthur bit back his protective streak though to hold Merlin even closer. This was the point of no return. While he had gotten his lover this far it was only Merlin who could let go of Freya. Only he could learn to live with the twist of fate his life had taken on that dark day just before Christmas.

* * *

Some fifty miles up ahead his world had shattered. Never had Merlin been back there again, because it hurt too much. So how could he face it now? His Freya lost to the dreadful water, no… she wasn't his, he corrected himself… as he relived a memory of the day before the accident. 

Their breakup had been a shared decision, made in a calm though sad conversation between them. Freya could not live with the intensity he craved. Her heart was lighter than his, bless her, and Merlin feared he would harm her in the long run. They parted like the friends they were before their first kiss. It broke his heart and he knew he was still upset when he sat down behind the wheel on that fateful day. However in their joyous innocence they wanted nothing more than to celebrate Christmas with their families, and so off they drove. 

Merlin looked up to blink away the memory. Seeing Arthur wait for his answer had him smile. Nothing about his new lover was conventional or about innocence. They had no boundaries and it felt to him like anything was possible between them. They shared this insane intensity that drew them closer and closer. Arthur accepted his darker needs, understood them in ways no one else would. And with that thought Merlin realised his heart, unlike his mind, had already accepted he had moved on from his first love. 

Feeling a weight lift from him Merlin laid his hands on top of the ones which rested on his shoulders. "Arthur, drive on… I am ready to say goodbye." 

Like always Merlin found himself smile by the speed of his lover's actions. One moment they stood parked in a lay-by on the side of the road, and the next second Arthur drove away with screeching tires. "Hey easy!" 

"I am sorry. It's the daredevil within me. Blame Gwaine."

"No way. He's not even here", Merlin disagreed. "But seriously, Arthur, promise me, no more street racing. I could not bear it if I lost you too by the side of the road."

There was no hesitation in the self assured grip on his leg, "I promise."

"Hands on the wheel."

"Of course", Arthur slowed down a little and he smiled while he put his hand back on the steering wheel. "I will take it slow from here. No more risks from me. You see, I had to promise Gwaine to get it back to him in one piece, or else. And trust me; no one wants to be on the receiving end of one of his fast strikes."

"Is he that good?"

Arthur shrugged, "Gwaine may not be as bulky as your average bodyguard, but I would not want another by my side. He's strong in his own right and he knows how to be smart about it. In truth when it matters he is spot on in his approach to any fight."

"He is spot on about more things than that…" Merlin need not finish his spoken train of thought, for they both knew full well that without Gwaine they would not have made it this far. It was a give and take friendship neither one wanted to end. Even better was that upon their return three more people would inevitably be there, waiting to hear from them and ready with tea and embraces where needed. At the end of the road trip Merlin knew he had his new home to return to; Excalibur and its close knit circle of friends.


	23. Chapter 23

After a drive of four hours Arthur hit the breaks. "Private land", he read out loud the sign which hung from the fence post by the side of an opened gate. "And yet we are where we need to be… hmm." He touched the buttons on his satnav to zoom in on the map of the area and then with one last look at the screen he decided to push on. "That driveway will bring us closer. Maybe with some luck someone lives here and we can ask for access."

"Do you think they will allow it?"

With a swift flick of his wrists Arthur steered onto the pebble stoned driveway. "Only one way to find out." Confidence could bring a person further, it was a lesson he learned from his father. Maybe he could talk, or if need be buy, the owner into permission to get where he needed to go. For Merlin he would do everything in his power.

When he reached the end of the driveway Arthur smiled. There in front of them stood a modest looking farmhouse and if you looked closer it seemed like a body of water lay beyond the cluster of planted pine trees. Arthur looked over to his lover and he saw Merlin look up at the hillside. Up there was the road, the one they had left from an earlier exit today. Three years ago Merlin had drove along there from the other side. In his mind Arthur winced, because the fall from it he could now imagine more than ever was a heck of a long way down. He shook off any bad thoughts however in favour of opening the car door. "Come, let us see who lives here."

Arthur had not even closed the door when a large man came walking over towards where he parked the car. "Hello. Are you lost? This is private land. The main road is up there…"

"Percy?" The heavy swallow in that one name had a shiver of feelings run over Arthur's spine. Was this the stranger responsible for saving the man he loved?

"Do I know you? Wait… I do… you are Merlin, the young lad from three years back."

It was clear to Arthur neither one of the two men knew what to say, nor how to act around the other. Awkward silence fell down onto the pleasant countryside. To break the tension he offered, "Why don't we go inside? Merlin and I need to ask you for a favour."

"You came to visit the lake", Arthur smiled at the quiet way Percy came straight to the point now he had broken the tension. "And who are you, if I may ask?"

"Arthur Pendragon", he reached out to offer his hand. The firm squeeze of the answered greeting almost crushed his fingers. He nearly winced, even though he could appreciate the calm and assured manner of Percy. "I am his partner", Arthur could not help but blurt out the truth, even though he felt uneasy doing so with a total stranger for the first time.

"I see", Percy smiled in understanding. "Then the two of you better come inside. I bet there are things you wish to ask of me before you visit the lake. Tea? Coffee?" 

"Coffee", Arthur answered as he walked on after him. When he realised Merlin did not follow them on their way inside he paused and turned around. "Are you coming?"

Even from he was he saw Merlin startle. "Yeah…", his distraction showed in the way his sad, tear filled eyes continued to stare up at the hillside.

Wasting no words Arthur walked back over to him to grab hold of a hand, "Come… let's sit you down with a coffee to calm down your nerves. We've had a long journey." He breathed a sigh of relief when Merlin allowed him to lead the way inside after Percy, who nodded to him as if to say he understood the mission they were on was far from easy.

* * *

Merlin sipped his coffee, made extra strong at the request of Arthur. For once he agreed with his lover caffeine was a good way to come back alive. He sighed in happiness at the way the hot liquid warmed him up. "I did not know you lived here", Merlin realised out loud what had surprised him from the moment he saw Percy come out of the farmhouse.

"I was raised here", Percy sounded proud. "In fact my family has lived on these lands for over fifty years. My parents have moved next door into the annexe cottage though, to make room for my little ones."

"How many have you got?"

"Three now. Two boys, twins in fact, and my daughter was born a month ago", had he sounded proud before Merlin could now hear the glow family life brought the larger man.

He smiled at Percy, though he did not quite feel it. All his mind could grasp was the pile of questions he had for him. "That day when you found me… why not her? It's not that I blame you, but I just have to know. She never… and I…" Emotions spilled over, making him stammer and blush at his inability to make sense of the turmoil of his mind.

A calm hand reached out to steady his between the table and a warm palm. He smiled grateful to Arthur at the way he felt his nerves slowly back down. To his relief Percy then answered the questions he could not form. "Why don't I tell you what I saw that day?"

His numb nod proved all the answer Percy needed, "The road up there is a death trap waiting to happen. My family has always been aware of its dangers. We use the pass at least once a week, if not more. Even in winter it is the only way we can get our groceries. Over the years we have petitioned the local government to place up more sturdy barriers and more warning signs, but you know how it is. First something awful needs to happen. I fear they were placed a few months after you came down the hard way."

Merlin could only smile wryly, because he had no words for how it was by far too late. He could see in the way Percy winced at the end of the news he regretted it as well. "That day I heard a loud crash before I saw you tumble down. The speed showed me you must have lost it even before the bend and you'd gone right over the barrier, am I right?"

A tear escaped his eyes when Merlin nodded, "A deer came out of the pine trees and it ran right in front of the car. I tried to avoid it, but I don't think I succeeded. We swerved and I remember the car rolling upwards before we went over…"

"That winter it rained days on end", Percy continued. "I had never seen the road so slippery when there wasn't even snow and ice. Mud streamed down from the hillside in dangerous amounts, yet the road remained open for some reason. I think you need to hear now how bad the conditions truly were to understand it can't have been your fault. I passed the next day and slipped into a half spin with my four wheel drive."

"It was that bad?" Arthur sounded as shocked as Merlin felt.

"Yes. It was also the reason why it took us so long to find the young woman who had drowned. You see, the lake was so filled with mud that the water was almost pitch dark and it felt more like soup. Swimming in it was disgusting."

Merlin could not believe his ears. Did he hear it right, or was he getting confused between memories and truth again? "Wait a second, you… you found Freya? How come I don't know?" 

* * *

Arthur looked between Merlin and Percy. His lover had never looked so pale and shocked, while Percy seemed equally as confused. "What do you mean? Have they not told you?" The large man asked.

It pained Arthur when he saw Merlin shake his head. Why had he been left in the unknown for far longer than needed? It seemed so unfair and cruel to Arthur, especially knowing how his lover struggled with the guilt of her death. Had Merlin found out sooner Freya had not stayed missing and maybe he would have been able to say goodbye to her sooner too. Sadly now they would never find out.

"In contrast to winter the next spring left everything dry. The surface of the lake dropped down to a rather low level. Maybe fate intended it to be so, I don't know, but my dogs they found her amongst the rocks. We always hoped we would find her body for her parent's sake as well as yours. The police said they would inform her kin for us. We assumed that it would include you."

"Her parents…", Merlin sniffed through his tears. "They did not know where to find me. I saw them only once in passing. We never got the chance to…"

Arthur grabbed a firmer hold of the hand underneath his. Miscommunication combined with the simple, but sad, fact Merlin had not been introduced properly to the family of his once lover were to blame. Arthur was glad there was no ill reason behind it. Even so he knew the idea of not finding her was what hurt Merlin the most over the years since. Now though there was a grave, some place where Merlin could say his goodbyes to her. "Maybe we can find out where they buried her?"

"You mean her grave?" Even while Arthur nodded Merlin shook his head. "I see no point. To me her spirit rests here. The memories of her, of our drive and the fun we had before we came along that stupid deer… I want to remember that, not some cold stone. I said my first goodbye under water. I will say my last one on the shore."

"I can show you where I found her?" Percy seemed to catch on to Merlin's reasons. 

Arthur smiled grateful to him when Merlin nodded, "I think I would like that."

"Come", Percy was up on his feet remarkably fast for such a tall man. Arthur had never felt small, but standing next to the guy made him feel like a dwarf. Even so Percy did not intimidate him, for he seemed as gentle as he was tall. 

"One more thing", Merlin surprised Arthur by stopping them with another question. "How did you get me out? I was trapped, my leg…"

"Father had left his dirty tools out on our kitchen table. His forgetful mind is my wife's worst problem with him on some days, especially back then when she was pregnant, but later that day we could have kissed him. On my way out I grabbed the first thing I could find, because I assumed I needed to knock out a window at least. Fate decided I grabbed a cutter which helped me break apart the steering wheel to free you. You my friend are a light weight. That proved quite helpful too when I dragged you up to the surface." 

Arthur could not help but grin along with the other men. Tension washed away at the light of Percy's last remark. 

"Come", Percy said as he walked out. "I will take you both out to the lake now."


	24. Chapter 24

As Merlin walked by the side of the man who had saved his life he realised he had one last question to ask, but did he have the courage? Did he want to know how close he had come, or was he happy to let it be? No… he decided, all or nothing, or he would forever dwell on it. "Percy, was I… did I still breathe when you found me?"

"No", the answer came with a sad head shake. "I don't think so, even though you had your eyes wide open when I reached the car. By the time I dragged you up you stopped moving altogether and I had no way of knowing for sure. I tried to feel for your pulse, but with my wet hands and the thick water tucked in around us I could not be sure if I felt the flutter of your heartbeat, or whether it was my imagination. I pushed on regardless, because I could not abandon you and leave you at the bottom of our lake." 

Merlin swallowed back the turmoil of emotions, but before he could wonder how close he had come Percy offered the answer, "The ambulance crew, they said I was in time. They had your heart beat strong again in a few seconds flat, even before I could get my own breathing back under control. It was then when you called for her, Freya?"

"You did not know there were two people in the car?"

"Not until then, no. The opened car door said nothing to me at the time, could have happened during the roll the car made as it tumbled down the steep slope."

"Any clue as to what happened under water?" Arthur intervened.

"None", Percy shrugged. "I fear only Merlin knows for sure."

"The thing is, I am not so sure anymore. Some nights I think I got her out, other nights she is there with me and we both drown." Merlin stopped walking then, because he saw the lake come right up in front of him. "I…", he faltered as his eyes drew to the glistening surface. "I am not so sure I can…"

A flash in front of his eyes threatened to drag him back down, as if he had never even come up and he wasn't walking around alive and well. Merlin swallowed in anger, "No… I can do it." Pushing himself hard he walked on, regardless of what his eyes saw. It was only when he heard a splash and Arthur dragged him back from stepping with both feet into the water that he realised he had reached the side of the lake.

"I got you", it was but a whisper in his ear and yet it was enough.

Eyes wide open Merlin glared at his surroundings. _"Stop this nonsense"_ , he spoke stern in his mind to himself. He shook off Arthur before he asked out loud, "Please Percy, can you show me where you found her?"

"This way…", Percy walked on along a track by the side of the lake. It was after several hundreds of yards that he pointed over to a rock littered strip of dirt on the edge of the lake. "Between those two larger brown rocks my dogs found her body."

Merlin looked at Arthur for a second. "Let me go alone. I will call out to you if I need you." Nothing else mattered to him, but Freya. Now he had found his courage he wanted to be where he lost her, so he walked into direction Percy pointed him towards. Merlin did not care when he stumbled and bumped his knee on some large pebbles. With one rude brush he pushed away the twinges of pain in favour of plodding on regardless of the obstacles in his path. It was only when he reached the two rocks Percy had indicated to him that he fell down on his knees on the shoreline and he cried out in his grief. 

"I am sorry. Freya, I am so sorry I could not save you."

* * *

"I got him", Arthur told Percy, deciding not to waste time. "I will help him figure it out. You can return to your farm and family."

"But it looks like he may go into shock", Percy protested.

Even though he saw his point Arthur did not waver. "I know, but trust me, I know him better than anyone and I have a feeling he needs the space and time. Just maybe, if you have a couple of blankets and some more of that strong coffee? Though I am not so sure if I will be able to get them back to you."

Percy nodded, "I have some back at the shed, and don't worry, you can keep them. I will get a thermos flask of coffee for you too and drop everything right here for when you are ready. Take care of him, Arthur. I see how much he means to you, so I trust you to know what is right. But please, should you need help, don't hesitate to come back to the farm. I will say goodbye to you here though and if you allow me I can leave my phone number. Should Merlin ever have more questions for me…" 

"Thank you, Percy. You are a good man. I won't forget your kindness, and I am sure Merlin will as well", Arthur knew he was being a bit rude, but by the time he finished speaking he had already turned away from Percy to focus on Merlin and what he could mean for him. 

Worry gnawed at Arthur at seeing Merlin crumble apart on his own. He would give him a few more moments to… no, he would not… but what if Merlin needed the space to let go of three years of pain? Had he any right to interfere and blunder in like he so often did? Undecided Arthur waited for a signal, anything would do. Anything that could make sense of what Merlin was going through.

"Arthur…" The call of his name was soft, but his reaction was instant. In a flash Arthur ran over to where Merlin knelt in the mud and he reached him just in time to catch him as he fell backwards in exhaustion. Kneeling down right behind him Arthur heard him mutter, "Hold me, and don't let me fall."

"I won't. I am right here…"

"Good." Silent sobs wrecked through the body of the man Arthur held tight in his arms. 

His only offer of comfort for now was to hold on and keep him safe until Merlin was able to speak through his pain. "Shhh, take your time. I am not going anywhere."

"Freya, she is gone, isn't she?"

"Yes."

"Don't ever leave me."

"Never."

"Promise?"

Arthur turned his lover around. "Where does this come from? You know me better than anyone, Merlin Emrys. You tell me, why would I ever make a choice and then abandon it? I have decided you are the one, so try and get rid of me. Afraid you are stuck with me for the rest of your life."

With a mock grin Merlin shook his head, "Is that a proposal?"

"God no", Arthur joked. A flicker of emotions in the tear filled eyes before him though made him rethink everything. Here in this place he had almost lost Merlin before he even met him. It was a sharp reminder to them both how short life could truly be. "At least, I don't think so. Unless you want it to be? I…"

"I am not sure what I want either. Please Arthur, can you just hold me for now?"

"That I can do", Arthur ignored the way he got both of their clothes covered with mud when he sat back down in the dirt on his ass. Whatever happened next he decided it would be his lover's call to make. Practical matters could wait… as could his own heart. Merlin came first.

* * *

Now Merlin had found his answers in true facts about the circumstances and aftermath of his accident he was no longer lost to the cruellest of his memories. While he could still see Freya drown and feel his own despair as he fought for air he accepted that the end result was a truth he would learn to live with. The woman he had once loved had drowned in the water, because of circumstances which were beyond anyone's control.

"It's not my fault. It never was."

His whisper was met with a kiss on top of his head. "No, of course not."

Arthur's certainty had Merlin smile through his tears. Was there no limit to his lover's faith in him? If there was Merlin supposed he would find out in their shared future. Never before had he wanted to contemplate that he even had one, because he had felt by far too guilty he still lived where Freya did not. Now though he felt the visor like grip of those pained emotions lift from his soul. Yes, he lived on, but his survival had been out of his hands from the start. 

Here underneath the surface of the lake a warm hearted, strong man had fought for him and he had won the battle in his name. If he died it would have crushed the friend Percy could become one day. Merlin looked around him then in the realisation that without his bad memories this place where Percy and his family worked their farm was beautiful in its own right. "Freya, she would have loved it here", he realised out loud.

"I suppose it is beautiful."

"Peaceful even, I'd say", Merlin curled out of Arthur's lap then to get up on his feet. "I am going to say goodbye to her now. Can I have a moment alone?"

"Of course." Merlin did not need to look back to know that Arthur backed away.

Realising he was cold and dirty anyway Merlin waded a few steps into the shallow water on the edge of the lake. "My sweet Freya. I have come to say farewell. I am so sorry you never made it out. I wish the water had not taken you the way it did. You should have been allowed to grow old in your house by the lake and the mountains… but you never got to live to see your dreams come true. I will always remember you, always. You were my first and as such you will always hold a piece of my heart. Goodbye, my love."

Merlin did not know how long he continued to watch over the water with tears in his eyes, but by the time he shivered from the cold Arthur wrapped him up into a blanket. "Take me home", he sighed as he leaned back against his lover's broader chest in a search for warmth and comfort.

"Like this?"

Merlin shrugged, "I don't care about the mud."

"Then so be it", Arthur agreed.


	25. Chapter 25

A distant knock woke him up. Arthur startled into a sitting position, afraid it was Merlin who needed him. Gentle snores however betrayed the fact his lover remained dead to the world and he still tried to sleep yesterday off, or was that today? After a long drive back through the dark and coming home at the awful hour of four in the morning Arthur's brain was still fried. 

Another knock on the front door of the gallery below the loft had him blink at the clock with a groan. Five hours of sleep? That wasn't even remotely enough to make him feel human again! Who dared to interrupt his morning before he was ready to call it such? Even while Arthur knew it wasn't one of their friends, because he texted them to stay clear until he called, he had a feeling he ought to check. Something about the knocks grew more desperate, their sound of persistence travelling upwards. "Go away", he wanted to shout and he would have, if it wasn't for the man sleeping by his side. 

Unwilling to risk Merlin waking up Arthur pushed away the covers and he got up. In his pyjama bottoms he walked down the stairs. He opened the loft entry door and with a yawn he walked through the gallery. Outside in the pouring rain a female figure stood huddled under her umbrella. Dark brown hair was tied into a loose bun on her head, but some locks had fallen free and they were plastered against her face. Even so it were her deep blue eyes of the exact same colour as the man who slept upstairs which Arthur recognized from several feet away. "Hunith, hang on, I will open up for you."

Because of his clumsiness caused by his half asleep state Arthur dropped the keys. He grabbed them up from the floor and when finally he managed to unlock the door he let Hunith in with a, "Sorry, we came home late, and I am not even sure if I am awake yet."

It was in the way she didn't bat an eye that he realised she'd been worried sick. "Is Merlin alright? I tried to call him all day yesterday and I heard nothing. I… it's not like him. The last time when he did not answer my calls he was… he was…"

Arthur winced at her worry, "Oh, of course. Yeah, Merlin is all right, don't worry. He is still sound asleep though. We had a long day yesterday… something he needed to do." Unaware of it his face scrunched up at the memory of seeing Merlin overcome his guilt and then later watching him sleep on the passenger seat dressed in muddy clothes during the drive back home.

Her eyes narrowed, "Arthur, what is going on?"

Could he tell her? No, it would be better if Merlin did so, would it not? That was if he wanted his mother to know of course. Arthur wasn't even sure of how much Hunith understood of what her son had carried within him for so long. "I need coffee", he ignored the question in an effort to regain his usual control of the situation. "Come upstairs. I would like to put on some clothes. Then we can talk."

Up at the loft he pointed Hunith into the direction of the kitchen, but instead she asked, "Can I see my son first? I would like to see with my own eyes that he's safe asleep."

With a nod Arthur let her know she could follow him into the corner of the open planned space where their bed stood. Like always Merlin hogged the covers in his absence, limbs spread out as if he had a right to claim all of them. Arthur rolled his eyes; no way he could cuddle up to Merlin and pretend the morning was still far away now…

Arthur shrugged out of his pyjama and he put on his jeans. At the sight of Hunith's fond stare at her son he felt a twinge of regret for what he missed with his own mother gone. While he shrugged on his sweater he offered what he saw as truth in a soft voice, "You and him, I think you should talk, about yesterday I mean. He…" 

In order to gather his thoughts Arthur paused. He could give her a hint, could he not? It would push Merlin forth one more step, but maybe it would be what he needed, no… Arthur was sure of it. "He faced his worst demons, Hunith, and I am so proud of him for finding the courage, but I can not say what is on his mind when he wakes up. I believe he will need his mother… I know I would give anything for it in his place so…"

Her inquiring look made Arthur feel eager to turn away. How could he tell Hunith that in the morning light he feared his mind and tongue after a day like yesterday? The broken off proposal still hung in the air where he was concerned. Why had he denied what he wanted so bad it hurt? While he drove Merlin home all he had room to think about was to get him safe, but now that they were back his mind had returned to the turbulence in his heart. Even though his growing feelings of love exhilarated him Arthur found he was never more afraid in life.

"Stay with him for me, be here when he wakes up. Tell him… that I will be back before he even misses me. I…" Flustered at the rising whirlwind of confused emotions Arthur grabbed the front door keys and his sketchbook from the counter. Maybe outside and away from the source of his confusion he could make sense of what to do next. He was in such a hurry that he did not even hear Hunith call out his name while she shook her head at his ungraceful retreat with a look of bewildered amusement. 

* * *

"Mother?" Waking up from a deep sleep by the thud from the door Merlin startled at the sight of his mother sitting down by his side on the bed edge. "What is going on?"

"You tell me."

Memories of yesterday surfaced; images of a lake and of Arthur holding him close. Merlin remembered his tears and the pain, but even while he did it felt like the darkness did not weigh him down anymore. "We need to talk", Merlin realised out loud, suddenly awake.

"Arthur said so too. It is why he gave us some space…" His mother sounded distant, as if her attention drew elsewhere. To see what caught her eyes Merlin followed her line of sight. The painting! With a wry smile he saw how in a funny way her distraction was his own fault. Unsure of what she saw in the sensual portrayal of her son Merlin tried to find words to explain, but before he could say a thing Hunith smiled, "Did Arthur make that? I did not know he could paint, but this is…"

"Yeah", Merlin ran a hand through his hair. "The painting is quite something, I know. With it he made me look at myself in a whole different light. It is as if he drew each of my imperfections to show me that they are what attracted him to me in the first place. Arthur sees beauty where others do not, or at least that is what it feels like to me. He does not care about my flaws, because he admits in turn that he is not perfect himself. We somehow fit from the day we met and he tore down my walls faster than I could rebuild them." 

Seeing how his mother hung her head in sadness Merlin grabbed her hands in his. "I know you tried to help me with my grief, mother, but I wasn't ready to let you or anyone else say that I wasn't to blame for what happened. I honestly believed I loved Freya, but the day I met Arthur I truly came to know love. It was like I became whole again, even though my memory of her stood in the way of my self worth. When he showed me this painting I told him what happened. He did not run away from my darkness, but instead he embraced it and he told me off from hating myself, and for blaming myself. He can be so stubborn."

Merlin took a deep breath, "And I knew then I had to face it, or I'd be lost to him and even the idea of it hurt me more than my nightmares ever could. I can not bear to see him go through what I did. Yesterday he was strong enough for us both and it made me able to go through with it. I said my goodbye to Freya, mother, and I am alright with it.

Hunith pulled him close, "I am so happy to know you've made your peace with the accident. I hated seeing you so sad, but I also saw that you had to figure it out by yourself and though it was hard I let you. None of it matters now though, not anymore, because you found your way. Live again, my son, and when Arthur comes back home tell him thanks from me."

"You can tell him yourself. Stay for a while, please? I want you in my life, even though I was a fool to push you away. I will text my friends and when they come over I will show you our gallery. Mother, I hope you can be proud of me again, one day."

"My son, I will always be proud of you", she kissed his cheek. "Now go put on some warm clothes and call your friends over. I will make you breakfast, for all of you if you like. Try and get rid of me now", she joked, but in her eyes Merlin saw he had made her happy by giving her the chance to fuss over him.

"Thanks mum", Merlin jumped out of bed. Today was the first day of the rest of his life… and he for one was ready. With a last glance over at the empty spot on the counter Merlin wondered where Arthur had gone off to. Had his lover needed some time alone? He had a feeling he might have, because where Arthur did not always talk he had these quiet moments where he sat in thought with his sketchbook… the very same item which had disappeared at the same time his lover did.

* * *

Arthur walked further away from Excalibur and his loft. He was glad the rain had stopped falling. In his mind only one place could offer him the peace to think. Arthur opened the iron gate of the graveyard and he walked on until he reached a marble white stone engraved with the familiar lettering of his mother's name; Ygraine Pendragon. It was all he had left of the woman he had never met, and odd enough it was more than his father knew he had held on to. 

Uther had hidden his annual visits to his wife's grave, but Arthur had noticed his absence on his birthdays anyway. One and one was put together with ease, even when he had just turned twelve years old. At the time all he did was follow Uther and he had his answer. They both cried that day, but for different reasons. Uther never saw him, and Arthur had let it slide. What was the point anyway? He'd only let his father down… again.

But now as he stood watching the letters carved into stone while he traced the petals of the rose bushes his father had planted on either side of it Arthur understood why Uther did not speak. Grief, blame and guilt had paved the Pendragon path into the future; just like the same emotions held Merlin down for the last three years. Uther though was strong enough to carry it, even though it turned his heart cold and hard in his stubborn need to pretend all was well. But a kind soul like Merlin, what if Arthur never met him? Would the man he loved grow equally as cold, or would he drown in misery and die?

So many questions, so many what ifs… but no, like he told Merlin, they did not matter. It was in the here and now they made their choices for tomorrow. "Oh, what do I tell him? Tell me mother, how could I have been such a fool not to see it coming?" Arthur smiled wryly at the stone, knowing it could not offer him any answers. 

Marriage was for others, for fools in love and straight couples, or so he had chalked it up to 'not for me'. But that was before he met Merlin who turned his own world upside down. Here Arthur was, contemplating married life and his future as an artist. What happened to the spoilt boy who dreamed of riches and who wanted to sit in his father's director chair at the office to make him proud?

Right… he grew up, not as his father's son but as his own man… and he had Merlin to thank for showing him the path there. As he put his sketchbook down to straighten the flowers in the vase on his mother's grave Arthur realised there was no way he wanted to avoid where he was going next. 

Merlin and he were not the perfect couple, far from it thank goodness, but they fitted together so well it took him by surprise on the very first day they met. The ropes and knots had not only bound Merlin's body to his touches, but they brought them together in a way that would stay forever imprinted in their souls. So why not take the last step? Why not risk a 'no' when he knew it would become a 'yes' if he offered them both some breathing space to go with it?

"Thank you mother", he whispered to the stone. She, who he had not known while she lived, had gifted him with traits which he had not dared explore until recently. Creativity, acceptance of differences and an eager to follow his heart were not things he associated with his father… and yet they had allowed him to charm Merlin into his life.

What was he even doing here still, standing in the graveyard and wasting precious time, when he could have the man he loved wrapped up in his arms? Eager to get his answer Arthur turned around and he walked away. In his newfound determined mood he did not even realise that he left his sketchbook behind forgotten.


	26. Chapter 26

The gallery around Merlin buzzed with energy. It made him smile with giddy happiness how his friends gathered together to make Excalibur thrive. They had each come in with a hug and in Gwen's case a kiss, but no one said a word. "Are you alright?" It was the question he heard between the honest care in their manners anyway. So when everyone had arrived he simply said he was, before he told them they had an extra set of hands today. As easy as they had welcomed him as a part of their inner circle some weeks back they also accepted Hunith into the fold. Her breakfast went down well, especially for Gwen who ate for two and Gwaine who always seemed hungry.

Merlin glanced over at the clock, a little over two hours now since Arthur had left. It wasn't that he worried, he told himself, but more a case of how much he missed him after yesterday. What had made his lover leave? Was it more than just an offer of Arthur to give him some time to spend with his mother? Merlin could not help but wonder if in some way it had to do with yesterday, not that he thought Arthur could not cope with his falling apart on him. No, it was possibly something innocent… or something he had said. He just could not pin it down. Part of yesterday was still a tear filled blur, and more than anything Merlin remembered how Arthur had carried him through it. Maybe this was just Arthur's way of dealing with the emotions he received in turn, made sense… right?

The noise of a piece of framework clattering to the floor broke him from his thoughts. Merlin walked over to Lance then to watch his progress. A pile of five photographs already fitted with dark oak frames lay ready. Merlin grabbed the top one and he smiled at how perfect his photograph of Gwaine was highlighted by the frame. "I love it", he said. "You've matched it well."

"Thank you", Lance said while he spread out his next object to frame.

Merlin offered him a hand with the large sheet of canvas and when he saw it was Arthur's second painting of him he smiled in excitement. "Can you finish the frame today? I am eager to see what it looks like when it hangs in place on the wall."

"I am going to try… but I am having a hard time deciding on colour. I looked at it before, but I am torn between this ebony wooden black one, or to be bold and pick a colour which stands out a bit more like this blue grey one."

Merlin looked at the two samples Lance held out next to the painting. Before he could even decide on a choice Gwen called out, "You need a feminine touch. Let me see. Hunith, have you seen this one yet? I think you may like the chosen subject here, though in all honesty it is a bit revealing." Merlin blushed at how Gwen came over with his mother, tugging her along in spite of her shy giggle. Even while he stepped back to let Gwen know that he did not mind he wondered how his mother would take it. Would she understand how and why Arthur continued to paint him in such a sensual way?

"I think the painter is a bit infatuated by said subject, don't you think?" While his friends laughed at the way Hunith teased him Merlin could not help but roll his eyes at her. How come mothers always liked to make their sons blush with the truth? It was beyond him. He wanted to chastise her for it, but found he could not when she put a hand on his shoulder and said, "It is beautiful how Arthur portrays you. I agree with what you said about the other one and this one has it too. I can not look away from it, not just because of the sensual composition and his use of colours, but also because of something more. I am not quite sure what it is…"

"The other one?" Gwaine, as always, did not miss a beat.

Oh no! Merlin did not want his friends to know of the painting that hung up at the loft yet. In a way it still felt too private, too raw in his newfound emotions to him. Luckily Hunith picked up on his unease in the only way mothers could and she avoided the question with a shrug. Even while Gwaine glared at him in an effort to push him into it and Merlin shook his head in his determined answer not to share Hunith narrowed her eyes. "Merlin, do you know why Arthur does not sign his paintings?"

Merlin looked from her to the painting then and realised that she was right. "I honestly do not know, maybe he has forgotten to?" Even while he said it he felt it wasn't true. Something about its absence did not fit Arthur and his proud ways. Normally he always took credit where it was due, especially when he felt he had done well. Did this mean his lover was still insecure about his art, or was there another reason?

"Speak of the devil…", Gwaine said with a gesture of his head towards the door. "We could ask him now."

Merlin looked up just in time to see Arthur walk in. For a moment it was as if a flare of disappointment lit up in bright blue eyes, but before Merlin could pinpoint the emotion it was gone. Instead Arthur hid behind a smile and a greeting, "What did I miss?"

* * *

Arthur looked between his gathered friends and Hunith, who stood between them as if she belonged there. Of all the things, her presence made him smile. Maybe he did not have his own mother around anymore, but at least he had Merlin's mother at present who seemed to want to get to know him. Her quiet smile came back his way and when he met her eyes she mouthed "thank you". Though he could not look into her mind he realised her talk to Merlin had been just what mother and son needed.

Even though Arthur was pleased by it he wondered why he felt like everyone around the table expected something of him? Everything he had meant to say, that he hurried home for, shattered at the presence of them; and part of him was upset. Sure he was glad they were there for Merlin and that they had come when he no doubt asked them to. But the part of him which had rehearsed the speech in his mind along the way back crushed into an annoyed mess of unhappiness. Of all the things, why was his timing always so off? Well, he supposed it served him right to leave Merlin alone in the first place.

"Where is your signature?"

The blunt question threw Arthur for a loop. What did Merlin mean? As he walked further into the gallery and he spotted his painting spread out onto the round table however instant recognition of the reason for the question dawned on him. "You need to ask?"

When all Arthur got in answer were blank stares and a firm nod from Gwaine he sighed. Sometimes he worried for their friends. Their clear lack of business instinct made it no wonder why they had little money to share between them. "Because the moment I do put my name on it I may as well sign our death warrant."

"You… what?"

Arthur shrugged at his lover's innocence. "Journalists love a good story, no matter if they have to stretch the truth for a bit, and father knew how to play them the day I resigned. He turned the story of my leaving his way before I even had a chance to tell my side of it. Remember all those failed job applications? It wasn't because of my lack of merits or qualifications, but only over my bad reputation. I have accepted it and so should you."

"You never said…", Merlin began at the same time Gwaine asked, "But what if we turned the unwanted attention into some free publicity?"

Looking between them Arthur shook his head in sadness, "What is the point? I don't want to carry his name, not anymore."

A hand fell onto his shoulder and when Arthur half turned to the owner he met Leon's small smile. "Maybe you don't need a last name? Not all artists use it."

The clever compromise made him smile to Leon with a nod of gratitude before in a flash he reached out to a tube of black paint. He dipped a small tipped brush into the paint and began to curl his first name, and only his first name, into the corner of his painting. Once he was done he looked up to his friends. "Excalibur will make a name on its own. We stand for honest art and we don't need the likes of others to wear us down or lift us up, you will see." Unwilling to speak more of it Arthur rolled up his sleeves. "So what's next?"

* * *

They worked hard through the rest of the day. By the end of it a set of portraits hung on the far end wall, joined by a short biography of each artist and owner in question. The crew of Excalibur, Lance had joked while he created the frames… but in a way it felt more than right to call them that. Merlin had confiscated the last one in the row from his friend for a while. To his surprise he found he could look at the sad portrayal of himself without bursting into tears or a fit of sadness all over again. When he showed his mother though the same thing could not be said. He held her, while telling her he was fine and for the first time in three years he found he believed himself when he spoke the word. Together they completed the series on the wall by placing Merlin's portrait on the left end.

After one last round of coffees Lance offered Hunith a ride home and then before he could even blink Merlin found he had the gallery to himself. Now where had Arthur snuck off to? "Arthur?!" His unanswered call made him believe his lover had gone up into the loft already. So Merlin locked the gallery front door and he followed him up. Taking the stairs two steps at the time he made quick work of his ascend, eager to be alone with Arthur. He half ran into the open spaced living area, but then he stopped when he found Arthur stand in front of the window, looking outside without actually seeing the street covered in the light of dusk. How long ago had he slipped out from under the radar?

"Arthur?" Again no answer, so Merlin walked over to stand together and wrap Arthur up into his arms from behind. "What is on your mind?" A shrug was his only answer this time, but Merlin did not accept it as such. "You know you can talk to me, don't you? After all the listening you have done I owe you anyway. I know something has been on your mind today, but the others were in the way for me to ask. Now that we are alone you have no excuses anymore… so out with it."

Arthur half grinned, half sighed. "You may not be so eager if you knew what it was."

"Out with it anyway."

"Alright", Arthur turned around to grab his hands. "I am not going down on my knees for this, but here it is. Yesterday has made me think life is too short. When you asked me I said no out of reflex and to be frank you startled me. Ever since I have thought about it and I realise that we are almost there anyway. This loft is not much and I may not be the catch I once was, but… oh heck, I don't care."

To Merlin's shock Arthur dropped down to one knee anyway. Did that mean what he think it did? His heart jumped with excitement and fear at once. "For a long time now I have felt lost, unsure of what I wanted out of life, but then you came along. You and me… we fit together. I am not a man of many words, but what I am trying to say is this. You are the one for me. I don't need an answer right away, and I promise you I can wait for as long as you need me to. Merlin Emrys… will you marry me one day?"


	27. Chapter 27

Seconds passed and Arthur drowned in his nerves while he stared up at Merlin, waiting for an answer. No way to pass it off as a joke or a lapse of better judgement now. Why had he even fallen down to one knee? Everything he had rehearsed, every word to ease Merlin into it had been lost earlier that day. Why did he not wait for a better time? It was so like him to just blurt it out in the heat of the moment. 

"Yes…" Merlin's smile grew wider, "Yes, Arthur Pendragon. I am not ready and I don't know when I will be, but I would love to marry you one day."

Arthur blinked, unable to comprehend the answer through his rioting nerves and doubts. Of all the things he had not expected Merlin to be quite so enthusiastic. Even while Merlin pulled him up onto his feet to kiss him Arthur still felt flustered. "Do you mean it?"

"Yes, I do." Merlin pulled something black out from his pocket. He grinned then as he let its ends fall away and revealed he had carried one of the nylon cords Arthur had used on his body the other day with him. Arthur startled at the revelation in front of him. Did that mean what he think it did? "All day I have wanted you to use this on me. I want to give you everything I am and show you how I feel now that nothing holds me back anymore."

"But I haven't thought of how…"

Merlin kissed him on the lips, making it impossible to speak. "Then for once don't think and just go for it. Make your knots, tie me up and leave me at your mercy. Draw me, make love to me… please Arthur, claim me as yours."

"Merlin…" Blood rushed south so fast Arthur could not help his breathless moan. Of all the things he was ever given in life Merlin seemed to still be able to stun the hell out of him by taking it up another notch. Arthur wanted to ask if his lover was sure about his request, but got beaten to it by the rope that got pushed into his hands. One last glance into sure eyes warned him not to waste another moment and since he was all turned on by the idea of what lay ahead Arthur did not deny Merlin. "Alright then, undress for me."

His eyes roved over Merlin while he undressed. Arthur wanted to touch, but he refrained from it in order to stay in control. Instead he twirled the end of rope in his hand to come up with inspiration. With a wicked smiled in his mind he remembered one of the sketches he made. What would his lover look like for real if he went for it? 

Eager to find out Arthur grabbed a hold of Merlin to twist his own hand in the unruly raven hair which almost curled into wide eyes filled with raw, unhidden lust. Unable to resist he kissed his lover hard. Their lips crushed together even while he let go of Merlin's hair to grab his wrists and hold them together tight. "Keep them there", Arthur said when the need to come up for air pulled him away from Merlin. Like he had expected the order met with a perfect stillness, broken only by pants of shameless need.

To tease some more Arthur trailed a slow finger from Merlin's belly button along the line of dark hairs which marked a path south. Just above the glistening tip of the swollen prick Arthur curved his path to the side to stroke a hip before he moved on to the crack between ass cheeks. In answer to his by far too light brush Merlin moaned, "tease." 

"You asked for it. Now to make sure you will behave…" With sudden speed Arthur wrapped the two pale wrists up in to the rope. A few tight loops and knots ensured Merlin stood straight before him with both of his hands bound behind his back. "That is much better. Get on your knees." Arthur took great delight in watching his lover drop down the moment his order rolled from his lips. With practised moves he then slid out of his jeans to free his hard cock from its confines so he could feed it to Merlin. 

* * *

The heavy weight which filled up his mouth felt so good to Merlin. Even better was the way Arthur once more wrapped a hand into his messy hair. His mother and Gwen pestered him earlier today that he needed a haircut now his hair curled into the nape of his neck and around his ears, but Merlin found he was glad it had grown long enough for Arthur to pull on it in the way he did. Fingers curled into his scalp, as if an unspoken order for him to take the rigid cock deeper into his mouth. Merlin pulled back a little in answer of it and after one breath he sucked it back inside as hard and as far as he could manage in one go. 

"Merlin!" The grunt of pleasure encouraged him to do it again… and again until he felt Arthur shiver with the effort to keep himself up on his feet. Straining his wrists into the knots that held them into place on his back Merlin felt how they burned a trace into his skin. The slight sensation of pain it caused added to the lust pooling into his groin. So bad he wanted for Arthur to thrust even harder into him now. He had no way to let him know though, other then to moan "more" around the throbbing prick, which once more slid deep into his mouth.

The vibration from within his throat seemed to travel right into Arthur, who pushed back inside of him with reckless abandon. One hard thrust and Merlin felt the cock in his mouth twitch with need. He pressed his tongue flat against Arthur on his next thrust and in reward his lover groaned his name out once more. "So hot, you should see yourself, on your knees before me with my cock in your filthy mouth like that. I could just fuck you raw like this and you would take it like the good boy you are, wouldn't you?"

Unable to speak Merlin hummed, only to be stopped by the hand which twisted in his hair and the groaned snarl from Arthur. "Gods! You keep this up and I am going to fill you up so fast that you will have to swallow every last drop of my come. It'd be so good too, but no… I can't let you off that easy. You're going to have to beg first before you can have the reward of my release."

Faster than Merlin could keep up with Arthur pulled back out of his mouth with an obscene sound. Saliva and precome dribbled down his chin, but Merlin could not stop it from falling, because his hands were bound tight. Instead Arthur lifted up his head and he wiped a thumb over his chin for him. He leaned over then to kiss Merlin, no doubt tasting himself on his lips. The thought alone had Merlin writhe as he sat back on his hunches. "Arthur please", he begged for more when his lover came up for air.

In a flash Arthur was behind him and he pushed him forwards to rest on his elbows. "Lower", came a growl while one hand pushed on his neck to make him lie down with his face on the soft carpet floor. The other hand spread his knees out wider even before it travelled back up along his calf and into the crack of his arse. 

Merlin rolled back into the touch at the same time Arthur decided to breech him. The combination of action ensured the digit slid into him all the way. It caused a burning shiver of pleasure pain that had him scream out in lust. Gods, he wanted more of it.

"Easy there." Fingers wrapped around the base of his cock and to Merlin's shock they pinched hard, forcing his rapid rising need of need to stay trapped within his balls. "Mine, remember? I say when you move." A ring wrapped around his now aching length then, "And I say when you come. Now stay still, I will be right back."

* * *

Arthur knew he had no choice but to rein Merlin back in. His lover was so turned on he could come long before he was ready to let him. It sure was a good thing he had passed by the mailbox on his way in and he had left the envelope that held his order at the online adult toys shop discarded on the salon table. Arthur unpacked the rest of his latest purchases, two long strings of rope and more lube, and he smirked at the excellent timing from the mailman. 

With a gentle smack on one eager ass Arthur ordered Merlin to stay where he was while he began wrapping his torso and back into an intricate pattern of knots and lines of rope. They had no real purpose, other than that Arthur believed the black lines looked good on Merlin's pale skin. 

Once he was done Arthur swept clear the rest of the clutter from the salon table before he ordered. "Lie across it for me", his cock jumped at the pliant way Merlin followed his instructions as he helped place limbs into the wanted position. When his lover laid spread out across it in a shameless picture of lust Arthur stepped back to appreciate how his fantasy had come to life. Pale limbs, a bound body, tense muscles and an arse that glistened with sweat and the first drips of the oil he used before sullied the glass surface. His hands sure had made a mess from Merlin's hair, which now stood out at angles that were both adorable and ridiculous at once. "Almost perfect. Now for the finishing touch…" 

Kneeling at the side of the table Arthur spread out limbs even further to stretch Merlin to his limits. The added tension in muscles would add to his lover's pleasure soon. By the time he was done tying the four limbs to short table legs Merlin panted hard with need. "Arthur…", the breathless whimper sounded downright sexy. 

"I am going to take you first and then I will draw you with my come dripping out of your sweet hole while you are still hard for me." Arthur smiled at the way Merlin stayed silent, even though his wide eyes filled with lust betrayed how much he wanted it. While Arthur pulled his shirt over his head he added, "You are mine, Merlin."

"Yes…", the whimper was nothing short of sultry. "Claim me." The repeat of the earlier request wasn't lost on Arthur. He knew by now that they were both as desperate as the other for their joining, and so he wasted no time. 

Earlier Arthur believed he could take Merlin slow, but instead he changed his mind and in a matter of mere moments he slicked his cock up and he kneeled behind the ass which hung off the side of the table. One push and his pre-come glistening tip opened Merlin up. Inch by inch he pushed onwards to be met with lust filled moans. Barely prepared for their joining Merlin was tight and hot around him, his arse gripping a hold of his cock in an invitation Arthur did not want to deny them both. 

"Take me… do it…", begs rolled from Merlin's lips. Each one got muttered into the surface of the table with a guttural groan. Like always Merlin seemed incapable of staying silent. 

Arthur did not mind, not in the least, because every filthy beg spoken in the deep voice went straight into his prick. He encouraged Merlin for more, "Tell me how it feels."

"Gods, you're making me feel so full, all stretched around you and unable to touch. I am so hard… and I want to… nghhh. That's it, deeper… more. Arthur!" At the shout of his name Merlin grabbed a hold of the edge of the table with tense knuckles. There was no doubt in Arthur's mind that he found the sensitive spot he wanted to push into with each thrust, just so he could watch Merlin ride out the intense sensations.

Further words eluded his lover when Arthur thrust back into his ass as hard as he could. In no time he set a rhythm to the sharp rolls of his hips that had them moan with every thrust. Underneath him he felt Merlin writhe in counter to his body, or at least as far as the ropes allowed him to go. It was so perfect to hear Merlin pant and beg, while knowing he could not come because of the ring keeping his orgasm trapped inside. The idea of it had Arthur push even harder into him. 

Faster he fucked himself into the body below him. He could not last, but in this scenario it did not matter. Arthur planned to take Merlin again after he drew him. For now he would just take and take, until he filled Merlin with his seed and he soiled his body with his sweat. Once… twice… and on the next thrust the blinding spike of pleasure exploded from deep within him to curl out into his release. "Merlin!"


	28. Chapter 28

Hot wetness trickled out of him while Merlin laid frustrated on the salon table. His every nerve ending screamed to be touched, but instead his tormentor pulled out of him and he left him feel by far too empty. "Please", his whimper was met with a comforting pet on his left ass cheek. 

"Hush now. I promise to finish you off later, but first…" Bare feet padded away then, leaving Merlin to pant out his need. Frustrated he tried to catch a glimpse of his lover, who now searched for something. "Merlin, have you seen my sketchbook? I thought I left it on the counter, but it isn't there anymore." There was a hint of annoyance in the voice still affected by the thick lust they had shared between them. 

"Did you not take it with you when you went out?"

"Oh drat, I must have misplaced it when I came back. Never mind, I suppose I will find it later. For now this sheet of canvas will do me quite nicely."

Unexpected Arthur returned to his side in silence a few seconds later. It was something Merlin only grew quite aware of when his lover trailed a finger over every bump and knot of the rope bound along his spine before he dipped the wicked digit into his opening to push his release back inside of him, so it could leak back out. "Tsk, such a mess you make of our table. All spread wide open wide with your greedy behind offered to me for my pleasure. You feel empty don't you? I assure you Merlin, I am going to fill you soon, but you're gonna have to wait for me to be ready for a second round."

"Tease." It was out before he could stop himself.

Arthur seemed far from chastised by it for he answered him with a wicked sounding cackle of amusement. Merlin found that his still leaking cock stirred at the confidence in it. He groaned with even more treacherous lust when Arthur's tongue licked a line along his ear shell before he half whispered in his ear, "Silent now, I need to concentrate."

To his frustration Merlin realised he was in for the long hold when his lover walked away to sit down just within the line of his vision at the kitchen table. The distance between them had Merlin wonder what Arthur was up to, until he saw him hold up a pencil and smile his infuriating "I am in control and I damn well know it" smile. Hands began to move in lines and curves over the piece of canvas Arthur had spread out on the table earlier. Merlin knew with growing sadness that Arthur was drawing when his focus shifted away somewhat. Damn, why did he crave attention so bad that he already began to feel lost without Arthur's hands on his body?

In spite of his feelings though Merlin wondered what he looked like from Arthur's point of view. Did his skin look as flustered from his need as it felt? Merlin knew his pale skin made a sharp contrast with the dark lines the rope painted over his back. Was that what turned Arthur on about the knots, or was it something else? He would have to ask later. Maybe when he felt not bound to his submissive silence. 

Merlin pulled on the ropes, which held him firm in place, to test what space he had left to move. A soft moan escaped him when his swollen cock rubbed just right against the surface of the table. Gods, it felt good, even when it was by far not enough friction to get off on; not that the ring would allow him to. Unable to fight his need for more however he did it again… and again…

* * *

Nothing in life had ever been this hard to him. Arthur wanted to touch Merlin more than anything else. He wanted to tease him and make love to him until Merlin begged for his release. But no, he needed to stay in control and be patient, just like he promised Merlin he would be this evening. So instead he focussed on his artwork, using the pencil to work out his frustration at being the dominant one. 

For the first time in his short art career his lines were sharp and angled as he made the ropes and the patterns they made stand out against skin. Later he would colour in the black against the cream, a combination which enthralled him from the first time. Arthur did not want to hide anything; this painting would show bdsm for what it was and how beautiful a man bound in a submissive position could be. But he needed for Merlin to show those who would look at the painting how turned on his subject was… hmm.

"Tell me, Merlin. How do you want me to take you? Shall I go slow, take you apart with just my tongue and fingers? Or do you want my cock fast and hard?" Arthur decided to turn Merlin into a more flustered state of arousal with just words.

"I… don't know. You are the one in charge." 

The blush was cute, but Arthur required more for his inspiration. "Humour me. Maybe if you tempt me enough you can persuade me to untie you so you can ride me in the way you want at your free will. Would you like that?"

"God yes."

"Then speak to me."

Another blush, but this time Merlin found his tongue. "There are times when I want you to throw me over the round table downstairs and take me so hard I can't walk straight for days. I wonder how far I can push you to go with nothing but my body underneath yours. I want your cock inside me, filling me inch by inch and stretching me wide so you can claim me with nothing but one last order. I need you to fuck me and make me feel complete so bad on some days it scares me."

"I…" This time Arthur was the one lost for words, caught by surprise at the intense needs from his lover. 

It grew even more of a problem when Merlin continued. "On other days I want your fingers and tongue to open me up for you. I want to be hugged and loved in your arms. You'd take me so slow while you fill me up in that damned controlled way of yours, until you are so deep inside of me that I can taste you."

A moan betrayed how much Merlin affected himself by speaking of his desires. Arthur observed his lover's body, seeing the flush of renewed want rise up from pale cheeks into his chest. Even as Arthur drew the next line he thought Merlin had never looked more sensual and turned on. He would colour in the blushes later, but the opened mouth and dilated pupils were a sight to behold on his drawing already.

Unaware of how inspiration worked itself out onto canvas Merlin continued, "Arthur… I want to ride you. Let me please? It'd be so good. I can do slow too, if you like. Make you feel me clench my ass around you in my need to have all you offer. Leave the ropes tied around my torso and back, I love those. Leave the blasted ring on if you must too. Just let my hands and legs go free so I can straddle you and lower myself onto your swollen cock. I am still slick with your release, so I can do it right away. Make us both feel… every inch of you while I fuck you into… my tight arse." 

The sentence broke off into soft pants while Merlin writhed even firmer on the table. It was clear to Arthur that his lover was so hard it hurt, but he stayed silent for a bit longer to see how far Merlin would go in his begs. 

"Please? I can't wait… I need to be touched… want my release. Arthur… set me free to take myself apart on your cock." The edge of despair which now crept up into the deep voice had Arthur push back his chair so hard it clattered to the floor. He had waited too long, bloody hell! Why had he not seen? From their first time he brought ropes into the bedroom he knew that Merlin needed his touch when bound tight. As he rushed over to the man he loved Arthur cursed himself for not checking on his emotional state sooner.

* * *

Merlin whimpered in relief at the first touch. A tear rolled over his cheek while first his ankles and then his wrists were freed clear from the table legs. He shivered when Arthur unclasped the ring around the base of his prick and he helped him sit up. "I am sorry for leaving your side. I know how much you need me to… and I didn't see." 

The swallowed back regret in his words had Merlin push Arthur down on his ass so he sat on the floor. Glad when Arthur allowed him the freedom of the action Merlin crawled into his lap where he sat up to kiss him. "My fault too, I ordered you to do it. I was the one who wanted you to draw me messed up like this… and yet, when you left me." Merlin shuddered at the lonely feeling of it. "But Arthur, I can't deny you. When you tease me, you sound so sexy…" His shudder turned into a shiver of want as Arthur's lips met his in a chaste and yet passionate kiss.

"But you must. Keep talking to me, Merlin. When we do this it has be good for us both. Don't ever let me forget your need for contact again." Arthur forced him to look into his eyes with a finger under his chin. "When I sat at the table alone I missed you too." With his thumb Arthur wiped the lone tear on his cheek away.

Merlin leaned into the touch and he wriggled even closer to Arthur to seek friction. "You left me so hard though. I want to have you. Will you lie back for me, so I can ride you?

He need not ask twice, because in a flash Arthur was spread out on his back, with his cock twitching upwards as if to prove just how much he wanted it. If Merlin had his wits about him he would tease Arthur for it. Instead he was so desperate for the touch he craved the most that he crawled over his lover in a hurry. One breath and Merlin had straddled him, but rather than to keep up with his speed he slowed down when he lowered himself to take Arthur inside of him.

Inch after inch slid into him. Merlin groaned at the sweet sensation of the hard cock filling him up at his own pace. Even slower he lifted himself up on his hunches only to go back down with a sharp roll of his hips. In one go he took Arthur deep into his ass while his lover curled his hands to fists into the carpet. "Merlin, so tight… feels so good. Faster… fuck yourself onto me. You know you want to feel me, so take it." 

Taking the words as an order Merlin rocked down faster and at an even sharper angle into the body underneath his. "Fuck", he hissed when he felt the cock inside him rub even harder into his prostate. Unable to stop himself Merlin picked up the pace, going from slow to fast… into desperate rolls of his hips. Hands wrapped around the cheeks of his ass guided him in his thrusts now. 

"Please Arthur", he begged for his release, unable to completely let go of what they started earlier. "Let me come. I need to…", he thrust down hard to show just how desperate he was.

"Merlin…" The loss of speech was anything but deliberate Merlin realised when he looked into the dilated pupils of the man who writhed underneath him. Something about the way Arthur curled his fingers into his body made Merlin wonder what had shifted in his mood. How come his lover seemed even more desperate for release than he did?

The fingers curled even sharper into his ass cheeks then, urging him on and no doubt leaving bruises in shapes that left nothing to the imagination. Merlin whined, unable to do anything in his desperate need but to fuck Arthur even deeper into him at the next roll of his hips. Every thrust rewarded him with a sharp spike of arousal as Arthur met him halfway on each move. Once more he felt the hardness inside of him slide up firm into his prostate and he threw back his head in an open mouthed, yet soundless cry for more. 

"Mine", Arthur claimed with a groan of lust while one of his hands twisted into the pattern of ropes that wrapped up Merlin's body. Though not an order this time Merlin felt how Arthur pulled on the knots to remind him of how much he liked the burn of being bound. Another tug and Merlin clenched around the cock trapped inside of him. In answer warm wetness trickled inside of his arse while Arthur cried out his name. "Merlin! So beautiful… all mine."

Unable to resist the claim of ownership Merlin threw back his head and he came hard over his lover's chest. It was only when he collapsed onto the soft body below him that he realised he had taken Arthur's self control apart just before his own orgasm hit.


	29. Chapter 29

The next day passed by in a blur of action, as did the day after it. Arthur knew opening up a business was hard work, but in his job before he had professionals to lean upon. Now he could only fall back on friends rather than colleagues. In a way it was more comforting, but in the business sense of it the five of them were lost in most things and that worried Arthur more than he let them know. So even though in his eyes they were all equal owners of Excalibur he led them into a plan of attack. 

Right now though he had the gallery to himself. Gwen had gone home with Lance to rest for a few hours. Her swollen ankles demanded she'd take a break, as did the spirited unborn baby boy kicking inside of her. Merlin was off spreading out the flyers they had put together themselves. Arthur had not quite admitted it, but he was amazed by the talent Merlin showed in everything with a graphical layout. To think he needed to learn so much more about the man he was now engaged to.

Engaged, it sounded so unlike him, but even as he thought about it Arthur felt a thrill of joy. In spite of his mistake the other day to abandon Merlin while he was tied up Arthur felt like they had never been closer. It stunned him that Merlin did not even want or need his apology for his error. No, if Arthur were honest he suffered more for it than his lover did. Ever since he found it hard to take charge and he no longer quite trusted himself. 

Though it saddened him it at the same time had him wonder if he dared to reverse the roles. Maybe if he understood more of what it meant to submit your body to the whims of another man that he would understand how far he could push it while being in control? But how could he when even the idea of being bound made him tremble? To his sadness Arthur had to admit it was a step too far for him. For too long he had felt tied by the unseen bounds of expectations and the watchful eyes from his father. To give up his hard fought control bordered on the impossible. Still, he could not deny himself the fact that an in control Merlin turned him on. If only there was a way to do it without ropes?

Arthur shook his thoughts back to the radio when he heard Gwaine's voice come through. In today's broadcast Leon and Gwaine promoted the gallery during an interview with a local deejay. On normal days none of them listened to this station, but of course today it was a different story. Arthur listened on as Gwaine spoke of their exhibition with his usual enthusiasm. "It is a bold statement of love. Some may find our artwork is full on, but we feel there is an elegance to be found in the human body, one that while no one talks about it we all share in some way or another." 

While listening on Arthur did the accounts. So many bills to pay, but so little money to spend. He had to be clever about it. Well, it was a good thing he had experience and he knew of a few back alleys too, thanks to his uncle Agravaine. Ugh, why did he even think about the man? Arthur cringed at the thought of how his uncle cheated even good people out of their money. If anything he hoped that one day his father saw right through him. Damn it, why did he miss Uther regardless of his stupid strict ways? Maybe he ought to call Morgana; she would tell him if father was alright, would she not? Annoyed by his fit of doubts Arthur left the counter in search of a break away from money and bills.

Before he was even aware of it he made a mess of the round table with paint tubes, canvas and a variation of brushes. Sharp angles of a male body needed colour. Arthur soon brought to life skin and full lips filled with blood because the owner had bitten down on them. He loved Merlin like this, but he vowed to himself he'd never let Merlin pose while tied up again. After all every inch of pale skin was etched in his artistic mind and so he could take it from there with his next painting. Truth was that he'd never tire of his subject. "I won't leave you", Arthur wanted to tell him with each line he now perfected.

The clang of the doorbell announced the return of one of his friends, but he did not notice it through the turmoil in his mind and the creativity pouring out of him. Dark shadows of knotted ropes began to form a bolder pattern. Arthur wondered what it had felt like to Merlin; how much it had turned him on. He did say he liked it, but never in what way. Had the knots made Merlin hard?

"What if I wanted to repay the favour?" A husky voice whispered into his ear while its owner wrapped up into him from behind. "Say no if you don't want it, but I think you need a break from your mind. All this unspoken noise of worries and insecurities between us distracts you away from me. We can't have that, now can we?" 

Arthur felt how Merlin pressed the bulge of his clothed prick up into the crack of ass. Even through two layers of jeans Arthur shuddered with want. "Merlin… I…"

"Hush. I am stronger than I look. You know this to be true and yet you doubt me still. I am ready for life, Arthur. The other day was not your error, but mine… and believe me, it didn't change a thing for me. Do me a favour, finish this painting for me, and then I will take you apart upstairs by binding you to my whims. No more thoughts for you, only touches and surrender. Will you let me claim you like you claimed me?"

"I…", Arthur tried to make sense of his lust filled want and his fears at once. "But I am not so sure I can do it. The ropes I mean…"

Merlin nipped his ear shell with a soft bite. A tingle of lust went straight down his spine and the sensation had Arthur moan. "I know. You are too obsessed with control to let me do it and that is alright, because I am not sure I can tie you up in turn either. What I meant to do to you is surrender of a different kind. Do you trust me enough to let go?"

His answer fell short when the doorbell broke them apart. But even while Gwaine and Leon walked in Arthur felt how his body longed for what he could never ask for with words. He held Merlin close in a one armed hug for a second longer to whisper, "Always."

* * *

The rest of the day and most of the night took a far different turn than Merlin could have anticipated. So far Gwen had thrived on being pregnant, with healthy blushes of the unborn life kicking up a fuss inside of her. But then Lance called from the ambulance, with its siren and the tremble in his friend's otherwise so calm voice hitting home the urgency of the situation. "Something is wrong with Gwen and our baby. I am afraid, Merlin. She's in so much pain and I… there was blood…" The connection glitched and then his voice came back with two more words before it died altogether, "…the hospital…" 

All Merlin could do was call out to Leon. "Get the car. I will get Gwaine and Arthur. We have to get to the hospital now." One frown of worry had Merlin add, "It's Gwen and the baby." His friend needed no more explanation, even though they both knew this wrecked their schedule to get ready for the grand re-opening of Excalibur. Who cared for business when a friend was in trouble?

On the drive over to the hospital Merlin clung on to Arthur's thigh with a death grip. He never liked cars, probably would never sit calm inside one them ever again, but when even the usually calm Leon sped through the streets Merlin shuddered in fear. Even so he did not call for it to end. Only when they arrived at the hospital did Merlin rush out of the door in relief at the lack of movement.

After one deep breath Merlin followed his friends towards the entrance of the Accident and Emergency Department of the hospital with dread in his heart. What was wrong with Gwen? Did Lance know yet what had happened to her? Merlin swallowed passed the bile in his throat when they ran inside. The strong smell of disinfectants brought back a flash of old memories of running doctors and the stretcher which rolled him inside a different entrance. No, he did not like hospitals, but then who did? Merlin pushed aside his own experiences in favour of running over to the waiting area with his friends. Right away he spotted Lance, who sat hunched over in a hard plastic chair. 

"How is she?" 

At Leon's question Lance looked up. Sad lines in his face betrayed how much he worried about his wife and unborn son. "I don't know", Lance ran a hand through his hair in obvious despair. "The nurse said they would come and find me as soon as they know what is wrong with her, but I have not seen anyone since she left."

"Let me find someone", Arthur walked off again before they could stop him. 

Merlin smiled in thanks when with a shrug Gwaine followed Arthur in a hurried sprint. He then sat down next to Lance to show his support. "What happened?"

"I don't know. She had rested for a few hours and I was making her tea. Gwen had come down from the bedroom and she walked into the kitchen to meet me. I kissed her on the cheek, but she just stood there, her face twisted with pain. She said it was the baby. We waited for the pain to pass and for a moment it seemed it had, but then she just cried out and she began to bleed out."

"Gwen is in good hands." Merlin did not know who he tried to comfort here, himself or his friends. Either way he hoped the stubborn doctors of the A&E department would fight as hard for her as they did for him, even when he didn't want them to.

* * *

Arthur paced in the waiting area. "Patience", the sturdy nurse from the reception desk had told him. "We will come to you when we have answers." No matter what he tried, not even when he threw around his father's name, persuaded anyone into handing out more information. With a heavy heart Arthur let Gwaine push him back to where their friends waited for news. 

Minutes turned into an hour when finally a young nurse came over to tell Lance that he could visit Gwen. "Your wife is not out of the woods yet, I am afraid. Right now it is touch and go if she and her baby will make it…" Her voice had drifted off as she walked off with haggard looking Lance. The damned nurse left the rest of them sit in the uncomfortable chairs of the waiting area with more questions than answers.

By accident his eyes glanced over a small table where a newspaper laid spread out. A photograph from his uncle guided out of the office building by two uniformed cops stood out to him. Arthur blinked at the large printed letters of the headline and smiled wryly, "Agravaine de Bois of Pendragon Enterprises arrested on fraud." Curious to see what else the article said he picked up the newspaper to roll his eyes in amusement at how Morgana spun recent events into a spiel of how Pendragon Enterprises would seize the opportunity to blow a new wind through the ranks and business deals. Typical!

Arthur had no doubt on his mind that the company would not suffer from the arrest in the long run. In fact, without Agravaine's schemes and plots they were all by far better of. It made him happy to know his sister, and even his father, no longer would have to deal with the man. Arthur dropped the newspaper back down to speak of the news to his friends, but their sad faces brought him back to the cold reality of why he was here to begin with. Who cared about his uncle and his fraudulous behaviour? He sure as hell didn't care the man was now locked up… it served him right. And so Arthur stayed silent. 

Unable to find comfort in the waiting room and the hard chair he sat on Arthur got up to walk over to the wall of glass windows, which offered the waiting area at least some light. He stared outside, without actually seeing the lights of the cars that drove on by when a question came to his mind. Was this what it had been like when his mother got rushed into the hospital on the day he was born? Arthur could almost imagine his father pace the same waiting area. Frown on his face, steel blue lost in fear and a stern voice demanding answers; and yet all Uther could do was sit in a long wait of endless worries. There was no doubt on Arthur's mind that his father would not have coped well with it, at least not as graceful as Lance had done until he was called out.

His growing thoughts of gloom made Arthur shiver. What if Gwen suffered the same fate as his dear mother Ygraine did? Even the idea that the boy would grow up without Gwen had him wince in sympathy. Nothing felt right about a son who would never get to know his mother's love. Arthur fought down the anger at the injustice of why this happened to such a sweetheart like Gwen. She should have been spared the pain of her pregnancy gone wrong. In some room down the hallway Gwen fought for her life and the idea of it alone had him upset. At least it was a small mercy Lance now sat with her. Did they hold hands? Was Gwen even awake? So many questions and no one told them what went on.

"Arthur?" A hand fell upon his shoulder. He turned around to meet Merlin, who looked at him with the same worry that no doubt showed on his own face.

"The boy can't lose his mum, Merlin. He just can't."

"I know. Why don't you come sit with us?" His headshake was met with a different look of concern. "What is it?"

"My mother came in here and she never left. If I hate this place today when it is not my wife and son's lives on the lines… then imagine what my father went through. I feel like I can understand him where I did not before."

"But it was never your fault."

"I know", Arthur sighed, unsure about how to explain to Merlin that he did not blame his father anymore if he on some days, when he grieved for his wife, felt unable to look upon his son without the pain of loss.

Merlin squeezed his shoulder in answer. "Uther is wrong to turn you away and he will see it one day. Fathers always have a bond with their sons. You mark my words."

"And one day pigs will fly." With a wry smile for the offered support Arthur attempted to shrug his gloomy mood off. After a pause he wondered out loud, "What do you know of fathers anyway? I thought you only had a mother."


	30. Chapter 30

"You should not think. It is dangerous." Merlin grinned when his deadpan answer met with a look of annoyance. 

"But you never spoke of him."

"It is how father is, more absent then present. Mother and I have long ago accepted it." 

"Tell me more about him?"

Merlin looked around the waiting room. On the other side Gwaine and Leon sat close together, speaking in hushed words, as if they too tried to shorten the time they spent waiting in worry. Maybe now was a strange time to speak of Balinor, but at the same time Merlin saw in Arthur's guarded and worried stance that he needed the distraction.

"My father is Balinor, or rather Special Agent Balinor Emrys."

Pools of wide blue eyed him up. "He's… what? Merlin, of all the times to make a joke."

"No it's the truth", Merlin said while he pulled Arthur away from the windows to sit them both down. "He works for MI5, has done so since I was young. Half the time mother and I don't know where he is, or even who he is, I suppose. He goes deep undercover from time to time, but he always comes back home. We never know when he returns though, and what he is like when he does. Some missions seem to take a lot out of him, but he can't speak of it. It feels like we get to see only the side of him he wants to share."

"So at present he's away, isn't he?"

"Yeah", Merlin sighed. With everything that had happened in the past few weeks and now speaking of Balinor it made him realise how much he missed him. A glance at the clock on the far end wall showed him it had gone past twelve. The day of his birthday had begun… and no one knew about it. It all seemed so pointless to share it when the man he wanted to be there had gone off to some place to pretend he was something else. 

"From what you tell me he sounds a bit like you." Arthur seemed to grin at his confusion. "All secretive and stuff, I mean. I have seen you do it, you know. Even now when we sit here side by side and it looks like you are all here I feel how you are hiding from the world. It makes me wonder how much of you I have yet to unravel."

"I wasn't always as close guarded like this, but I guess I learned from the best when I felt like I had no other choice", Merlin could not help but mutter.

Arthur shook his head, "The accident? Merlin, I know how bad you got hurt by it and that by hiding yourself you found a way to keep going, but please… not anymore? I am not afraid of your secrets. Nothing you can say will make me walk away, nothing, you hear."

Merlin smiled at the way Arthur cut right to it. For a man who said he found it hard to speak of feelings Arthur sometimes sure had a way with words. Merlin saw in his eyes he believed in what he said too. Maybe it was time to get rid of this adopted reflex to hide out of fear of getting hurt any further? Or he'd be doomed to stay as distant to his lover as his father seemed to his mother on some days. "I know and I will try, I promise."

* * *

A moment of silence fell between them. Immediately Arthur picked up on the sound of a nurse calling in the distance. Her shoes rushed over the floor and away into the further distance. Another emergency perhaps? He dreaded to think what it meant. To cover up his shiver of fear for Gwen he turned back to face Merlin. "Why don't you start today? Tell me one of your secrets", Arthur nudged his lover's side with a grin. "Right here, right now… we have some time to kill anyway. I'd rather not wait in silence for news."

Again Merlin seemed to glance over at the clock. What was so significant about the time? Before Arthur could ask it Merlin sighed, "Today is my birthday."

Incredulous by the quiet statement of truth Arthur stared at him. "Merlin, you should talk more. How can we know when to buy you gifts when you don't say?"

Merlin shook his head, "I have not wanted to celebrate it since the accident. Plus we have been so busy lately that in all truth I forgot about it. But now when I finally realise what today is it just seems even more pointless. I can't celebrate my life when Gwen and her baby are fighting for theirs some place down these hallways."

Arthur pulled him in for a one armed hug, "I understand and I am sorry, Merlin. We should have been able to throw you a party. You do not deserve more sad birthdays."

While curling up further into him Merlin shrugged, "It doesn't matter. I am fine without one. The only gift I want this year is for Gwen and her boy to live."

Once more silence fell between them. Arthur had not wanted to make Merlin feel sad or to remind them both of why they were here, but the truth did not ease off on them. In the corner of his eyes he saw Gwaine fidget and he winced in sympathy. How much longer would the night drag on without any news?

The return appearance of Lance in the hallways some ten minutes later had the four of them jump up. Arthur reached his side first, but before he could even ask what went on Lance burst out in a wide smile. "They are both alright. Guys, I still can't believe it, but I am a father. Gwen gave birth to our beautiful boy Elyan."

"What was wrong with her?" Gwaine asked while Arthur breathed out a loud sigh of relief. 

"The doctor said she suffered a placental abruption and it could have killed them both. That was why she suffered so much pain and she bled out on the spot. They rushed her into surgery, because they knew enough from what I had told them to diagnose her. They were just in time too, or so I was told. Had I called but a moment later", Lance grimaced. "I could have lost her…"

There was no doubt on Arthur's mind that his friend had suffered and worried more than the rest of them combined. It was all in the way he stared out into world with exhausted eyes that brimmed with tears of many different emotions. "But you didn't." He grabbed his friend by the shoulder to offer him support.

Arthur squeezed his fingers further into the broad shoulder he kept a hold of while he glanced over at the clock, "Today is a good day for birthdays, my friend." He tried to wink unseen to Merlin. "A day to celebrate life for many years to come." It took some effort for Arthur not to grin at the desperate head shake from his lover and the way Gwaine seemed to pick up on their silent conversation with a narrowed look of suspicion.

"But today we are supposed to open the doors of Excalibur and now that can't happen. I hate how I have to let you down after all the hard work we did." It stunned Arthur how even now Lance was so selfless that he thought of his friends at a time like this.

"Says who? Leave it to us, my friend." Arthur gestured at the others, while he crossed the fingers of his other hand unseen behind his back in the hope he was right. "We have the rest covered. Merlin can do the catering, I will welcome people at the door and Gwaine and Leon can show them around. You see? Nothing to worry about. Just take care of Gwen for us and let us know when we can visit her."

When Lance nodded with a trace of hesitance and they were both met with firm nods of agreement Arthur smiled in an effort to show that he had taken control. Now was when it mattered the most business wise. And while he had his doubts about the future he opted to take a leaf out of Merlin's book by taking on some of his father's best traits. Uther Pendragon never wavered when it came to business and nor would he. To relax meant that they could lose everything they had worked for. No way he would let it happen! 

* * *

Merlin followed Arthur on the way back outside. The sudden way his lover turned back into full business mode would amuse him if it were not so late an hour. "Arthur stop. How are we going to pull it off? It has gone beyond the middle of the night and we have too little time left when we wake up in the morning." He voiced his doubts when they were far away enough for Lance to not overhear them. 

"By working harder than we've planned, I fear, but who needs sleep anyway?"

Gwaine nodded, "We work through the night."

"I am game if you are. If we stop now…" Leon did not finish his sentence under the firm nod of Arthur. Merlin stared between them when they shared a look they had perfected as childhood friends. It spoke to him of loyalty and of a fighting spirit he had not seen in many other men. "I do not want to lose what I have left of my brother."

"You won't have to", Merlin caught onto what he had almost missed because of their initial silence. "I am too wired to sleep anyway."

"Good man", Gwaine clapped his back. "Now before we go, what was that about earlier?"

"What was what about?" Merlin startled under the intense stare of by far too sharp eyes which pinned him down where he stood. 

"Today is a good day for birthdays", Gwaine used his fingers to show he quoted Arthur back at him. "Whose birthday I wonder? I know at least three of us are not celebrating theirs today, so out with it."

"You see too much."

Gwaine shrugged, "I know. It's part of my charm."

In the corner of his eyes Merlin saw how Arthur rolled his eyes while Leon smiled wryly at him. "Afraid he's not wrong about that."

"Yeah", Merlin could not help but be amused by the way Gwaine once more wriggled the truth out of him. He did not know who was worse, Arthur or Gwaine, when it came to pushing him back to a place where friends became both infuriating and the best parts of life at once. "So maybe it is, but who cares? I keep breathing for a year and another birthday will come. Today though we have more important matters to take care of."

"Maybe", Arthur said while he caught the car keys Leon threw at him. "But that does not mean we will ignore this one." Merlin groaned in worry when his three friends walked off after a shared look that spelled trouble of a birthday kind in his near future.


	31. Chapter 31

The four of them gathered around the round table. One last round of extra strong and generous sweetened coffees served to give them a new dose of energy. At last Excalibur looked its best and so did they; all dressed up in the smartest clothes they owned. It was a good thing, Arthur realised, that he had walked out on his family on an office day and he had worn his suit.

Looking at each one of his friends Arthur smiled. "We did it. We've worked our arses off and it was worth it. Nothing will stand in our way for as long as we believe we can make it. Today we start our future as team Excalibur, even though Lance and Gwen are not here. There is no going back and no more doubts for any of us. We charm our customers and we sell some of our works. On this Saturday we make money. And over the course of next week we make some more. Are you with me?"

"You bet!" Gwaine winked while Leon clasped his wrist in answer. Arthur waited for Merlin to react, but when he got nothing more than a lopsided smile he knew it was just a silent agreement. Even so he could not refuse to get some form of voiced answer. "Merlin?"

In answer Merlin held up the keys from the door. Arthur watched on when Merlin gulped down the last of his coffee, before he pushed back his chair to get up. "All or nothing."

"Go for it. Open the doors", Leon said. "If we're not ready now, we will never be."

Arthur nodded to Merlin when their eyes met. "By all means, don't let me stop you."

Nervous anticipation made way for action when the first customers showed less than five minutes later. Arthur almost ran to the door in his enthusiasm to greet them. Boy, was he going to sell the place to them. "Welcome to Excalibur", he showed them the way in and with a wordless order he invited Merlin over to get them drinks. After introducing them to the gallery for a moment he left them in the hands of Gwaine, who soon had the two women wrapped up to attention. 

Arthur shook his head in amusement at the way Gwaine always flirted with people. He arrived back at the door just in time to welcome in more customers. With a smile he waited while one of them stayed behind for a bit to take a closer look at the sculpture just in front of the gallery. Leon had been right, he soon realised, the more people came the more of them drew to the sculpture. "You are welcome to place a bid on it", he said to a tall man with dark hair, who was dressed in a leather coat and black jeans. 

The self assured stranger looked up to meet him with a deep look. It almost felt to Arthur like the man stared straight through him. "Maybe I will. What is your name, son?"

Unsure whether he should correct the man on the use of "son" Arthur decided to humour him, even though he refused to say his last name. He almost cringed when the man's eyes narrowed for a moment. Had he picked up on it? With an unexpected smile his customer let him off the hook, "Let me see first if something else draws my attention."

"I will ask Gwaine, who made the sculpture, to show you around if you like, Mr…?"

"Ah no, that is okay", the man sounded firm in a way that had Arthur assume he was a leader or boss of some sort. "I would rather you did. If you don't mind?" The question seemed to get added as if an afterthought. 

Though Arthur could not get a grip on the stranger in the business sense of things he figured he stood the best chance of them all, regardless of the fact he felt nervous under the aura of mystery and power. Why had the man avoided saying his name? Arthur could not shake the feeling the man tested him. Never one to stand down from a challenge Arthur beckoned Leon over. "Let us swap places for a bit. That man over there requested of me to show him around. Maybe I can sell him the sculpture if I play our cards right."

"Go for it", Leon seemed to have no doubts about his business instinct. 

Arthur nodded before he hurried after the man he had just invited inside. Something about the dark haired stranger looked familiar to him, but what was it?

* * *

Merlin paid no attention to the entrance of Excalibur and how Leon swapped places with Arthur. He served drinks and made eyes with some of the ladies, and some of the men too, who glanced over his way from the sensual painting Arthur made of him. In some cases Merlin wondered what they made of him, though at the same time he did not quite care if they believed him a slut. Appearance was just a shell, or at least you could make it that. If anything his father taught him, though he had not done so deliberate, Merlin found he could hide better than most people. Even so he knew that he wore his heart on his sleeve with those who managed to push passed his walls.

As Merlin swerved through the crowd he managed not so spill the hot coffee he had made for Gwaine. Coming over to his friend's side he was met with a smile. Merlin grinned at the blatant eager with which Gwaine accepted his next caffeine fix. "Thanks."

"Any luck yet?"

"I have sold the sunflower one."

"Gwen will be happy." Merlin glanced over to the door. When he saw only Leon stand there to await more arrivals he asked, "Where has Arthur gone off to?"

"He walked off with a tall, dark and handsome, though older, stranger. They seem to have quite the intense conversation going."

Unable to miss the way Gwaine tried to rile him up Merlin laughed. "Well, he'd better sell Mr. Handsome a painting before he makes his move. I might just forgive Arthur if he makes us some proper money."

Gwaine snorted, "My friend, you're too good for this world."

"I have more drinks to serve. You go flirt some more, break some hearts and please, sell some more art before you do." With a parting grin Merlin shot off again.

"Yes sir." 

Merlin ignored the sloppy salute to get back to work. He was halfway over to the coffee machine when he spotted Arthur talking to someone who looked shockingly familiar to him. The call of "Father" stayed stuck in his throat in the moment when he saw Balinor stare at the revealing painting of his son with every ounce of his intense manners. 

Would his father judge him for showing himself in such a vulnerable way? And if he did, would he tell Merlin, or would he keep his distaste to himself like he normally did? More than anything Balinor was a proud man, gruff in his manners and intense in his emotions, if you knew how to see them. His curiosity and love for the man carried Merlin forth, even though he wondered whether his father was still undercover or not. He decided to plunge ahead and see what would happen. It was his birthday after all, and for once Merlin got to see his father on the day itself, even if he did have to move careful and pretend not to know who the tall stranger was…

* * *

Arthur led the composed customer further into the gallery. "Welcome to Excalibur. As you can see, we have recently renovated the place. Our team exists of four artists, a frame maker and a planner/creative assistant. This is the team." To his regret a woman blocked the photograph of Merlin with her body as she chatted to another couple of customers, but he supposed it did not matter for he could show him later. 

When the man merely hummed he decided to be a bit bolder. "We have gone for a new rise in creativity, as you will see. Let me start off with one of my paintings." Arthur pointed over to the first dividing wall, the one he passed by before. "I know it makes a bold statement for some, but we feel sexuality is an important part of life."

"Hmm." Arthur smiled to himself when the man's indifferent stare of before shifted into something far more intense at the sight of his painting of Merlin. "Did this young man pose for you?" The deep brown eyes did not move away from his artwork. 

With a smile of pride and slight amusement at having caught the stranger out Arthur shrugged. "He did, in a way."

"In a way?" In a flash the stranger composed himself. Full attention shifted back towards Arthur and he found he could not look away. The man made him feel as if he stood before someone like his father. Uther knew how to blow him away with just one look too. And yet, something about the gruff man by his side gave off far more warmth in his mysterious personality.

"I am the man he loves. Arthur knows my body better than anyone." Arthur startled at the same time the stranger did. They both turned around to meet Merlin, who walked over with a tray filled with hors d'oeuvres. He presented it to them with a smile and waited until they each had taken their bite before he added, "If he asks me to pose I will, but most of the time I don't need to."

An uneasy tension fell for a moment. Something Arthur could not name settled in the air and it made Merlin look away from the man who stood with them. Awkward seconds passed by until the man smiled and he pulled Merlin close, "My son. It is good to see you." After a pause he added a hesitant, "Happy birthday." 

"Father", Merlin patted his father's back in sudden open recognition. The way the polite masks fell away from both men as they hugged had Arthur left in shock. What had he missed here? Why had no one warned him? It was clear Balinor knew enough of his son to ease them both into the birthday wish. Merlin in turn seemed more than happy to see his father. Arthur only wished he felt the same, but as it was Balinor had him rattled.

"Mother did not say you were back from the case."

"Well, that is because we only closed it last night and I am off to lay low for a while."

"Tsk", Merlin joked while he pulled back. "So you decided to brighten up my birthday by interrogating your future son in law. Bet you have not introduced yourself like a normal man would either. You have not changed one bit, have you, Father?"

Balinor shrugged while Arthur barked a laugh at how Merlin seemed to think it funny, "You two are as bad as the other! I give up…" He had half a mind to walk off, but Balinor stopped him with a quick reflex of his right hand. 

"Hunith told me what you did for our son. I had to come and see for myself what kind of man you are. Forgive me for making you sweat. It comes with my personality I fear." There was a pause before sharp eyes brightened with recognition, "Son in law?"

"We are engaged", Arthur said with pride. 

"Then where is my son's ring? He does deserve one, does he not?" 

It was hard to say from his direct manners whether Balinor joked or not, but regardless Arthur decided to play him right back. "Afraid he fell for a poor artist. Your son will get his ring as soon as I manage to sell one of my paintings."

Undeterred Balinor reached out to grab his hand. "Deal. I give you seven hundred pounds for this one."

"Father…" 

It was worth his own stunned reaction alone, but to see Merlin splutter right next to him was the icing on the cake for Arthur. "Sold."


	32. Chapter 32

Merlin felt his heart swell in pride for Arthur when Balinor explained his reasons for being so generous and unusually spontaneous. "Consider it your birthday present, son. Believe me, it is well worth the money I spend. I am proud of the both of you, for daring to share your choice in life and your love for each other in such an artistic way. I can not claim I have knowledge of what makes art technically good, but Arthur, I feel that your work has the power to move people beyond the statement it makes."

Balinor glanced over the painting with his ever intense look once more. "Look after my purchase for me?" Behind his back Merlin shrugged at Arthur to say he had no clue what to say either after the huge compliment and the blatant acceptance of them by his father. It seemed Balinor understood all the same for he turned back to smile at them both. "Sometimes art needs to be shared at a more public place where it can thrive. I know just the place where it belongs and I would like it if you boys helped me deliver it."

It only took one glance into Arthur's eyes for Merlin to see his curiosity was shared. "We would be happy to", Arthur beat Merlin to it. 

After clasping Arthur's hand in a greeting and wrapping Merlin up in a short one armed hug Balinor turned to walk off with a, "Expect my call some time next week." Time to reflect on his father's usual quick retreat and short, but effective presence, got cut short for Merlin when the customers of their gallery caught his attention. Before he knew it he went back to waiting on people while he hoped his friends continued their stroke of luck. 

Merlin smiled when a thumbs up by Arthur from across the gallery told him the line of their modest success grew. Labels of 'sold' soon appeared underneath Gwaine's sculpture and next to the set of small, white rose paintings from Gwen. The idea they could pay the energy bill and they had food on the table for a few weeks with ease had them all fight off their tiredness for the final hours of the first day. Sadly though the sales stopped then, but it did not diminish their spirits.

Only when Arthur showed the final customer out with a polite smile and a "thank you for stopping by" did the day finally end. As if someone pulled the plug Merlin collapsed into the nearest chair, unable to keep on going due to sheer exhaustion. "My feet are killing me."

"Oh mine too", Gwaine agreed with a yawn. "I am afraid to sit down though. Once I do there is no way I can get back up again."

"Agreed, but I fear we need to clean up first." Arthur ran a hand through his hair and sighed. "Oh, who am I kidding? I just don't have the energy. Let's do it later."

Merlin smiled at the way Gwaine almost ran out, "Come Leon, quick! Let's go before the man changes his mind." 

"Wait… there is something I need to do first." Rather than going out of the front door Leon headed to the stock area behind the gallery. When his friend returned he held the photo camera Merlin had borrowed from him for a few days in his hands. "Merlin, I want you to accept this camera as my birthday gift to you. Use it again, or it will just lie around to gather dust somewhere. Make new memories with it for me."

Never in his life had Merlin been given something as expensive and something that meant so much to him from anyone but his parents. Even though his father earned a steady amount of danger money Merlin had never seen his parents flash their cash around. They were more the type to save up for something they wanted and make a well thought out choice, rather than to be impulsive. It was why it had stung so much when his self bought camera was stolen from his room, but to take this precious gift attached with so many memories? How could he? He got up then to face Leon.

"Leon… I can't take this. It is too much. Your brother…"

"He would have wanted for me to give it to someone as talented as you are."

"But…" Merlin surrendered when Leon held the camera out to him with a firm gesture. Stunned he wrapped his hands around it to stare at it for a moment. "Thank you." While he spoke he pulled Leon in for a one armed hug, all the while treasuring the camera in his other hand. "This means the world to me. I will keep it safe."

"Happy birthday", Leon smiled when he let go. Merlin felt his heart soar at the words. For the first time since the accident he found that celebrating the day he was born may not be so wrong after all.

* * *

Arthur smiled to Leon in quiet understanding of how they both felt. Merlin was like a younger brother to them, well all of them really; Gwaine, Lance and Gwen included. Though their friend was stronger than most believed something in his sensitive manners made Arthur and the others want to protect him from harm. So much had happened to Merlin in his short life already and if they could help it he would not have to face anything alone anymore. He had a family of brothers now, regardless of how he thought about himself. It warmed Arthur's heart that he wasn't the only one who fell for Merlin's quiet charms and modest nature. Never mind that he was the one who had fallen the deepest.

Over the head of his lover, who sat down at the table again while still wrapped up in the camera, he met with Gwaine's eyes. "My turn, or yours?" His friend mouthed. Curious to see what he would come up with on the spot Arthur challenged Gwaine with a gesture of his hand. It also gave him more time to think…

With a wide smile Gwaine tucked a hand into his pocket and when it came back out a small package wrapped up with paper and a ribbon came out as well. "Sometimes when I crave for alcohol I become a bit antsy." He glared when Leon grinned, making Arthur shake his head at them both. To think they once thought they were not a couple! "As I was saying, I have days when I can't sit still and my fingers just have to move. I fiddle around with pieces of silver and leather… and well on some days something comes out that I actually like. This one I feel has your name all over it. That was why I wrapped it up earlier when I put on my suit. Happy birthday, Merlin. Next year though you will get a proper party. You know there is no escape, right?" 

"Right." The shy blush with which Merlin accepted the gift made Arthur feel sad his lover had not been the centre of attention before. Why was Merlin so painfully afraid of being loved? Was it all due to the loss of Freya, or had he hidden so deep behind his carefree attitude that he knew not to embrace the love of so many? Arthur hoped it wasn't because Merlin somehow still deemed himself unworthy.

Finally unwrapped the gift turned out to be a broad pitch black leather bracelet on which a silver dragon spread out its wings. Speechless Merlin stared at Gwaine who in turn helped him put it on his left wrist. "It fits", Arthur decided when his friends stayed silent and he found himself stare at the perfect combination of pale skin, dark leather and shining silver. 

Gwaine shrugged and smiled at once, as if he tried to hide it meant something more to him than he let on. "The dragon is strong, a symbol of power and of magic. I dunno why, but it suits you, my friend."

Arthur blinked at the way something inside of him stirred when Merlin got up from the chair and he kissed their friend on his cheek, "It's perfect. I love it, thank you, Gwaine." But when Leon winked to him he could only grin. Yeah, so what if they both thought their dark haired lovers made quite the picture together? They both knew who they'd take to their beds later and neither one of the four of them wanted to change it.

"I fear I stand here with empty hands and that our friends have upstaged me when it comes to material gifts", Arthur said as he beckoned Merlin over. He grabbed both of his lover's hands then and faced him. "Even so I have something far more personal to give and I will do so gladly when we are by far less exhausted", he nodded to Merlin in the hope he understood he still wanted to be claimed in the way Merlin had promised he wanted to take him. Wide eyes told him that the message came across.

"Later", Arthur mouthed before he continued. "What I can do though in the presence of others is admit that I give myself to you freely. No more reserve and nothing like money and prospects to hide behind." He turned Merlin around so they both faced their friends. "Merlin and I got engaged. We have not set a date or anything, but I will become his other half officially one day… if he still wants me by then."

* * *

Merlin was flustered. To think Arthur had hidden his sexuality in the closet until just a few months back seemed almost too farfetched and yet he knew it to be so. And now Arthur had blurted out an admission twice in one day? Did he mean so much to Arthur that his lover stopped caring about how others perceived the fact that he was gay? All the hushed whispers before in the gallery had not stopped Arthur either from occasionally brushing passed him and pulling him in for a quick peck on his lips. 

It felt to Merlin like something had shifted in Arthur once more. The true gift was not in the promise that Merlin got to have his way with his lover in the near future, but more in the way Arthur had already given himself up for full surrender. And that in the presence of others? 

"Oh, I want you alright. You're not let off the hook quite so easy", Merlin ignored the spluttered sounds and awed faces of their friends in favour of settling Arthur's nerves. In truth he found that marriage was a hard thing to contemplate for him still. Who wanted someone as broken as he was? The thought of Balinor who, regardless of his best intentions, hurt his mother on some days with his absence even when he was around had Merlin doubt himself. Even so he knew that more than anything he did not want to lose the man who made him feel whole again. "Ring or not, I don't care." 

The indignant splutter showed Arthur did not agree. "Oh, you will get a ring, Merlin." 

Merlin grinned at the way Arthur deflected his joke, because he could not let go of his more material oriented upbringing altogether. "On the day we get married I will let you put a ring on my finger, no sooner and no later." At least he could offer a compromise.

"I…", Arthur fell short of a reply. It amused Merlin how he stared at him with a hint of confusion and deep love, and a clear loss of speech.

"When will that be?" Gwaine broke his shocked silence with his usual teasing. "You can't bait us with a party and then give us none. It's just not fair."

Arthur barked a laugh, "Gwaine…" 

Before the warning of sorts had even landed Gwaine and Leon came over to congratulate them. "Can't say I didn't see it coming, and yet… Arthur Pendragon engaged, who would have thought?" Gwaine mused with a twinkle of amusement that said he could not care less about the warning.

"Not me", Leon answered the rhetorical question anyway.

"Nor me", Merlin agreed while Arthur shook his head at their teasing. 

"Shows how little you guys know. Now you two, get your arses out of here. I don't wanna see you in here over the weekend. Come back first thing on Monday morning. Merlin and I need to celebrate his birthday and you guys are not invited."

"Aw man", Gwaine mock mouthed. But his protest held little meaning when another yawn made it clear he was just as glad as the rest of them to head for bed. 

At the door Merlin said his goodbyes to his friends. "Thank you, for giving me back my birthday."

"Any time." After a parting wink Gwaine ruffled his hair and he walked off after Leon, who dangled the car keys in the air as if to lure him. "Yeah… yeah, I am coming!"

Amused by their typical banter Merlin watched the couple as they got into the car and drove off. With a yawn he locked the door. Later he could not recall how Arthur and he made it upstairs, but by the time morning came around he realised that his birthday was not quite over yet.


	33. Chapter 33

Arthur rubbed his bleary eyes. It was tempting to stay in the bed with Merlin lying curled up against him, but no he was a man on a mission today. Maybe the actual birthday was yesterday, but today Arthur intended to gift Merlin with his services. Every wish and whim of Merlin would become his command… until the day ended with Arthur kneeling naked before him. Well, at least it would do so if he had anything to say about it. 

Sitting up Arthur wrinkled his nose. What a waste of his suit! His jacket was thrown in a mess on the floor and who knew where his silk tie ended up? The trousers were even more of a mess since it turned out he had not bothered to take them off last night. Had they been that tired? Determined to at least save what was left of his now wrinkled clothes Arthur hung them out over the back of a chair. With one last glance over to Merlin, who looked adorable asleep, he grabbed a change of clothes. 

After he shrugged into his favourite faded jeans and a hooded sweater Arthur padded over to the bathroom on his bare feet to relieve the pressure in his bladder and brush his teeth. "Breakfast", he muttered to himself while he came back out. Where better to start his day of spoiling Merlin then with a proper manly breakfast? After he let out a yawn Arthur made his way over to their kitchen counter. Now where to start? He had never made breakfast before, well no… that was not quite true…

With a grin of memory Arthur recalled the one time during one of his father's business trips to America when their hired kitchen help, a sturdy woman by the name of Audrey, had fallen ill. It had been a weekend too then. Morgana and he had slept in, not having any classes to go to. His sister had wanted pancakes and in a rare fit of trying to be a good younger brother to her Arthur had bragged it was easy. It had stunned them both, though he would never admit it to her, when he succeeded and the pancakes turned out more than well. Even though Audrey was far from impressed at the state of 'her' kitchen Arthur had chalked it up to the one meal he was good at making.

Decision made Arthur plundered the loft fridge for some eggs, milk and butter. He would add some fresh fruits as well. Merlin sure enjoyed his healthy food. Strawberries maybe? Glad to find a whole box of them Arthur set to work as silent as he could manage. Flour spills and butter smears were ignored while he grabbed a couple of pans. As he cracked some of the eggs his thoughts strayed back to the successful opening of Excalibur and meeting his one day to be father in law. 

Balinor had an air of secrecy about him, yet Arthur found he liked the man. Something about Merlin and his family made him feel jealous and oddly a part of them too. They accepted his presence far easier than it seemed his father ever had. Always in his life had Arthur felt a certain level of distance between them, especially since the day he had walked out on Uther and the lifestyle he no longer wanted. Doubts on whether he had judged him too harsh surfaced more and more. But then Arthur reminded himself of the contempt on his father's face when he told him that he loved Merlin. No, he had done the right thing, he was sure of it… but then why did it still hurt? 

Angered that his thoughts strayed to where he did not want them to go Arthur forced his focus back onto the pans. The smell of pancakes began to fill the kitchen and when in answer his stomach growled he smiled. Maybe his cooking talents sucked otherwise, but if he got hungry during this morning's attempt then he must be on the right path. Crossing his fingers in his mind that Merlin would enjoy his sweet version of breakfast in the morning, well actually it was nearly twelve, he focussed on the task at hand.

* * *

What was that smell? Even in his sleep Merlin twitched his nose in growing hunger. A distant sound of someone moving around in the kitchen made him think someone made him breakfast. Maybe pancakes? It smelled like vanilla sugar and a certain level of sweetness that made his stomach rumble in answer. Hmm, most odd, because Arthur did not cook, or did he? 

With a surprised feeling Merlin shot up. He rubbed at his eyes to make sense of what he saw on the other side of the loft. Clad in comfortable clothes and an apron Arthur looked a right mess. Sweat and a look of pure concentration marked his face. The combination of the rather domestic scene and Arthur as a part of it had Merlin shake his head in denial. No way! Was his lover really making them breakfast?

Once on his feet Merlin tried to smooth out his shirt. He winced at how his hands seemed hardly enough to make it presentable again. More drastic measures were needed if they wanted to save their suits and ties for a next occasion. Wow, they sure must have been tired for Arthur not to care. Merlin could not help the soft grin as he walked over towards the man who made a mess of their kitchen counter. 

"Arthur?" His call went unheard. Rather than to try again he walked up close. He waited to sneak his hands around Arthur's sides until the moment his lover stepped back from the heated pans. "Morning", he whispered against an ear.

"What… Merlin!" Arthur would later deny he jumped, but Merlin saw him do it anyway. "Careful, can't you see that I am busy? What are you even doing up?" 

"You awoke my stomach and the rest of me followed." Merlin sighed in happiness as he leaned into Arthur from behind. His eyes caught onto a bowl of red then, "Strawberries?"

Arthur nodded while he moved out of the embrace to flip the pancake onto its other side. "And whipped cream with lots of sugar. Healthy and sweet, the best combination."

"Yumm", the hum of agreement bubbled out before Merlin could even consider stopping it. "I did not know you could cook."

"I can't, but I do a mean pancake, even if I do say so myself." Once more Arthur turned his full attention back onto the pans. "Almost done. Well, since you're awake you can set the table for us."

The slight grumpy edge to his voice had Merlin wince in sympathy. Had he killed the first romantic streak Arthur had offered him since they met? Breakfast in bed would indeed have been a good wake up call. To let his lover know he appreciated the gesture, even though he had cut it short without being aware of it before now, Merlin kissed his cheek. "I can't wait to taste it."

It was but a few moments later silence fell over the kitchen table. Merlin took his first bite of warm sweetness and he sighed with pleasure. "Perfect…", he mumbled around the mouthful of the best breakfast he had tasted in his life. After he swallowed he added, "Oh, you most definitely are a keeper."

"Good, because today I am your late birthday gift." Merlin grinned at the typical self assured way Arthur fed him a strawberry while he hid his blush at the praise. "So you better make the most of me."

"Oh, believe me, I plan to."

* * *

The mess Arthur left the kitchen in would normally scare him off, but with a resigned huff he took it in his stride. Once he started something he would see it through. But where to start? He still looked at the pile of unsteady dishes, the spilt food on the counter and the mess of bowls and pans when Merlin grinned at him while he rolled up his shirt sleeves. "Come on, the sooner we clear it away the sooner we can go outside for a walk." His lover seemed not in the least bit deterred by the chaos of it all.

"Outside?" Of all the things, why did Merlin insist to do the unexpected? Had he no idea what his offer stood for? 

"Yeah, you know that place on the other side of the door where the sun shines and the birds sing?"

"Haha." While he rinsed the plates Arthur splashed some of the water from the tap towards Merlin. "Why go out there when we can be lazy inside?"

Merlin wiped at his face with a grin and started drying the plates with a towel. "Come on, I feel inspired today, don't you? You can bring your sketchbook and I bring my camera. We need to replace the work we sold, right? We can have our indoors fun later."

Ah, now Arthur caught on. Merlin had seen the sun shine and one longing glance over at his camera had matched one and one together for him. Seeing his lover's wide smile Arthur knew that the Sunday was taking another turn then he had planned. Well… maybe it was about time he let Merlin lead them both anyway. It was after all what today was all about, wasn't it? He was completely won over when Merlin put out his lip and he looked more like a cute lost puppy than anything else. 

"Alright, I give in", Arthur mock raised his wet hands in the air in surrender. "But on one condition, I need to find a new sketchbook downstairs to replace the one I lost."

Merlin looked honestly puzzled. "That's odd. I thought it would surface and that you just misplaced it." He stacked the plates in the cupboard.

"So did I, but sadly not", Arthur ran a hand through his hair in regret of his loss. "I am afraid I must have left it behind somewhere."

"Was there anything special inside?"

Unsure of how to deal with his emotions of losing his private collection of drawings, which were close to his heart, Arthur turned away from his lover under the pretence of cleaning the kitchen table. "Drawn portraits of my mother. I suppose I can make them again."

"I am sorry you lost it." Merlin was at his side in a flash, his hand falling onto Arthur's shoulder in a gesture of comfort. "Maybe you should redraw her? I'd like to see…"

Even as Merlin spoke something clicked together in Arthur's brain. "Oh drat, how could I have been so careless?" In dismay he smacked his forehead and interrupted his lover. Met with a frown he added, "I must have left it over at her grave. That was where I went the day after… you know when Hunith visited. I had some thinking to do and I ended up there, like I sometimes do." 

"Why don't we go out right now then? The rest of the dishes can dry up on the counter anyway. I wanted to go for a walk on the beach, but let's stop by on the graveyard first. With some luck no one picked up your sketchbook and it is still left right where it was."

"But what if it rained and it got soaked on?" Arthur took a breath to steady his growing feelings of doom. Even so his voice rose a little in worry. "Or worse… what if father saw my sketches? He doesn't even want me to speak of my mother. Heck, he doesn't even want me to know where she's buried. For so long he has tried to hide her from me and now when I finally feel like I can understand his grief the distance between us is far too wide to even try and talk to him." 

"That is not your fault." The hand on his shoulder clasped a little tighter. "Let us cross that bridge if we have to. For now we keep our fingers crossed that it's just where you left it. Whatever its fate is though you will always have me." At that Merlin kissed his forehead with a soft brush of lips.

With a grin Arthur brushed the sadness off. Merlin was right of course. Deep down he knew it, but for now Arthur felt too hurt by his father still to admit the loss of the only parent he had left made him feel sad. "Sometimes you're such a girl, Merlin."

"Ah, but you love me anyway."

"If you say so." His joke met with laughter. 

Arthur crinkled his nose with a touch of disgust when he realised that Merlin still wore the trousers and shirt he had worn yesterday. "Why don't you change into something more comfortable to wear first while I grab a bag for your camera. Meet me downstairs after. I am sure I'll find a new sketchbook in the back room." 

"Alright, I will be right behind you."

As they walked out of the front door some minutes later Arthur kept his fingers crossed in his mind. He believed it would be so much better for everyone's sake if his father never saw the hidden emotions of his son's heart drawn out on paper…


	34. Chapter 34

In the light of the morning sun they walked through the city. Shrouded by the Sunday silence Merlin found it hard to break it, and it seemed Arthur did too. His pensive look though betrayed to Merlin that worries lingered. What was it about the sketchbook that had Arthur so rattled? Or was it just the idea of discovery? The closer they got to the graveyard the firmer he crossed his fingers for his lover that no one had touched it.

A shiver travelled over his spine at the thought of stepping onto a graveyard. Merlin did not like how each stone marked the loss of life as a permanent reminder of how fragile humanity was. He preferred hanging onto memories of people while they lived rather than to visit a cold stone sign of it. It did not sit easy with him either that in a way he felt the ghosts of their lives linger, or at least that was what the eerie sensation of walking in places like this felt like to him. Oh, maybe he was too sensitive, or he was the girl Arthur joked he was before. He had always been a weird one by some account. 

Well, Merlin supposed, everyone was different in their beliefs of what happened to a person after they died. In contrast to his more pagan oriented heart it seemed Arthur found peace in a different faith. Nothing wrong with different opinions of course. If Arthur needed to hang on to the idea that his mother rested some place where he could visit, then Merlin was only glad it helped him. It was clear to him in Arthur's need to hide when they spoke of her that he missed her more than he could admit to.

They had barely stepped through the gate when Arthur half ran up ahead of him. As he made his way over to a marble white stone grave framed by yellow rose bushes Merlin could only try and keep up with Arthur. Impatience and worry moved his lover forth until with a sudden smile he announced, "Ha! Found it!"

By the time Merlin reached Arthur his lover knelt to pick up the sketchbook. Even from where he stood besides him Merlin could see a few raindrops rested on its cover. He could not help but notice the slight tremble to otherwise steady hands as Arthur browsed through it. Odd enough the thick paper seemed only a little damp and muddied to Merlin. 

"Can I see?" Merlin could not hide his curiosity. The pause of silence between them filled the air for a moment. It made Merlin wonder if he overstepped the mark. 

"Yeah", Arthur smiled shyly after a while. To Merlin's surprise he dropped down to sit on a bench near to his mother's grave. With his free hand he petted the wood besides him, "Come sit with me."

Eager to see Merlin did as asked, ignoring the fact he felt uneasy at best between the stones of the graveyard. His unrest faded though at the sight of the first sketch. A beautiful woman stared at him with a kindness that took away his breath. "Is that…"

"My mother", Arthur finished for him.

"She was beautiful." Merlin smiled when he saw something in her face which reminded him of the man he loved. "You have her eyes."

Arthur nodded, "I think so too." He browsed on while Merlin watched. Sketches and even a few cartoons of everyone in his lover's life passed by; some got worked out in detail while others were clearly unfinished. It was halfway in that one sketch in particular had them both falter. In the drawing Uther and Ygraine stood together, holding hands as they gazed in each other's eyes. Everything about them screamed of love and of a longing for the other. Merlin could see in every detail this was the sketch that had Arthur nervous and upset at once. What indeed if Uther saw? Would it break him down, or make him see the truth of how much Arthur missed them both? 

Speechless Merlin wrapped his hand around one of Arthur's trembling hands. He let their fingers entwine in a silent offer of support while he waited for the man by his side to gather his thoughts and be ready to speak about his emotions.

* * *

Arthur stared straight ahead, unable to meet the concern in the eyes of the man he loved. He felt how Merlin offered him strength, but he did not know yet how to answer it. When his eyes fell onto his mother's name on the marble stone he sighed. "It makes no sense, but I miss her. Merlin, how can I miss someone I have never even met?"

"You can, because she is a part of you. I see her in your eyes and in your face, but I see your father too and so it is only logical you miss them both."

"Who says I miss him?" Arthur huffed, unable to hide his frustration and anger at how his father had pushed him away. 

At his side Merlin shrugged, "Love is an odd thing."

Arthur met the throw away remark with a bark of laughter, "No kidding!"

Silence fell over them once more, while their hands stayed locked together. Arthur did not want to break it just yet, because he did not know how to speak of his torn emotions about his father. On the one hand Arthur hated him and on the other he loved Uther in the loyal way only a son could. Maybe they were both too stubborn for their own good? Regardless Arthur had decided on the day he left the office that he could not make the first step to close the distance between them. For once his father had to come to him. 

A squeeze of the hand around his made him look at Merlin. "Arthur, you should paint her." His lover's blurted out comment returned him to the conversation about his mother. 

"You think so?"

"Yeah. She deserves to be remembered, even if your father can't share her with you."

"But I am not sure if I can…", Arthur began. After a breath he tried to explain why he could not, but he found he came up short. "It's so personal."

"Just like it is when you paint me?" A nudge in his side showed Merlin understood what he could not say. Grief was indeed different than love. Watching Merlin come to terms with losing Freya had shown it to them both.

"I…" Arthur found he had no way to answer him. If Merlin could do it, then why could he not be strong too?

"Exactly. Why don't you just try? If it doesn't work out then no harm done. But I know it will be good."

Arthur shook his head, unsure whether he deserved the firm belief in his skills Merlin offered to him. "You give me too much credit. Besides I won't be able to share it in the open at Excalibur, so why do it at all then?"

"Who says you can't? It's not as if your father has ever visited back alleys and art galleries before, so why will he do so now? He's far too posh for it. You just do it for yourself, or for me… which ever you prefer. We can always decide to keep it safe with our private collection. No way will we ever sell her to some stranger."

A gleam of mischief made way for a look of honest understanding and wisdom. Once more Merlin had touched onto his emotions with a good dose of reality and honest care. It almost seemed unimaginable now to Arthur not to at least give it a try. Merlin had a point; his mother did not deserve to be left forgotten in some graveyard. She had lived and because of it he did too. "For myself it is then, or no… I will do it for her."

* * *

After a while of sitting together in silence, both lost to their thoughts, Merlin rose to his feet. "Come on, the beach awaits us." All throughout his uneasy stay he had felt as if someone watched them and he could stand it no longer. To his annoyance though Arthur took his time to close his sketchbook. Unaware of it he tapped his foot on the ground.

"Impatient much?"

Unwilling to divulge more of his sensitive side and what it felt like to have a sixth sense for ghosts Merlin shrugged. "I take the beach over the company of dead people any day."

"Point taken." In a flash Arthur was up too and while he tucked his sketchbook safe inside the bag he smiled. "Go on then, lead the way."

They had not even reached the end of the street when a drop of water and a fast darkening sky announced they had to change plans. A muttered curse escaped Merlin when in a matter of mere seconds drops turned into a full on shower of heavy rain while the temperature dropped fast to a coolness which made him shiver.

One look shared between them was enough for them both to turn around and head back home. Faster and faster they walked, until Arthur decided he had enough. They ducked under an overhanging roof for a moment. "You think it will pass?" Merlin asked.

He watched as Arthur risked a peak up into the heavens. "Nope", the added weight to the letter p showed he believed it fact. "We're in for a hot chocolate kind of afternoon."

Merlin shivered in his cold, wet clothes. "Snuggle on the sofa?"

"That too."

"Sounds good to me."

The nod told him Arthur agreed, his wrinkled nose and look of annoyance though showed that he was unhappy. "We're still four blocks away from home."

"So, who cares? We are wet already."

"Truth." 

"Winner gets first dibs on the shower?"

Before Merlin could even finish his suggestion of a race Arthur had ran off. "Deal!"

With an eye roll Merlin pelted away at full pace. No way was he going to lose this one. He did hold his college's record on the one mile run for a reason, did he not?


	35. Chapter 35

Arthur did not know, nor did he care, how Merlin beat him after he cheated him out of a comfortable head start on their impromptu race. All he wanted was to feel warm again and so rather than wait for his lover to be ready they shared the shower. With the tap turned to hot they steamed up the air inside of the bathroom. He held Merlin close as water cascaded over them, heating up their cold bodies and strained muscles. The competitive side of him still felt a bit miffed he got beaten, but Arthur ignored it. When it came to Merlin he could not fault him for long.

Ready to snuggle on the couch, for it was Merlin's wish, Arthur turned off the water and threw his lover a towel. "I think there's some more whipped cream left to go with the hot chocolate", he mused.

"Yes please", the soft rumble of pleasure sounded far too sexy. Arthur could not help but pull Merlin close to kiss him on the lips. When they fell open it was impossible for him not to want to taste more of Merlin. Their tongues met and for a moment Arthur was lost to the sweet sensation. Far too soon though he had to come up for air. Lost for words he grinned when Merlin half ordered, "Kitchen… now. I want my chocolate fix."

Mere moments later Arthur leaned into the back of the sofa, with Merlin wrapped up in his lap. They both sipped from the sweet, hot drinks. Arthur smiled at the way they need not break the silence in their contentment of the moment. Everything screamed of a domestic setting to him and yet for once in his life he found he could get used to it. 

Their mugs now empty and left on the salon table Arthur stretched out on the sofa, pulling Merlin close. Lazy Sundays were the best in his eyes. They now seemed even better when there was closeness to Merlin to enjoy. Unable to resist touching him Arthur snuck a hand underneath the soft sweater Merlin had put on after his shower. Almost unaware of it he trailed his fingers in unconscious patterns over his lover's abdomen. "Hmm." Merlin's content purr mirrored his own state of drowsy laziness. 

Too relaxed to care he allowed Merlin to roll him onto his back, only so he could spread himself all over him. The Merlin blanket, while bony in places, however did stir up something inside of Arthur. A fluster of heat travelled down south faster than his lazy brain could keep up with. "Merlin?"

A finger was planted firm on his lips. "You're all mine today, remember?"

"Do it."

"You don't even know what I have in mind."

"As long as it involves your hands on me I don't care. I trust you, Merlin." 

"What about my tongue and lips?" Merlin winked.

Arthur did not resist the bait. "Those too. Please, just go for it."

"On one condition. I have a request."

"Two in one day?" Arthur mock rolled his eyes, "You mean another painting?"

"Yeah. The painting of me above this very sofa needs a companion, don't you think? I want you to paint yourself."

Arthur closed his eyes to consider the intense stare and nod in private. Both wordless responses told him that what Merlin asked for meant a lot to him… but could he do it? Could Arthur envision himself in such a vulnerable, all sharing and sensual way like he had Merlin when he made the painting that hung on the wall above them?

"Ever since you painted me I look at myself with such a freedom to accept who I am and be proud of it. Arthur, I want you to know that feeling too. Please, don't hold back on yourself when I know you are so brave and beautiful, especially when aroused. I would love to show you what attracts me to you. Can you find it within yourself to let me take you to where you took me?"

The ramble had Arthur open his eyes with a smile. It was so typical of his lover to sprout his nerves in a waterfall of words that it made him consider the honest request. 

Merlin had not quite finished though. With a finger he pointed at his camera, which lay on the salon table before them. "Allow me to get you all flustered and hot. I want to capture you like I did before, but then with your full cooperation so it can be even hotter. Pose for me, Arthur. Be as sensual as I know you are deep down… and maybe the artist in you sees something he can get inspired by. If not then at least we had fun, yeah? We can keep the photographs safe of course, no one has to see them, just like not everyone sees the painting of me."

By now Arthur grinned at his lover's enthusiastic ramble. Indeed, put like that who was he to deny them the attraction and the playful nature of each other in the privacy of their home? "Oh, go on then, do with me as you please." To show he meant it Arthur sat up to wriggle out of his long sleeved t-shirt. 

* * *

There! Finally the courage he admired in Arthur returned to them. It pained Merlin to see how insecure his lover was when it came to his own body and skills, even though nine out of ten times Arthur pretended to be all confident about both. The harsh way in which Uther had denied him acceptance of who he was had in no way helped. Something in the boss Merlin met some weeks back had been shaken of its axe the day Arthur made his statement of loving him. Maybe today Merlin could prove to Arthur he made the right choice and he was loved regardless, and maybe even because of his flaws.

Like one they hurried off the couch to get undressed. Sure Merlin wanted to give them both time to ease Arthur into it, but he felt there was a shared eager to get the growing heat between them out of the way first. Even so he decided to try and keep his control. If Arthur could do it when needed, then so could he. So rather than undressing too Merlin helped lower his lover's jeans and he smiled wickedly when he noticed Arthur had opted to go commando. With one push he had Arthur fall back onto the couch, landing on his back with an oomph.

"Lie back, I got you." For once there was no witty reply. It seemed Arthur accepted his position with as much grace as he could muster. Merlin wondered though how far he could push Arthur until he would balk away from total surrender. Only one way to find out, he supposed.

Moving in between firm legs Merlin knelt on the couch. He let his hands roam over the broad chest dusted with soft golden hairs. Unlike the black dyed hair on Arthur's head each single hair showed he truly was his mother's son in more ways then one. It made Merlin smile to see the contradiction of his lover reflected in his appearance. 

Eager to taste Arthur he licked a line down the vein in his cock. Met with a moan of his name and a hand wrapping into his hair Merlin knew without a doubt what Arthur asked for. On his way to do it anyway he licked a slow path back up. 

"Merlin", it was more of a groaned hiss this time. Deciding to have mercy Merlin wrapped his lips around the tip of the hard prick. One lick and the drop of precome offered him a first taste. Ready for more he hollowed his cheeks to suck Arthur further inside of his mouth. Inch by inch he let the heavy weight fill him up. Then when he had taken every bit of the throbbing cock he hummed to unravel Arthur even further. "Yes! Gods, take me… so pretty when I fuck your face…"

The downright dirty compliments had Merlin reach up his fingers to touch Arthur's lip. It did not surprise him when Arthur sucked a digit inside of his mouth. Once his fingers were all wet he decided to make his next move on an unsuspecting Arthur. Little did his lover know that he'd not been the only one doing some online shopping and that the wet fingers were all a rouse. Merlin only hoped, as he retreated to sit up on his hunches, that Arthur would enjoy his naughty gift of pleasure. "Close your eyes for me."

* * *

The embarrassing whine could not be helped, Arthur decided. When Merlin retreated so fast his mind had no other option to voice its sadness at the loss of such pleasure. Gods, had Merlin any idea how his dirty mouth wrecked havoc with his body and set it on fire? Lost to his need to have more of it Arthur complied with the half order. As he let his eyes fall shut he felt Merlin move away. A few seconds passed and a part of him wanted to cheat and watch. No… he could not break his promise on something so insignificant. He could do patience, could he not?

"Good boy", Merlin's voice came from nearby. But a moment later the couch between his legs dipped under the weight of Merlin returning to his side. When slick fingers nudged between his ass cheeks Arthur could only let his legs fall further open while he lifted his knees to allow Merlin more access. "So ready for me, aren't you?" Merlin teased.

"Please, don't let me wait."

"No pet, not this time. I will leave that for later…" 

The nickname should not be sexy, should it? Even so Arthur could not help the shiver of lust at the promise of a next time. What had Merlin planned beyond the photographs? He could only guess at it, or open his eyes, but the more Arthur thought about it the more he realised he wanted to feel the thrill of surrender to whatever Merlin would do to him.

A slick finger pressed into him then. Arthur could not help the moan as it slid in with ease, because he felt so relaxed and he wanted it more than anything in this moment. It had been too long since he was on the receiving end of such touches and the burn of pleasure that was unique only to being filled by another man. "More…" His plea met with two more fingers. It seemed Merlin too was eager.

Arthur panted to relax himself further. The burn inside of him eased to make way for a ripple of pleasure when a finger brushed that spot hidden within him which had him see stars. Unaware he did so his eyes shot open, because he could not help it.

"Ah, no… close your eyes, I said. We're nearly there."

Reacting on pure instinct to have more of a good thing Arthur did as told. In his pleasure of Merlin's next wicked stroke into his ass he opted instead to curls his fingers deep into the fabric of the couch. Anything to ground him while a thumb brushed along his perineum. Shivering with want he almost shouted in frustration while Merlin pulled his fingers back out of him with a, "Shhh… one more second. Are you ready for my gift?"

"Merlin please, just… do it."

Something slick and foreign at once brushed against his opening then. A toy? What was Merlin up to? "Trust me… Lie back and relax. It will be good, I promise." Arthur could not help but listen to his needs and the deep voice of the man he trusted with his life.

"Do it", he repeated his earlier request, both eager and nervous at once to find out what Merlin had bought for him that was bound to take him apart. His answer came when the cone shaped object slid into him and it stretched him open a bit further than Merlin's fingers had. It wasn't until a soft tingle of movement began to massage his prostrate that Arthur felt a shiver of pleasure ripple through him, which settled straight into his cock. How had Merlin known that he would love this? 

Wide eyed he stared up at his lover while he shuddered under the intense look of awed pleasure Merlin revealed to him in turn. "Oh God, you should see yourself taking it."

"Show me", Arthur reminded Merlin of his plans for him. "I meant it when I said I am all yours. Take me apart, Merlin." More than anything and unlike ever before Arthur wanted to lose control to the man who had managed to take him this far.


	36. Chapter 36

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> An extra update this week, because I have been asked quite nicely for more. Plus it seemed a bit unfair to poor Arthur to leave him like I did for much longer. *g*

Merlin watched the man who writhed on the sofa below him with awe and deep affection. Had Arthur any idea how hot he looked feeling ravaged like that? A sheen of sweat and a blush of arousal touched his otherwise golden skin in a way that had Merlin grow harder, even without being touched. The soft buzz of the vibrator combined with Arthur's soft moans and harsh pants reached his ears. Merlin could not help but pet Arthur's flank in fondness at the way he writhed on the toy. It seemed his gift was accepted rather well.

Sliding from the sofa Merlin moved away to grab his camera; all the while followed by wide, lust filled eyes. He stared straight at Arthur to let him know he could say "no" should he want to. A slight nod told him though he would not be denied his inspiration. Merlin switched on the camera, glad to see it was fully charged, and just when Arthur moaned he made a photograph. Unable to stop himself he grinned at the timing. 

A few seconds passed, and Arthur did not move. Uncertain emotions laced his eyes, mixing in with the obvious lust. To encourage him Merlin snapped another picture. "You look so hot like this, all opened up and slick." He reached out to slide a thumb over the head of Arthur's cock, "So hard too. You want it, don't you? You like it when you get fucked apart like this, don't you? Or maybe you need to get taken a bit faster. Would you like that?"

"Merlin… please." The please ended on a groan of satisfaction when Merlin used the remote control to set a faster pace to the vibrations. Even as he put the gadget in his back pocket Merlin saw how Arthur's fingers curled even more furious into the fabric of their sofa. "Ngggh", a shiver of want came along with a hoarse groan. 

"Thought so." Merlin made another photograph. "Now if you please, pose for me. Move that cute butt of yours and make me see more of your hard cock. I know you can do it."

Unexpected Arthur grinned while he sat up a little to stroke his half hidden and swollen prick. "I could just end myself right here, you know." At the touch he moaned while he thrust his hips downwards. Merlin saw that Arthur tried to get more friction and so without delay he took the remote control back in his hand. He touched the button to change the pace. The resulting pout and near whined sigh of frustration showed he indeed had set the vibrator back to its lowest setting. 

"Sure you can, but if you do you will miss out on my cock. Your choice, of course."

Hesitation made way for a twinkle of mirth at his not quite threat. Arthur rolled over to his side to show the full sight of his leaking cock, which had gotten even harder. Merlin could not help but notice how Arthur's knuckles grew white as he gripped a firmer hold of the sofa. Clearly the move had caused a ripple of pleasure.

Merlin did not waste the opportunity to snap another photograph. Drawn in by the way Arthur looked at him through heavy lidded eyes filled with lust he crawled closer. "Show me more." Merlin watched on as Arthur let his legs fall open while he played with one of his nipples. The now more obvious pose had him smile. Even while looking through his lens he encouraged Arthur to keep it up, "That's it. Show me how hard you are for me. Tell me what the toy feels like. Does it touch you just right?"

"Yes…", the last letter lingered for a moment while Arthur thrust his hips into the sofa. "It fills me up so deep. Gods, it is so thick and yet so perfect a fit." When eyes closed in bliss it offered Merlin the chance to tease his lover unseen. The remote control in his hand soon sent a new signal to the toy buried inside his lover. 

* * *

"Fuck!" The unexpected faster brushes against his prostrate had Arthur cry through the onslaught of sensation. "That's it… more… please, feels so good." He wasn't even aware anymore of the camera in Merlin's hands. When he looked at his lover it was with a silent plea for the faster setting to last.

No longer did he want to deny himself the pleasure. Arthur thrust blind into the sofa below his arse. Every time he did the toy pressed harder and deeper into his prostate. It was almost as good as getting fucked, almost… because even as he got off on it he knew it would be even more perfect if it was Merlin who stretched him open wide. "Want you", he moaned.

"Soon", came the promise while the toy decreased its tingle once more. His whine of frustration met with a grin. "Not too soon though. You can wait until I am ready to fuck you. First I need that perfect picture. Give me that and we will see."

Uncaring of how much frustrated pleasure it would cause to rip through his arse Arthur turned onto his belly. If Merlin wanted to play games, so could he. Even as the toy pressed deep into him and Arthur bucked in answer he pulled his knees underneath him. Arse up in the air he let Merlin see how he was fucked. He had no doubt the bright blue toy stood out as he spread out his knees to show the trickle of lube that slid down towards his balls and cock. 

"Arthur", the harsh whisper had him smile to himself. It seemed he now wasn't the only one affected by their game of sorts.

In answer Arthur reached behind himself to grab the base of the toy. He knew he was taking back control, but he did not care. Sex too was all about fun, right? And since he knew what he liked… well… Merlin would have to put up with it. Choice made Arthur almost whined when he pulled the toy out of him, though not all the way. Pushing it in back hard he shuddered as he felt it caress his insides. In the absence of complaints or orders not to do it Arthur set a pace to pulling and pushing the toy.

"Oh yes. That looks so hot, do it again." 

Merlin sounded as turned on as Arthur felt by abusing his own arse. He fucked himself back onto the toy and he almost sobbed when he managed to push it hard into his prostate. A spark of bliss flashed up behind his eyelids. "I am not sure I can keep it up…", Arthur panted with the effort to speak. Even as he felt his arm burn from reaching behind himself he did it again, unable to stop himself from feeling so good. 

"No… you can. Sit up for me. Look at me, Arthur. Let me see all of you." Steady hands helped him sit up on his knees then. "Much better. Now, do it again, for me."

"I…", Arthur spluttered, but his hesitation faltered under the way Merlin stared him down with near black eyes of raw emotions of love and need. Not willing to let the man he loved down Arthur reached down to trail his hand over his cock, passed his balls and then back onto the vibrator which moved deep into his ass. 

One deep breath and he took the toy out, only to slam it back inside. Careful had gone out of the window. If Merlin wanted him to come he would not hold back, could not deny him the request, or himself the release. He was too horny, too turned on by the heated emotions he saw in the eyes he could not look away from. Never had he been able to keep open his eyes during such intimate moments, but now Arthur found he could not bear to be without Merlin urging him on without words.

Faster now he fucked himself onto the vibrator. Every time it slid back into him it ripped a spark of pleasure out of him that built up on the previous one. He almost shivered from the intensity of the sensations he pulled out of himself. So close that he could taste it, so badly he wanted it, but could he do it?

* * *

Merlin could not look away. He had always thought Arthur handsome, but the way his body moved now had Merlin beyond hard. Control had no right to be sexy and yet Merlin found he loved it when Arthur knew what he wanted and he took it. In fact he wanted to see it so bad he encouraged his lover to keep fucking himself onto the toy that writhed and pulsed deep within him.

Thrust after thrust Arthur kept on going. Faster his wrist moved and yet Arthur had not touched himself again after the earlier short stroke of teasing he gave himself. Merlin licked his lips when he noticed how the hard cock now leaked a constant trickle of precome out of a near purple head. Such a pretty sight, and so he took another picture.

Undeterred, safe for a blink of his eyes, Arthur did not look away. Now at ease with the camera his lover pressed the vibrator back inside of him with a deep groan of lust. Merlin smiled when he realised the shyness had left Arthur. One last step to take then. He wanted for Arthur to see how beautiful he was during orgasm and so with the camera at the ready he pushed the final button on the remote control.

The timing of his action could not have gone better it seemed. Just when Arthur pushed the vibrator back deep into him it sprung to life at the fastest speed possible. "Merlin", wide eyed Arthur rode out his orgasm while he shouted his name. The sight almost did him in. Even so Merlin managed to click the button of his camera a few times, while hoping that he captured the heat and love in that all overpowering look of pure ecstasy.

In a flash he set aside his camera on the salon table. Quickly he crawled over to the sofa, arriving just in time to keep Arthur up on his knees before he fell off in his drowsy state of post orgasmic bliss. "Merlin… please, turn it off", the man in his arms shuddered when he touched his naked skin. 

"Sorry", he scrambled to grab the controls and shut it down. When he did Arthur fell to the side and Merlin could not resist but to cuddle up onto the couch with him. After a while he asked, "You want me to take it out?"

"Hmm… 'course I do", Arthur muttered. "How else can you take me?" 

"What… now?" Merlin could not believe the offer. Even though he was so hard it hurt he did not want to push Arthur too fast, especially not when he must still be sensitive from the way he abused his hole.

"Yeah now. Please, your gift was a good one, but I want to feel you instead." It seemed Arthur was done speaking. In a blur of motion and a few sure touches Merlin found himself lying on his back while Arthur yanked off his sweat pants. "I am done waiting." There was a wink and then a curse… though the latter, Merlin realised, ripped from his own throat when in one move Arthur threw away the toy only to take Merlin in its place. "Oh fuck, you fill me up so good."

The filthy encouragement spurred Merlin into action. In no time he rolled them both around, and even though they fell from the sofa neither one of them cared. In a quick move Merlin threw off his sweater too. The instant he could see again he took advantage of the way Arthur laid all spread out on his back on the carpet floor. Lifting both legs over his shoulders Merlin wasted no time to crawl forwards and push inside of Arthur. Thanks to the generous amount of lube he used to open his lover up for the toy he met no resistance and so he began to thrust. 

But rather than do as told Merlin went slow, making love to Arthur even though he knew what he wanted would take serious patience. It took every inch of his self control to keep building up on his own pleasure and tease them both at once, but he wanted to see if he could get Arthur to grow hard for him again.

"Merlin", the whispered moan of his name showed him that he had a chance. Even as he shivered with badly contained want himself he noticed how Arthur curled his fingers into the carpet. Pools of blue blinked up at him, showing a raw need that grew into something far beyond it. "Please", the hoarse cry was no more than a whisper, but it encouraged Merlin to take it up a notch. Even so he held on to the intense depth in which he pressed his cock into Arthur on each single thrust.

The implicit surrender came slow and yet no less impressive to Merlin. He saw how his slow love making pulled the emotions out of Arthur before his lover could even try to rein them back in. Something had given; just like Merlin hoped it would when he challenged Arthur into his first orgasm. Playing games was fun, but Merlin knew making love was so much better and he sensed in the way his lover yielded so beautiful underneath him that Arthur felt the power of it too.

Below him Arthur tensed with a new stirring of all consuming want. Merlin felt how his hard, but once more neglected cock lay trapped between them as he bent over to kiss the man below him on the lips. "I love you", he said, both unable and unwilling for once to ignore the voice of his heart.

"Merlin", it was in the way Arthur pulled him closer for a searing kiss that he knew the three words were said back. 

Neither one of them could last for much longer then. Merlin sensed in the desperate way Arthur's arse clenched and unclenched around his fiercely throbbing cock they both would have to let go, and soon. Once… twice… and on the third deep and well aimed thrust Arthur lost it for a second time that day. The sudden powerful grip triggered by his lover's release caused Merlin to curse while his orgasm tore up from deep within him and left him shaking as he spend himself deep inside of the man he had claimed as his.


	37. Chapter 37

Arthur smiled at the adorable man who slept in his arms. The scruffy look of longer hair and stubbled cheeks did wonders for his lover's otherwise so boy-ish features, he decided. Merlin no longer looked young and fragile, but he'd gone straight for downright sexy. If Arthur did not feel so bone deep satisfied and by far too relaxed to get aroused again he would have woken Merlin up with kisses. Now, as he found it impossible to fall asleep again on the floor, he decided to leave him be.

After a quick dress into the clothes he had left scattered before Arthur grabbed a blanket to cover up the naked frame of the man still lost in slumber. In his need to take care of Merlin he tucked him in a little and he brought him a pillow for his head. He set out to walk off, but then a flash of silver caught his eyes. Merlin's camera!

The temptation it offered had Arthur reach out to it, but as if burned he pulled his hand away. What if he hated the result? Maybe the previous photographs set Merlin made was an exception to the rule. Arthur knew that his body was nothing to be ashamed of, but what he had done to himself in front of the camera felt like a different matter to him and so his cautious side warned him off. A new thought came to him then. What if Merlin was right to see something photogenic and artistic in his aroused state?

Once more Arthur reached out to grab the camera from the table. No more doubts; he would get his answers and deal with them. Now… where was the laptop? Choice made he grew impatient while he booted it up and he connected the USB cable of the camera to it. While the images uploaded to the laptop he fiddled with the ring he wore on his thumb. What if he hated the photographs, what then?

His mind could not consider the question for long, because his eyes caught on to the first image in the set of photographs. To stare himself in the face while naked left him still somewhat shy. It had him blush to see his arousal stare back at him from the screen with lust filled eyes, a hard cock and a body of flushed skin. Never mind the fact that he caught glimpses of the toy he had used on himself. Wow, had he really done it? Arthur wondered how come that while the images had every right to be pornographic they instead had ended up as flashes of something far more sensual and artistic than that…

Almost like an afterthought Arthur browsed on, only to stare in even more of a shock at the penultimate picture. Was that the one taken when he came apart by fucking himself on the toy? It was too crude… and yet, he decided, it was anything but. The glimpses of truth he saw in the set of photographs drew to this one moment of unguarded emotions Merlin had laid bare here. His struggle to hold onto his self confidence even as he lost control and the deep shade of wanton lust as he reached his orgasm were put into pixels.

Arthur paced the loft, once… twice, before he took another look at the photograph. It was too much to contemplate and so he clicked his mouse to open the last image. Something shifted in the man before him. Every inch of his confident front was gone only to leave the true depth of his love for Merlin behind. These were the feelings he could never find the words to, but now he could see why Merlin heard them all the same.

"I want you to paint yourself." In his mind Arthur heard the honest request again. These images challenged him in name of the man who made them. Merlin had proven his point to him and now all Arthur could see was the image of himself come to life on canvas. Inspiration was odd, he decided; for it too seemed to urge him on to do the last thing he held possible. One glance over at the clock told him it was almost four in the afternoon. If he wanted to do this he should start now, or he'd lose confidence.

Suddenly enthusiastic he made to go downstairs. With a note and a kiss of "I love you too" on top of a sleepy head he got up to walk off. His descend into the gallery came to an abrupt halt when Arthur noticed how the mess of yesterday had all but disappeared. Who had been down here, and how come they had not heard? It was when he spotted his mobile phone left abandoned on the round table that he got his answer in a text message from Leon. _"I had not much hope left, but you helped me revive what little I have left of my brother. One deed for another, so I cleaned up in silence. Thank you, Arthur. I won't forget what you did for me yesterday. Give Merlin a hug from me."_

Touched by the ever loyal and warm hearted nature of his friend Arthur smiled while he typed his reply. _"Any time, mate. We are in this together now."_

After he hit the 'send' button he set the laptop down on the table and he opened up the lid. As the screen came to life and he used the image of inspiration Merlin had given him Arthur saw the truth of his lover's intentions. Indeed it was quite liberating to see yourself through the eyes of the person who held you up high. Words were impossible and useless in this. For Arthur the true depth of what they shared showed in the way they surrendered their bodies and souls to the other without restraint, or was that in restraints? With a grin he added another line to create the companion piece to the lone painting upstairs which awaited it.

* * *

"Come find me downstairs, love Arthur." Merlin read out the note he found lying by the side of the pillow he could not remember grabbing. So few words, and it said nothing about what his lover was up to. Sure Arthur was not cleaning up the mess left after the opening day alone, was he? Feeling utterly relaxed and sore still from making love on the floor he stretched out. Curious to figure out why his lover had gone down there to brave the chaos at… 5:24 PM, the clock provided… Merlin crawled out from underneath the blanket to put on some clothes. Once dressed he headed for the stairs.

The sight which met him on the first floor left him to stare in shock. Every trace of the gallery opening was gone. In its place was the mess of an artist spread out on the large table that was hard to miss even when clean. Arthur as ever looked focussed to a point where the world could crash down around him and he would not notice. It made Merlin smile to see inspiration hit.

Upon second glance he spotted the source of Arthur's need to paint. Merlin blinked at the screen of the laptop, because when he walked closer he could see that his timing a few hours ago had been perfect. All that he saw in Arthur was caught right there in the photograph which showed itself on the laptop. After an initial twinge of sadness, because as the artist he always wanted to catch the first look, Merlin began to smile. Clearly Arthur had lost the battle with his curious side… but did that mean what he hoped it did?

In his eager to find out Merlin closed the distance on his bare feet. His hand fell onto the small of his lover's back before his eyes opened wide in joy and a shock of emotions for how he surprised him. On one hand Merlin had hoped Arthur would at least try to meet his request, but on the other he had settled with the idea he might not. Now here once more Arthur proved he was courageous to the point where he held nothing back when he decided to go for it.

Long lines of pencil and the first brushes of colour brought to life the man he loved so much it hurt. Arthur had outdone himself on the challenge of his self portrayal as far as Merlin was concerned. The man on canvas had his eyes wide open in a look of love that would take anyone's breath away. His naked body seemed to fluster in the aftermath of some powerful sensations. Nipples stood out, hard and no doubt sensitive to the touch. A cock hid in the shadows of hands and wrists, both covered with splashes of semen, that had caught the most perfect devastation of all in a great balance of modesty and sensual freedom. Merlin could not help but smile in his agreement of the liberties Arthur had taken with the photographs he had made in order to create something new.

Hesitant and somewhat startled blue turned his way. "Is it what you had hoped for?"

His emotional state rendered Merlin speechless and so he kissed Arthur full on the lips to convey what he could not say. When he came up for air he managed, "I love it. Don't let me stop you." The lack of reply and the way Arthur's eyes strayed back to his art in spite of the clear battle with lust had Merlin wave him off. "Go on then, do your thing. Trust me, I do understand inspiration. But know this; I will drag you back to my bed later."

" _Your_ bed?"

"Ours", Merlin agreed with ease and a fondness for his lover that stole his breath.

* * *

With a soft laugh Arthur pulled the man he loved close. So far his plan to give himself to Merlin had gone well, but now his art called for him too and he found himself torn between them. Could he let go of his inspiration to give Merlin the best birthday he ever had? "What about dinner then? I wanted to take you out to celebrate."

"Next year you can go romantic on me, if you like. Today I'd rather hang out down here in Excalibur." It was only then that Arthur noticed how Merlin's eyes too strayed at the laptop as well as the painting spread out on the table. His lover confirmed his believe he too was hit by inspiration when Merlin said, "I have an idea for a next session. You do your thing, and I will do mine. We call for pizza when we get hungry."

Arthur sighed the moment Merlin pulled away. The sudden lack of a warm body next to his had him realise how in tune he was to his lover's presence. Oh well, he'd better wrap Merlin up close afterwards to make up for it. A plan formed in his mind they would at least end the day in the way he intended. And on that note he dipped his brush in paint to start filling in the colours of his skin.

The further he got the less he was aware of where Merlin was. At first he heard a soft click, a clear signal his lover used his camera, but now even the quiet sounds did not disturb his artistic streak. The eyes were the hardest to do, Arthur found. They mirrored the soul and he wanted to capture in his painting what Merlin had in the photograph. With pencil he had caught it all, but now to catch each one in full colour?

Once more Arthur lost all track of time. His attention drew to each brush stroke he made on the canvas. It was odd how he could now look at his work from the distance, even though he painted himself and he believed that he might never be able to do it again. Merlin had taken him to a place in his mind where he was at peace with the man he was becoming. Art had grabbed a hold of his heart unlike business ever could. Through Merlin he saw the world and the possibilities of his future, no… their shared future, anew. Life had thrown him a curveball the day they met and more than ever he was glad for his tendency to take the adventurous decision. What if he hadn't led Merlin out of the office that day? Arthur dreaded to think how trapped and lost he'd still be…

Arthur stepped back then to look at his work. "Done", he decided to leave the painting doused with soft colours and still a hint of pencil lines, just like its companion up at the loft. Even as he put down his brush Arthur smiled with pride. Maybe it had taken a hard nudge for him to create it, but now that he stared at his reflection on canvas he found he could learn to accept who he had become; all thanks to Merlin.

In a flash the man on his mind was by his side. One glance and Arthur saw the tears well up in deep blue eyes filled with happy emotions. "Come here", he said as he wrapped Merlin up close against his chest. With a thumb he brushed the sole tear away which managed to escape its confines. "I know", he pressed a kiss to Merlin's lips. "And I thank you for making me feel inspired to do it. I've never felt like this, so at peace… so…"

Arthur found it impossible to finish his sentence on how much he loved Merlin for showing him the way to get to the place where they were now. Some said love hurt, and he never understood what they meant, but here in this moment he felt how true they had become for him. His intense feelings of love seemed to wrap up all into one man, and one man alone. Each one settled in his heart and soul, no doubt for eternity.

"I could say I told you so?"

The soft spoken joke had him snap out of his mind. His lover's eyes still reflected the same emotions, but there was also a sadness and resignation to them which Arthur had come to associate with the pain of the accident. Marriage came too soon for Merlin, who only just accepted the fact that he was worthy of living out his life. Arthur had promised to give Merlin time and even though he was more than ready himself he swallowed down what he had wanted to say in favour of faking his annoyance at the remark.

"Do you want to sleep in _your_ bed alone tonight, _Mer_ lin?"

"If that means I don't have to listen to you snore, why not?"

"I do not snore!"

If anything his indignant reaction only served for Merlin to grab his hand. "I am sorry", the three words conveyed more than an apology for their banter. Arthur sensed in the squeeze of the hand around his that Merlin understood what they both dare not speak of in this moment. "Come upstairs with me?"

In answer he squeezed Merlin's hand back. "Always."

Neither one of them cared for pizza anymore…


	38. Chapter 38

In the next month life moved on into a slower and yet no less impressive fashion. Their belated awareness about the news of Agravaine's arrest came and went. It seemed like the man who rubbed Merlin up the wrong way during his short career with Pendragon Enterprises had little to no hold left over Arthur's heart. His lover shrugged it off with a "he had it coming", and he moved on with an air of relief and nonchelance at once. In less than a week Merlin had forgotten all about the greedy uncle.

Excalibur came alive under caring hands. The constant smell of paint, wood, leather and a wide range of products they worked with as artists became a part of Merlin's life. He loved how their creative minds came together, sometimes even helped by a fresh insight from a passerby who'd come in to find something 'special'. Works on canvas, framed photographs and a few more of Gwaine's abstract sculptures began to provide a more steady income. Merlin did not believe in instant success, had always been wary of it, but now he found himself smile at the fast way they made a name for Excalibur.

An even bigger smile appeared on his face when Gwen and Lance dropped by. A healthy boy rested in his father's arms and when wide brown eyes looked up to him Merlin felt the joy of new life warm his heart. Elyan had made it… and so had Gwen. To see them both healthy inspired everyone to keep up the still hard work. Some days were bound to be quiet and without customers, so they kept themselves busy with making more art.

The best part of all though was to see Leon happy. Lines of silent worry on his friend's face made way for a quiet man who decided to open up. Most of all Merlin enjoyed their philosophical conversations about the darker aspects of life, which they shared when the others were out. Through Leon he found an acceptance of his sixth sense. Odd enough out of the people he expected it the last from Leon told him he did not like graveyards either and that he believed in spirits, or as some called them ghosts. David's ashes were spread out on the same beach where he lived. "I like to think he is with us, even now."

In Gwaine he still found an understanding that went beyond anyone else's. If Merlin cried in silence his friend would pull him in for a tight hug, no matter where they were or if their lovers witnessed it. "Take your pain and embrace it. I am here." It was hardly ever more than a whisper of comfort, but it made the difference. No longer did either one of them hide the days when they were dragged down in memories they were bound to never forget. And if sometimes they relived a flash of darkness they did so on the beach and under the light of the moon. The sea water washed their memories away, or at least it was what Gwaine liked to believe and Merlin saw nothing but logic in his reasoning.

Merlin watched Lance work with his ever present gentle care. From time to time they sat together, quietly talking of the beauty of life. It was through his positive and caring eyes that Merlin found reprieve for the sensitive side he had hidden away for so long. He found himself growing fond of the times Gwen and Lance asked him over to babysit; only to have the three of them share stories of lovers and of awkward first times. Merlin found it easy to open up to them about his geeky teenager self. One night he even managed to speak of Freya and their first date with a smile on his face.

Nightmares came further apart now. Each time when one came Merlin sat up straight in bed shaking with emotions, only to find himself wrapped up into safety before he could even blink. Arthur never let go until Merlin was either done sobbing or he found the courage to say, "I will be fine"… and believe it true too. The steady trust and love they shared would never fail to take his breath away. Whatever he needed it was offered in a heartbeat, whether it'd be a kiss or even better Arthur would bind him into surrender on his more darkened mood days. 

An unspoken issue remained unsolved though. Merlin did not know what to do with the promise of marriage. On the one hand he wanted it more than anything, but on the other he feared getting hurt… or worse hurting Arthur in return. He could not find the way to speak of his doubts and lack of trust in himself, and when Merlin found he wasn't asked to either he continued to hide like he always did. They were a couple of action, of gestures of understanding and of passionate love making when nothing else sufficed to deal with their emotions. Even so the proposal began to weigh heavy on his heart. What was he to do? While he sought for answers he hid behind the lens of his camera.

* * *

Arthur embraced his new life to the fullest. Drawing and painting became obsessions for each time when inspiration hit. Every time he came back home the two paintings on the loft wall showed to him this was where he belonged. His father be damned he had found his way in life… and while it hurt to leave his family behind Arthur found a new one with the people around the round table. 

In Leon he had found his big brother long ago. They were kindred souls in their need to fight for a worthy cause. Excalibur thrived as they worked together to plan the future and keep the gallery finances strong enough for the next day. Even though they both missed David, the most troublesome brother, they in silence agreed Gwaine had more than enough spirit and passion to bring some fire into their lives. Never mind the fact that they noticed how on some nights they had to leave Gwaine and Merlin alone to walk off into the light of the moon. On said occasions Arthur found solace in Leon's calm support and shared worry for the men they loved.

With Lance and Gwen life was easy going. Arthur could count on them to always watch over Merlin for him. It was in the gentle way in which they fed his lover cookies, tea and sweet tales of stuff Arthur did not ever speak off. It all felt too domestic, come on! But regardless of the fact he thought Lance was too good at first he began to see his noble strength in the month which passed since opening day. Lance was so selfless, always watching out for others and bowing down when he believed he was wrong. No raised voice; at least not unless someone did one of his friends injustice. The day he threw out a man in a mask to protect Gwaine, who had for once not been fast enough to react, and him was the day Arthur understood Lance was not a man to be messed with.

The circle of friends drew closer, but Arthur found an absence right by his side. Merlin hid something from him. It wasn't something he could put his finger on, but Arthur could not shake the feeling it had to do with his proposal. Did Merlin no longer wish to marry him? Had he made the wrong choice there? Insecurity had him waver from asking though. It would sure break his heart if Merlin did not believe they had forever together. 

But then when they made love they both reached such heights as they came apart like one. Arthur found courage in these moments and he held on to his patience, even if only because he had promised he would not rush Merlin. Each time though when he could not stand the lack of answer he hid himself in his paintings, or he went outside for a walk with his sketchbook tucked under his arm. A few hours of distance offered them both some reprieve from banter turned to hurtful remarks.

It was the return from Balinor which tilted the emotions in the air between Arthur and the man he loved back into their favour. All along Arthur sensed something bothered Merlin to a point where he worried in silence each time he glanced at the sold sticker besides the painting of himself on the wall. It wasn't until Balinor came to collect said painting (some three weeks later than he told them he would) though when Arthur filled in the blanks. 

Merlin was scared! More than anything his lover feared broken promises and the absence of the ones he loved. Too many times his father left without a word and in some invisible way it left him scarred even beyond the grief for Freya. Arthur knew Balinor did not do it on purpose and that his work called for it, but the pain it caused his family was there all the same. Maybe he only recognized it because he felt his own father's stern shadow loom over him? Either way Arthur held on to the flash of unguarded and to him badly concealed emotions as something to fight against.

* * *

Merlin felt torn between disappointment and anger. Three weeks gone by and not a word from his father. Balinor did not do explanations well; he just strided back into his family's life to take it over and be the powerful presence he could not help himself from being. Today was no different. Back he was, the man Merlin called father and the man who sometimes felt like a stranger to him. It cut to think Balinor had chosen work over them once more… except that this time Merlin could see in the circles under his father's eyes that it had left him torn. So rather than to give in to his anger he said nothing.

The day though was about to take a different turn than he expected. Merlin watched as his father took another look at the painting. With a gruff nod of "I am ready" Balinor gestured for Arthur to help him. It made no sense to him how little the two men spoke while they worked in unison to wrap the painting up for transport. Ten minutes later they drove off in the van his father told him he had borrowed from the owner of the place where the painting would end up. 

"Gaius is a good man, I am sure you boys will like him", Balinor steered the van off into the direction of the northern part of the city. Their questions for the remainder of the drive though were waved away with a, "You'll see." Not even Arthur's usual persistence paid off. Of course not! Merlin knew from personal experience his father would only share with others what he wanted to, no matter how hard someone pushed. Part of it was his father's character, but Merlin had no doubt a by far larger part of it was training and a life long career as a special agent. Why did Arthur even bother? Merlin did not stop his lover from trying though, because he saw how much it amused his father and in turn he smiled wryly at the way each question met with deflection. 

When finally Balinor parked in front of a large building Merlin looked at the sign above the entrance of double doors. "Camelot", it read on a background of rainbow colours. The name told him nothing, but the colours of the LGBT community spoke far louder than any words could say. Oh, now it made sense! Merlin remembered how his father saw through the bdsm themed pose of his son in the painting. Balinor had picked up on the statement it made for sexual freedom and he had said he was proud of the both of them for sharing it with an audience. He had also told them he wanted to offer it up to an even bigger audience. Merlin risked a glance at his lover then. What did Arthur make of the blatant and bold acceptance his father offered for their open relationship?

"Before we walk inside I want you boys to understand something", Balinor said as he switched off the engine. "To have found someone you can put up with and who shares the same, let's say, ideas in the bedroom at once is rare. I have seen so much bad stuff out there; young people left abandoned in the gutter or hurt for expressing themselves where it was unwanted. I hope you both realise how lucky you are."

Before Merlin could even speak Arthur beat him to it. "Oh, believe me, I know. My own uncle Agravaine treated me in that disrespectful way of his, because he suspected my preferences in the bedroom were what disgusted him. I always had the feeling he waited for me to trip up in front of my father. Well… and father was adament being gay is wrong and treatable, if need be by force. A while back I watched him expell a gay colleague from the job and I hid out of fear to show my true colours. I am not proud of it, but…"

"He is your father and you wanted to keep his respect." Balinor finished for him with a wry smile. "I understand. I've been a son too." Merlin picked up on the shrug his father gave him after a short pause. "You do remember your grandfather, don't you, son?"

In answer Merlin nodded. "I was afraid of him, he always looked so intense and I have this sense of him having a short temper. He died when I was about eight, I think?"

"Regardless of the bruises I sometimes deserved and the whiskey that unbalanced his temper I loved him. You see that is the way with fathers and sons. We are too much alike in some ways and so we are doomed to clash from time to time." Balinor pushed open the door on his side, "Anyway, enough talk. Come, let us get the painting inside."


	39. Chapter 39

Arthur could only shake his head in his mind. The quick way Balinor shifted from an offer of wisdom to hide behind walls again reminded him of Merlin. He had a feeling there was more to it than Balinor would ever let on, but what? With a sudden flash of clearness the pieces of recent events fell together and as they did Arthur stopped himself from getting out of the van. Why had he not realised before how on the day after his uncle's arrest a certain special agent by the name of Balinor returned to his son's life? Said agent had even told them how the job he was on had ended and how he had to stay low for a bit.

For a moment Arthur stayed where he was in an attempt to gather his shocked thoughts. Balinor was a force of secrets and hidden agendas, but one who did so with the law by his side and who had managed to do what Arthur could not. No longer could Agravaine pose a threat to his dear sister, the only family member he wanted to always be safe. No matter how they pretended to be rivals for their father's favour it was their sibling bond which he missed the most now that he was parted from his family.

But had Balinor something to do with the arrest, or was it just a coincidence of timing? Arthur knew that he would not get answers soon. For as long as the court case of his uncle was still in progress he would have to accept information by the police would not get shared with the public. As such agent Emrys, if Balinor had indeed gone undercover on this one, had to keep his silence too. Arthur had seen enough cop series on television to know that there was an ounce of logic and truth in such a policy. No, he would not get any wiser if he pushed the man for answers. In fact he had a feeling they may hurt Merlin, who could get caught in the middle, and so he decided to stay silent as well.

Arthur slipped out of the car then to join the Emrys men at the back of the van. Not before long he helped Merlin carry the painting up the five steps of the shelter, while Balinor opened the doors for them. The three of them made it inside and found Gaius await their arrival. "Balinor! I see you've brought us some helpers."

"I said I would, did I not? This is Merlin, my son, and this is Arthur. They run the gallery named Excalibur up in the centre of town. Arthur here painted the one I bought for you."

"So good of you boys to deliver it in person." With a kind smile the grey haired man led them further inside and over to a large empty wall. Arthur noticed how a railing system awaited his painting. A cord with a hook dangled down. It seemed it was only a matter of hooking the large frame in place.

However when, after he put it down for a moment, he set to remove the cloth Balinor stopped him in his booming voice. "No wait! Can you boys hang it up first? I want to give my donation a proper reveal."

Arthur faltered for a moment. A public reveal? It was not like he had a name as an artist or anything, so it made no sense and yet he felt strangely flattered by it. At his side he saw Merlin shrug. "Why not?" His lover mouthed to him.

After a moment of thought Arthur found he agreed; indeed why would he not lap up his one moment of fame? The business man in him after all could see the potential of unpaid publicity. That did not mean though his heart did not race in nervous anticipation as he hooked the painting into place.

"Perfect", Balinor smiled to Gaius. "Old friend, I hope you agree with my choice."

Even as he straightened the covered frame Arthur saw how around them the entrance hall filled up with people. One glance around the audience told him he was now the centre of attention, even more so when Merlin stepped back to stand beside his father. One thumb up offered him a sign of courage. In answer Arthur rolled his eyes at Merlin to say without words that he was of no help.

"Speech!" Someone joked, while another hushed the voices of his friends. In the resulting silence Arthur heard a girl whisper, "Isn't that the Pendragon bloke? I think I saw his face in the newspaper." His heart dropped to his stomach. No, he did not want recognition… not in here. The newspapers had thrashed him at some point when his father put some money into the affair, which should have stayed just between them. Who knew what slander they published? Arthur had never wanted to read it. Nor did he want to hear more now, so he decided to speak up to prevent any more gossip.

"Alright a speech. I wasn't aware I would be asked to do this, but since I am here I might as well humour you." Arthur glared at Balinor and then winked at Merlin in a deliberate private way to say he would pay him back in kind for abandoning his side. "For years I have known that I am gay, but I hid my true self from my family who were obvious in their stand opposed to anyone not straight and focussed on making careers. Then one day I met my special someone. He walked in, tempted me to come out so I could get to know him… and how could I resist? I mean, look at him. He's beautiful, and not just on the outside either."

At that he pulled the cloth clear from the frame with one swift and hard tug to reveal the painting in all its glory. Someone catwhistled, but Arthur ignored them in favour of speaking on. "Regardless of what others think and how hard they pushed me aside I found my inspiration to be myself in the man on this piece of canvas. This painting to us is a statement of freedom to express your sexuality in any way you like for as long as your partner shares it. Who cares what gender they are? As long as you are both in agreement of what you do in the bedroom no one else should come in between. We hope it will inspire you to find the courage within you to be yourself."

* * *

Merlin listened to the speech with growing awe and unease. Where did Arthur find the confidence to say those words? It baffled him how the man who could on some days be so endearing in his insecurities and shyness stood before this crowd to speak to them with such a passion that his audience listened in silence. It reminded Merlin of the boss who had hired him to be an assistant. Infuriating as Arthur had been back then Merlin had seen the leadership in him could become so much more. Is that why back at the gallery they all followed Arthur, without even being aware of how no one objected to his business sense and direct orders?

Applause startled him away from his quiet contemplation. Around him were smiles and as voices began to turn back to the daily conversations of the shelter Merlin picked up on a few compliments directed at Arthur. As the crowd parted someone came over to him, a boy who seemed every inch the geek Merlin knew he used to be. Tight fit jeans, glasses and fingerless gloves showed how this guy had a style of his own. "How did you do it?"

"You mean pose for him?"

"No… yes… that too. But, I mean the ropes." The guy blushed through his stammer.

"I love him and I trust him with my life. With the right person it can become so much more than just what you see in the painting."

"You are so lucky. He is gorgeous. If ever, you know…"

"Not a chance." Merlin laughed, but as the young boy walked off he sobered up. Right there in the throw away joke was the truth. Arthur was desirable; with a hot body he did not only attract women, but gay men too. If he wanted to Arthur could no doubt get anyone he wanted… and yet Arthur had chosen to love him. Him, the lanky and geeky village lad who had intense sensual desires and a load of baggage in the grief he'd never be able to shed off altogether. Why? His old feelings of low self esteem did not grasp how anyone saw his flaws and they did not deem him unworthy.

"Penny for them", his father's deep voice broke his stare at the painting. "Sad to have sold it?" The quiet question made sense to Merlin and yet he did not want to answer it. The painting right now did nothing to help him. If anything it served to remind him of the proposal he wanted so badly that he wished he could say yes to and mean it too. But as it was he knew he'd only hurt them both in the long run and so his doubts said no.

Brown eyes pierced through him then. "What is it, son? You have been pensive and quiet since I have picked you up."

"Because if I speak up I am going to be angry and upset with you…" Merlin walked off then, for once done with his wayward father and the pressure of living with someone else. His mood had improved and fallen at once at the speech. Hearing about the huge amount of love that once more fell upon his shoulders was just too much to bear on a day when he felt miserable without knowing why. "Take him home for me. I will find my way. Tell him I need some room to think and that I will be back before dark."

* * *

Distracted by the words of praise and the quiet words of thanks Gaius offered him Arthur did not notice Merlin had walked off until it was too late. By the time the crowd around him parted and he made it back to the hall Arthur saw only Balinor await him. "Where did Merlin go?"

"He went for a walk to clear his head. Asked me to take you home and to say that he would follow before dark."

Arthur stared at the normally so present and tall man. Something about him now seemed small. "What are you not telling me?!" At first there was no answer, but Arthur stared the man down. Why was everything so hard with these Emrys men?

"I fear he's angry with me. I know, I should have called, but the job…"

"Fathers and sons…" Arthur trailed off in the hope Balinor understood what he meant to say. "Our biggest fear is to hurt the ones we love."

Balinor nodded, "And in our fear we hurt them anyway. Come, I will drop you off at your place and then I will try and find Merlin. I am sure he won't have gone far."

With narrowed eyes and feeling worried sick Arthur followed the taller man. Once more he felt like he missed something, but in turn he knew Balinor did too. He waited to speak though until they drove off.

"Listen, it may not be my place to speak up, but I feel I must for Merlin's sake. I think your absence these last few years have cut into him. Work or not, your family needs you even though they say they do understand why you have to leave them behind for weeks at a time. Your son from what I see is so much alike you. When I met him he hid behind these stupid walls and while I pulled some down there's so many more left. He does not know how to stop himself from hiding. And now he's off alone to God knows where."

"You think I can show him how to break down these walls you speak of?"

Arthur shrugged, "Absent or not you are the man he looks up to and the man whose character he inherited. When Freya died he was so cut up and he knew of no way to let it out, so instead he hid himself away from the pain. But in doing that he only made it worse. You Emrys men, you carry too much weight on your shoulders and when you fall apart it's with the intensity of a freight train derailing."

After turning a sharp left corner Balinor grinned, "You are a sharp one, aren't you?"

"I may be blind to some things and most people, but when it comes to Merlin I see what is in his heart when we make love."

"Too much information", Balinor cringed with a mock shudder. "But I know, I should have called. The truth is that I have resigned from MI5 to spend the rest of my days with my family. Hunith already knows this and I asked her to come over to your place. We wanted to surprise Merlin today and tell him about it together. Maybe I should have told him this morning instead hey? But I fear it's too late now."

Balinor turned into the street where Arthur lived. "Arthur, you can rest assured that Merlin has inherited some of the better traits from his mother. It is through those that I have an idea of where to find him. Can you allow me the space to do so as a father?"

While the van stopped Arthur reached out his hand to Balinor. When his wrist was grabbed he held the man's eyes. "Hunith and I will await your return. I will ensure that the others are gone, so Merlin won't get overwhelmed when you two get back."

"You are a good man, Arthur Pendragon. One day I'll proudly give my son away to you."

The sentiment followed Arthur out of the van and had him wince. "That is if he ever says yes." He muttered under his breath so Balinor could not overhear, or so he thought, while he shut the door. In quick strides he walked over to the door of Excalibur. While he pushed open the front door the van behind him sped off with screeching tires. He grinned as the door fell closed behind him. Now that was a sign of the true Emrys spirit!


	40. Chapter 40

The forest around him offered a quiet background. On impulse Merlin had hopped on a bus that passed through it. Half way he got off, eager to be at some place where no one would disturb him or ask him for anything. A brisk walk through nature always did him some good. Today though he had no such luck. Somehow his darkened mood hung around him still and even though he felt more calm there was no escaping the fact his thoughts were so scattered he did not know how to pull them together to make sense.

Hugging a bit deeper into his coat Merlin walked into a clearing. So often before he had passed through here, mostly with his parents who both loved the forest as much as he did. With a heavy heart he sat down on a fallen tree stem. The three of them had often shared picnics here, in a time when they felt carefree and nothing weighed them down. Merlin remembered how his parents had kissed, laughed and even danced together with him. Innocence faded though and in its place came his own growing up, while his father became jaded with work…

Right there he had found the sore spot on his mind. For once in his life Merlin felt like he understood where the gruff manners and the sometimes not so hidden sad look on his father's face stemmed from… trauma. Sadly he found the recognition of emotions didn't make his anger fade. Why had he been left to hide behind walls? Why had his father not seen through them like Arthur had? A tear of forlorn feelings slipped its slow path down his cheek, but Merlin did not notice it. All he could think about was how he had become so messed up that bubbles in a glass of water or screeching tires left him tremble in panic. Unaware of it his hands curled into fists while he tried to calm himself back down.

Merlin let out a shaky breath when he sensed someone came over. He found he wasn't even surprised or startled when the tree stem dipped under the added weight of the man who formed the cause of his inner turmoil. "I figured you'd be here." Unsure what to say, because he still felt by far too off balanced by him, Merlin did not react to his father. "My son, can you forgive me?"

At the quiet question Merlin looked up. Meeting his father's brown eyes he saw the sorrow of a man who began to accept the fact he had made mistakes. The open honesty he found made him ask, "For what?"

"I wasn't there for you when the accident happened, nor was I around for both you and your mum after. I am ashamed to say that I left her to pick up the pieces in favour of my job. But regardless, you are so much alike me, so I should have seen what you did to yourself each time when I was home between jobs. I should have torn at the walls you erected to stop you from falling apart. I…"

His father let out a sigh of regret and in that moment Merlin saw the true sadness of their likeness. "No, well… maybe, but I am not so sure if I would have let you. Looking back I can admit that I only hid from the world because of my guilt. I believed I had wronged Freya and I wasn't ready to let anyone else say any different. Mother meant well, but I just couldn't admit to her how much I hated myself after the accident. I did not want to hurt her like that."

Balinor winced at the honesty. "We fools we hide our pain from the one who loves us most, because we believe she is sensitive. The honest truth is that you did not inherit your strength from me, son. Hiding does not take courage you see, but facing things the way only your mum can does and thankfully you have something of her in you too."

"You think so?" Merlin smiled when his father nodded. After a pause he sobered up to admit what plagued him the most today. "Even though in my mind I have come to accept the accident was no one's fault my heart is another matter. I still feel like I carry the darkness of her loss within me…"

"I fear you always will. It is the way of such things, but in time you'll find a way not to be afraid of those shadows." Balinor squeezed his shoulder then and Merlin waited to hear what he had to say. "Today may be a rough day, but believe me, you are doing so much better already. I mean, look at you. You have become the owner of a gallery, found a few loyal friends and you live together with a man, who clearly thinks the world of you."

"Oh no, what did he say?" Merlin narrowed his eyes at the flicker of amusement in his father's voice.

"Only what needed to be said between him and me, nothing more. He is a good man to stand by you like he does. From what I saw and overheard today though I think you two need a break from each other. Young love can be quite intense, especially when you are moving at the blinding speed you lads do. So please, humour a retired special agent and your foolish father at once by taking up his offer of a week away. Let me get to know my son again. Can you do that?"

* * *

The usual blanket of mess Arthur found so comfortable on a normal day threw him off balance as he soon as walked into the gallery. He wished he could smile, but the conflicted emotions and his worry for Merlin made it near impossible. It did not help matters much when he saw Leon narrow his eyes at the speeding van just outside the door while Gwaine cut straight to the point. "Where are Merlin and his father going off to? Hunith said they would both come back here."

Arthur knew he could not fool his friend. There was still too much of a cop's instinct in Gwaine not to connect the dots. Even so Arthur felt unsure if he wanted to consider, let alone speak, the thought that for once he felt so out of his depth with Merlin that he did not know if he could recover. "They needed some father and son time", bending the truth just a little and leaving out details was a part of the course his father beat into him. But as he spoke it was not Gwaine who saw through him…

Wrapped up in a greeting filled with comfort Arthur heard Hunith say, "You look tired, are you alright?"

"I have revealed my painting of Merlin in public and got applause for it, so yeah… I am more than alright." The hug had offered him some courage. "Listen, I know it is a bit much to ask of you guys, but can we as a family have the floor for this afternoon?" He pulled away from Hunith then, trying to sound as normal and as self assured as possible.

For a moment it seemed like Gwaine would protest, but a quiet look from Leon kept him silent. In his place Leon answered, "Sure, Hunith here told me earlier that Merlin and her have not seen much of her husband lately, so we can do this. Though I am sure some of us want to work on our art again tomorrow we can come in a little later too, if you like?"

With a nod and an one armed embrace Arthur thanked Leon for his understanding. Then after a pause Gwaine too pulled him close. "Try and give yourself a break too, if you can", came a whisper before Gwaine rushed off in his typical style of kissing Hunith while on his way outside. In less than a minute his friend had dragged everyone else along.

The resulting silence was broken almost instantly. "Arthur, what have you not said?"

"Your men are doing my head in today, that is all. Come… why don't we go upstairs and see if we can raid the fridge for a meal? I warn you though, I am not much of a cook, to say the least." He knew he still deflected from the truth with his wry grin. It was either that though or crash apart over the exhaustion caused by the intense rollercoaster ride his life had been in the last few months. If he were honest to himself, that is if he knew how to in his chaotic mind of thoughts, Arthur knew something had already given for Merlin and maybe, just maybe he had no other choice but to follow.

In his far from alert state though he forgot the recent addition of art up on the loft walls. Arthur reached the kitchen and then when he turned around he saw how Hunith stood in silence in the middle of the open spaced room. Her eyes focussed onto the wall above the sofa and in a flash Arthur realised why.

"You painted yourself…", her awed gasp made him walk over to Hunith. "And you look so beautiful and fragile when exposed like this. It is like I can see in your own creation how Merlin admires your body and soul, while in the other one I see your feelings for him are mirrored to perfection. I… I almost feel like I am intruding on your bond as lovers."

Her words of shared honesty and her caring smile broke the last hold Arthur had over the emotions he tried to keep to himself. No longer stood he a chance at deflecting her from how he felt and his fears tumbled out uncensored. "I… do you think so? I am not so sure anymore. I am afraid I may have pushed Merlin too hard with my proposal. It is like something has snuck in between us, but I can not touch it. Oh Hunith, what if I lose him?" When arms wrapped around him Arthur lost himself in the comfort she offered.

* * *

Retired from active duty, his father had said. No more dangerous missions and no more long periods of absence for the once special agent. Even the idea of his father stuck in one place seemed odd to Merlin, though a most welcome change at once. To think he could call by and he could ask Balinor over on a whim made him happy. They would get to know each other again, starting in the week away up ahead. "Yes", his answer had been. In truth he could do with a break. Heck, he needed it so bad that he felt a thrill of excitement at the idea of it. Sure he would miss Arthur as soon as they drove off… but Merlin felt like maybe it was the point life had to prove to him.

Unaware of it there was a bounce in Merlin's step when he opened the door of Excalibur for his father and himself. As they walked in they were met with an uncharacteristic silence. Where was everyone? Unsure about the answer Merlin passed through the gallery while he explained to his father how Arthur and he lived upstairs. "It's a wide open planned loft. It's big enough for a kitchen area, a comfortable living space and a corner where we set up our bedroom. Since the renovation it is light and airy, with an up to date large bathroom fitted in too. Arthur insisted we had to install a bath big enough for two, but so far we've been too busy to use it to be honest."

Once upstairs the Emrys men met with a set table and a nice smell of home cooking that had their mouths water. Nothing tasted as much of home to Merlin as his mother's stew did, and judging by the smell he realised she'd saved him from having to cook. "Mother", he sighed into her embrace. As he did he risked a look over her shoulder, for she was at least a head smaller than him, to lock eyes with Arthur. The worry there made way for a small smile and a wry look of emotions that for once were not squashed down. Merlin nodded to the man he loved before he mouthed, "I am sorry."

In answer Arthur came out of the kitchen to ruffle his hair in passing while he walked over to where he had left his father. "Balinor", Arthur greeted and as they clasped hands he added, "Thank you."

To Merlin's surprise he saw his father share an open look of understanding with Arthur. It was gone though before he let go of his mother to share the choice he had made today. "Arthur, I know I just came back, but there is something we need to talk about. Father has retired from his job and he has asked me to join him for a father son week away…"

"You said yes, right? Breathing space, I suppose we could do with it." Merlin felt relieved by the accepting way Arthur caught on. The smile of support on his lover's face however faltered when something made him look away. Confused by the quick change of reaction Merlin followed his eyes. The instant he saw the reasons for it he understood why Arthur lost his train of thought in favour to stand nailed to the floor by his nerves…

"I said it before, but I will say so again in your home. That is one heck of a skill you got", Balinor turned away from his intense stare at the two paintings above the sofa. "So what is for dinner? I believe I smell my wife's infamous stew?"

The tension had come and gone so fast it left Merlin unable to keep up with the men who caused it. Where he still stood blinking at the way his father complimented his lover for the sensual images on the wall Arthur laughed. "Oh yes, I was given a cooking lesson."

"Well, you sure needed one. I have never seen anyone look so lost in their own kitchen", Hunith joked along. "Can't have you boys call for pizza every evening can we?"

They sat down around the table then, still laughing. Stories of old and new filled the loft while they ate. It was so good to have his parents together and celebrate his father's retirement in this way. When Merlin saw how well Arthur got along with them it made him feel happier than he had felt all day.

During a round of post dinner coffees they planned the week ahead. Merlin smiled at the way Hunith decided to keep Arthur company for the next week in his absence. "Oh no, not more cooking lessons?" His lover's joke did not fool anyone. It was all in his warm voice how he enjoyed her presence up at the loft. Balinor too seemed rather pleased with the fact that his wife would not have to sit all by herself in his absence once more.

"See you boys early tomorrow." After he walked his parents down Merlin got wrapped into a short bear hug. "Pack your stuff and be ready at dawn. Exmoor awaits us, son."

As Merlin watched his parents drive off Arthur pulled him close. "Miss me when you are off on your adventure?"

"Always", Merlin kissed him on the lips. "Arthur, I…"

He faltered at the way Arthur stepped back to hold out his hand, "Please don't, I am left at a loss for what to say. For tonight can't we just sleep in each other's arms?"

Merlin let himself be guided up the stairs with a wordless nod.


	41. Chapter 41

By the end of the second day Arthur felt alone, and downright frustrated. From the day he had decided Merlin was the one he wanted to get to know better they had been as close as two people could be. Every, or at least almost every, moment of their life had been shared without fail. Arthur would have only had to turn and there Merlin was, but today the space by his side was empty and even the usual presence of his friends had gone unnoticed. He had not even realised it when Leon closed the door behind them with an unhappy sigh of not getting through to his upset friend.

For two days Arthur had tried to get inspired, but nothing he tried worked. In a fit of frustration he rubbed at the drawn lines he created to erase them as if they'd never even been there to begin with. Why could he not do this? He was too soft hearted, like his father always said. That must be it. Frustrated Arthur pushed the canvas aside to sit down on a chair. Two days gone by and he was a wreck of anger and disappointment in his skills as an artist. Was he doomed to paint only one subject? A hand fell on his shoulder then, soft and oddly not as intrusive as it ought to be. "Arthur? Are you coming up? It has gone passed six and your friends have all left for the day."

He looked up to see Hunith smile at him from an empty gallery. "Yeah, I suppose." In spite of his words though he did not move. His tired eyes just blinked at the only half finished and finger print muddled face drawn on the sheet of canvas in front of him. Arthur did not comprehend why he felt so upset his gift did not listen to his mind, or maybe it did? He felt too lost to figure out where in that laid his truth.

"Tell me about her", Hunith sat down next to him.

"I can't paint her", faster than he had before he pushed back his chair to get up. "I promised Merlin I would try to paint my mother, but I am at a loss. I fear I can't make it work, because she is the last person I should draw, and so I find I can't do it. Father, he will never forgive me if I do it. She died giving birth to me, so I remind him enough of her as it is. Who am I to rub it in some more?"

"You are his son…", Hunith patted the chair he had vacated. "If he can't forgive you for opening your heart to her memory than he is wrong. Be strong for yourself Arthur and don't blame anyone but fate for what happened. Search your soul; do you still want to paint her?" His lack of answer only seemed to spur her on. "You have been so strong for my son when he had to let go of his grief, why can you not do the same for yourself?"

As if he were no more than an onlooker he sat back down. In the corner of his eyes he saw her pick up his most private sketchbook, the one he had thought he lost once. A voice said to stop her, but Arthur found he could not deny the woman who, while not his own mother, gave him what he missed the most in life; motherly advice. "These are stunning. You should use them as inspiration for your painting of her."

"Thank you… I…" He wiped at his face, frustrated at being unable to say how much he loved Hunith in this moment. Unaware of how his smudged hands left a grey stain on his cheek he blurted out, "Merlin is so lucky to have you, the both of you."

"Oh Arthur." She wrapped his hands between her smaller ones. "You silly boy, you have by far more than you know. The day you marry Merlin you get Balinor and me for free."

"He hasn't even…", his splutter met with her look of defiance as she offered him a pencil.

"But he will. Those Emrys men of ours are quite the handful, I know. Trust me though… if you give them space when needed they will always come back to you. None other than them are more devoted in their love and more turbulent in their emotions at once."

Arthur accepted the pencil with a wry smile. "How do you know when to leave them be?"

"You will learn how to read the signs." She reached out then to wipe the smudge from his cheek. Then pushing her chair back she said, "Come upstairs when you are hungry."

"Hunith wait, I am done for today. I'll look at my drawing afresh tomorrow." Choice made Arthur dropped his pencil to get up and walk after her, "So what are we making tonight?"

"We?" After he nodded in newfound determination she smiled, "Chicken, curry and rice. I'd be happy to teach you how to cook. We make a good husband of you yet."

On the way up Arthur laughed at her remark. In his heart he felt his confidence grow and it made him realise he was more like his old self again. Tomorrow he would begin saying goodbye to the person he never got to meet. In her place stood the family of his lover, of which each member had offered his softer side the respect it craved for.

* * *

The moorland around him offered Merlin a good backdrop to his still sombre moods. He hitched up his camera bag a little and walked on along the public footpath, heading further into the purple Exmoor landscape of heather and grasses. For a third day in a row his father and he needed few words to agree the silence around them fitted their nature to brood until they were ready to speak. Merlin believed he would be the first to break it though… and he had a feeling his father was merely waiting for the moment.

Around lunch time they sat down by the side of a field of heather, basking in the sunlight and out of sight from the inhabited world. Even before his father managed to gather the sandwiches from his backpack a whinny alerted them to new arrivals. They both sat in silence, afraid to scare them off, to look at the herd of half wild ponies passing by. A dark furred mare looked at them, as if she sized them up to warn others about their presence if needed. In awe of the unexpected encounter no more than hundred yards away from their lunch spot Merlin reached out to grab his camera. Through his lens he watched them run off when the mare bristled suddenly. The sounds of their hooves followed in their wake, leaving Merlin smile in memory of their wild presence. "Wow, that was…"

"Indeed", Balinor agreed while Merlin set out to put his camera away. "I did not know you bought a new one. May I see?"

"Leon gave it to me on my birthday. It used to belong to his brother David, who sadly passed away." He offered the camera to his father, who took it with gentle care. A smile escaped Merlin when he saw his father switch it on to look at the images he made of the wild ponies and the country around them via the viewing screen.

"He is a good friend." The camera clicked unexpected, while Merlin stared out ahead of him to take in the scenery. "Which one is Leon again?"

Merlin ignored the fact his father made a photograph of him. He could always erase it later, no harm done. "Did Arthur show you the pictures I made of team Excalibur?" He waited for Balinor to nod. "He is the curly haired one."

"Ah, the shy one."

"The thoughtful one", Merlin corrected. "Don't let his appearance fool you. Leon is more passionate and observant than most people give him credit for. He is the one who has been there for us from the start of this crazy ride we have been on, well and Gwaine too to be honest. There are none more loyal than those two."

"Gwaine?"

"He's the longer haired one. Used to be a cop until he decided the job was too hard for him. In his own admission he said that he took every loss by the side of the road too personal. Something I have a feeling you understand better than you'll ever tell anyone."

"Hmm." For a moment the silence fell between them. Just when Merlin thought he crossed the line and Balinor would hide himself away for the rest of the day his father surprised him. "The hardest part of my job is to tell a family that the person they loved has gone. No matter what anyone says it is not something you'll ever get used to."

Merlin let his hand fall onto his father's shoulder in a wordless gesture of comfort. To his surprise Balinor began to talk then of how he took pride in his work as an undercover agent, but at the same time how it cut into him on the tough days when he could not share his experiences with the wife he loved. His need to hide his trauma had taken a toll on his family, something which upset him more than he let on before today. It also did not help matters for his father when some difficult cases stayed in court for months, and sometimes even years, on end after he arrested criminals.

"Son, I want you know that no matter what others may tell you about my actions on the job that I will always do my best to look out for you, and Arthur as well. Let none of my past secrecy ever come between you two, promise me."

"I promise." Though he had no clue what urged his father to say it Merlin could see how he meant every word of it; and it moved him. To hear his father say out loud how he began to care for Arthur too. Wow… and that at a time when he felt so insecure about their future as a couple himself.

Balinor vowed to Merlin then that he would make up for his absence for the rest of his retired life. As he spoke on Merlin understood he had mistaken the quiet between his parents for loneliness and hurt, where in fact they had never loved each other more. In truth Balinor's decision to retire was a joint one. It offered Merlin hope after all that the same secretive traits he inherited from his father had not upturned his parents' marriage.

* * *

The second half of the not-so-alone week had Arthur in better spirits. He returned to the gallery with a smile for Gwen and the usual banter he reserved for Gwaine, who in turn had fun trying to rile him up. Around the table he offered a round of coffees as an unspoken apology for his distant behaviour and bad mood. Soon enough he was forgiven in a similar manner. Life in Excalibur then burst with energy again, even though each team member (in their own way) missed Merlin and his easy going spirit.

Arthur and his team were happy though to welcome Hunith in his place for a while. Even as he worked on his painting of his mother Arthur noticed how Hunith and Gwen became friends. They went shopping a few times and when they returned they did so talking and laughing in the way women did. It was then he realised he missed his sister Morgana.

In a fit of sibling love he called her. An hour later they met up in town for a lunch date. Morgana had never looked more at ease and glamorous to him than when they hugged in an awkward embrace. They'd never been able to share emotions, and so Arthur found himself smile when they were back to their usual mixture of banter and sibling rivalry.

Between the lines he picked up on how Morgana was relieved by the fact her competition to the director's chair was gone. A week ago Agravaine got sentenced to five years in prison and even Uther had taken the news as a forward step to better the company. Arthur was glad how the whole chapter of his uncle had turned out for the best, and so he kept silent about the suspicions he had about the man's arrest.

It was when Morgana said she hoped father would approve of her latest deal to win back crowd support with a plan to aid hospital wards and set up a charity scheme for it that Arthur understood why he had to leave the company. The flash of sad fear in her eyes at the idea that she may not succeed brought back the business attitude of the man who did not approve of actions easily. "Rather you than me", he found he meant the words.

"I am glad your choice paid off for you." She laughed at the way he stared at her, while she linked her arm into his. "Come… brother dearest. You don't think I have not done my research? Show me your gallery. I admit your colourful leaflet made me curious, but I never found the right excuse to stop by. Anyway, I took the afternoon off so…"

"Does father know?" Her shrug was answer enough for him. Based on past experiences Arthur knew that Morgana would not tell Uther about the gallery so long as he did not ask. Along the way they had both learned to walk a fine line where their father was concerned. Happy enough to find at least one family member was interested in his new life Arthur took her self invitation in his stride.

Back at Excalibur he watched Morgana being led around by Gwen. They seemed to have an instant rapport. Arthur smiled at the way no one seemed able to escape the charms of Gwen, who wasn't even aware she had any to begin with. Her huge heart and natural ways were so refreshing that no one ever objected to it.

Later when they all sat around the table for a break Arthur sketched his sister in perfect detail and he tore the page from his sketchbook for her to take it home. "But…", she spluttered, "You need to sign it." After he scribbled the date and his first name in the right bottom corner he tried to hand it back to her, but instead they found Lancelot grab the drawing before she could accept. Together they watched as he framed it for her.

An hour after closing time the doors of Excalibur were finally locked and Arthur had said goodbye to his sister. The lights however stayed switched on for many more hours. It was late in the night when Arthur revealed to Hunith how her advice and Morgana's interest had pushed him over the line. And when he went to get some sleep he did so with one last glance over at the painted piece of canvas. "Goodnight mother", he whispered as he switched off the lights while he steered Hunith towards the stairs that led up into the loft. "One more night alone, Hunith. Our men will be home tomorrow."


	42. Chapter 42

In the second half of the week away Merlin and Balinor stood on the Somerset coastline. From up on the cliffs they could see far off over the sea. Even in the pouring rain and wind Merlin found his mood had shifted into something far brighter than he felt in days. One glance over at the man who stood to his left had him smile. It was like he finally knew his father again; like they had this new connection that made them both feel more at ease around each other. Balinor still harboured so many secrets, but Merlin could not fault him for it. Trauma was personal, and something simply too private to share.

A heavy weight crashed over him when he realised he had stood here overlooking the world from the wet cliffs for far too long for comfort. His fear of water resurfaced from the back of his mind and the dark waves below suddenly had him shiver with so much misery that his knees crumbled underneath him. "Father…"

The one worded warning he managed to ground out was enough for Balinor to pull him onto his feet and steer him away from the dark coastline with firm hands. "Back to the cottage with you." Not another word was spoken about it until he was tucked up safe under a blanket on the couch inside the cottage. Merlin could not quite recall how his father managed to drag him there and he felt too drained to care, other than that he was glad for the firm hand of steady support.

Merlin watched his father stoke up the hearth and he waited until he felt the warmth of it spread out into his body. By the time his father placed a steaming mug of hot chocolate mixed with a splash of alcohol in front of him Merlin asked him to sit down. "There is something I need to share with you."

He waited for his father to sit down by his side. Spurred on by the moment up on the cliff Merlin spoke of meeting Freya and the accident that parted him from her. A strangled sob escaped him when he told Balinor of how he drowned and he would have stayed under if not for fate. "So many things I have forgotten, but not once can I let go of what it felt like to get trapped under the dashboard of the car and be unable to breathe in anything else but the dark water. The times when I wake up stuck in the moment…"

A firm hand clasped his shoulder, "Look at me, son." The pause lasted until he managed to see his father's face through his tears. "You need to find something to ground you each time when you wake up from these nightmares, whether you were asleep or not. Find something that anchors you back to the alive world…"

"Not something… I have found someone." Merlin felt drained, though relieved at the same time that he not only found a way to share his memories with his father, but he was offered support in return.

Balinor smiled then. "Someone being Arthur, of course. Even more effective, I agree. And that brings me right to the obvious point I feel I need to make. Do you honestly believe you have not made your choice to marry him yet, son?"

"I…" Merlin grinned sheepishly in reaction. What could he say that wasn't a lie?

"You give so much of yourself to others, always ready to open up your heart to their needs. But son, you need to find the courage to let them love you and care for you back. Forget the past. Move on from what ifs."

"But I feel so damaged and I don't want to hurt Arthur any more than I already have."

"The only way you can hurt the one you love is by not trusting in them. Go back home to Arthur and don't waste another minute of the time you can spend together with him. Life is too precious. Say yes and embrace the promise of forever with each breath you take. It may seem daunting now, but I think you'll find that you can't live with the alternative."

Balinor moved to get up, but Merlin stopped him by wrapping his hand around a muscled arm. "Thank you father", he did not have enough energy for more words, but it did not matter for he didn't need to say them. In the fond expression of Balinor's face was nothing but understanding, and in that moment he saw the truth. No one but his mother knew what plagued his father. How often had Balinor broken his vow of job secrecy for the woman he loved? Merlin sensed he better not ask and so instead he let his father go.

"Why don't you rest for a bit? I will wake you up when dinner is ready."

"No arguments from me." Merlin mumbled in his exhaustion, already feeling himself drift off underneath the comfortable warm blanket draped over his body.

* * *

Late in the morning Arthur made his way down, still feeling somewhat sleepy but satisfied. Today Merlin would come back home. The idea alone was enough for him to feel cheerful and nervous at once. What would his lover's answer be? Unwilling to stew on it he walked into the gallery with the intention to find some distraction. Luckily for him all the usual suspects, and Hunith too, were there to provide it.

"Morning", Leon was the first to notice his arrival. His taller friend was by his side in a flash and Arthur smiled when his hand fell onto his shoulder in greeting. "Good to see that you're feeling inspired again."

"I… what?" Arthur followed the line Leon pointed to the round table. "Oops", his mind provided for him when he realised he'd left the painting of his mother right where it was to dry. That alone had been wise surely, but he had planned to get up early to have it out of the way in time. Unsure of how to react he walked over to it, wondering whether he should hide her again or to… well, was there an alternative?

Leon joined him at the table. A frown on his face betrayed to Arthur how he tried to connect some dots. "I have this vague memory of the blonde woman who lived next door when I was but a boy. This is her, isn't it? She is your mother."

"I sometimes forget you are almost six years older than me", Arthur admitted with a wry smile. For a moment they stood together in silence. "Yes, she is. Please, Leon. Do you know more about her?"

"Afraid not. To my young mind she was just gone and my parents did not speak much of her, even less so when you came over. It was like she belonged to the past only."

"Yeah, Uther would have made sure of that."

"My parents must have wanted to protect us from his anger and grief, but Arthur it isn't right to keep her locked in the past. You should ask Lance to frame her for you." When Arthur spluttered in protest Leon hurried to add, "Not to sell her, of course not, but to share your work. This painting is too good not to."

"I agree", Hunith came over from where she had helped Gwen sort out the sketches and scribbles for her latest project. "After all the emotions you went through to create it I feel it is a shame if no one got to see it."

"But my father…"

"Pffft, forget about him", Gwaine decided to put in his point of view. He dropped the pair of pliers he was working with on the table before he added. "I bet you that this street and our gallery is the last place where he visits. We are too far below his status."

"Famous last words?" Lance seemed to only half joke. To Arthur the way Gwen stared at her husband with a look that said he should not jinx things spoke volumes.

"Maybe", Gwaine shrugged. "Worth the risk though, if Arthur here is as proud of his art as he always suggests to be."

Strange enough Gwaine poking fun of his usual arrogance sealed his choice. Though his doubts did not silence altogether Arthur asked for Lance to turn the painted canvas into a framed piece of art. While he felt nervous at first his doubts faded at the stunning result. From behind the glass Ygraine looked even more glamorous. Feeling a bit more secure Arthur let Hunith help him hang it up on the back wall. It wasn't until he stepped back to look at the final result together with his raggedy family standing around him that he felt like he had found his peace with her loss.

* * *

Side by side the Emrys men walked from the parking lot over to the gallery. At the door Merlin looked up to the golden name of Excalibur and the brandished sword logo next to it with a smile. "Closed" the sign on the door read, but since the lights inside were still on Merlin knew that the door would not be locked. More than ever he felt like he had come home. Behind the glass door he saw his friends, his mother and most important the man he would always come back for. With his hand on the push bar he paused one last time to turn to his father. "Here we go."

Merlin pushed the door open to walk inside. The bell hanging above the door announced his presence. Somewhere in the corner of his eyes and in the back of his mind he registered how his friends fell silent and they began to smile when they saw him in turn. Merlin though found his world narrow in on Arthur, who dropped his pencil and pushed back the chair he sat on in favour of walking over to him. Nothing else mattered but the strong arms which soon wrapped around him to ensure them both he was back where he belonged. "Merlin… you're home."

One nod was all he could manage before he had to give in to his need to kiss Arthur breathless. Answered in kind their lips met in the same passionate meeting their hearts did. "By the way, my answer is yes." Seeing the doubts rise before they were voiced Merlin added loud and clear, "Let's not wait any longer. Please, marry me, Arthur."

"I…" Arthur allowed them both less than a second speechless shock before action took over. As they kissed once more they were unaware of their friends… that was until their reactions and well wishes filtered through the cloud of happiness.

"Finally, a party!" Gwaine whooped while Gwen and Lance laughed. Hand shakes and hugs of congratulations wrapped Merlin up into the best feeling he had in years. Somehow the leap of faith to jump into married life did not feel scary to him anymore. Instead the idea of spending forever with Arthur felt more than right.

They locked the door then to shut the world outside. This was a private party, well of sorts. As if ordered they all gathered at the table with pizzas and drinks. Merlin looked at the group of people seated around him in fondness. Maybe something of his past would always try to weigh him down and make him feel upset, but he felt assured now that he no longer would have to carry the burden alone. His friends and family would not let him, not even if he tried to hide his emotions from them.

Someone fired up a laptop and soon they huddled together as Merlin browsed through his photographs while talking about his trip to Exmoor. Merlin smiled at the way his father added his thoughts to the story. It warmed his heart how easy his friends accepted Balinor into the fold, even when sometimes a darker look fell in a shadow over his father's face. They welcomed him just as they had done Hunith. Jokes, laughter and remarks spread around the table and no one was left out.

It was however when suddenly his own image popped up on the screen that Merlin fell silent. Balinor had taken it just after the herd of ponies passed them by. He remembered feeling sad and awed at once while he sat in the heather. Both emotions were caught in pixels and the result was that in turn Merlin felt like he stared at a younger version of his father. No wonder Arthur said the Emrys men were too much alike!

By the time the photo viewing session was done and the pizza boxes stood empty on the table banter made way for what would inevitably mean the day had ended. Gwaine was the first to break the longer stretch of silence. "Up to the loft with you two lovebirds. Go and celebrate, or whatever. We will clean up and close up for the day for you."

"You sure?" Merlin asked at the same time Arthur commented dryly, "Who are you and what have you done to Gwaine? Cleaning up, huh?"

"If you'd rather do it yourself…"

"Not another word", Merlin said while he pushed Arthur off toward the stairs. He grinned when at the same time Leon intervened too. Where he told Arthur in no uncertain terms to stop protesting he heard Leon warn Gwaine simply with a soft call of his name.

"Thanks, all of you." With a nod to his father and a wave for his mother and friends Merlin continued to steer Arthur out of the door and up the stairs. "To bed with you. I am so going to take advantage of this offer." The door fell shut behind him, shutting out the laughter and Gwaine's shout of how it was too much information.

Arthur grinned, "Is that a promise?"

"You better believe it."


	43. Chapter 43

Clothes fell to the floor in a trail from the door to their bed. In his hurry to get to naked skin Arthur did not care about the mess they made. All he wanted was finally his for the taking again. One word had put a distance between them until it got spoken out loud. Now it felt to Arthur like every dark cloud in the sky lifted to make way for the happy man who kissed him back. The twinkle of joy in the eyes of the man he loved alone made up for every moment he spent in anguish wondering if he'd lost Merlin or not.

Once at the bedside Arthur smirked with confidence when he saw the bottle of massage oil. With one push he made Merlin land on the bed. Straight away Arthur turned him onto his belly. "Let me have my way with you, please?"

"Gods yes." Merlin almost seemed to purr under the finger Arthur trailed down his lover's spine and back up again. Arthur crawled over Merlin then to straddle him just below his arse. Unable to resist his need to tease him Arthur bend over to place a few kisses and nibbles on shoulder blades and whatever other sensitive skin he could reach.

Arthur met the moaned curse of "Tease" by grabbing the bottle of massage oil from the bedside stand. In no time he had Merlin's back slick and warmed up with the sweet smelling oil, as well as his own hands. With slow sensual moves he set out to please and relax Merlin at once. It was a balance he had picked up in the past from a short fling. Though Arthur felt a bit sad Merlin was not the first man he had sex with he relished the fact his experiences had his current lover melt under the palms of his hands.

Done with taking things slow Arthur moved lower until he could wrap his hands around the swell of Merlin's cute ass. Normally covered by jeans Arthur cherished knowing how soft the skin felt and how his touches would soon have Merlin writhe in pleasure again. He kneaded the flesh in his hands a little and on the next stroke he let his fingers slide into the crack. Slow moves along the hidden opening had Merlin groan, "Arthur."

The sound made him slide two slick digits inside of Merlin on the next caress. When in answer two hands fisted into the sheets Arthur curled his fingers to seek out the most sensitive spot of all. "Yes… ngggh", the shout of want faltered into breathless groans of pleasure. "Please, go for it. I want more…" At another moaned pause Arthur retreated his fingers to take it to the next level.

"I got you", Arthur managed to hiss out as he slicked himself up. Gods, he was so hard and he had not even been touched. Just the sound of Merlin purring under his touches combined with the way Arthur felt attracted to the body underneath his was enough. This was so much better than with the guy he'd almost forgotten the name of.

With a grunt of satisfaction and need he slid into Merlin. This was what he had missed more than anything; the sensation of how well their bodies fit together and even more perfect how Merlin yielded to the way he pushed into him. No one else made him feel so complete. In a fit of emotions he kissed Merlin just below his ear. "You feel so good", he whispered as he rolled his hips downwards to bury himself inside his lover once more. "So tight around me. Are you ready to come for me?"

"Arthur", his name came out in an even lower moan than before and he could see Merlin bite his lip as a clear sign of how close he was.

"Do it, come for me. Take me apart with you…" Feeling Merlin clench around him in answer took his breath away in awe of the effect his order had on his lover. The cry of release mingled with his own as he thrust into Merlin one last time.

* * *

Merlin rolled onto his side to curl up into Arthur. "Hmmm, missed this", he mumbled in his boneless pleasure of the aftermath of making love. Once more he felt like Arthur understood his needs before he was even aware of them himself. The massage and the slow arousal his lover pulled out of him had left his skin tingling with soft warm feelings. Even now Merlin felt how fingers trailed intricate patterns of lazy strokes on his back. The gentle touch and lingering contact had him curl even further into Arthur.

"Me too."

"Arthur I…", Merlin began but he faltered in his train of serious thoughts when a soft kiss was planted against his cheek.

"No need to explain. I was afraid too. We are moving so fast, but Merlin… I want you to know that I will always be here no matter what happens. I think that is why I asked what I did, when I did. I can't imagine you not being here. Heck, I don't even want to."

"Hush, I am not going anywhere." Merlin grabbed a hand and kissed away the frown of worry. "If anything, last week made me realise that I am incomplete without you. My nightmare isn't gone, and I am unsure if I ever will be able to shed off the shadows of my past. But ever since I met you it is somehow different. Maybe I will never feel whole again, but at least I can breathe and stop feeling so damn guilty."

"None of us are without shadows." The hand in his squeezed in a silent offer of comfort before Merlin got wrapped up in Arthur's arms. "I will help you chase yours away though for as long as I can. Every time when you feel like it is too much to bear I am right here."

"I know and I love you for it." Merlin slid his arm around the man who held him close. For a moment he listened to their joint breathing and then he spoke again to lighten the mood so they could sleep without nightmares. "So when do I get my ring?"

"The day I marry you. No sooner, no later… you said, remember?"

To hear his words quoted back had Merlin grin, but it also made him think. The more he thought about it the more he like the idea of something to mark the bond they shared. For many a ring marked forever and a union between soulmates. Now that was an idea Merlin could embrace, because in his heart he felt like Arthur and he were meant to be. Hmm, but a common wedding ring seemed so unfitting for who they were…

"So I did, but that was my hesitance speaking. Now that I have thought about it I want them to be something special. Our wedding rings need to stand for who we are… and not be as plain as most of them are. I want them to be one of a kind, even though I know they will be hard to get. Oh I don't know, maybe I am being picky…"

Arthur looked at him with a fond smile. "Maybe so, but I agree." A pause fell between them until Merlin saw Arthur's eyes lit up like they did each time he believed he had solved a problem. In a flash his lover grabbed his wrist and he held it up between their faces. "What if we ask Gwaine? I am sure he has more dragons up his sleeve, so to say." When his leather bracelet swam into his sights Merlin caught onto the train of thought.

"But I have not seen him make rings."

In answer Arthur rolled away for a bit to grab his mobile phone. "Call it a hunch, but I have a feeling that the ring Leon started to wear some weeks back is not a bought one."

Merlin saw how fingers flew over the screen to type a message. Any protest he had about how their friends would be asleep fell short when within a second the phone announced Gwaine had replied. Merlin rolled his eyes at the way Arthur smirked back at him as he continued his text conversation, sharing the messages as they were exchanged.

 

\--------

_Need a set of wedding rings. Do you do commissions?_

_Sure, as long as you pay. ;)_

_Expect a sketch soon._

_Kk. Art session @ round table tomorrow? Lol_

_Sure! So tell me, when did you guys elope?_

_…_

_Leon's ring._

_More like a promise to live in sin 4ever. :P Night!_

\--------

 

It was at that point Merlin decided he had enough of staying awake. He grabbed the phone away from Arthur to leave it on the bedside table. "Gwaine has a point. Let's sleep. You can interrogate our friends tomorrow." Merlin sighed happily when Arthur obliged him by snuggling back under the covers of the bed together without protest.

* * *

The next day Arthur felt like he was on a strange high. Not only had Merlin accepted his proposal he now seemed as eager as Arthur to make their bond of official. It had taken the better part of the morning and even a late lunch to design their wedding rings. They would be cast in white gold. Merlin did not want them to be flashy, and Arthur agreed. It was not like they had to shout it from the roof. Gwaine had joked their 'stupid smiles' spoke volumes anyway. For once Arthur had merely shrugged in answer, because he had no doubt his happiness showed to the world regardless of whether he denied it or not.

Amused he had watched Gwaine drag Merlin off to get materials and whatever the hell else he mumbled about as they left. Arthur had shaken his head in amusement at Leon, who in turn patted his shoulder for a moment. "Admit it, he's got you wrapped around his finger." Arthur had agreed with his best friend before they too parted. He had waved his goodbye to Leon, who had to run some errands for the gallery.

The ring Leon wore on his right hand made sense to Arthur now. Even more so did the reasons why Gwaine had designed it all by himself. A ring to celebrate a full year of sobriety to someone who could not deal with his trauma alone. It meant more to both men than friendship and love, for it marked a bond so strong that to Gwaine and Leon it needed no name. Well, he supposed everyone was different on these matters. To Merlin and him their rings would become a visual reminder of the vows they were to make one day soon. The same vow they had spoken of last night; to stand together against the shadows.

Arthur wiped a hand over his face to wipe the sweat away. Cleaning up the stockroom sure was a necessary evil, but at least Lance had been kind enough to offer his help. For Gwen of course lifting was still out of the question. Though Arthur had no doubt she was physically able to lift crates and stuff he knew none of them would let her. Not only were they too chivalrous, but the whole shock around her sudden collapse remained a part of them all. Even though Gwen refused to let any of them dwell on it she had readily accepted her place for the afternoon was up front. Arthur though knew her eager not to help this time had more to do with her latest artwork in progress than anything else.

By the time they finished cleaning Arthur clapped his friend on the shoulder and he led their way back into the main gallery space for a drink. At first he did not notice the business suit clad man who stared at his mother's painting, but then when he noticed the eerie stillness in his body language Arthur turned his head. His mind spluttered, "No, this can't be."

"Father?!" His feet carried him over to the last person he expected to see here. Dread tried to grab hold of his emotions, but he pushed it down. No, this was his home and no one had a right to say what he could not do here. Regardless of his determination though Arthur worried to see his father stand so still. His heart sunk even further when he saw the obvious sadness on his face. "Father?" He tried for reaction again.

"Arthur", though his father had spoken Uther had yet to break his stare away from the painting of Ygraine. "Did you paint it? I should have…", the sentence broke off to make way for a long stretch of awkward silence. Arthur had a feeling his father had not even seen him nod to confirm he had indeed made the painting of the woman whose shadow loomed over them, even though she was long gone.

Arthur could no longer bear the silence. "You should have what?"

"I should have seen how much alike your mother you are." Finally Uther looked at him. "She would be proud of you, my son. I will not pretend to understand your need to turn your back on my business in favour of this, but all the same I compliment you on the success you seem to have made of a backstreet gallery."

Wrapping his arms around himself Arthur blurted out what was on his heart, "Father, I am sorry for your loss, really I am, but I can no longer carry the blame for it. I… I miss her too. More than anything I wish I had known her."

To his shock Arthur saw real emotions shine through in the often so business like and distant look on his father's face. "It was never your fault. I should have told you that a long time ago."

Speechless Arthur stared at his father. For the first time in his life Uther admitted his mistakes and he did not know how to respond other than to finally risk asking for what partly stood between them. "Can we speak of her father, just this once?"


	44. Chapter 44

On most days shopping for the gallery was nothing more than a necessity to the circle of friends. Today though Merlin and Gwaine had been happy to volunteer for the chore. It wasn't that they enjoyed having to carry home heavy bags of art supplies, but more what was inside of them this time. Stuffed in amongst the wide array of paints, pencils, coffee beans and whatnot was a brand new set of specialist tools for Gwaine. It had taken them several hours to gather everything, but finally they had ticked off the last item on the shopping list and so at last they were heading home.

Merlin could not wait to get there, for he knew what it meant. Soon Gwaine would start working on the set of wedding rings Arthur had designed for them. In his eyes they were already beautiful on paper, but how well would the chosen materials work and what would the rings become like for real? By his own admission Gwaine said he only made the one ring for Leon, and so he offered no one any guarantees on the result. In answer to his doubts Merlin then held out the leather and silver bracelet he had worn on each day since he got it for his birthday. Gwaine had fingered the material on his wrist for a quiet moment until a smile flashed up to meet Merlin. "Alright then, let's go shopping."

Finally they reached the door of the gallery, but before Merlin could find a way to push it open with his arm full of supplies his friend had beaten him to it. In two thuds Gwaine had rid himself of his load for long enough to swing open the door. "Allow me, kind sir."

The elaborate bow his friend made as he showed him in had Merlin laugh. It was so like Gwaine to do the unexpected. In answer he shook his head and walked inside. He half ran over to the table to drop down his heavy bags. Though it was his plan to turn around to help Gwaine he faltered at the sight of the man who stood next to Arthur. Was that… his mind stuttered at seeing none other than Uther Pendragon stand inside his home.

"Merlin, have you…" Gwaine started after he too dropped off his load onto the table. They shared a wide eyed look of shock, but it went unnoticed by the Pendragon men who stood side by side with a body language that spoke of unease. To see Arthur stand so still had Merlin worry, but then he saw in the proud stance that his lover no longer feared his father. He breathed a small sigh of relief.

"I got it", Merlin whispered to Gwaine. "Can you make us some coffee?"

One firm nod and his friend moved into the kitchen to join Gwen who greeted them with a smile and a look of confusion. "What's going on?" Merlin heard her whisper to Gwaine. He tuned out though on the rest of their hushed conversation in favour of walking over to the Pendragon men with heavy feet.

"Arthur?" He reached their side, drawing their attention with his presence. Where Arthur smiled in recognition Merlin shivered in his mind at the aloof aura which clung around Uther like a blanket of his aloof personality.

"You…", this time not a trace of contempt could be heard. Merlin wondered though what the man would say next. "Excuse me, I will leave you to it."

"No father. Please… stay." Merlin picked up on the edge of hope Arthur put in his voice.

Beating Uther to it on purpose Merlin offered, "Gwaine is brewing a fresh pot of coffee. You are welcome to stay, Mr. Pendragon."

His slight emphasis on the polite way he addressed the man met with approval, as a slight inclination of Uther's head suggested. "Very well then." Uther glanced at his watch, "I can spare some time."

Merlin cringed at the business like way Uther accepted the invitation. It wasn't though until he saw the glimmer of approval in Arthur's eyes that he knew he'd done the right thing and so he held his tongue to bite back the protest of the way Uther behaved.

* * *

An odd silence hung in the gallery around him. Mere moments ago Arthur grinned at the not so smooth retreat from his friends. One excuse and they were gone. Lance and Gwen had gone out for a walk, while Gwaine muttered something about going home to Leon to get him out of doing accounts. Merlin too had offered to leave them and he'd gone upstairs, so they could have a father and son talk. Though his lover had not used those words Arthur had heard them all the same. For a second he had wanted to protest, because a part of him feared he would put his foot in it if he were left alone with his father. But now he realised it was the only way to get a proud man like Uther to open up.

"I mean no disrespect, but father, what brought you here? A place like this is not where you are seen on any other day."

The tension eased a little at his father's grin. "No, I suppose not." A pause fell while Uther sipped his coffee. He then put the cup down with a wry smile. "I did not know you knew where her grave is…"

"I…", Arthur began to apologize, but his father waved it away.

"No, it is quite alright. I suppose you are old enough to understand now." Before Arthur could even say a thing Uther shook his head, "Let me finish. I did not know how to tell you before, make you see that…" Another sentence faded into nothingness.

One breath passed and his father's usual steady voice returned. "I found a sketchbook on her grave stone. It had fallen between the roses I planted. No one signed the drawings, but they are so befitting of how I remember her… and so I had to know who made them. I returned to leave the book out there to observe. The last thing I expected was for you to come for it. It was my plan to confront you right there, but that Emrys boy…"

"His name is Merlin", Arthur corrected.

Another wry smile. "Forgive me. I struggle to understand how you could have chosen a life with a man. No, that is not quite correct, not after what I witnessed that day… you two seem strangely happy. It is just not what I wanted for you. I realise now that it was only my wish to see you rise to your full potential. I could see my son married with a woman, form a family and give me a grandson, guess I was wrong."

Arthur decided to ignore his father's misgivings about his potential and where it should lead him to. Uther would never be able to understand the drive as an artist, to see it was a job more fulfilling to his son than any business deal could ever be. It wasn't easy, but Arthur knew that they would have to learn to agree to disagree about his future choices, or they'd be forever doomed to a silent distance. And finally it seemed that somewhere along the way his father too had come to understand and maybe even accept that they'd never think the same on matters of the heart and business. For Uther to say he was wrong on something was as close to an apology as he would get.

"There is something I must tell you, father. I have asked Merlin to marry me." The frown came as quick as it went. "And he said yes. We plan not to wait for long."

Unexpected Arthur felt his father place a hand on his shoulder. "Are this man and your gallery truly what you want in life, son?"

"Yes, they are."

"Good, then I will try to be happy for you", it stunned Arthur to see his father smile at him for the assured spoken answer. "I can accept a man who makes his choice and sticks by it, even when others disagree. But… you must understand it means that your sister will inherit my company and there is no going back on the decision."

"Don't worry, I agree. Morgana has the better business instinct of the two of us. She will do right by your company, father." Arthur shook his father's hand while they both rose to their feet. "The wedding, I would ask you to come, but…"

Uther waved his hesitance away. "No, you are right. After everything that has happened it may be for the best if I am not there for it. Maybe I can get to know and accept Merlin one day, but I fear I need some time to wrap my head around… all of this." His gesture included more than the gallery, and even Merlin. At last it seemed Uther understood his son's need to shape the future for himself.

For a first time in a long time Arthur looked at his father in a new light. His sad glance over at the painting showed to Arthur a clear glimpse of grief and of a lonely man who realised the past could not be undone. "Will you tell me about her one day?"

"Look into your heart, son. I believe you know her better than I ever did." And with those cryptic words Uther left Arthur to stare at the image of his mother painted on canvas.

* * *

Merlin sat on the couch waiting with baited breath. Had Uther left and was it time to go downstairs to check if Arthur was all right? His eyes fell onto the pile of mail he did not recall bringing up into the loft. Had Arthur emptied their mail box? Half hearted he opened a few bills and glared at the small print of some advertising. He never trusted in these things. It was the large and heavy white envelope at the bottom of the pile though which caught his interest. Why had Balinor in his curled handwriting addressed a small package to Arthur?

Curiosity caught the better of him. Unable to stop himself now he'd found a reason to go downstairs Merlin grabbed it and he half ran down the stairs. He almost stumbled on the last step and fell into the gallery, only to stop dead in his tracks at seeing Arthur lost in a stare onto the image of Ygraine. What had he missed? "Arthur, are you alright?"

By the time he arrived at his lover's side Arthur ran a hand through his hair in confusion of his emotions. "I think so. Father apologized, well in his unique way I believe he did. He refuses to speak of mother though. Said I know more than he does. Can you believe it?" Disbelief rang through in his voice by the time Arthur reached the end.

Merlin shrugged, "Maybe the sad truth is that he is right? Judging by the fact the traits you inherited from her are the same ones he does not understand…" There wasn't even a need to finish the train of thought. Arthur had caught on to his reasoning with a nod. After a while Merlin broke the silence to thrust the small package he collected from the mail into Arthur's hands. "This came for you. Balinor sent it. Not sure what it is."

"Let's take a look", in no time the envelope got torn open by firm hands. "Wait… hang on…" Merlin watched as Arthur faltered and then walked off to the table to spread out the pages which spilt from the envelope. "This is a copy of my mother's birth certificate, her marriage license and God knows what else is in here…"

"What?!"

"Yeah, there is a letter too." Arthur unfolded a sheet of notebook paper and as he read out loud the words written to him Merlin thanked Balinor in silence.

 

\----------

_Arthur,_

_Every man has a right to know where he came from. Only then can he walk into the future with the pride and the trust he needs to meet it on his own terms. To look into your mother's life for today has been my last mission before I officially handed in my badge to my employers. All through my research I was told Ygraine had great courage. She wasn't afraid to speak her mind and she was a woman with a huge heart. Everything I found is in here, including two more pictures of her. These papers may not answer all of your questions, but rest assured I sense her spirit is in you._

_Tell Merlin that I have spoken to one of your friends, who shall remain nameless, about your plans for the wedding. I am told you'd rather keep it small and do it sooner rather than later, which Hunith and I are glad for, because we would not want to miss it. You see, we are planning a trip to Ireland. I want to show my wife where I am from. I too need to seek out the past in order to face my future._

_Anyway, long story short, I would like to offer my legal services to you as a civil authority. It would be a huge privilege if you boys allowed me to make your bond as lovers official for the law. Think it through and call me when you are ready._

_Regards,_   
_Balinor_

\--------

 

"Did he just…" Merlin struggled to overcome the enormous gift his father just offered to them both.

"You better make that call."

Merlin picked up on the widening smile. "You think so?"

"Your father is a good man. Why should we not give him the honour?"

With a smile of his own and a jump of joy in his heart Merlin hugged Arthur. "What do you say, are we free tomorrow?"

His joke was marked by the return of the man who went for what he believed in without restraint. "You bet we are. You call your dad and I call our anonymous friend…"

"You think it's Gwaine, don't you?"

"Hmm… or Leon. I am so going to wriggle the truth out of them."

Little did they know as they parted with a grin that even though Leon made the call it was the decision of a democracy. This was the first pre-wedding gift from the circle of friends whose friendship with them grew even tighter on the day of the actual ceremony… a week later.


	45. Chapter 45

A thrill of excitement filled the autumn air. Arthur walked out onto the beach into the afternoon sunlight with a smile reserved for the friends who awaited his arrival. They'd closed Excalibur early today, not that they'd spent much time inside the gallery to begin with. Only Arthur had been ordered to stay put. "We will take care of everything for you." Leon had assured him each time he tried to get some answers about what his wedding day would bring. Not even Hunith, Gwen and Lance had budged. They'd continued to insist everything was under control. Even now Arthur could only worry and laugh at once at the way Gwaine had all but hijacked Merlin from the breakfast table. Even worse was how the two men shared a look of conspiracy. What had he missed?

It wasn't until an hour or so ago that Leon walked back into the gallery to break the seal of silence with a, "Time to get you dressed up. You have a wedding to attend to." By then Arthur was a bundle of nerves, unsure of what awaited him. Luckily Leon, who knew him better on some days than he knew himself, calmed him down. "Don't worry. We did not give Gwaine the chance to throw a huge party. We have kept small, like Merlin and you insisted. You trust me, right?" After his nod Leon had smiled, "Then take my word for it. This day will be one you never forget for nothing but the right reasons."

And as Arthur dropped his shoes and walked onto the beach in a suit and on bare feet he felt his worries leave him. There in front of him Merlin, dressed in a blue tuxedo, smiled so bright it outshone the sun. Arthur smiled when he noticed how Merlin had his hair cut, even though his dark locks still curled around his ears. With his beard trimmed into a smoother stubble Arthur thought Merlin looked never more handsome. His heart jumped at the way Merlin in turn seemed to appreciate the way he had taken an effort too. Leon had insisted on the new grey tuxedo and black shirt he had chosen for Arthur, and it sure paid off if they way Merlin greeted him with a hug was anything to go by. "My handsome husband to be."

"Ah ah, no kissing… yet", Gwaine joked.

For once Arthur listened to him and as he did he felt the whirlwind of butterflies in his stomach settle into a more timid flutter. He caught sight of his sister standing between Gwen and Hunith then. Morgana nodded to him, her green eyes twinkled with awareness and even a hint of sibling pride. "My baby brother all grown up, who would have thought you beat me to it?" She came over to him.

Arthur grinned at the typical way his sister greeted him with a flash of a hug as if she were afraid he'd crinkle her deep green dress. "I can beat you at any game, dear sister. But who… invited you?"

"Now that would be telling", she joked back while Merlin pointed between Gwaine and himself. Ah, now Arthur understood what that bit of morning conspiracy had been about.

"Father sends his regards and he asked me to give you this." Morgana offered; all traces of their jokes gone. She placed a small jewellery box in his left hand then.

Feeling confused by the gesture of their father Arthur opened up the lid to find a pair of silver cufflinks marked with his initials. Unable to speak yet he let Morgana help him put them onto his sleeves. When she used their closeness to straighten out his silk tie, even though it hardly needed it, he rolled his eyes at her. To think his father had dug into his wallet for him, or was it Morgana who did so in Uther's name? One look in her eyes told Arthur she may have had a hand in picking it. He smiled at Morgana then for wanting to mediate between them. "Thank you", he said as he stepped back from her. "I am glad you've come, 'gana."

"I would not want to miss it for the world."

In her answer Arthur heard the truth ring clear. The Pendragon family would one day be all right again. His wedding had not driven a wedge between the three of them. In fact it looked like maybe it held the power to bring them closer. It wasn't that he'd been unhappy before, more like discontent, but now that he found his strength to believe in himself and stand up for his choices it seemed his family respected him all the more for it. Having recovered his confidence of old he smiled at Merlin. "Are you ready?"

* * *

"Always." Upon the invitation of an outstretched arm Merlin grabbed Arthur by the hand to walk over to where his father stood with a proud smile. He nodded to Balinor, all the while returning the smile.

"Arthur… Merlin. Welcome everyone…", Balinor called everyone's attention without much of an effort. All it required to bring their gathered family of sorts to an attentive silence was his deep voice. Merlin felt thrilled that both his parents were not only here for him but for Arthur as well. In their quiet acknowledgement he had seen them welcome his lover with the same enthusiasm they did him. His heart filled with love even more when he listened to his father's speech.

"It is my honour to stand before you today to wed these two men. Every couple has their own story of how they meet and how they grow into more. It can be a slow journey… and for others not so much so." Merlin looked at Arthur, both grinning at once at the way his father put his finger right onto it.

Undeterred by the grins of their friends Balinor continued, and with ease he calmed them back down. "Some couples though were always meant to be, as if they were never complete until they met. Soulmates, or two halves of one heart. They share a love so deep that it hurts when one is away from the other. A love so overwhelming that 'taking it slow' goes right out of the window the moment they connect. Every emotion feels like it is brand new and yet every touch is so right that it is like coming home when you are in the arms of your other half. Such a powerful bond goes beyond time, for some say it was written in the stars even before birth. It is a fate which cannot be denied, not by anything in the past and not by any outside force. Some people go through life without ever finding their other half, but the men in front of me are among the lucky few to meet their destiny. Let us waste not a minute to make it official that here is a bond to last until eternity, a reunion of souls who shall never be parted. Who has the rings?"

"I do", Gwaine said before he carried a pillow over. On top of the velvet red were two rings, the ones they had designed themselves but not seen finished yet. Gwaine had been secretive, spurred on by the circle of friends to the point where Arthur had gotten annoyed until Merlin understood it was part of their friends' shared wedding gift to them. Now, as he picked up the white golden ring he would soon put on Arthur's finger, he noticed the addition on the design with a jump of happy excitement in his heart.

Gwaine had made the ring a bit broader to accommodate for a burning flame which blew right along the near black sword that represented what they all stood for. Arthur had wanted the sword, had insisted the gallery was now so much a part of their bond it needed to be there. Merlin had agreed, but in his secretive work on it Gwaine had made it so much more and the result was stunning. In the glimmer in Arthur's eyes and the way his lover nodded to Gwaine he saw nothing but agreement of his feelings about it.

Unable to resist Merlin took a close look at the ring Arthur accepted from Gwaine in turn, the same one that would soon rest around his own finger. A proud dragon stared back at him; somewhat grander than the one Arthur had drawn. Merlin instantly noticed that in this altered version of the design it blew fire, as if it set out to brandish the sword on the other ring. Together they told a story of how they added up together as a couple; the solid courage of a fighter's heart and the passionate turmoil of the other.

"These are amazing", Merlin began at the same time Arthur spluttered, "Mate, these are a work of art…"

Gwaine shook his head at their timing. "Put them on. You guys can thank us later", he winked as he added, "Wedding vows first, heh?" And in that moment of slight shyness in his friend's manners Merlin noticed how it would be reward enough for Gwaine if they wore their wedding rings each day from now on. Merlin nodded in agreement and he turned to Arthur, who never even got a chance to be the first to speak his vow.

"The day I met you I thought you were a bit of a prat and a rich one at that." Grins were on his side while he held the hands of the man he loved in his. "But soon I saw my error, and it felt like I could not breathe each time you left my side for too long. We rushed off into this life we started together, faster then I could keep up with, and that was what I needed more than anything. You were who I needed more than anyone. Soulmates, yeah I agree. You made me whole when I felt damaged, held me as I wept and relived my worst nightmares; and more than that you cast away my shadows. Arthur, accept this ring from me as a token of my vow to you as your husband and your soulmate. Whatever fate throws at us I promise you I will stand by you until my last breath."

Merlin felt a tear slip from the corner of his eyes as he put the ring around his soon to be husband's finger. He did not care though, but even so he smiled when Arthur wiped it away with his thumb before he began to speak in turn.

* * *

Awe and love filled up his heart as Arthur locked eyes with his almost husband. Merlin as ever wore his emotions up his sleeve for all to see and Arthur, as ever too, felt compelled to wipe the teardrops of happiness away.

"Merlin, you have turned everything I knew upside down and yet at the same time nothing ever felt more right then when I walked out on my past by your side. Life has thrown some shadows in your path, but you were strong and conquered each one. I've watched you break free from the darkness and I could not be more proud. I am not a man of many words, but you made me speak to the world through my art. I thought my destiny was one thing and yet it became so much more beautiful than I could have wished for. Soulmates? I never believed in it, not until you, but standing here in front of you I know better. I am proud to be your husband from this day forth, so please accept my ring in turn to seal our bond as lovers. I promise to be by your side for all the time we walk on this earth." Arthur slipped the ring on Merlin's finger with a jump of his heart. Here it was and here they were getting married; and he could not be happier.

"Arthur Pendragon, do you take Merlin Emrys as your legal partner?" Balinor called their attention to the official part of the ceremony for every couple who got married.

But even though his powerful voice seemed to draw in most people Arthur found he could not look away from Merlin when he answered it with all the self assuredness he felt inside of him. "I do."

"Merlin Emrys, do you take Arthur Pendragon as your legal partner?"

The slight pause caused by Merlin trying to gather his voice through his emotions had Arthur smile and wince at the same time. It was so typical for his lover to be so intense and mysterious at once. Darkness flashed up in the wet eyes he knew so well. Merlin had said yes, that was why they stood on the beach now, but of the doubts he had before were there any left? Arthur could not help but feel a little insecure. Luckily before he could worry more two strong spoken words chased his nerves away to make room for a burst of joy that had his heart soar on high. "I do."

"You may kiss your husband", the offer faded into the distance for they drowned in the passionate embrace of lips.

"My husband", Arthur whispered when they came up for air and the cat whistles and shouts of joy around them died. "I love how that sounds." He smiled at the agreeing nod, given to him through a tearful look of joy. As always Merlin painted a picture of feelings and so Arthur held onto his new husband for a good while a longer. All too soon though they got pulled apart to receive hugs, kisses from the ladies and friendly claps on the shoulders in congratulations of tying the knot. Even as Gwaine teased him by saying Merlin made an honest woman out of him Arthur found he could not get annoyed. Today was just too perfect to have it spoilt…

Though as ever Gwaine found a way to challenge and tease him. "A first dance by the newly weds. We need music. Anyone?" Even while everyone else gathered muttered something about how they had forgotten it Gwaine shook his head in denial. "Oh, very well then. We always have our voices. Lance, Leon… care to join me?"

"But I can't dance…", Merlin began, looking wide eyed at his parents for help.

When there came nothing but a couple of shrugs and a shared twinkle of amusement for an unhelpful answer Arthur knew their cause was lost. As if on cue Morgana winked to let him know she was about to sell him out. "Ah, but Arthur can. Can't you, dear brother? Uther insisted we know at least the ways of high society. Aren't you just glad for it now?"

"Problem solved", Gwaine pulled Leon and Lance closer to his side, ignoring the way Arthur stuck out his tongue to his 'dear' sister. "You guys know the classics, right?"

Even as Arthur rose to the challenge (because what other choice had he), and he called Merlin over to say he could lead for them both, he rolled his eyes at the cheesy choice their three friends made…

_Imagine me and you I do_   
_I think about you day and night_   
_It's only right_   
_To think about the **boy** you love_   
_And hold him tight_   
_So happy together_

He wrapped his arms around Merlin in the pose of a dancer holding his partner. In a combination of a few easy steps he steered them both across the beach; light footed for they wore no shoes and yet with heavy threads through each patch of loose sand.

_If I should call you up invest a dime_   
_And you say you belong to me_   
_And ease my mind_   
_Imagine how the world could be_   
_So very fine_   
_So happy together_

Though their friends' voices were not of great singers they melted well enough together to fall into a slower, smooth sounding render of the old classic song. Arthur had to admit he actually enjoyed how Merlin let him dance them across the sand on a song that had more spirit than most picked on such an occasion. Laughter and joy followed in their wake with each twirl and step they took together.

_I can see me lovin' nobody but you_   
_For all my life_   
_When you're with me baby the skies'll be blue_   
_For all my life_

Arthur let the chorus of the song fade to the back of his mind. Nothing on the beach mattered to him but the man in his arms; his husband. With every twirl together they began their journey as an official couple. This sunny day to him was just the perfect beginning of the rest of their future. And the song? It stayed with them forever.

 

THE END


End file.
